Chapter whatever number chapter this is is now officially up! Hooray! I continue to talk to my characters, I continue to be bold print. Disclaimer: You heard me.
Sonic was still lost. He couldn't be more lost if he tried. Of course, even Sonic wasn't mentally challenged enough to actually try to get himself lost. It just sort of happened.
But, whether by design or chance, Sonic was lost, and he and Zombie were having one heck of a time with it.
Sonic had gotten Zombie to turn into his laser form—meaning the Chao was green with orange eyes and the ability to have lasers coming out of his fingertips—and was using this ability to write his will in the sand. He decreed that Shadow should get his hat, Zombie should get his Chao (Which worked out well because Zombie was his Chao), and Silver should get his 4,500 dollars worth of debt. (Hey, he had to give Silver SOMETHING, didn't he?)
Sonic was trying to get Zombie to hold still so he could shoot out his name correctly, when a red blur tackled him and knocked him to the ground.
The blur turned out to be Punching Knuckles, who had somehow caught up to Sonic first even though he had been last in line when we talked about him two chapters ago.
Sonic gave a barely audible squeak when the enraged Indian grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, lifted him off the ground, and yanked his face in close.
"Where. Is. That. Blanket?" Punching Knuckles snarled.
"What blanket?" Sonic asked.
Normally, Zombie would be defending Sonic right about now, but when Punching Knuckles tackled Sonic, the startled hedgehog dropped him headfirst into the sand. Zombie couldn't get his head unstuck, and therefore couldn't defend Sonic from the notorious Injun warrior.
"The blanket that Mitsubishi Cadillacin' Injun swindler took from my Chief's Squaw, which you stole from him!" Punching Knuckles slammed Sonic against the sand, which was a very unpleasant experience, in case you were wondering. "NOW GIVE IT BACK!"
He picked Sonic up and slammed him back on the sand again, and this time the cobalt blue hedgehog landed on his keys, which made it even more unpleasant.
"I don't have it!" Sonic squealed. Knuckles picked him back up again, but Sonic was not a proud hedgehog, and was certainly not above begging. "Don't throw me on the sand again!" Sonic pleaded. "Yes, we took it, but the SatAM tribe stole it from us! Along with my Twinkie collection."
Punching Knuckles paused and—gently—laid Sonic back on the sand again. "Where was this tribe?" he asked.
"They ambushed us in a canyon that was perfect for ambushes! And then we got separated in the sandstorm! And then you showed up and started pounding me! That's the truth; I swear!"
Punching Knuckles' eyes narrowed as he debated whether he should trust Sonic. Then he grabbed a rope that he conveniently happened to have with him and tied Sonic's hands behind his back. Then, he tied the other end of the rope to his Chao's saddle.
"What are you doing?" Sonic asked, slightly panicked.
"We're going to this tribe you tell me of. For your sake, you'd better be telling the truth," Punching Knuckles warned. Sonic gulped nervously as Knuckles led him off.
Meanwhile, Zombie finally managed to get his head unstuck, only to find his beloved Sonic nowhere to be found! Zombie turned crimson red; his eyes turned white as snow, and he howled in a chilling manner that would make a banshee shiver with terror. Then he took off, looking for his owner and silently vowing vengeance to whomever took him away.
Shadow the Hedgehog and Maria were stumbling through the desert when Shadow saw a mirage. The mirage looked like a run down Chao ranch with no Chao, and a pretty pink hedgehog girl with a rifle was looking at him expectantly.
Shadow wondered why his weird imagination wouldn't let him see a mirage of a shady oasis like everyone else.
Also, unlike other mirages, his didn't seem to fade the closer he got. Instead, it simply got bigger. And the pink hedgehog girl mirage raised her water rifle mirage.
"You come any closer an' I'll shoot!" She warned. "I dun told your no-account boss that he ain't got my ranch yet, and he ain't a-getting it without a fight!"
Shadow had never heard of mirages talking before. He beginning to wonder if this really was one when he saw something appear in the window and shockingly, a Silver mirage appeared next to the girl one, and he yanked away her mirage water rifle.
"Don't shoot!" Silver cried. "That's my friend out there!"
"Silver?" Shadow asked, blinking slowly. He was too exhausted and thirsty to really get anything that was happening around him. Silver ran off the porch, jumped over a low fence, and was at his side in an instant, grabbing his arm and therefore proving that this was no mirage.
