Hi! Sorry for the long wait. I went on my first vacation in 15 years! So I was super busy. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Reviews are always welcome. They work as little pokes to guilt trip me into writing more and faster so write those reviews!
Tishbing
Chapter Sixteen
Sarek rubbed the tiny back of his granddaughter, making his fifth circuitous route around the living room. Every attempt at putting her down in her crib resulted in her crying and James was exhausted. Sarek had little doubt that the baby could sense her mother's concerns and frustrations and simply wanted to be close to her to ease them and comfort herself as well. Most Vulcan infants, like their human counterparts, preferred their mothers even when their mothers were exhausted.
Tiny Elizabeth had refused all forms of bottle feeding and, as a result, James had been refusing to rest, focusing every moment on her baby to the point of exhaustion. Her milk had come in but Elizabeth required a supplement which had to be snuck in during the middle of a feed once a day. She would start to cry after and fuss and then feed from her mother more vigorously as if to rid her mouth of the taste.
Spock had been the same with his mother, just as stubborn. Amanda as well. For the past two weeks, Sarek had began to witness James' deterioration. She was pushing herself too hard, attempting to do everything for everybody, citing that Sarek and Selek were guests and not to do anything, refusing help at every turn with a baby in her arms constantly. It was almost as if she was trying to prove herself, that she could do it all by herself. Dr. Chapel and Sarek had been forced to resort to the underhanded measure of sedating the stubborn woman via her drink to force her to rest. Amanda had made the same mistake, seeking to prove herself to his mother, T'Pau and he had done the same thing.
Which led to his current situation of attempting to soothe the baby. Selek had left the previous day and would not be back for a week bringing support in the form of Winona Kirk so that when he left, Jamie would have her mother.
Mrs. Bartlett came up behind him holding an unusual bag-like bottle and one of James' shirts. It had clearly not been washed yet and Sarek frowned in confusion. She rolled her eyes and held out an arm for the baby. "I've tried this trick with Caitian kits. It might work. See? The smell of her mom from the shirt and the bottle temperature is the same as a human's milk as it comes out. Then, there's the fact that this bottle can be hugged like a breast and the nipple is identical in how the milk comes out and the texture is the similar."
Sarek dubiously passed the whimpering infant to the older woman and watched in amazement as Elizabeth clutched at the fabric, rubbing against it and accepted the strange bottle, hugging it tight with one arm while the other rested on Delilah's bare arm.
Delilah cooed at the baby, rubbing the soft blond hair and tiny brown eyes closed in contentment.
"How did you-" Sarek moved closer to examine the set-up. The hand holding the shirt close and hugging the bottle kept opening and closing, almost like a kitten's paw.
"I didn't know if it'd work but I had to try. Anything is better than waking up Sarah. That poor woman needs the rest."
Sarek twitched at James' false name and felt guilt at the fact that the older woman had been lied to but kaidith. What is, is.
It wasn't long before the baby sighed and fell asleep, still clutching the shirt. Delilah yawned and took the bottle away, laying it on the small table next to her chair.
"It's getting late. Do you need me to stay?" Delilah pried the bottle/bag out of Elizabeth's arms and stroked her hair, cooing at the finally sleeping infant.
Sarek raised a brow. "I am certain I can manage."
Delilah returned the expression with a skeptical nod and reluctantly passed over the sleeping baby. Elizabeth sighed and burrowed closer, tiny hand still clutching the shirt.
"I'll tell you one thing, I don't want to be around when Sarah wakes up. She'll have your head for doing what's sensible." The woman came close and carded her fingers through the downy baby hair, a soft look in her eyes. "I'll be back the day after tomorrow and Josiah will take the horses out for a run in the morning."
Sarek couldn't help but feel a slight sense of nervousness at being alone. Doctor Chapel was back at work at the hospital so she wasn't able to assist. He pushed the feeling down, locking it away. He had cared for infants before. There was no need for this emotion.
