Almost done, now. I've only got one or two chapters left! Hurray for me! Disclaimer: Again, I don't own the things that I don't own.
Metal Sonic, Shadow Android, and Metal Knuckles awaited the time when they could strike and kidnap the sweet little rabbit girl by the name of Cream.
I know, it's mean to kidnap the sweet little rabbit girl, but the plot has to advance somehow. So they were waiting for Cream, and sure enough, she came skipping outside for no apparent reason eagerly.
Even luckilyer…luckierest…even better, she skipped right next to them for no reason at all. In a second, Metal Sonic had grabbed her, stuffed her in a bag that said 'Hasenpfeffer,' which I'm told is a food item made with rabbit, and raced off before Cream could draw breath to scream.
Twenty minutes later, Amy and Silver were panicking and trying to find Cream. Shadow wasn't panicking and looking because 1. Shadow doesn't panic and 2. Shadow was still unconscious, making him pretty useless.
"I heard that!" Shadow yelled.
You are unconscious. Now be unconscious before I kick your head, forcing me to risk giving you a concussion and having to use a stunt double at the big epic showdown scene.
"I thought we weren't supposed to talk about that now."
I'm the authoress! I can talk about anything I want! Now be unconscious!
Shadow sighed heavily and resumed being unconscious.
Ahem, where was I? Oh, yes, Silver and Amy looking for Cream. Right.
Anyway, Silver was checking the east side of the ranch when a SWATbot with a TV in his belly (Again: It's easier to use technology and I'm lazy. Deal with it.) flew near him. The TV turned on, showing Eggman's face. Next to him, in a little cage, was…
"Cream!" Silver gasped.
"That's right, boy," Eggman sneered. "And if you ever want to see her again, you get on down to my secret lair. You've got until high noon, or the rabbit sleeps with the fishes tonight." Then he turned and looked directly at me.
"Was that family-friendly enough?" he asked.
Eh, I suppose so. Although next time, tone the sneer down a notch. It was a little too sinister. Wouldn't want to scare the kids, would we?
Eggman said nothing.
I said, WE WOULDN'T WANT TO SCARE THE KIDS, WOULD WE YOU DOLT?
"No!" Eggman shrieked. "We certainly wouldn't! Don't hurt me!" and he turned the TV off.
Silver glanced at his watched and gasped. "It's almost twelve now!" he cried. "How will I find the secret base in time?"
Ahem. Perhaps you could follow the glowing, neon arrows that state 'this way to secret base'.
Silver looked up and, sure enough, several glowing neon arrows were pointing the way to the base. "That just might work!" he said eagerly.
Silver got to the base at exactly 11:59. This was one of Eggman's old hideouts, so he wasn't there at the time. Silver looked around and gasped as he saw Cream in a little cage, suspended by a chain that was slowly inching its way towards a pool of water with sharks swimming around it.
"Mr. Silver!" Cream cried. "Help me!"
"I'm coming, Cream!" Silver yelled, trying to get close enough to her to use his powers to stop the cage from falling. Yet even as he ran, time worked against him, as the noonday bell started to chime.
One. Two. Three.
Silver jumped over pit that was laying there for no apparent reason and continued his desperate race against the clock.
Four. Five. Six.
Silver's blood raced and he felt sick as Cream shrieked and her cage lowered another notch. He redoubled his effort to get to her in time. Seven. Eight. Nine.
"STOP COUNTING IT DOWN, DARN YOU!" Silver screamed.
Well, I have to build suspense somehow. It's my job.
"Shut up! Just shut up! This is all your fault!"
Silver had almost made it. He just had to rush up a flight of stairs to get to Cream. His heart leapt at the thought that he had nearly made it; meanwhile the clock struck ten…eleven…
"AND WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE STUPID CLOCK! THERE IS NO CLOCK!"
Silver took a deep, ragged breath and threw himself forward, straining his psychokinetic abilities to their fullest, just barely managing to grab Cream's cage and deflect it to the side as the clock struck twelve; the cage hit him smack on the head, but not hard enough to do permanent damage.
"No, just hard enough to give me a concussion and a brain tumor," Silver snapped sarcastically.
Great! Just great! There goes my dramatic rescue as the clock strikes twelve! Thanks a lot you drama ruiners! The whole lot of you! How am I supposed to get anything done? I spend all this time and effort to write a deep, dramatic storyline but do I get it? NOOOO! What DO I get? THIRTY-ONE PAGES OF YOUR INCESSANT WHINING AND COMPLAINING! WHY DO ANY OF YOU LOSERS THINK THAT ANYBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, ANYWAY? DOES ANYBODY CARE ABOUT ME AND MY NEEDS? NO THEY DO NOT! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU MORONS, ISN'T IT? WELL, I'M SORRY I CAME ALONG AND RUINED YOUR PERFECT LITTLE WORLDS YOU NITWITS! YOU CAN ALL GO ROT IN A SEWER FOR ALL I CARE! I QUIT!
There was an awkward silence as Silver wondered how he and Cream were going to get out of there without the authoress dictating their every action, and then Cream cleared her throat and spoke up.
