Chapter 4
October, 7, 1969
I hate my new tutor! I almost wish that I could go back to junior school where I'd be alone! Mr. Goshen treats me like a baby! And I'm not. I'm almost 10 years old. He thinks that the reason Mum and Daddy asked to have me tutored was because I'm slow and stupid. He spends his days going over and over the basic alphabet and simple rules for reading. He's making me so mad! Mum's tried to tell him that I am not slow or stupid. That I'm just different. He just doesn't get it. The sad thing is, I heard Mum and Daddy talking about it, that they can't fire him because then they'd be in a breach of his contract and he'd take them to court and sue them until we were all bankrupt! But we all know that if he keeps going at this rate, something is going to happen to him. Because I'll get mad and do something. One of my accidents that happens when I get mad. They're the reason I'm being tutored anyway. Mum doesn't want to take chances, so she's starting to join us in the schoolroom in the mornings. It's a little easier for me to control my temper when she's there, but only slightly.
I think I've come up with an idea to show Mr. Goshen that I'm not a baby. He's assigned me to write 5 paragraphs about some picture book. I've decided that I'll write the 5 paragraphs and then give him a detailed report about one of my books. He'd have to see then that I'm smarter than a 6-year old!
I got a letter from Julie yesterday. I miss her so much! She was telling me all about her school and how the kids laugh at her because of her accent. She doesn't like living in the city. She misses me and the moors that her family would visit on the weekends. She wants to come back. The teachers at her school put her in the 4th grade. She said that it's really boring work. All they do is read from a reader, write an essay, and practice multiplication facts. They never have anything fun like the ancestry project we did last year. Trust me, I know how she's feeling.
Last night, I had the strangest dream. I was with this guy who had dark hair and glasses. And we were wandering through the halls of what seemed to be a castle. I don't know. Then the dream suddenly shifted and we weren't in the castle but in a house. Just the two of us and there were all of these weird things around us. And the people outside would walk right by as if they didn't even notice the house. It's not like the house was invisible or anything like that. The people just didn't see it. I don't know how they could have missed it being as ornate as it was. I've never had any dreams like this before. I wonder what could have brought it on. Let's see, what did I watch on television last night? Hmmmm. No, I didn't actually watch anything so it can't be a nightmare based from tv. I'm probably just being silly and that this was just a random dream, but it seemed so real! It seemed like I really knew both the boy and the castle. And then the house. I knew that too. Well, at least I know that I can always write my weird dreams down inside of your pages, diary.
Always,
Lily
November 23, 1969
Well, my ploy to get Mr. Goshen to understand that I'm not a baby worked. He's stopped treating me like I'm stupid and has begun to give me real work. In fact, since I've shown such an interest in medicine, he's planning on taking me to London to visit the hospital there. He's going to let me ask all sorts of questions.
Daddy was watching the news last night and was talking about the United States being in Vietnam. Julie's latest letter mentioned it as well. She said that the people in the States don't support their president with this war. Julie said that her dad got shipped out and now her mum is working in a factory to just try to keep the family fed. It's so sad. I don't know why the United States needed to get involved. I'm glad that England didn't see the need to get involved as well. Why can't everybody just along?
Petunia sent a letter the other day. She said that she and Stephanie are becoming really good friends and that she wants to go over to Stephanie's for the holidays. I think that Mum will let her. We certainly can't have Stephanie back over here. Evidently, I'm too strange for her. And we don't want a repeat of what happened last time that she was here. I guess I'm happy that Petunia will get to spend time with her friend, but I miss my sister. I wish that she would accept me for being the different person that I am and not be mean or hate me because I'm different.
Always,
Lily
January, 1, 1970
Happy New Year! I had another strange dream last night. In this one, I was with that same boy again. We were outside sitting beneath a willow tree beside a beautiful lake, when this group of people came up. Before I could really tell what was going on, the boy was on his feet shouting the most awful things at these people. And the weirdest part was what was happening to the people he was shouting at. They would fall over or have skin eruptions or stuff like that. It's like it was magic. I know that magic doesn't really exist, but that boy did something to them. And the thing is, is that I seemed to understand exactly what they were saying. Evidently, they were calling me some name. What was it? Maybe I can remember. Think, think, think. No, the name's escaping me, but whatever it was, I know that it was a really bad name.
