I'M DONE! Disclaimer: Done, done, done!


Although they all appeared to be evenly matched at first, none of our heroes expected Eggman to laugh wickedly and whistle through his fingers. In a fraction of a second, thousands of SWATbots appeared out of nowhere, their weapons aimed at our heroes.

"Hey!" Silver yelped. "That's not fair, pitting us up against a thousand SWATbots, and Eggman's gang!"

"Hey, I'm here too, you know," Mephiles said, looking annoyed at having been forgotten.

"And Mephiles," Silver said obligingly. "You have to know that we can't beat them all by ourselves!"

You don't have to. I'm on your side. So don't worry about it; you guys just fight, and I'll take care of everything.

Silver looked unconvinced. "Well…if you say so," he conceded, grabbing his water pistol, shooting a SWATbot, then grabbing its shorted-out hull with his mind and using it to pummel other SWATbots.

Shadow jumped into action right after him, Chaos controlling to the middle of the SWATbots and then using that one move that makes Chaos energy shoot from him in a wide circle. I forget what it's called, but it's AWESOME!

Sonic was still sort of wondering what this was all about, because he'd been lost in the desert and had missed most of the finer plot points that told everyone what was going on. Se he was totally unprepared for when Metal Sonic kicked his rocket boosters into gear and plowed into him.

Sonic tumbled head over heels and finally righted himself. Metal Sonic rushed him, and Sonic grabbed his arms, and the two started to wrestle with each other.

"I despise you," Metal Sonic snarled.

"I despise you more," Sonic rebutted.

"I loathe you!" Metal Sonic yelled.

Sonic's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "You love me? EWW! Get away from me, you sicko!"

"I didn't say love I said loathe!" Metal Sonic snapped.

"You said love," Sonic contradicted.

"Loathe!"

"Love!"

"Loathe!"

"Love"

"Loathe, loathe, loathe!"

Unknown to Sonic, Mephiles had decided to use this distraction to his advantage, taking aim at Sonic's back and preparing to fire. Sonic didn't see him; but I, the Mighty Authoress, did.

With a few quick, deft stokes on my awesome weapon known as KEYBOARD, I opened a trans-dimensional portal available only to writers known as the Plot Hole. The black, swirling Plot Hole opened between Sonic and Mephiles; and a black duck in a space uniform stepped out. It was none other than the famed hero Duck Dodgers. (Or Daffy Duck, depending on who you asked.)

"Hey!" Dodgers yelled, pointing at Sonic and Metal Sonic accusingly. "You totally stole that joke from my show! I'll sick my lawyers on you!"

He never did get those lawyers; for at that moment Mephiles' shot hit him on the back of the head and he collapsed. Mephiles quickly started to refill his water gun for another shot.

Sonic had realized what had happened and he looked at me appreciatively. "Thanks, StarVix," he said.

No prob. I don't like Daffy Duck anyway.


Silver was quickly being overrun. Because I don't really like Silver, I decided to let him sweat it out a little before I helped out. He grabbed three SWATbots with his mind, using them as battering rams, but he was surrounded and there was just no defeating all of his assailants. One of them managed to get close enough to grab his leg. Then, after a pause, it started swinging him over its head, slamming Silver's body on the ground in a painful way. But it was also highly amusing to those who weren't Silver.

"Ouch!" Silver yelped, as two other SWATbot's joined the first one, and the trio started a game of Monkey in the Middle, with Silver as the ball.

As SWATbots' hands are as sharp as knives, I'm sure it was a pretty unpleasant experience.

"OUCH!" Silver shrieked. "OW! Hey—OW—StarVix, shouldn't—EEK, that HURTS—you be—OH, DEAR LORD THE PAIN—on my—AAAAIIIIII!-side?"

Oh, I suppose so. But I still don't like you.

I brought forth another Plot Hole and the Incredible Hulk stomped out, his beady eyes bent on havoc and destruction.

"HULK…." The Hulk grabbed the SWATbot that was currently holding Silver. "SMASH!" Then the behemoth slammed both the SWATbot and Silver on the ground and started stomping on them.

"OW!" Silver screamed. "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" he asked, after Hulk got bored and wandered off.

Well, you TOLD me to maul the SWATbot, didn't you?

"But not when I'm still with it!"

Oh, picky, picky, picky!


Shadow the Hedgehog refused to ask for help, even though he was barely able to keep up with his two opponents. You see, this wasn't like those action movies where one person attacks the hero and everybody else just sort of dances around like bozos until the last guy was taken care of, then one other person attacks. No, these guys were slightly more intelligent than movie star bad guys; they would all attack at once and with no warning.

Like now, for instance. Shadow was fighting off Shadow Android and Metal Knuckles at the same time, as well as taking out numerous SWATbots who would periodically rush him at inopportune moments. It looked something like this:

Chaos control Metal Knuckles, knocking him back. Grab Shadow Android and flip him over your head so that he's down for a few seconds. Grab your water pistol and shoot four SWATbots in rapid succession. Kick Metal Knuckles in the midsection. Dodge a blow from Shadow Android and jump over Metal Knuckles' leg sweep…repeat. Over and over and over…

One can only repeat so many times before getting absolutely sick of it. And Shadow was really, really hoping that I would just step in and help out without a request for help.

Too bad that's not my style.