Delilah started pulling on a thick winter coat. "There's another two bottles in the stasis drawer and the warmer is programmed. I doubt you'll need both." Her eyes trailed upwards towards where Jamie Kirk was sleeping upstairs. "If I know that girl, she's gonna wake up soon and not be calm about it. She's stubborn."
"I thank you for your assistance." Sarek watched as she left and the moment the door shut, bright brown eyes opened. Sighing, Sarek placed the infant in a swing-like contraption. He activated it and a holo projection of stars and planets started swirling around while the swing moved slowly from side to side. Elizabeth watched with avid curiosity, the bright holograms lighting her features in the darkened room.
Spock would have been fascinated by his daughter. She had changed so much in the few weeks since her birth. She was rounding out, her eyes now starting to focus and she was gaining more of a personality. The fuzz that had originally covered her head had thinned and fallen out, quickly returning with bright blond which had resulted in Jamie crying over it's loss for some unknown reason. She was amazing.
Elizabeth was always looking around, watching and touching to explore. Spock had been a much shyer infant, choosing to stay close to his mother and only exploring after it had been proven safe by Amanda. He had outgrown that when he had started having difficulties in his school years.
Elizabeth started whimpering, her bottom lip quivered and Sarek remembered he hadn't placed the shirt in with her. He quickly moved, wrapping the garment around her front like a blanket, running a forefinger down her temple to encourage peace and Elizabeth started to calm. This was one thing that Spock and his daughter had in common. Their attachment to their mothers.
Sarek wondered if Jamie and Spock would be able to reconcile. Family was important and he worried for when his son's Time would approach. From what he understood, the young captain and his son had unintentionally bonded and Selek was hesitant to assist in breaking the bond. There were so few healers left after Nero and Sarek knew that they had limited time to find a solution. The simplest solution would be for the two of them to forgive each other and but, from what Sarek had seen, that was unlikely.
The second solution would be to break the bond between them but Selek was wary due to the strength of it. It would put both parties at extreme risk of permanent damage or death and possibly even trigger another Time for Spock to reclaim his mate, whether she agreed or not, to prevent losing her and, secondly, himself in the fires of Pon Farr. Also, there was the fact that Spock now no longer held the interests of Lieutenant Uhura so he would have to find a replacement to assist him if the breaking was successful.
Thirdly, there was the possibility of Spock undergoing Kolinahr and becoming a tenet of Surak. It would effectively break the bond and remove all mating impulses but it would also purge him of any and all emotions. He would no longer be Spock.
And lastly, Jamie could invoke the challenge during Kali-fee. If Spock lost, he would most likely die during the ensuing battle with Jamie's chosen champion. If Spock won, then Jamie would be little more than chattel and Spock would be insensate to her protestations until after the fever broke. It would break them beyond repair and then they would be back "at square one" with even more difficulties than before.
His thoughts were interrupted by a pounding on the stairs. Sarek turned and Jamie was gaping, her eyes wild (one blue, one green due to a contact falling out) and her hair a tangled mess. He could practically feel her panic radiating from her.
Upon seeing the baby, Jamie immediately sagged in relief, almost falling into a heap on the floor. Sarek moved swiftly to catch the human, assisting her into the chair next to the swing where Elizabeth started fussing, most likely sensing the extreme panic from her mother. Moving to collect the baby to hand her to her mother, Kirk put up a hand to stop him.
"I need a minute to calm down." She closed her eyes and took deep breaths. "I had thought..." Shaking her head, Jamie's shoulders shook as she tried to rein in her emotions. "...I don't know what I thought." The small false brunette trembled in her chair and Sarek moved closer, pulling her to him and holding her tight. It was a human form of comfort but it was logical to assist the mother of his grandchild.
Even through the layers of clothing, he could feel the veritable tsunami of emotions from her. They were so strong they rivaled a vulcan's. Jamie took deep shuddering breaths, forcing herself to calm before pulling away with pink, damp cheeks, clearly embarrassed at her display.
