A/N: Reviews make me so happy. You have no idea.
So, here's the deal: I was planning on having Lucas and Peyton finally meet in chapter twenty, but I feel like I'm losing some of you, which makes sense. A Leyton fic with eleven chapters of them leading their separate lives is a bit much. So, okay. I've made some changes and made my chapters longer so that I can fit all the detail I need into them…and I can now promise you L/P interaction by chapter fifteen. Keep sending me those awesome reviews, and you've got it. These next few chapters need to happen, they are essential for Haley/Peyton/Brooke interaction they contain. I hope you like them all, even if you have to wait just a couple chapters longer for L/P. This one isn't my fave, but the next one's a big one. Anyway, read away…
Atonal: Music which is atonal is without tonality; it has so specific key or repeating chords. Simply, it is music without a "home" note.
"He did what?" Nathan demanded disbelievingly.
"He slept with Peyton," Haley repeated, pacing the floor of their bedroom. Jenny was still with Peyton, Nick and Noah had a play date, Jamie was shooting hoops outside, and Sebastian was crawling around, oblivious to his parents' worry.
"Well…okay. That's…crazy."
"Yes!"
"But…I mean, it didn't mean anything, right? Chris is a man whore. And Peyton was upset," he added uneasily. He wondered if Peyton was still seriously angry with him. Probably. Peyton didn't let go of things all that quickly. He remembered a day when he could do away with her anger and annoyance with some sweet talk and extra-romantic sex. Now everything was much more difficult. He wasn't a teenager, he wasn't her boyfriend, and the issue was much bigger than his constant disappearance to go hang with his basketball buddies.
Haley sat down next to him. Her eyes were troubled. "Nathan, you don't understand."
Nathan smiled slightly and took her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Hales. I know you don't approve, but there's nothing we can do about it. It's done. It was just meaningless sex."
Wisps of hair escaped Haley's ponytail as she shook her head, and Nathan took a moment to appreciate his wife, her beauty and her inherent kindness. "Nathan, he likes her."
"You're kidding me," he said flatly, but he knew she wasn't. He really, really did not like Chris Keller.
"I know it seems insane, but he really does."
"But…what…does Peyton…"
Haley shrugged. "She thought what you thought. Meaningless sex. I guess they fought, and Chris…he's really broken up about it."
Nathan shook his head and cupped the back of his neck with a hand. "Didn't see that one coming."
"Do you think…maybe you could talk to him?" Haley chirped hopefully.
"Haley," he groaned.
"Please, babe? I think he needs some guy talk."
"Chris and I don't like each other!"
"Well, honey, I'm not asking you to date him. I'm asking you to talk to him."
Nathan sighed and pulled her into a warm hug, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "The things I do for you, Haley James Scott."
"Mom?" Jenny poked her head into the room, looking young and innocent with her wide blue eyes.
Peyton sat up in bed, wiped her eyes, and turned off the TV, on which she'd been watching Love Actually.
Jenny ventured further into the room, which was lit dimly, solely by candles. "Are you okay?" she inquired.
"Yeah," Peyton assured her softly. She held open the blanket she'd been huddled under. "Come sit with me, sweets."
Jenny obliged, crawling onto the big bed and settling in Peyton's arms. Peyton sighed, resting her cheek against Jenny's head.
"You don't have sheets," Jenny noted, her hand sliding against the bare mattress beneath them.
"Um…yeah." I had sex with Chris Keller. "I decided to do laundry."
Jenny frowned. "We just got here, like, a day ago."
"Yeah…" Peyton laughed weakly, nervously. "Well, you know…you can never be too clean."
"Are you sure everything's okay, Mom?"
Peyton smiled, pleased with her daughter's words and relieved for the opportunity to change the subject. "You're calling me Mom again?"
She shrugged embarrassedly. "You are my mom."
Peyton melted, stroking Jenny's hair softly. "I am," she agreed.
"Mom?" Jenny asked after a moment of comfortable silence.
"Yeah, angel?"
"Tell me what you meant when you said you knew what it was like."
Peyton understood immediately. "My mom died when I was a little girl. You knew that." She felt Jenny nod and continued, "Okay. Well, when I was sixteen this showed up…Ellie." Peyton knew that she still spoke her birth mother's name with the muted affection she reserved for those she loved most. "It turns out…that I was adopted. Ellie was my real mom. It was hard for me to let her in. I felt betrayed, and I was scared…I didn't want to be disloyal to anyone, and it was all just so difficult. Jenny Lynn…I never wanted you to feel that way."