Granna Louise is not shaking that cold that she's had for a few months. I want to help her get better, but I'm not a doctor. And I know nothing about nursing. Even my trip to the hospital in London didn't really help me come up with ideas in which she'd get better. Daddy took me over there with him the other day to see her and she looked awful. Not at all like the Granna Louise who baked wonderful cookies and shared Clarissa's story with me. Daddy says she's dying. And that it's only a matter of time before she dies. I don't want her to die. It seems like everyone that I love goes away. First Petunia. Then Julie. And now Granna Louise. I don't know what I'll do if something happens to Mum and Dad. Daddy says that she has this disease called cancer. And it's killing her. Oh how I wish that I could just take away all of her pain and I'd have my Granna back!
Julie's last letter was very much filled with regrets about moving to the States. The kids in her class have started to treat her like she's made of glass now. They're doing that because they don't want to upset her. See, her dad is missing in Vietnam. And her mum is terrified that he's dead. So her mum has started drinking and poor Julie. She's having to spend all of her time taking care of her brother and sister since her mum can't take care of herself let alone the children. Julie said that if only they'd stayed here then things would have been better. Her dad wouldn't be missing. Her mum wouldn't be in such a state. She'd be happy. She'd have me. My poor friend.
Always,
Lily
Hermione paused to wipe the tears from her cheeks as she closed the pages of the journal. She'd read about all that she could handle for today. These journals had to be preserved to get to Harry. He certainly needed them. He'd realize that his mother was a deep person. Deeper even than any of the old Order members probably realized. No wonder Lily was so great with potions. At one point, she'd been interested in medicine. Hermione wondered as she left the safety of the house if Lily was a Seer. No one seemed willing to talk much about Lily and those dreams of hers. If she were a betting woman, she'd have to say that Lily had dreamt of James and Hogwarts and the house in Godric's Hollow. Yet when the story was complete, would it truly be as she hoped? Something to help Harry. To help him return to those who love him?
Slipping out into London's grey pre-dawn streets, Hermione silently made her way back to the house. She was hoping to arrive undetected and that her presence, or lack there of, at headquarters would be unnoticed today. Though Harry was finally beginning to show signs that he cared. Hermione was finding herself using all her wits in order to keep her mission a secret. The time wasn't right yet for him to know. Not until she'd finished Lily's story. If then. He was too distraught and unreliable to accept that he needed help. Help that only his mother could provide. Besides Harry wasn't the only thing on her mind this day. She'd heard reports of more turmoil and could only begin to suspect who was causing it. Obviously not Voldemort, having been dead these past three years. But still, there was something sinister in the reports. She couldn't afford to be put off her guard.
She approached the stone steps with caution. Seeing nothing to cause her alarm, she quickly slipped into the house, setting the alarms behind her. She made her way once again to her cozy corner in the attic. Caressing the leather bound journal holding Lily's words, she soon found her place and was transported back into Lily's world. Yet unbeknownst to her, someone had noticed her stealthy movements away from headquarters and followed her, biding time to invade her safe haven.
March 27, 1970
10 years old today! That's what I am. This is my first birthday without Julie. I got another letter from her yesterday. She writes more and more about her mum being a mess and how she's worried that her dad may not be coming home, but in fact be dead. She said that they got a telegram which said that all attempts to recover her father were a loss. She said that the telegram went on to say that 'as of' some date, she couldn't remember, 'the Army has decided to declare Sergeant First Class Gerald Thomas Lawndale to be officially Killed in Action'. Killed! Julie's dad is dead. Julie also told me that she doesn't know how to deal with her mum, her brother and sister, and still be expected to live and figure out a way to support the family. Oh how I wish we could bring her back here! My poor, poor best friend! I feel so sad for her. Perhaps, I'll ask Mum if I can go to her. But she'll probably say "No you're too young!" Oh well.
Anyway about my birthday. Mr. Goshen cancelled my lessons today! Yay! No school on my birthday! And to think that he did this without my causing any accidents! He did give me a pretty cool birthday present. He gave me the latest Beatles record and I know that Petunia will be jealous. She loves the Beatles. She has pictures of John, Paul, George, and Ringo all over her room. I think that her favorite is Ringo. Whatever. I think that they're really pretty silly with that hair in their eyes all the time. I don't know what she likes them for. I mean their music is ok and everything. I just find that they're really rather boring.
