Okay so I figured I may as well go from the other angle and try writing the Island for once.


1. Okay So We're Kinda Bad at Naming Things

"It has been brought to the attention of the council that we have never given our island a proper name," Councilman Dakota announced. "Oh, and Birthday Suit Dakota's request for banning pants is denied. Since we'd like to still be considered a civilization and all."

Birthday Suit Dakota slumped forward in his chair.

"We will now take suggestions for an island name. I saw your hand first, Farmer Dakota."

"How bout Watermelon Island?" Farmer Dakota suggested. "It sounds delicious. And I totally did not suggest that because I'm craving watermelon."

"All in favor?" Councilman Dakota asked. At least fifteen hands went up.

However, One of Several Dakotas Without a Defining Characteristic gave it a thumbs down. "Actually Watermelon Island has already been copyrighted by a race of watermelon people. Somehow. Yeah, I'm not really sure how they managed that. I guess they found a way to copyright names."

"Fine, Watermelon Island is out," Councilman Dakota said. "Any other ideas?"

"Death Island!" Cannibal Dakota shouted, waving a fork and knife in the air.

Councilman Dakota sighed. "Hey, Bodyguard Dakotas 1 and 2! Go put him back in the cage! Your lunch break isn't for another hour!"

They stuffed their mouths with as many grapes as possible before dragging Cannibal Dakota away.

"The Island!" Concession Worker Dakota exclaimed. "It's name is literally 'the'. How cool is that? Plus, only we'd know it's literally just 'the' and we can confuse newbies with the name!"

"I'm cool with it," Councilman Dakota shrugged. "So we all agree, right? I got a spa appointment in thirty minutes, so make it quick."

Every Dakota raised their hands.

"The Island it is! Meeting adjourned!"

2. Not Always Adjusting

Some Dakotas adjusted to their isolated existence better than others. Some founded new industries and exported products to the world they left behind. They were content to have a tiny amount of input into someone else's life. However, it would never make up for the life they failed to protect.

Some Dakotas were good at helping the newcomers figure out what to do. After all, they'd been ripped away from the life they knew and hidden away forever. Healing began anew when they received another one. So they came up with the initiation. It would help them ignore the tears for a while.

Others weren't so lucky.

Most of the time, Cavendish died brutally in the timelines those Dakotas came from. As a result, they went crazy. They'd once tried to set up a center they could go to for help, but Therapist Dakota almost lost a limb to Cannibal Dakota and nearly strangled by Alcoholic Dakota 4.

The worst ones were the handful of Dakotas that just...sat there. Despondent, inconsolable, always sitting on a rock and staring at the ocean.

And every time a new Dakota came, they knew. They just knew.

3. Life is One Giant Soap Opera

"Hey, Cavendish," the Dakota on the big screen said. "I kinda need to get this off my chest."

Cavendish checked his pocket watch. "You still have another ten minutes with that warm compress," he said sternly. "I don't want you coughing all over our food. So don't even think about raiding the refrigerator."

Dakota rolled his eyes. "Well, now that you mentioned it, I'm thinking about it. But that's not what I meant."

The Dakotas leaned in eagerly. "Come on, I've got five cans of pop riding on you making out," Soda Factory Worker Dakota muttered.

"So what did you mean?" Cavendish asked.

"That I have no idea what I'm gonna do with you," Dakota replied.

"C'mon, man!" someone in the front row shouted. "Be more creative than that!"

"Well, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with you either," Cavendish replied.

They were gazing into each other's eyes!

They were moving in closer, closer, just a few more inches-

The Dakotas waited in shock. It was happening! It was actually happening!

"GOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!"

The screen had shifted to an image of a birds-eye view of a soccer game.

"Whoops, sorry guys," Cowboy Dakota chuckled. "Sat on the remote."

The other Dakotas glared at him.

"RELEASE THE CANNIBAL OF WAR!"

Needless to say, Cowboy Dakota spent the next few days in a coconut tree.