Jenny nodded again.
"Ellie and I…we reached peace, and we made an album together to benefit breast cancer research. Ellie had cancer," she added. "She died a month after we met."
"I'm sorry, Mom," Jenny said softly.
"Oh, honey, it's okay. I mean, I still miss her. And it scared the hell out of me, the thought of losing another mom…but I wouldn't give those four weeks with Ellie back for the world. Sweetie…" Peyton sighed. She knew that Jake had completely given up on Nicki, and that he all but hated her, that the last thing he would want was to have her back in his little girl's life. But Jenny was Peyton's responsibility now, and she wanted to do what was best for her child, even if she really hated the idea.
"Listen, babe," she began again. "I know that your situation is different than mine was, but…" She swallowed thickly. "If you really…if you wanted to find Nicki…"
Jenny twisted around to look at her. "No, Mom. It's okay…she doesn't really want to be found anyway, does she?"
Peyton offered her a weak smile. Jenny's deep, honest gaze got her every time. They may have been a different colour, but Jenny's eyes were Jake's eyes, and that was something she'd always find endearing. "No, honey, she doesn't."
"Yeah," Jenny agreed. She shrugged. "You're everything I need."
Peyton smiled, her eyes flooding as she studied her daughter.
Jenny squirmed under her gaze. "Why're you looking at me like that?" She grinned hesitantly. "Was that too much of a corny line?"
"Nah," Peyton said, gathering Jenny into another hug. She kissed Jenny's temple. She was grown up and beautiful, intelligent and talented, sweet and truthful. Everything Peyton had ever wanted her to be. "I'm looking at you like that 'cause you're awesome."
Her daughter sighed. "I love you, Mom."
Peyton blinked furiously. "You, too," she whispered. "And I'm sorry."
"I know," Jenny said gently, and let her words sink in. Then she giggled. "Hey. So…not only is Grandpa Larry not my grandfather, he's not technically your dad."
"True," Peyton laughed lightly. "I never thought of that."
Jenny's giggles faded and she sighed again. "There's so much I don't know," she mused. "Mom…can you just tell me everything? Please?"
"Jenny," Peyton sighed, releasing her hold on her daughter as they both sat up. She didn't want to get into it.
"Seriously. Please. Just stop keeping things from me."
"My past is just a bunch of crap that you don't need to know. It doesn't matter."
"It clearly does. Don't lie to me."
Peyton rubbed her eyes. She was already tired. She'd already cried. She wanted to go back to the peaceful atmosphere of a mere minute ago. "Listen, Jen…"
"No. Let's just talk, okay?" Jenny faced her, sitting crossed-legged. "We'll start with the obvious stuff. Like, why have you never said a word about anyone in this town before? Why did we never come back? Why haven't you spoken to Haley in years?"
Peyton lifted her eyebrows. "So many questions," she commented evasively.
"Mom!"
"Honey –"
"Tell me something! I'm sick of your hiding! What the hell is the point, Mom? What could your history possibly entail? I don't care! I just hate that I don't know!"
Peyton couldn't believe that this was happening again, just after they'd made up. "Let's not do this again," she begged.
"Like hell! You owe me a goddamn explanation!"
"Hey!" Peyton snapped. "I'm your mother; do not talk to me like that!" She took a deep breath and lectured herself to calm down. This was what she did not want. "Jenny, baby, please…we never used to fight like this."
Jenny stood up, backing away. "Yeah, we didn't, and that's why! You babied me! You treated me like a stupid little kid! You don't even know me! No surprise; you're not my mother."
Peyton gaped at her. Had she imagined their previous conversation? "Jenny," she said firmly. "Stop and breathe. Let's talk about this rationally."
"So you can feed me more lies? Bull!" She stalked away and whirled around when she reached the door, fixing Peyton with hurt, fiery eyes. "I was wrong," she declared roughly, "when I said you were everything I needed. You're nothing," she said bitterly, and ran out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
Peyton slumped on the bed. The fight had gone out of her. Coming back to Tree Hill had ruined the one relationship she'd fully invested herself in.
And she hated herself for it. She hated herself for being a bad mother, for letting Jake down in the most important way. She hated herself for missing the births of Nathan and Haley's children. For misreading Chris' intentions and causing him pain. For losing the girl she'd once been. She hated that she'd forgotten to live a life in which if her art was good enough and her love was great enough, nothing else mattered.
Her candles burned down to the ends of their wicks. She curled up on her bare mattress, plunked her head on her softest pillow, and cried.
