Chapter 2
In the gray pre-dawn light, Hermione slowly made her way down the muggy London streets. She reported to Headquarters the evening before and requested to return to the house today to look some more. The others were as concerned for Harry as she was. Her mission had changed since first going into the attic. It had changed because of the journals. Lily's diary. Now instead of being asked to find something useful for the Order, she had been asked to find a way to help Harry. He didn't know that she'd found Lily's diaries. He still thought that she was on a quest for the Order to find something that would aid in the war. As his best friend, the job of trying to help him fell to her. The others were doing all that they could, but he needed something. Something that hopefully would be found through the voice of his long dead mother. Maybe, once he read them, he'd find a measure of healing. Of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to live again.
Pushing the melancholy thoughts out of her mind, Hermione focused on her surroundings. The risk of being found out was too great for her to Apparate to her destination, so she was forced to travel the Muggle way. In the grayness, the house came into view. Looking around quickly to see if anyone was watching, she uttered the spell that would take her into the house without setting off the magical alarms that the Order had put in place after yesterday's discovery. This way she could read without needing to be cautious. Or at least be less cautious than normal. The Order's protective spells offered her a measure of safety and security. Something she hadn't known in a long time.
Settling into one of the overstuffed arm chairs that she had discovered up in the attic, she opened the diary to the next entry.
August 6, 1968
I don't know why Casey's mad at me. All were doing was playing dress-up. She said that she wanted to get some tea and cookies to have a tea party and then when she came back upstairs the cups were already full. And there were these delicious cookies sitting at our places. She thought that I had snuck them in somehow. I didn't do anything. I just wanted to help my friend out. So she left the room, and I wished for tea and cookies. I didn't think that they'd actually show up. When she asked me how they got here, I told her that they just appeared. They weren't there one second and then – POOF! There they were. She didn't believe me. So we had a fight and she told me to go home. That she didn't want to be my friend anymore. That I was weird. But I'm not weird. I'm normal. I don't know why these things happen to me! I really don't. I think that I'm scaring Mummy and Daddy. Accidents keep happening and we can't explain it. Even Petunia is afraid of what I might do. I wish that I knew what was happening to me!
After I came home crying, Petunia fixed me some milk and cookies and we tried to forget about Casey. She told me all about this boy that she saw in the park who was hanging upside down on the monkey bars. She thought that he was being a show-off. I'm glad that my sister and I agree that boys are stupid. Well except for Daddy of course. Daddy's a boy and he's not stupid. Her trick worked. It got me laughing and I forgot all about Casey until I came here to write in my diary.
When Daddy gave me this, I didn't think that I'd really write in it all that much. I have found out that I can write things in here that I can't tell Mum and Dad or Petunia. They wouldn't understand. Hopefully when school starts up again, my friends will have forgotten all about my accidents over the summer. I won't be able to stand spending a year without friends. Especially since Petunia won't be at the same school as me anymore. She gets to go to Secondary School now! What am I ever going to do without my protector?
Even though weird things happened when I'm around, my sister still loves me. She knows I'm different and that I don't fit in. She tries to make sure that she is always there to cheer me up. I'm afraid that when she goes to Secondary School that she's going start being mad because I'm different. I've seen how Julie's cousin treats his mum and dad because he's 13 years old now and he also pretends that Julie doesn't exist. I don't want that to happen with me and Petunia.
Always,
Lily
December 25, 1968
Well it's Christmas today. And it's the holidays. That means no school until January! Yay! I was waiting for Petunia to get home from her school the day that the holidays began. I'd missed my big sister so much. Sure we wrote letters to each other, but it wasn't the same as it was before she went away. I still don't know why she talked Mum and Dad into letting her go away to go to Secondary School. What was wrong with the one here? Anyway, when I saw the car pull up in the drive with Daddy and Petunia in it, I flew out of the house into the cold forgetting my coat and ignoring Mum who called to me, "Lillian! Don't go outside without your coat! It's too cold! You'll catch your death!" But I was already out the door and on my way to the car, braids streaming out behind me. I was so happy to see my sister that I called "Petunia" right before I tossed myself into her arms. "Hi Lily," she replied sorta distantly as she hugged me back. I knew then that something was different. I wanted to talk to her then to find out what was wrong but Daddy ushered us both into the house and Petunia hurried up the stairs.
At my crestfallen expression – see I'm using my new vocabulary words already! – Daddy hugged me tightly and told me "Smile Lily-girl. I'm sure that once the two of you talk, things will be fine. Let's enjoy Christmas." I nodded even though I was terribly confused.
Anyway. I was determined not to ruin Christmas for the family and to enjoy my sister being home. I'd not gotten into trouble at school in a long time. Well ok, 2 weeks wasn't all that long, but at least no more accidents had happened since then. Petunia and I haven't had a chance to talk yet. I think that she's avoiding me. I mean she's told us some stories about her school and how she's become friends with this girl from Surrey named Stephanie. I've heard more about Stephanie in the last two days than I could really care to! And no, I'm not jealous. Petunia and I will always be best friends. Besides that we're sisters and no one will ever come between us. I came out of my thoughts in time to hear Petunia ask, "Is it okay if Stephanie comes over for a few days before we go back to school? I was hoping that she could stay with us and then both of us take the train back to school together." Neither Mum or Dad had a problem with it, so Petunia goes into the kitchen and telephones Stephanie to let her know that she can come in on Thursday.
