Chapter Twenty-Three

"Spock, are you sure you can handle it?" Jamie asked skeptically.

Spock looked at her, his face set. "I am up to the task. I can handle delicate diplomatic missions, complex computer algorithms, the dual duties of science and first officer. I can do this."

"Alright. Just..." At Spock's determined and confident expression, she backed down. "Be careful. The natives can be savage and they can sense fear. You must assimilate yourself into their collective."

"Understood."

"Sa! Sa-ekh! Now!" Elizabeth jumped with her arms raised up and Spock caught her, settling the small toddler on his hip as he spun on his heel and walked into every parent's nightmare. Free play at the child care center.

She watched for a minute as several of the other children quickly surrounded him and started pulling on Spock in an effort to get their new playmates to join them, Elizabeth squirming to escape to follow Demora Sulu and a small andorian boy about her age that were both eager to include their new playmate.

Spock watched them, his eyes widening in shock at the noise level in the room, oblivious to the children on his left who were holding several small foam balls with mischievous smiles. Oh, Spock had no clue.

She left before the ensuing fallout to explore with a smile on her lips. Scotty had promised her a tour of engineering and she intended to collect.

xXx

"An' this is the new warp core! No more bulky crystals. We have these wee things shaped and more efficient in a lattice structure, getting more power with less fuel, lassie!" Scott purred in pleasure, his eyes set on the technology with undisguised affection.

He led her around the bay, aware of her limitations with her cane but not commenting on it, for which she was grateful. She finally no longer needed the brace but she wasn't steady enough to not need a bit of support.

"And the plasma injectors are now at the front of the bay increasing efficiency by over twenty per cent!" He led Jamie over to the control banks, pulling open a drawer underneath. "An' now the programs are starting to be run using isolinear chips! Nothin' but the best for my lady!" He patted the console lovingly.

Jamie eyed the new technology, feeling very out of touch and a little envious of the engineer. What she wouldn't give to get a hold of the Enterprise's schematics and crawl through the Jeffries tubes and explore all of the new upgrades.

"Lookin' for this?"

Kirk jerked away from her musings and saw Scotty holding out a PADD loaded with the technical drawings and data about the upgrades to her old ship. He smirked as she took it from him.

"Ye can take the lass out of Starfleet but ye canna take Starfleet out of the lass." He laughed.

She smiled sadly. "Too true, Mr. Scott."

Montgomery's expression sobered. "You were the best captain out of any I've ever worked with. You never thought yourself above any of us despite your rank and never shied from lending a hand, even if it was something as mundane as cleaning the plasma couplings."

Jim clapped him on the back, trying to lighten the mood. "You only say that because I ignored the against the regs still."

The engineer didn't accept the deflection. "I'm serious. This ship needs her captain and it sure isn't Fitzpatrick." Sighing, Scotty sat on a stool. "I'm no' saying he's a bad captain because he's a damn good one but this crew needs you."

Her eyes burned and her vision blurred slightly, softening the bright lights of engineering.

"I've got to go. Thanks for the tour, Scotty." Jamie turned, clutching the PADD with white fingers, and left engineering.

Things were getting better with Spock. Elizabeth seemed to be blossoming on the ship and Jamie was rapidly running out of excuses to leave. Her experiments on Beta Sigma had been utterly destroyed from a mix of the flooding and lack of meticulous care, Christine was now the chief at the local hospital since the death of the elderly surgeon and she was now engaged to Josiah, and Delilah was managing the farm beautifully.

Being back here? It was like there was an itch under her skin, a constant thrum in her bones that she was a part of this ship; of this way of life. The quiet life was a fond memory but, being here, it felt...right. No. Not quite right. She felt as if she was a step behind, an onlooker that didn't belong on the sidelines.

She started to wander the halls, her feet taking her to the observation deck without conscious thought. She curled up on one of the small couches, her cane leaning nearby, and just watched the streaks of light as they passed by. She wondered idly how far away each one was. How old was the light she was seeing from the star millions of kilometers away.

