With a jolt, Hermione realised that she was staring out of the window again.
Come on, please focus.
This was her chance. Magic. Real magic! But even more than that, a new school. An opportunity to really buckle down and excel in school work the way that she had always wanted to.
And to make Mum and Dad proud. Huh, I wonder if any of my new classmates have parents who are as… passionate… about academics.
With a groan, realising that she had let herself become distracted again, she dragged her gaze back to her new potions book.
Honestly, I can understand the school work, it's just so easy to get distracted.
Chewing on a strand of hair, she read aloud.
"Chapter three. The Wit Sharpening Potion. Clears the mind steadies the soul. Step one…"
She almost missed it. Her eyes widened as she re-read the description. She ignored that part of her that was reminding her that Professor McGonagall had warned her not to try magic at home as she read through the ingredients required. Her heart began to beat hard her as she checked what supplies she had from her excursion to Diagon Alley. A rare, lazer-tight intensity came over her as she began fishing equipment out of her trunk.
I can't tell Mum and Dad; they'd never approve.
For possibly the first time in her life, Hermione understood what it was like to be normal. This was easy. This was interesting. Pages flew by. Finished books piled up. Her parents smiled at her. They didn't say anything, but her mother served ice cream after dinner and she never did that before. In a matter of days, Hermione had read everything she had, even the extra books her parents had bought her for 'background reading'. With nothing else to do (other than brew more potion in secret) she just read them all again.
And again.
I'm going to memorise them at this rate.
Hermione quickly got the attention of the teachers and her classmates, even if the Potions professor gave her suspicious looks at her preternatural Potions skill. She was proud of herself. She was happy. She made friends with Harry and Ron and had adventures and, to what would have been the surprise of anyone who knew her from primary school, she gained the reputation of being intelligent, hard-working and studious.
She added more potions to her routine, a memory enhancer, a concoction to sooth her wild teenage emotions and improve her temperament. She even invented some potions of her own.
She also improved her brewing skills. Now her concoctions were potent enough that a single sip in the mornings would last her all day. Now she could make her daily potions with just the barest hint of reagents, saving her money and keeping attention from her classmates to a minimum.
Months turned into years and Hermione consistently scored top marks in the end of year tests. Her parents rewarded her by taking her on expensive holidays in Europe. Her friends just accepted that she was the kind of person who achieved academically.
"Stay behind, Miss Granger."
It was only the first lesson of fifth year, so Hermione wasn't sure how she could have upset Professor Snape. They had only handed in their summer homework that lesson.
Harry glared at Snape mistrustfully, but Hermione urged him to go on ahead.
"Yes, professor?" Hermione asked, when everyone else had left. Snape said nothing before he flicked his wand towards the door.
"You are aware that this is the OWLs year."
"Er, yes."
"And are you aware that, unlike the internal school exams you have sat so far, the OWLs and NEWTs are proctered by Ministry officials and use stringent anti-cheating enchantments."
"I wasn't," Hermione said. "I'm sorry, I don't—"
"Including precautions against performance enhancing potions," Snape said coolly.
For a moment, Hermione thought her heart stopped. Yes, due to a sudden concern for the exams, but more immediately because…
"You know?" Hermione whispered.
Snape raised a surprised eyebrow. "I am a potions master. But, in any case, I know nothing, Miss Granger," he said. "I am merely mentioning something I thought was interesting."
"Oh, right," Hermione said, swallowing thickly. "Of course… what kind of enchantments…"
"Powerful ones. Beyond even your prestigious abilities. If, hypothetically, someone was using such potions habitually, it would be wise to wean themselves off them."
"I can't go back," Hermione whispered, dropping the pretence as old fears began to flare up inside her.
"I don't understand the problem," Snape said. "Such potions do not actually increase one's intelligence, merely manage certain mental inefficiencies."
Hermione began to pull at strands of her hair. "I can't focus," she said. "No matter what. If you asked one of my primary school teachers, they'd tell you I was bright, but lazy and unmotivated. I could never sit still in school. I could never finish my school work. I couldn't do my homework, even when my dad was standing right there, shouting…"
An unbidden tear fell to the ground and Snape held up a hand.
"Stop, Miss Granger. I have neither the time, nor the inclination to handhold you through unpleasant memories. And I'm sure I misunderstood you, because I would be forced to report it if you admitted to using such potions without a parent's permission or a Healer's prescription. I was merely mentioning the exams as… conversation."
"Yes, professor," Hermione said wetly.
"Dismissed."
Hermione sniffed again, rubbing away the tears welling in her eyes, though her parchment was already ruined by dirty marks where previous tears had fallen.
She blinked twice and stared at the page again.
Question three… question three… when casting… the Summoning Charm… that's the charm that Harry used in the First Task. I taught it to him. Oh, watching him face that dragon was terrifying. Why does he always get into these terrible situations? No! Stop it, Hermione. Focus!
She let out another sob, getting concerned looks from those around her.
Question three—
"And that's the end of the exam," the aged wizard said from the front of the Great Hall.
No! I haven't even… There are still dozens of questions left!
She surrendered to the tears when the parchment was magicked away. It took Harry and Ron working together to get her away from everyone else.
"Can't you give her anything?" Harry was asking Madam Pomfrey.
"I could give her a Calming Draught," the matron said kindly, "but it would disqualify her from sitting the rest of her exams."
Hermione tuned out Harry and Ron's angry retorts to that and just let herself wallow.
"To say that I'm disappointed, Hermione Jean Granger, that we're both disappointed is an understatement."
Back under her heavy potions regime made listening to her father's words easier, but it still hurt to hear.
"Failing one exam might have been understandable, but all of them."
It wasn't strictly true. Her good practical marks in Charms, Transfiguration, and especially Defence had given her passing grades in those three subjects. She even managed an E in Potions, but it was far short of what her parents expected of her.
"Well, it seems that we're not as far passed the early days as we thought," mum took over. "I guess we'll have to cancel the trip to Italy, so you can study during the summer. Maybe you can retake the exams next year."
Even with her emotions magically suppressed, her heart jumped in fear at the thought of even more exams. She had been considering dropping out just before the NEWTs came up. Just missing the last few weeks of school. Just so she wouldn't have to stop taking her potions again.
"Honestly," Hermione said carefully, "I'd rather not. Loads of my classmates failed a couple of subjects. Harry failed Divination and History—"
"You did not fail two subjects," her mother said sternly.
Hermione clamped her mouth shut.
"Oh well," mum sighed. "Back to square one. Go and bring your school books down here and we'll help you study."
Hermione clenched her hands at her side to hide their shaking.
"Yes, mum."
This came out way darker than I had envisioned. I don't have ADHD, nor do I know what the diagnosis and treatment for it was like in 90s Britain, so I apologise if it is mistaken in some respect there.