I had another dream about that castle. I've asked Mr. Goshen if he knows of any castles fitting that description here in England and he said No. Bummer. But he did decide to combine History, Science, Math, and Language to give me a project. I shoulda known better than to ask him. All it got me was more homework. But this project does seem to be fun. I'm to research European castles if the 16th Century or the Middle Ages, my choice, and write out a story about the people who may have lived there during that time. What they wore, what they ate, what the castle was used for. That sort of stuff. Plus I'm supposed to build a miniature replica of the castle. And it's due at the end of the term. This will be fun. Granna Louise has TONS of books about castles. I'll see if Daddy can take me over there on Saturday. And maybe Mum will let me bake some scones to take over there. I know Granna's been sick so I don't want to be a bother. But it will still be loads of fun.
Petunia phoned the other day. It's funny how much better we get along when she's not here having to see me being strange. We talked a few minutes and she wished me a happy birthday. That totally made my day! My sister being nice to me and giving me birthday wishes! Reminds me of the days before. Before I became different. Before she went away.
Always,
Lily
April 5, 1970,
Daddy took me to Granna Louise's yesterday. Mum even let me bake some scones for her. And I didn't burn them either! I was excited because I was going to be able to spend the entire day pouring through Granna's books on castles of England, Scotland, and Europe. Granna was glad to see me, but she doesn't look like the Granna I've known my entire life. Her pretty blue eyes that used to be so full of life were dull and watery-looking. And her hair. Where was all of her snowy tresses—look I'm using a new vocabulary word! – that hung down to her waist? It wasn't there. What remained of her hair was dull and lifeless and kept falling out in chunks. Daddy says it's the medicine she's got take to fight this sickness, but I don't like it! She looked like she weighed about as much as me and I only weigh 70 pounds! But as soon as she saw me and she hugged me, I knew she was my same old Granna!
Granna has so many books about castles! This is great. I'll be able to find everything I need to do my project. I think it'd be awesome if I were able to find that castle that I keep dreaming about. That's my plan. Search through the books until I find either that one or another one that looks interesting. I brought home a book about castles in England, another one of Scottish castles, another one of castles in Wales, and one about castles in Ireland. But what country to do? I've lived in England my entire life and the only castle I know of is Buckingham Palace. But that one doesn't really interest me. I think I'll sleep on it. Right now, I'm sleepy and maybe I'll have a brainwave and know exactly which one to do when I wake up.
Always,
Lily
May 1, 1970
Granna died last night. Daddy woke me up to tell me. Why did she have to get sick? Why couldn't the doctors heal her? Why? Why? Why? It's not fair either! What did Granna do that made God mad at her? I've decided that I want to be a doctor or a researcher when I grow up. I want to find a cure for cancer so that other people who have it will get better. When I told Daddy and Mum this morning about my goal, they smiled and told me that it was a noble goal. And that perhaps I'd be the one to find the cure! The funeral for Granna will be after Petunia gets here. Mum rang her school up and told the headmaster and now Petunia's on a train back. She should get here sometime tomorrow, Mum says. I'm not going to cry at the funeral. I refuse to. I love Granna and she wouldn't want me to cry. She'd want me to be happy. So I'm going to pretend to be happy at least.
Mr. Goshen learned first hand of my accidents today. I was so upset over Granna that when he told me to do something during lessons, I accidentally caused the desk to catch fire. Fire's a new one. I've not had that happen before. But thankfully, he managed to put it out rather quickly and then he went to talk with Mum. I heard what they were talking about from my place in the open door. "Mrs. Evans," Mr. Goshen said as he approached Mum. "There's been a bit of an accident in the schoolroom." "What happened," Mum asked him. "Well, ma'am, it seems that the desk caught on fire. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but it did." "Mr. Goshen, what was Lily's state of mind," Mum asked and I could hear both the long-suffering and the slight humor in her voice. "Well, she was obviously upset over the news of her grandmother. Why do you ask?" "You're not hurt then are you? No. Well at least there's no harm done. Lily's different as I'm sure you've come to realize these past months. Occasionally when she's feeling rather strong emotions, things happen. Things we can't explain. It's the main reason why Lily's not in public school anymore. We couldn't take the chance that she may cause harm to someone without knowing what she's done. These past few months under your tutelage, she's blossomed. She's excited about learning and you're challenging her. She's also not had as many accidents. The few she's had since you began working with her have occurred only when her sister is home on holiday. So you see, as long as you're not hurt, there's nothing to worry about." "But, Mrs. Evan, what should I do about it?" "Nothing. She doesn't know what causes it. She knows that she can't control it and it wouldn't do any good to bring it to her attention. Her father will speak with her later about her lack of control." "So you're saying that I should treat it as if nothing has happened?" "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Do you think that you can do that? At least now you're aware that things happen with Lily." "Well, I can't say that I can forget it, but I can try to treat her the same as always." Finally! A teacher who will treat me as normal despite the fact that I have accidents. I feel really awful about the desk though. I certainly didn't mean to catch it on fire.