She hated herself for how pathetic she was, but she'd lost the will to care.
Nathan rapped on the door of Chris' office, sighing to himself. "Chris?"
Chris peered up at him from behind a big music book and a massive cup of coffee. He snorted disdainfully. "Haley send you over?"
To contradict him would have been to tell a completely obvious lie, so Nathan settled for the truth, admitting, "Yeah."
"Well, you can go. I'm fine. She's worrying for no reason." He cleared his throat. "It was a one-night stand; it's no big deal. I'm not dying of anything. Nothing meant anything. Go check on Peyton if you guys are so concerned. She's the one who can never get herself together."
"Sounds to me," Nathan began as he took a couple steps into the room, "like it did mean something to you."
"And why would you say that? Enlighten me."
"Because you're rambling. Because it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself. Because you're insulting Peyton because she hurt you first."
"Nate…"
"You are hurt. That's okay. That sucks. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. And I know…Peyton is, too."
Chris sighed, something that sounded both mournful and sarcastic. "You dated Peyton once, right, Nathan?"
"Yeah. You knew that." He didn't understand where the musician was going with this.
"Why'd you break up?"
"We broke up all the time," he said, waving aside Chris' words.
"For good. Why'd you break up for good?"
Nathan shrugged. "Because I was a jackass. I didn't know how to love her."
"And…because of Lucas, right? Because he got involved. He entered your world and set his eyes on your girl, and she couldn't resist him, because that's just the way it is. Lucas and Peyton. And that's never going to change. You and me, we're both idiots here, because we thought it was something that could change. It can't. It won't."
"No, it has changed. That was high school, Chris. Yeah, they had their really intense connection, but it's over. It's done. Lucas picked Brooke. Peyton picked Jake."
"Did they really or did it just turn out that way?" Chris shook his head. "Whatever you need to tell yourself, Nate. I appreciate you stopping by." He propped his book up on the table, hiding his face.
"Sure…" Nathan muttered as he backed out of the room, closing the door behind him.
He felt uneasy. He reasoned that Chris was just making things up because he was hurt. Luke had a life. Peyton needed to work hers out. They were the epitome of all things over.
It had been years
Things stopped. Love stopped.
It ended.
An annoying, worrying little voice in the back of his head reminded him that it had been years since he'd first met Haley, and through all their drama, he'd never quit loving her.
Haley sat on the couch, wearing an affectionate smile as she watched her twins happily entertain their baby brother. She ruffled Noah's hair, and was reaching for a magazine when she heard the door open. "Nathan?" she called, curious as to how his talk with Chris had gone.
Jenny stepped into the room hesitantly, sniffling. "No. It's me."
"Hey, honey," she replied, standing up. "What's wrong? Did something happen with Peyton?"
Jenny's face crumpled and Haley nodded. There was no shortage of drama in her world, that was for sure.
"Okay," she said softly. "Nicky, Noah…you guys call me if you need me, okay? Jenny and I are just going to go talk." She placed her hand lightly on Jenny's elbow and guided her into what was Jenny's room for the summer. She sat both of them down on the bed. "What's going on, sweetie? I thought you two were on your way to reconciliation."
"We did make up. For like two seconds, before we started fighting again."
"Aw, Jenny." Haley reached out to tuck Jenny's hair behind her ear. She felt so attached to this teenager, so protective of her. She knew it was probably because the last time she'd seen Jenny she'd been a baby, and because she regarded Jenny as a miraculous connection to both Peyton and Jake. But Jenny needed her so much that she also felt like the daughter Haley'd never had, the daughter she'd always wanted. "Talk to me, girlie."
Jenny crossed her arms. "She just…it makes me so mad." She shook her head and let her hair fall into her face. "She just kept me in the dark and assumed that I'd never know. All these years, my whole life, it was always I love you no matter what, Jenny. I just want for us to be able to talk about everything."
"Oh, Jenny…she does love you no matter what."
"And I love her no matter what back!" Jenny cried, hitting the bed with her fist. "Why can't she understand that? I just want her to be honest with me!" Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
"I know, honey," Haley said soothingly. "But all mothers keep things from their children. You have to trust your mom."
"But she's not my mom," Jenny sobbed, and Haley's throat constricted as she helplessly watched the girl she'd come to adore so quickly break down. "She's not, and that means something. She regrets it. She regrets it all."
Haley's brow furrowed. "No," she murmured, gently pushing Jenny's hair out of her face. "What do you mean?"