"I'm sorry." She hastily wiped her face and ran fingers through her tangle of hair.
Sarek put up a hand forestalling the rest of her argument. "Our people have a saying. 'Within the family, all is silent.' Do not be ashamed of your instincts, just as I am unashamed with mine."
Giving him a weak smile, it quickly turned into a slight glare. "Do those instincts involve the slipping me a sedative?"
Sarek sighed. "When it entails caring for family, sometimes it is best to do what is necessary to ensure their well-being. That was a decision made by your doctor and myself. You needed the rest." He eyed her closely. "In fact, you are still inadequately rested."
Kirk rolled her eyes and smiled, this time more genuine. "Thank you, Sarek."
Sarek frowned slightly, confused. "What for?"
"For everything." He could see the gratitude shining in her eyes and he only wished that he could see them in their natural state. Amanda had once told him that the eyes are the window to the soul and, from what he had seen of Jamie Kirk's, her soul was strong but loving and so very fragile at the same time. The dichotomy was astounding.
"You are welcome." A smile threatened as Jamie's grew to blinding proportions. Her happiness was very infective as even Elizabeth started to smile in her sleep.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
It had been nearly four months since he had last seen his captain. Captain Fitzpatrick was efficient and by the book but there wasn't the warmth that there had once been with Kirk. He remembered only 2 weeks and 2 days ago he had felt her reaching for him, pain and fear prominent and, as quickly as he had felt it, the sensation had disappeared like smoke in the wind. It had taken everything he had to not search her out, to respect her wishes and stay away despite his instincts.
His hunger to see his child and her was growing the longer they were away. Nyota had fully left him, her interest in the doctor had been a painful blow but not as painful as Jamie's leaving. That realization had shocked him to his core.
He thought back to their tumultuous friendship. The first time he had seen her, her absolute destruction of all he had worked for in the Kobiyashi Maru program and he wondered if that had been the moment his obsession with her had begun. Her challenge that she had thrown at him had been like nothing he had ever encountered before and it had fascinated him. He had begun his research into this confusing and brilliant cadet and had found her intriguing.
The stubborn set of her jaw and the fierce determination to prove herself the next time he had seen her in the auditorium had almost weakened his resolve. To break something so unique seemed wrong. He remembered how straight-backed and proud she had stood, absolutely convinced in her assessment of the situation and verbally sparring with her had been...invigorating but cut short all too soon.
His views on her character had shifted back and forth during their encounter with Nero. Everything from admiration to outright hatred of this human to unfailing respect. She had managed to push every boundary he had and even some he didn't know.
He had promised himself to protect her. The words from his elder self encouraging their friendship had only added to it as Jamie Kirk tended to risk herself for others (especially him) at an alarming rate. Seeing her die and lose the one friend who had accepted him no matter his birthright had broken him. He had never even realized she was his friend until he had lost her.
It had hurt and he had resolved to distance himself. Fear had made him do it. Had made him refuse her attempts to grow closer when she offered to share mealtimes, to challenge him in a game of chess, to spend time with him in a friendly manner. He had refused to allow his focus to slip and let her die a second time. So few people gain a second chance at saving those they cared for and he was determined to not risk her death. He would have given anything to have been able to have this second chance with his own mother and that was why he made sure she was safe as much as he could.
He had managed to save her from angry natives, frightening beasts, her own risk-taking, thrill-seeking endeavors but the last challenge that Trelane had forced upon them had broken them. It had caused Spock to lose her and, by default, the child he never thought he would have, in a way more painful than death through his own fault. He had kept her safe from everything but himself.
He considered their bond and he wondered if she would do as she had said and break it. It caused a sick feeling in his stomach at the thought. To have learned that she was his t'hy'la, his perfect match, and that he had rejected her had caused him to feel unbearable shame, especially considering that she had been carrying their child. It would have poisoned the bond even worse had he gone through with the full proceedings and it would have potentially killed Jamie.