My castle project is coming along nicely. I've decided to study Bamburgh Castle in Northumberland. It's on the North Sea and looks about as close to the one that I keep dreaming about as I'll ever get! More on that later.
Always,
Lily
May, 16, 1970
I've finished all of my data gathering for my project. This is what I found out about Bamburgh Castle. It was built around the year 547. Wow! That's a long time ago. That's before even the Normans invaded England. I remember that from one of my history lessons. Anyway. Back to what I've found out. There was this king called Ida who liked to be known as The Flamebearer. And this king had already conquered Northumberland. This was a large kingdom with the capital being Bamburgh. How the settlement got its name was by the king's grandson giving it to his wife. It's interesting to realize that though there has been a castle on the grounds since forever ago, it wasn't until the Normans invaded that the castle that stands now started to take shape. I guess that they needed a better fortified stronghold to keep the invaders out. OK, back to my findings. There was a war in 1453 called the War of the Roses. And thatwar caused the castle to fall apart. Guess I'm going to have to ask Mr. Goshen about that war. Why was it called that? But, anyway, Bamburgh Castle had up til then been owned by the royal family. And Elizabeth I decided that she was going to be nice to some guy and give him the lands and the castle. This guy was Claudius Forster. Mainly she wanted to give him this castle to help keep the Scots out of England. Evidently this guy was some sort of general or something. Anyway, he was able to live in the castle and use it as a means of protection to help prevent the Scots from getting in. Oh wow! The walls of this castle were somewhere between 9 and 12 feet thick! WOW!!!!
This next bit is really rather interesting. One of the 13 kids that Claudius Forster had, was named Tom. This Tom was a part of the Jacobite Rebellion of 1715. He was broke when he decided to join the rebellion. The people involved in the rebellion thought that here was this man from a wealthy family promptly promoted him to a position of General! Yet this man didn't even last through one battle. He took one look at his enemies and immediately gave up. He got tossed into prison. His sister, Dorothy, heard about him being in prison and decided to go visit him. She brought her maid along on these visit until the last one. Miss Dorothy decided to wear her maid's clothing underneath her own. And then let her brother dress in the maid's clothes and together the two of them walked out of the prison! Dorothy hid her brother in the castle for about two years before he escaped to France. I think that I'll write my story for the project about Miss Dorothy and General Tom.
By the time that Tom managed to get away to France, the Forster family was flat broke. So the castle and grounds came up for sale. It was bought by a Lord Crewe, Bishop of Durham. He set it up so that the people would start making a profit. He set up a schoolroom inside the castle to train girls for becoming servants. And developed a system of signals to alert sea captains about dangerous things. In the late 1800's, the castle and grounds fell into the hands of the Armstrong family, where it remains today. This family started the restoration process of it and that process cost one million pounds to complete!
It was nice to have Petunia home for the few days of Granna's funeral. She was actually nice to me again. It's almost as if for this time we can forget about me being different and we could be sisters again. Anyway, I was telling her all about this project and she –
Hermione pulled her eyes away from the page she was on and glanced around her cozy attic nest, thinking she'd heard something. She silently checked on the wards that had been put in place in the attic and around her. Nothing was amiss. Not willing to venture down the stairs and leave Lily's story, she dismissed the noise she'd heard as a mouse or a rat and focused back on the page in front of her, yet there was someone there. Someone who was waiting for the appropriate time to make their presence known.
Anyway, I was telling her all about this project and she actually was impressed that I wasn't doing something lame or just looking at Buckingham Palace. I'd actually gone through the trouble to find a castle I'd never heard about before and research it to the best of my abilities. "Lily," Petunia tentatively said. "May I read your story once you have it written?" Of course I told her yes! I can't deny my sister anything. I can't wait to write to Julie about this!
Always,
Lily