But back to today. Mum really outdid herself with the Christmas dinner. We had roasted goose mixed with a wine sauce. I think it was white. Mum let me make the Christmas cookies that we ate after dinner with mugs of cocoa and eggnog. Then we opened our presents. Daddy and Mum gave me the best present! It was, according to them, something that would help to realize once and for all that I wasn't adopted but was theirs all along. It was a portrait of Daddy's great-grandma Clarissa. And it wasn't the tiny brown and white one he'd shown me before. This was a REAL painting. Great-Grandma Clarissa has my red hair and my green eyes. She looks exactly like me. Well Mum says that she looks like how I'll look when I grow up. I asked Daddy how they found this and he told me that he'd asked his mum. "Granna Louise remembered her mother telling her about how beautiful her mother, Clarissa, was. And the thing that she remembered the most was her red hair and green eyes," Daddy told me. I wanted to know what happened to Great-Grandma Clarissa. "Well my Lily-girl, Mother said that she died very young. My own grandmother only vaguely remembered her. The details of her death are mysterious and no one really knows what happened. All we know is that she was working on something and then the next thing we know she was dead. There wasn't a mark on her body at all. Very mysterious. You're the first in the family in generations to resemble her so much." I nodded wide-eyed while staring at the painting. I felt a kinship with the great-great grandmother I never knew and who died so tragically. Maybe I'm more like her then anyone even knows. Maybe it's more than how much I look like her.
Always,
Lily.
January 5, 1969
Petunia's friend Stephanie came on the 29th. Before she got here, while Daddy had gone to pick her up from the station, Petunia pulled me aside to talk. "Promise me Lily," she began. "Promise me that you won't cause any accidents while Stephanie's here. I don't know how we'd explain it to her. She likes things normal, and all she knows is that my baby sister is a little different." I looked into Petunia's very serious dark eyes and found myself agreeing. I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't do something, but I could at least promise to try.
Over the next few days, I found myself disliking Stephanie very strongly. I would try to fight those feelings simply because accidents tended to happen when I would get upset. Besides I'd promised Petunia. And I wanted to keep my promise.
Stephanie didn't like me either. She kept trying to treat me like I was a baby. I'm not. I'm almost 9 years old. And the way that she was treating me was causing Petunia to distance herself from me. Almost as if she were afraid of hurting Stephanie's feelings by defending me, her little sister. Well I didn't like it. Not one bit! The way that my temper was building I knew that soon there would be an accident and it would make Petunia mad. And Stephanie would get hurt. I tried I really did. But on the last day that she was here, yesterday, things came to a head.
I was reading by the fire in the library, not doing anything to bother Petunia and Stephanie. They walk into the library and Stephanie comes over and takes my book away from me. "Nancy Drew," she said with a sneer. "Only babies read that stuff." Then with a flip of her wrist, before I had a chance to say anything or Petunia to say something either, she tossed my book into the fire. That did it! I was livid – another new vocabulary word! I stood up and glared at Stephanie. "I'm not a baby," I yelled. As I was yelling, all of a sudden Stephanie had stretched to four times her height and was still stretching. "Lily, make her stop," Petunia screamed at me. "I can't. I don't know what happened," I replied back. "I didn't mean to hurt her. I was just mad at her and wanted my book back." Our shouts brought Mum and Dad running. When they saw Stephanie, they quickly put her in the car and took her to the hospital. Petunia went along after shooting me a disgusted look.
I waited and waited for them to come back. Finally they came back, without Stephanie. Petunia looks at me and stalks up the stairs to her room without so much as a word. Mum gives me a hug to soothe my fears and tells me that some specialists had arrived to take Stephanie to a special hospital. She'd get the best of care and be able to return to school with no memory of what had happened. Unfortunately for me, Mum and Dad realized now that my accidents were getting more and more serious. I'd heard them talking about sending me away to doctors to find out what is wrong with me. After another hug, I was told to go on to bed.
On my way to my room, I stopped by Petunia's. "Petunia," I said softly as I knocked on her door. "I really am sorry." "Go away you freak," she hissed at me when she opened the door. "You're a freak. And now you've made it so that I will always be known as the older sister of that freak child. Why can't you just be normal!" After those words, she slammed her bedroom door in my face and left me standing in the hallway with tears running down my face.
Why can't I be normal? Then everything would be ok.