So I just sat there and watched Shadow start to slip. I figured he'd either win, lose, or forget his stubborn pride and ask for help. And, as usual, I was right.

"Hey, StarVix," Shadow gasped, grabbing Metal Knuckles yet again and holding him in front of his body so Shadow Android would hit him instead of Shadow, "Could you give me a hand?"

Ask and you shall receive, O stubborn one.

Another Plot Hole was opened, and Mr. Resetti from Animal Crossing bounded out.

"Hey you! I'm talking to you! You went and reset, didn't you? Didn't you? Yeah, I got you pegged. You're one of those people, aren't you, punk?"

"NOOOO!" Metal Knuckles shrieked and stumbled away from Shadow, as I knew he would. "It's my game! I paid for it! It's my right to reset!"

"What did I tell you about resettin'? This is a game. Games got rules. And this game has a rule that says 'No Resettin.' You know what happens when you do reset? I've got to get off my lazy bum and actually work for a living! I HATE THAT! AND I HATE YOU, LOSER BOY!"

"Let me be! Begone, resetting tormentor!" Metal Knuckles sobbed, curling into a fetal position as Resetti continued to chew him out.

Now that I had Metal Knuckles under control, it was time to take out Shadow Android. A few deft strokes on my KEYBOARD and yet another character emerged from the Plot Hole.

It looked like Shadow Android in drag and a wig. But it wasn't. It was worse. It was his mother, Shadowette Nagdroid.

"Wait!" Shadow Android cried. "I'm a machine! I don't have a mother!"

You do now.

"There you are, you lazy bum!" Shadowette yelled, slapping Shadow Android upside the head with her metallic purse. "I knew I'd find you goofing off with your good for nothing friends instead of cleaning your room like I told you too!"

"Mom, I don't have a room!" Shadow Android insisted.

"You do now, and it's filthy! Now, don't talk back to me!" Shadowette grabbed Shadow Android's ear and tugged him off the battlefield so he could clean his room.

Now, I take out the SWATbots, like so…another few, quick strokes and one last character emerged from the Plot Hole.

"Autobots attack!" Optimus Prime ordered. No Autobots were needed; however, because just one look at him and all the SWATbots ran for the hills.

Now all the guys had to deal with was Eggman and Mephiles.

"You're forgetting something," Mephiles told me. "My time's up. I'm leaving now."

Everyone turned and looked at me for an explanation as Mephiles climbed atop Grimshaw and left without another word.

What? He's in a Union.

"Oh," Everyone said, understanding. Now Eggman was on his own, but he wasn't beaten yet. Or so he thought.

"You haven't won yet!" Eggman vowed. "I will be back sometime when that blasted Authoress of yours is busy with another story, and then I'll—"

By now, the Authoress was both tired of listening to his tirade and insulted that he referred to her as 'blasted,' so she quickly typed in one more command on her mighty KEYBOARD.

The Plot Hole opened and out came…

"Hi! I'm the Easter Bunny! Do you have any eggs I could use to give to the snot-nosed brats this year?" the Easter Bunny asked. Then he spotted Eggman. "Oh, wow! A BIG egg!"

"I'm not a real—get away from me!" Eggman shrieked as the Easter Bunny chased him off.

"Soooo…now what?" Silver asked finally.

That's it. It's over.

"That's it?" Shadow asked. "No love story, no guy gets the girl?"

Do you want to get the girl?

"No…but I'm just surprised to find an authoress who doesn't have me get the girl," Shadow admitted.

I hate romance.

At that moment, Sonic, wondering what there was to eat around there, rushed to the doorway, where he bumped into Amy Rose. The two stared at each other for the first time, eyes meeting each other as they seemingly connected deep into each other's souls, and Sonic knew what he had to say.

"Wow," he said, barely above a whisper. "That's gotta be the ugliest girl I've ever seen." Of course, that picture I mentioned earlier was in sight of the door, so do not lose hope, SonAmy lovers.

"Why you…" Amy grabbed her Piko Piko hammer and decked him, but I'm sure she meant it in the most loving way possible.


Meanwhile, thousands of miles from the Ranch…

"I told you, we should have gone left at Mexico and straight through Canada," Vector told his tired comrades.

"You're the guy who tells us where to go," Espio reminded him.

"Doesn't matter. Are we still in Kansas?"

"No, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Espio replied, as he noticed a large, mushroom covered castle looming in the distance. A man in a red cap with blue jean overalls appeared out from behind the bush.

"Hello!" he said eagerly. "I'm the Plumber of Oz! I can help you get home, as long as you're willing to go on a complicated journey with those guys over there."

He pointed to the left, where four figures stood. One was Luigi with a lion's mane wrapped around his head, one was Princess Daisy painted to look silver with an oil can on her head, one was Waluigi with straw sticking out of odd places in his shirt, and one was Yoshi with dog ears attached to his head.

The Chaotix Posse stared at them for a while, then Vector said, "What's in it for us?"

"I'll give you anything you want," the Plumber of Oz said enticingly.

"Can you get me a pet rock?" Charmy asked hopefully.

"No. Anything but that," the Plumber of Oz admitted. "I don't care about pet rocks."

Charmy started sobbing hopelessly, Vector started haggling on price, and Espio sighed.

"It's going to be one of those days," the Chameleon admitted to himself.


The End. Now go do something useful with your lives, instead of staring at your computer and reading worthless crap like this.