Shadow stared incomprehensibly at Silver's arm for a good long while, and then he decided that now would be a good time to pass out. So he did.
Passing out seemed to be all the rage with the Hedgehog Gang these days, but it was a fad that Sonic didn't seem to be getting in on. Punching Knuckles had pretty much dragged him all the way back to the canyon, which surprisingly, was about four feet away from where Sonic was panicking. (Sonic doesn't have a great sense of direction, ok? Get off of his back; like you haven't ever gotten lost before!
Sonic cleared his throat. "Thanks for sticking up for me."
Oh, good grief.
From out over the horizon, Silver's voice spoke up, "Oh, so you defend him!"
What the…you're nowhere near here! Stop interrupting me!
"I have to be within walking distance, because I WALKED to this stupid ranch over here!" Silver rebutted.
"Am I still unconscious?" Shadow asked.
Yes, you're unconscious! And you're far away because I say so! Now, go back to the story or I'll make you do the next chapter dressed in bunny suits! And quit talking to me! You're not supposed to know I exist!
"But we can hear you," Sonic replied.
I. Don't. Care.
ANYWAY, Punching Knuckles took Sonic back to the easily ambushed canyon and stopped at the place Sonic told him they'd been ambushed. There were signs of Mephiles' handiwork everywhere.
All of a sudden, they were ambushed by the SatAM tribe, because obviously, nobody really gets hurt with water guns. Chief Sally Girl had a big black splotch on her chest, and Sugar Hog had a big black splotch on his throat, but other than that (And a little laryngitis from Sugar Hog) they were completely fine.
"Halt! I am Chief Sally Girl…"
"Leader of the Freedom Fighter tribe, call us SatAM for short, yeah, yeah," Sonic rolled his eyes. "Tell Geronimo over there that you took the ragged old Injun blanket already!"
Chief Sally Girl frowned and looked at Punching Knuckles. Then she gasped. "Behold!" She told her following. "A warrior of the great Cleveland Indians tribe has graced us with his presence! Show respect to the warrior of the Cleveland Indians!"
As one, the SatAM tribe yelled, "Hut, hut, HIKE!" and mimed throwing a football. Punching Knuckles moaned at the bad pun and rubbed his forehead.
"Why hast thou deemed us worthy of your time, O great one?" Rotor Ooter asked.
"StarVix, is this really necessary?" Punching Knuckles asked, ignoring the question.
Yes. Play along, my little slave—I mean, character.
"But the Cleveland Indians puns are really bad," Punching Knuckles complained.
I LIKE them!
"Whatever," Punching Knuckles sighed and turned back to the SatAM tribe. "Oh, corny and unoriginal tribe, I come seeking the stupid and over-rated ragged blanket my boneheaded chief with an unoriginal pun name, to take it back to him to be great amongst my boneheaded and unoriginal punny people."
I sense sarcasm. This isn't a good place for sarcasm.
"You know what, you can take this fic and shove it!" Punching Knuckles screamed. A small rock bounced down the canyon and hit him on the head. "OW!"
Abandon all hope, all ye who mock the Authoress!
"I like you, StarVix," Sonic said hastily. A box of chocolates fell out of the
sky and landed at his feet.
Thank you, Sonic. I like you too.
Punching Knuckles rubbed his aching head and glared at Sonic, who was happily eating his chocolates. "Kiss up," he accused.
Meanwhile, the SatAM tribe brought Knuckles the blanket, which is cool, because now that I think about it, I don't think they actually took the ragged old Injun blanket.
"We didn't," Bunnie Rabbot said. "The hedgehogs dropped it when we mugged them…I mean…yeah, we mugged them."
Oh, ok then. As long as it all works out in the end.
Shadow the Hedgehog moaned slightly and opened his eyes. The first thing he laid eyes on was the pink hedgehog, who was gently placing a cool wet rag on his forehead. Shadow slowly closed his eyes again and passed out. But, lest the readers get the wrong idea and think that I'm a ShadAmy fan, the last thing he thought before passing out was, 'Gosh, that's the ugliest girl I've ever seen in my life.'
Of course, if you like ShadAmy, he might have been staring at the picture behind Amy, which proudly showed Baisly Shoshokper, whom none of us know but who had the singular honor of legally changing her name to The Ugliest Girl I've Ever Seen In My Life. Take your pick.