When she was young, and her mom was in a baking mood, they'd make dozens of cookies, tiny cakes, and pastries. They'd drag up an old blanket onto the roof and Sam would follow, carrying their hot chocolate (extra marshmallows for her and extra chocolate syrup for him), and the three of them would have a sugar-fueled picnic late into the night and early morning with their mother pointing out each constellation, each star, each planet she went to and tell stories until their eyes would droop and she'd have to practically carry them in.

It was moments like that that she had wanted to follow her parent's footsteps, explore the galaxy but life had a way of killing it...dimming it for a while. And now, here she was, once again in the stars.

"Am I interrupting?"

Jamie jerked out of her thoughts and saw Owen Fitzpatrick stood near the door holding a PADD under one arm with two cups of coffee.

She smiled and shifted to allow him room next to her, accepting one of the cups when he offered it. This was the first time she'd seen him since she'd been "kidnapped". She took a sip and was pleasantly surprised that it was just how she liked it.

Fitzpatrick was older, far older than any captain she'd ever worked with, his hair receding and now a snow white color. He was a little rounder in the belly but he held himself well and his eyes were sharp and assessing, definitely not dulled by age.

"I thought I'd locked that door." She said carefully.

Fitzpatrick chuckled, his expression warming like that of a grandfather seeing his favorite grandchild. "Captain's privilege, Captain Kirk."

Sighing, Jamie turned her gaze back to the stars. "I'm not the captain, sir. You are."

A warm weight settled on her shoulder. "Oh, yes, you are."

Her heart squeezed in pain at what she had given up. "I retired. Resigned. Left the service. Whatever you choose to call it, the end result is the same."

He squeezed her shoulder and shifted to lean back, waiting patiently and sipping his own drink.

"Did you know I had retired about six years ago? Bought a cabin in the woods and just fished and hiked."

Jamie turned in surprise and Fitzpatrick smiled. "It got boring."

She shook her head and chuckled. "So you decided to come back?"

He took a deep breath and shifted. "I didn't mind the boredom. I was due it but something more important came up."

Jamie quickly sobered at the captain's seriousness and felt a foreboding presence settling down on her.

"The fleet's flagship was suddenly without her captain." He watched her and Jamie grit her teeth, forcing the warmth from her eyes, the tears she could feel coming.

"Oh, Barnett and Paris and many others were against you becoming captain at first but, as time wore on and you grew into the chair, they came to respect you and support you. They knew that you were one of a kind and were meant to be on the Enterprise's bridge. The only problem was finding you again to get you to realize this."

Fitzpatrick sighed and Jamie could feel the wetness on her cheeks. She rubbed it as conspicuously as she could and was lucky enough that the captain pretended to not notice.

"You had a baptism by fire and just kept rising. When you came back after Khan, it was like watching a Phoenix rising from the ashes. You had returned from the experience with your rough edges sanded, your experience causing you to become better and more mature; a more responsible captain and leader. Corruption in Starfleet had been uncovered and we had you and your crew that were under your guidance to thank for that discovery. The stories of your missions as you set out on your five-year mission became legends at the academy and in children's schools."

She felt her heart swell at the older man's praise and confidence but memories of her last days on the Enterprise and her responsibility to Elizabeth came to mind. It was like she was pulled in two separate directions; one half of her wanting to simply return to her ship and take back the mantle of captain to live that life of excitement and thrilling new discoveries while the other was already missing the long days she was able to spend with her daughter watching her learn and grow into the amazing person she was becoming. She was part mother, part captain. A creature made up of two halves like the sphinxes of ancient Egyptian lore.

"Things have changed, Owen. I'm not the same person I was." She turned and faced him.

Owen sighed. "It's time to come back, Jim."

He handed over the PADD he'd brought in with him and she looked down. Her file was up with green lettering next to her status listing her as active with a date set a month from now. It had further notes from Bones profiling light duties for a month after she returned to her posting due to her still healing but it had a start date listed for full return to duties as captain with her posting listed as the Enterprise.