He once heard his mother express that people hurt those that they love the most and perhaps she was right. He had loved Nyota but had it been desperation that had caused him to stay with her despite his growing interest in Jamie? Nyota had given him so much, asking for little in return and, even going so far as accepting his unusual attentions to Jamie.
Had he been hiding what he truly felt for Jamie by throwing himself into his relationship with Nyota because she was seen as a more acceptable mate? Spock did know that he had sought Nyota as a perfect balance to his own personality. She didn't have strongly differing opinions from him, she was gifted in her skills, she was quiet and reserved when appropriate and strong when needed but was there passion? The "spark" so often sought by humans? No. They were compatible, they loved but it wasn't a deep love. He could see himself growing old amicably with the woman but not in an all consuming love.
Jamie was different. Her strength and love for him had kept him safe from harm during so much. And even after all he had put her through, she had still shown him love and compassion. She had loved him with the strength of a thousand suns. He now realized every bit of love that he had felt he had projected it onto who he had deemed as a suitable mate rather than who he should have been with. Jamie had challenged him, argued with him, kept him guessing and yet always made him feel accepted. She had made him a better person. By rejecting her affections and influence, he had allowed himself to sink and now, he and his...no their child was paying the price.
It was devastating to realize this too late.
He had truly believed he had been in the right but now, he understood. He would pay his penance and aspire for the chance to correct this.
"Fitzpatrick to Commander Spock. We're waiting for your assistance in the transporter room for the arrival of our guest."
Spock tapped the wall comm. "Understood, Captain. I am on my way."
The commander straightened himself, placing his melancholy thoughts aside and focusing on current matters. They were leaving Starbase Six and heading to Earth, a journey of a few solar days, and a Vulcan diplomat was requesting to join them on their journey as they were heading to the same destination.
The commander quickly straightened his uniform and strode out to meet their guest. Since the loss of their home world it was rare to meet another of his people.
He arrived just as the transporter came to life and quickly slipped in between Dr. McCoy and Fitzpatrick.
He was grateful for his Vulcan upbringing that kept his reaction hidden as he saw just who had materialized. Captain Fitzpatrick stepped forward, his hand in the traditional ta'al.
"Ambassador Selek, you honor us with your presence. We come to serve."
Selek nodded in acceptance, returning the salute. "Your service honors me."
Selek stepped down, his long brown traveling cloak billowing around his thin frame with a small suitcase in his hand. He looked fatigued, more tired then he should at his advanced age but his eyes still held fire in them as they fell on his younger counterpart. Spock returned the look, refusing to flinch under the scrutiny.
Fitzpatrick continued the greeting. "I am Captain Owen Fitzpatrick. This is my first officer, Commander Spock, and my chief medical officer, Lieutenant-Commander Leonard McCoy. Welcome to the Enterprise."
The elder's eyes flicked to McCoy, giving him a brief smile and nod and McCoy returned the smile, brighter. It was unnerving to see the doctor smile after such a long time in his presence.
"If you would like, I'm sure the Commander could arrange a tour of the ship before escorting you to your quarters?"
"I must decline your generous offer as I am currently in need of rest. However, I would appreciate a guide to my room." Selek's attention stayed on the vulcan and Spock was conflicted.
This was the man who had taken away his mate but, at the same time, he had also kept her safe. Was he going to let him know where Jamie and his child were or simply berate him for his behavior?
Fitzpatrick deflated slightly. It was well known just how proud he was of the Enterprise. It had been an end of career high to the Starfleet veteran. Selek spotted the disappointment and a smile ghosted his lips. "Perhaps tomorrow, a tour could be arranged?"
Fitzpatrick perked up. "Of course, Ambassador."
"Perhaps your Commander could show me to my quarters?" Selek asked.
McCoy eyed the pair, most likely wondering if he should request back-up in the medical bay for one or both vulcans. "I'll just be in sickbay if anyone needs anything." He nodded to the group and left.
