OK, here we are with a genuine plot! Special thanks to Th3V3ng3ance, who suggested having the robots run on steam, and to gh43, who came up with the idea for the SatAM tribe. (Curse you, SEGA Sonic!)

Disclaimer: I don't own SEGA Sonic or SatAM Sonic. Claimer: I own Zombie, Maria, Checkers, and all other OCs. Duh.


Now that we know that there is a trio of wanna be outlaws with a bunch of guys out to kill them, we go halfway across the county to a quaint little Chao ranch called the Sonikk U ranch. This ranch, although unassuming, will be where the main plotline occurs, hence the name of the story.

Right now, the owner of the ranch, Amy Rose, was holding a water rifle (It's exactly what it sounds like it is) and warning the fiendish Eggman, to stay off of her land.

For his part, Eggman was sitting on his mechanical Chao, Omochao, who was silently Mitsubishi Cadillacin' my name from dawn till dusk as he struggled under the doctor's rather formidable weight.

Behind him was his steam powered robot henchmen, Metal Sonic, Metal Knuckles, and Shadow Android, on their own mechanized Chao, named Moe, Larry and Curly.

"Now, now, Miss Rose, no need for violence," Eggman said, popping a green lollypop in his mouth. "You know I'm going to get your land anyway in a few days because you don't have the money to pay the mortgage. Why not save yourself a lot of trouble?"

"You ain't got this land yet, Eggman," Amy spat. "And the only reason I don't have any money is because you and your no account gang of rustlers stole my Chao!"

Eggman took off his cowboy hat—which was the only costume change he and his party made for this story, as the robots couldn't pick out a vest they liked and Eggman's weight made a costume change out of my budget—and covered his chest with it, looking offended. "My dear lady, that accusation has never been proven," he said.

Amy rolled her eyes. She was wearing a red bonnet and her red dress had been lengthened to her ankles. She hefted her water rifle up and pointed it at Eggman. "Take one more step," she vowed, "And I'll soak you."

"In a few days, I get this ranch anyway," Eggman promised her. Then he turned to his gang. "Let's go, boys."

"How come I don't get a speaking part?" Metal Knuckles whined as the gang rode out of sight.

Amy watched them ride off and seemed to deflate visibly. Her water rifle was dropped and she suddenly looked tired. She slumped against the wall of her house and sighed heavily.

"Are they gone, Miss Amy?"

Amy turned to Cream, the only one of her ranch hands to stay on with her when Eggman showed up. Behind Cream was the only Chao Eggman hadn't stolen from them, Cheese. Cheese hadn't been taken because Eggman really didn't want to steal a Chao named Cheese. That would lead to thousands of cheese jokes and puns from his less-than-mature robot lackeys.

"They're gone," Amy said. "It's safe now."

Cream and Cheese appeared in the doorway, looking to where Eggman had rode off. Cream was dressed much like Amy, only her dress was a light blue color. "What are we going to do, Miss Amy?" she asked.

"I…I don't know, Cream," Amy admitted tearfully. "It would take a miracle to stop Eggman and save the ranch."

"Maybe we can pray for an angel to help us!" Cream said, her face lighting up with hope.

Amy smiled at Cream. "Yes, an angel would be most helpful."


" Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg…"

"Sonic, so help me, if you sing that stupid song one more time, I will personally shove your own water pistol down your throat!" Silver snapped. His arm had been bandaged and placed in a makeshift sling. He looked like he was in pain; though I do believe that it was more because of Sonic's singing than of Mephiles' water gun.

"Ok, I won't sing it again," Sonic promised. "Who wants to hear a medley of the best Weird Al has to offer?"

"NOOOOO!" Shadow and Silver yelled at the same time.

"You know, I really wish you guys would just come out and tell me how you feel sometimes," Sonic griped.

The three had left Nowheresville far behind and were riding through a mountain range perfect for ambushes. That's important to realize, because they got ambushed a second later.

Five members of the famed Freedom Fighter Tribe of Indians swarmed from the rocks, raising, well, rocks over their heads and ordering the trio to stop.

The Hedgehog Gang stopped and raised their arms, knowing that they were surrounded.

"I am Chief Sally Girl," said the leader, a squirrel. "These are my braves, Rotor Ooter…"

A walrus waved. "That's me."

"Cowardly Antoine."

"I thought we agreed my name was Suave Antoine!" Cowardly Antoine protested.

"Sugar Hog…"

A blue hedgehog that looked suspiciously like a smaller Sonic shrugged. "Sonic was taken. And Blue Blur was taken. Curse you, SEGA Sonic!" And he shook his fist at Sonic, who decided that he should probably not say his name around this bunch for reasons of health.

"And Bunnie Rabbot."

Bunnie shrugged. "StarVix thought my name was such a horribly bad pun that she couldn't bear to change it."

"And we are the Freedom Fighter Tribe of Indians. It's a bit long, so you can call us the SatAM Tribe for short," Chief Sally Girl finished her explanation.

"So, what is it you want?" Shadow asked.

"We're broke." Sugar Hog said. "Because since SEGA Sonic became popular and I had to change my name EVEN THOUGH I HAD IT FIRST no one would hire us. Curse you, SEGA Sonic!"

On top of his Chao, Sonic wondered if perhaps he shouldn't rethink his contract with SEGA.

"So we were wondering if you'd give us any money," Rotor Ooter finished.

"We don't have any money," Shadow said. "Because Silver wouldn't let us steal money from the starving and neglected orphans."

There was a silence, and Chief Sally Girl finally said, "You were thinking about stealing money from starving and neglected orphans?"

"That's pretty low," Cowardly Antoine said.

"Curse you, SEGA Sonic!" Sugar Hog yelled.

Sonic wondered if Nintendo would like another mascot. If their current one decided to lose about fifty pounds, they'd certainly have room for him.

Bunnie Rabbot frisked through their stuff. "They really don't have any money," she said. "Just a bunch of Twinkies and a ragged old Indian blanket."

"Twinkies!" Cowardly Antoine cheered.

"We like Twinkies," Rotor Ooter said eagerly.

"Curse you, SEGA Sonic!" agreed Sugar Hog.

"OK, give us the Twinkies," Chief Sally Girl ordered. Then, with their Twinkies in tow, the SatAM tribe rushed off.

As soon as they were out of sight, the Hedgehog Gang kicked their steeds and shot out of the canyon like a bullet out of a gun. Once they were reasonably certain that they wouldn't be ambushed, they slowed down.

"Whew," Silver said. "That was a close call, wasn't it, Sonic?"

"I've changed my name. Call me Bob," Sonic replied.


RR, Please.