It was bittersweet. She felt happy being with the people she loved and had served with but she'd wanted to return, if ever at all, on her own terms. Closing her eyes, Jamie considered the difficult position she was being placed in. She could turn them down again or she could accept the offer. By coming to her in private and showing her the documentation on "neutral ground", not his ready room, Fitzpatrick was giving her a choice. Her decision to stay away wavered. Jamie needed the Enterprise, Elizabeth needed Spock, and maybe, just maybe, she needed Spock, too.

She typed in an amendment stealing an allotment of time in the science labs from Spock to continue hers and Tom's quadrotriticale research.

She handed the PADD back and Fitzpatrick scanned it and laughed. "You know that doctor of yours said that he was gonna have to give you a "swift kick up your skinny ass like the dam-fool child you are" to get you to listen because of, and I quote, your "stubborn, corn-fed, thick-skulled head", end-quote."

That was definitely Bones. Jamie smiled at the verbatim quote.

Fitzpatrick wagged an admonishing finger at her. "You won't be smiling for long once you start dealing with the paperwork being captain entails. I swear my nightmares will be filled with requisition forms and personnel evaluation forms and..."

Laughing, she turned to Owen who's eyes danced with humor. "It's worth it, though." She told him.

"Yeah. It sure is."

They sat back in comfortable silence just watching the stars streak by, the beautiful colors providing a calming view as they sipped their coffee.

xXx

It was the end of Beta shift and Jamie found her feet guiding her to sickbay. She had just walked in when she spotted Scotty, covered in engine grease, with a hand on Carol Marcus' elbow.

"I told you it was just Braxton hicks, you daft sod!" She scolded but her eyes were soft and she had a hint of a smile on her lips. Scotty moved his hand to the small of her back, guiding her out with an expression nothing short of adoration. "I jus' wanna be sure our wee lad and you are alright."

Jamie smiled at the pair as she hid around the corner to give them their privacy. Scotty had been the first person on her crew that had fully supported her when she'd been pregnant. Carol was one of the luckiest women alive. He'd seen her, bloody knuckles and so angry, and had simply accepted her and her situation.

Bones came out of the exam room a few minutes after they left. She watched him from her hiding place. She'd noticed a conspicuously absent wedding ring since she'd been on board and had been curious as to why Uhura and he hadn't tied the knot but he'd deflected her questions every time to focus on her "healing".

She waited until he was facing away from her when she walked up behind him, slapping him on the back. "Bones!"

The poor man jumped and dropped his PADD like a startled cat and faced her with a glare. "Dammit, Jim! I oughta put a bell on you. Sneaking up on me! You're gonna give me a heart attack."

"Funny. I could say the same when you sneak up behind me with hypos." She lazily pointed a finger at him as she leaned against the wall. "You've given me hypo-phobia. I have nightmares about those things."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "It's called trypanophobia. A fear of needles and injections, you baby, and you just like being dramatic."

She gave him a 'who, me?' look and he turned and went into his office, his door left open in silent invitation. Bones' office hadn't changed much despite the major changes to the ship. He still had his pictures of Joanna and the crew on his desk. There were a few additions though. There was one of her holding Elizabeth when she was about a year old and, next to it, a picture of Uhura, Bones, and a smiling ten year old Joanna McCoy in her school uniform from Cerberus. He still had the antique medical instruments on his wall that she'd given him when he'd become her CMO safe in display cases and...

"Here you go, kid."

She accepted the tumbler pushed her way. He always had the best booze.

"What's on your mind?"

"I've accepted the post of captain."

Bones grunted as if he had known all along that she was going to say yes and took a swallow and she copied, savoring the burn as it travelled down her throat. Smooth, rich flavors danced on her tongue. "Devil's Cut?" She leaned forward. "You traitor. Good ol' Georgian boy getting Kentucky bourbon whiskey."

McCoy threw back his drink and poured a second. "If it's good, then it's worth being labeled as a traitor."