Spock took the Ambassador's case and gestured to the door while Selek said his goodbyes to the Captain and arranged for a tour the next day. It wasn't long before the pair was alone.
"I know what you are going to ask, young one, and as to Jim's whereabouts I cannot help you."
Spock's grip on the handle tightened and his jaw clenched but he wasn't surprised at the refusal. Selek watched him carefully.
"I can see that you are improving in your reactions to displeasing information or rather lack of pleasing information." Spock's grip tightened at the patronizing statement.
"And the child?" He asked as they came to the guest quarters. Spock typed in the code and both men entered.
Selek turned to face his counterpart, hands behind his back. "She was born sixteen days ago."
Spock felt as if his side had been squeezed, his heart being crushed. He had not been there.
"Your father delivered Elizabeth Saavik S'Chn T'Gai-Kirk. She was seven pounds four ounces."
Spock's head shot up. His father had been there? He had not even informed his father of the pregnancy and yet he had been there for the birth?
"Jim asked for you to have access to the memories of the birth and photographs. Sarek shared them with me."
"I should have been there." Spock growled low.
"True but it was not meant to be."
"And now?"
Selek frowned and sat at the small couch in his guest quarters. "I believe that it is best for all involved to calm and heal. Your involvement so soon after such an event could only hinder Jim's healing." He skeptically viewed the young vulcan. "Also, there has been little evidence from yourself as to your contrition. I have yet to see a withdrawal of sole custody request."
Spock moved to protest and Selek threw up a hand to silence him. "Actions, young one. Actions speak far louder than words."
Spock felt a lead weight settle in his stomach. It was bitter and resentful but fearful. "And what of my rights?"
Selek paused. "You lost those the moment you turned on your t'hy'la." Holding out a hand, the elder took his case from Spock. He opened it and pulled out an old-fashioned picture frame. Spock's breath caught as he saw it. His daughter.
Her hair was thin but definitely blond. It was reminiscent of a halo around her head. Her nose and eyes were shaped like Jamie's but the color was the same as his mother's...like his. He could see one ear tapering to a fine point but it was slightly more rounded than his. She was wearing a small white gown, one tiny fist in her mouth as she looked at the camera. Curiosity was clearly evident even though she was so young. His hands itched with the desire to hold her.
"There are more pictures." Selek told him but Spock's eyes were glued to the image in the frame. His fingers traced over her face and ears, almost as if he could gain something tangible from the glass covered picture.
Selek handed him a PADD queued up with images. Spock looked at each image hungrily. He saw his child being held by an older woman, saw her laying on a blanket, saw her resting on Jamie's chest, he saw her being fed, the intimate act forever frozen. He could see the love and adoration on her face as she viewed the child. He had only seen that look once before. On his mother's face. She was beautiful in the role of motherhood, graceful in a way Spock had not expected.
He tried to glean as much information from the pictures as possible but he could tell that they had been carefully screened. None were outside. None had any identifying features to ascertain just where they were located beyond the fact that they were not on a space station or ship. He was unable to tell if they were in an urban or rural area, an apartment or house. The people in the pictures were not people he knew but he doubted that Selek would have sent her away with no support so there had to have been someone staying with her.
"You will not find her until it is the right time but I welcome you to try."
Spock blinked, feeling his vision blur and he forced himself to calm despite his frustration, desperation, and heartbreak. Selek stood and straightened his cloak.
"I will perform the meld tomorrow after you have had sufficient time to meditate." He dismissed Spock.
"I wish to see it now." Spock growled and Selek shook his head.
"You need a clear and calm mind."
"My mind is controlled, Elder." He parried.
Selek sighed. So unlike a vulcan. "Lying does not suit you, Spock. Meditate and review the evidence of your progeny. I was not telling a falsehood to your captain when I expressed a need for rest. I am far older than I would care to be and have been through much lately. I, myself, need time to prepare for a meld. The images have been sent to your personal comm."
Selek turned his back on him, dismissing Spock. He had no choice but to comply. Tomorrow, he would see his child's birth.