Always,
Lily
February 24, 1969
I'm sad today. The hamster that Mum and Dad gave me to help me feel better after Petunia was so mean died. One second it was just running around the round thing it plays in and I was watching it. Then the next thing that I knew my little hamster had stopped moving and was dead. I know that I didn't do anything to it. I picked it up out of its cage and took it into the kitchen to show Mum. She hugged me tightly and wiped the tears from my eyes. She then helped me find a small box and we lined it with one of her handkerchiefs. Then we buried it under the small elm tree in the back yard. No words were needed for us. It was just me and Mum sharing our sadness at the loss of my hamster. I'm glad that Mum was there with me.
Always,
Lily
March 5, 1969
Things have been pretty crazy around the house lately. We're of course getting ready for the Easter holidays when Petunia comes home. How will she treat me? Mum and Dad have accepted the fact that I'm different. And they love me more than before it seems. Ever since the incident with Stephanie, they've been careful to make sure that I can't cause any more accidents. We don't know what else to call them other than accidents. So the three of us have fallen into a bit of a routine. We get up. Mum makes breakfast. I try not to shatter anything. Daddy takes me to school and tells me that I'm his Lily-girl. Mum picks me up and we go home. Daddy comes home from work and brings Mum flowers and me something. Like the hamster. Or a new book. Or some paper and crayons so that I can draw. It's comfortable. We like it. I sometimes get to go play with Julie. She's the only one of my friends who doesn't treat me differently. Julie doesn't understand why odd things happen around me but she's accepted the fact that they just do. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still me – Lillian Michelle Evans – her best friend. Thank goodness for Julie. Mum has talked about letting me spend a couple of days over at Julie's once Petunia comes home, but that's only if she and I can't get along. I know that I'm going to do everything that I can to get along with my sister. I mean she's my sister. Sure, she hurt me with what she called me, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love her. I probably always will.
But anyway, we've been giving the house a real spring cleaning. Mum has had me in the attic beating out rugs and sweeping out cobwebs. It's not my idea of fun let me tell you that! But it is kinda nice to be able to beat a rug til its clean and when I started it I was mad and by the end I'm not mad anymore. I guess that what everyone says about hard work making your anger go away is true. I certainly feel better after a good rug beating.
I'd better go. Mum's calling me.
Always,
Lily
March 27, 1969
Today is my birthday. I can't believe that I've been writing in this diary for a year already! When Daddy gave it to me last year, I thought that for sure I'd write only once or twice. But no! I've managed to fill its pages. In fact today's entry is the last one. I'm out of room to write more. But I'm grateful that Daddy realized how important this is to me and he presented me another diary this morning at breakfast.
Easter was a trial. Petunia and I spent the holidays in an uneasy truce. We didn't go out and play or really spend time together. We were polite around one another. It was really hard for me. I wanted my sister back. Back the way she was before I accidentally hurt Stephanie. We did have one pretty good talk. Well as good as things can get between us now. "Petunia," I asked her timidly. "How is Stephanie?" Petunia gave a huge sigh before she answered me. "Well Lily, I know that you really didn't mean to hurt her. I really do know that. She's ok, I guess. She doesn't want to be around me anymore. Almost as if she's afraid that what happened to her because of you is catching." "You mean, she's afraid that you will do something to her," I asked to make sure that I understood. "Yes," she told me. "Lily I wish you were normal like you used to be," she said as she walked away. That's all the talking we did the entire holidays. The rest of the time, she avoided me whenever possible. It hurts my heart to know that my sister still thinks that I'm a freak.
I'm so glad that I have this diary. Julie told me today at lunch after she gave me my birthday present that next term her she'll be in America. Her dad's taken a job there. And he's already over there. She and her mum and her brother and her sister. Something about her family needing this opportunity. She told me that she wanted to stay here with me. Because when she goes, who will look out for me? We both cried. Because she's right. Without Julie, I won't have anyone. But she did give me this absolutely beautiful silver bracelet as my birthday present. It's a charm bracelet. With three charms already on it. One charm is of two little girls hugging. The next two charms are of the United States and the United Kingdom. There's a little heart between them. Julie told me, "No matter how far apart we will be, our hearts are always going to be connected. I promise that I'll write to you every week in America and I'll look forward to getting your letters as well." "I'll write you every week too," I told her as I hugged her. "Thanks. This is the best present I've ever gotten." "Even more than that portrait of your great-great grandmum," she asked with a grin. She knows how much I adore the portrait of Great-great grandmother Clarissa.
Oh no! I'm smudging the page with my tears.
Always,
Lily
Hermione wiped away her own tears as she closed the diary of eight-year old Lily. The poor girl. She wished that she'd had a chance to know her. She had a feeling that she and Lily would have been kindred spirits. Yes, Harry needed these books. Lily's young life could serve as a balm to her only son. But would he really try to understand the message that Hermione picked up on loud and clear through just this first book? That love is the most important thing in life. No wonder Harry spent his entire life so protected from Voldemort. Lily's capacity to love and to love deeply made her who she was. Hermione's mind was whirling with ways in which Lily's diaries could help Harry. But not until she had read the entire story would she give them to him. With a sigh, she picked up the next book – the one written by the nine-year old Lily.