Oh, it was good. Devil's Cut wasn't simple bourbon whiskey. It was aged and extracted from the wood of the barrels. One of the best you could get.

Holding out her tumbler, Jamie let him pour her a second. "I was wondering-"

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't I heard wedding bells, yet?"

Her friend nearly dropped his drink. "Dammit, woman. You don't just ask me that."

"Why not? It's been over a year and I have yet to see my favorite couple tie the knot-"

"It's complicated." He growled.

"How?"

McCoy eyed her, probably hoping she'd drop the subject but she waited patiently and he quickly gave up. "It's the part that comes after the vows. What if it doesn't work? It went to hell in a hand basket with Jocelyn."

"You worried about the second time?"

Bones sighs and puts his head in his hands looking despondent and afraid. "Yeah, Jim."

Jamie grins. "You know there are drugs for that? Lot of men have this problem. You're a doctor. You should know this. It happens to every man at some point keeping it up for the second go. I'm sure Uhura would understand..."

McCoy's head snaps up and Jamie grins in amusement even as her friend sputters in horror. "Not that, you deviant!"

"I know, I know!"

She quickly sobers. "It won't go that way. What you and Uhura have is very different from what you and Jocelyn had. Just...take it one day at a time. You are about the most stubborn bastard I know-"

"Pot, kettle."

"And I know that you would rather die than give up on what you two have." She put on a thoughtful face. "Well...Uhura might give you a run for your money with the whole stubborn thing. She put up with you and she broke through that curmudgeonly exterior you like to put up-"

"Brat."

"Old-timer."

"Infant."

They lapsed into silence just enjoying their drinks. This was what she'd missed. The tension in his shoulders decreased slightly. Uhura was one of the luckiest women alive and she saw white dresses and tuxes in Bones' very near future.

"You know I'm gonna be your best man."

He raised his glass in a toast. "Damn straight."

"Your bachelor party is gonna be awesome!"

Now Bones really did choke on his drink. "Wait-"

xXx

Jamie made her way back to her quarters, feeling at peace after her talks with Bones and Fitzpatrick. She wondered if she would continue to have that feeling tomorrow or even the day after when she'd had time to fully process everything.

Her door slid open and Jamie stopped short. On the couch, slumped over was Spock, sound asleep, while Elizabeth was wide awake and had Jamie's, seldom used, make-up kit. She was carefully applying blush to the unconscious Vulcan and Jamie's eyes widened at the sheer amount of make-up Elizabeth had applied. Spock resembled a mix between a clown and a hooker.

She doubled over, gasping and fighting making noise while Elizabeth applied, yet another, layer of eyeshadow to Spock. Huffs of air escaped and caught her daughter's attention.

"Mama!"

Jamie quickly put a finger to her lips and Elizabeth quieted but didn't slow her run to her. She leaned her cane against the wall just as the tiny blond leaped at her. "So pwetty!" She whispered from her place on Jamie's hip.

"Very pretty." She agreed and shifted her stance to compensate for the extra weight. "You did an amazing job, Lizzie."

She carefully walked/limped over to the dining table where her PADD was and lifted it to snap a picture. That was when it hit her hard. She was letting him in in more ways than just as Elizabeth's father. Spock had started to claim a part of her heart for himself and she had let him.

"Ooh!" Liz pointed at the picture and it snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Come on, sweetheart. Time for bed."

She wished she could get a picture of Spock's face when he saw what his daughter had done. The poor man was exhausted. Between caring for Elizabeth, helping her, and preparing to return to duty soon, he was stretched thin. Well...he also was learning that Elizabeth was a Kirk through and through with a vulcan's stamina.

After teeth-brushing, stories, and tucking in of one quarter-Vulcan child, she went back to the living room with a blanket and maneuvered Spock to a lying position. As she covered him, she couldn't help running her fingers through his hair in affection when she walked away. Had she been listening, she would have heard the small sigh he let out at her gentle touch.