"Miss StarVix? Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. We're all sorry, really. Please don't leave."
It's so hard trying to do this with these morons! I just want to go drown my sorrows in a fudge brownie and never bother with these stupid fan fictions ever again.
"Oh, please don't quit, Miss StarVix. You have lots of people who like your writing. You can't let them down," Cream pleaded.
I don't care! I just want to mope.
"Please, Miss StarVix? Please?" Cream asked, giving me big, cute, anime eyes.
Oh…ok. For you. Because you have big, cute, anime eyes. But Silver better not give me any more lip.
"He won't. Isn't that right, Mr. Silver?" Cream turned her greatest weapon, the big, cute, anime eyes, on Silver, and he sighed.
"Fine," he conceded.
Now that I was done sulking and turned my attention back to the plot, Cream suddenly remembered a conversation she'd overheard from Eggman and his goons.
"Mr. Silver!" she gasped. "We have to get back to the ranch! I heard them say that kidnapping me was a distraction to get you away from the ranch! They're on their way to take it over right now!"
Silver said nothing, but he gave me a dirty look that I did not at all appreciate, and quickly raced out of the abandoned hideout, hoping he could make it back to the ranch in time.
"Is the chapter over?" Silver asked.
No. But this part of the chapter is.
"In that case…" Silver took a deep breath and screamed, "DON'T YOU DARE GET STARTED WITH THAT TIME BIT AGAIN, STARVIX!"
Meanwhile, crimson red eyes fluttered open and Shadow the Hedgehog glanced around the room, wondering where he was. He was lying on a bed with a thin sheet wrapped around his legs. Disoriented, Shadow tried to stand to his feet, only the sheet grabbed his legs and he fell to the ground with a plop.
"Ow," Shadow muttered, reaching to the sheets and trying to disentangle himself.
"Oh, you're awake."
Shadow looked up to see a vaguely familiar pink hedgehog standing just inside the room's doorpost. The ebony hedgehog managed to rip off the sheet and stood up warily.
"Who are you?" he demanded to know.
"I'm Amy Rose," the pink hedgehog replied. "Your friend Silver has been helping to fix the ranch."
Shadow's eyes widened. "Silver's here?"
"He was," Amy replied. "He left a few minutes ago, to look for Cream."
Shadow wasn't sure why Silver would want cream, as the white hedgehog was allergic to dairy products. Nevertheless, Shadow shrugged and decided to go with it. "Ok," he said.
"HEDGEHOG!" yelled a voice from outside.
Amy's eyes widened in horror, and she rushed to the corner to grab a water rifle. "Oh, no!" she gasped.
"Get out here, hedgehog! Your friend is long gone, and it's time you followed him!"
Amy opened the door to the cabin they were in and yelled out of it, "You'll get this ranch over my dead body!"
"That can be arranged," the voice conceded. "I'm reasonable."
Shadow walked outside, staring down a fat, mustached man and his robot troop. "You heard the lady," he said in his 'look at me, I'm creepy' voice. "Go away."
Eggman, for that's who it was, paused for a second, as if wondering if Shadow was a threat. Then he sneered. "Look here, hedgehogs," he snapped. "I'm taking this ranch, and we outnumber you two to one. I'd pack my things and leave if I were you."
"Shads! I found you!"
Everyone turned to see who this new voice belonged too. Amazingly, Sonic the Hedgehog and Zombie were sitting there, looking none the worse for wear, Sonic wearing Mexican Sombrero and little miniature Canadian Flags were hanging from Zombie's wings.
"How did you get here?" Eggman asked.
"Well, we took a right turn in Mexico and went straight through Canada and here we are," Sonic said.
"What are you talking about? That makes no sense at all!" Eggman yelled.
"It doesn't?" Sonic asked.
"No, it doesn't!"
"Sure it doesn't" Sonic replied, his voice full of sarcasm.
"Look, Mr. Silver, we made it!"
"Cream, get inside the house."
Yet again, everyone turned around to see a concerned Silver escorting Cream into the house and out of the line of fire. In a few moments he emerged on the porch with Shadow. "I thought I told you yahoos to leave Amy and Cream alone," Silver snapped.
Eggman shrugged. "I never was a good listener."
"I knew I'd find you hedgehogs."
"Now what?" Eggman shrieked, as everyone turned again to see Mephiles the Dark and Grimshaw.
Mephiles had his honkin' big water gun already in his hand.
"It's a good thing I decided to turn left at Mexico and go through Canada," Mephiles said, "Or I might have lost your trail. But I've finally caught up to you, and now I'm gonna make you pay for the humiliation you've caused me."
"Excuse me?"
Once again, everybody turned, and saw Cream sticking her head out of a window. "I have to go to the bathroom," she announced.
"Why the heck are you telling me this for?" Eggman yelled. "If you have to go, then go!"
Cream stuck out a pouty lip. "You're mean," she accused, disappearing.
"Now, are there any more people showing up out of nowhere that we should know about?" Eggman asked.
Um…no, I think you're good.
"We'll in that case…" Eggman unholstered his water gun. "Let's get on with it, shall we?"
And thus, everyone prepared for the Showdown at Sonikk U Ranch.