"You said it yourself: she gave everything up, over and over. For me and my dad. She regrets it."
"No!" Haley said firmly. "Peyton loves you so much. She loved you enough to do that."
Jenny shook her head stubbornly. "No. Not as much as whatever the hell she left behind. Ever since we've come here, she's been a mess, and we can't get through it because she won't tell me the truth. And the truth is that she hates me for it, for keeping her from what she could have had."
"Jenny, no!" Haley cried, desperate to make Jenny understand what she herself knew so little about. "You are what she wanted, and what she wants. You're her life."
"Yeah," Jenny wept, hiccupping. "And she hates me for it. It's obvious." She took several painfully shaky breaths. When Haley reached out to hold her, she recoiled, clutching a pillow instead. "I'd like to be alone, please," she requested in a scarily detached voice.
"Sweetheart," Haley tried, but it was useless. No matter what Jenny claimed, she was Peyton's daughter through and through. They both had the same ability to shut people out in an instant.
"Haley, I know you're trying to help, and…thank you, but…I am so sick of being lied to." She flopped down on the bed, curling away from Haley.
Haley opened and closed her mouth a few times, searching for the right thing to say. She heard the front door slam.
"Hales! I'm home!"
A sudden fire was lit within her. "Nathan?" she called back. "Watch the kids! I'm going out!"
Jenny laid on her bed, hugging the pillow she'd brought with her from home. It smelled like the apartment in Los Angeles that she'd called home for most of her life.
She was homesick. Not necessarily for the city, but for the life she'd left behind. She missed the comfortable normality.
She missed her mom. Peyton was with her, but their relationship had changed so much that Jenny felt scared and alone. She needed her mother, but she felt like Peyton was lost to her.
It was that acute sense of loss, almost like mourning, that had turned Jenny into a blubbering mess.
She didn't cry often. She was the kind of person who allowed things to build up, so that when something finally caused her to crack, she ended up sobbing about every single thing that had caused her pain.
Jenny tried to calm down, tried to take a deep breath, but her nose and throat were both clogged. She stumbled to her feet and grabbed a handful of tissues. When she could inhale again, she rummaged through her belongings, grabbing her purple monkey and an old photograph.
She'd had the monkey since she was born. The photograph she'd stumbled across when she was eight.
Peyton didn't know that she had it. Jenny had found it in a pile of her mother's CDs and kept it. She used to keep it under her pillow and look at it before she fell asleep.
It had always seemed like such a fairytale to her when she looked at the picture of her parents cuddled together on an old couch, so young and so in love. Now it no longer looked like such simple happiness, but something more mysterious.
"Who were you?" she whispered aloud to the teenagers in the photo, wiping at her eyes. They were so young, but they already had a small family that they were dedicated to. Peyton, giggling and gorgeous; Jake, handsome and happy…they looked like they could lose themselves in their love forever.
"Who were you?" Jenny repeated thoughtfully. "And who did you want to be? Was your fairytale with each other, with me? Or…" She found it hard to catch her breath again. "Or did I keep you from your dreams?"
Nathan paced the hallways of his large house restlessly. The kids were happily and safely playing, so he was left with his own worries.
Chris was a wreck. Nathan wanted to check on Peyton; he felt like he'd been neglecting her a bit. But he was stuck at home, since Haley had taken off, providing him with zero explanation.
He paced past Jenny's room and heard her weeping. He felt incredibly sympathetic toward the miserable teenager he'd last seen as a sweet little baby. He knocked softly on her door. "Jenny? Kiddo? Do you want to talk?"
"No, thank you," came the muffled reply.
Nathan sighed, wishing he knew some way to help her. "I'm here if you change your mind," he told the door.
He heard the front door open and slam closed. There'd been a lot more traffic in their home lately.
"Hales?" he called hopefully.
"Nathan Royal Scott!" called a voice that was most definitely not his wife's. He wasn't entirely happy to hear it, but at least it wasn't his mother or his grandparents, the only other people who'd ever address him by all three names.
"Auntie Brooke!" he heard the twin cry joyfully.
"Hey, you adorable angels! And Sebastian, you gorgeous guy!"
When Nathan walked into the room, he saw Brooke holding Sebastian as Nick and Noah gazed adoringly up at her. "Brooke Penelope Davis-Scott," Nathan returned tiredly. "What can I do for you?"
"What can't you do for me?" she replied with a quirk of her brow.
He just looked at her. He wasn't in the mood for humour.
"Okay," Brooke said softly, balancing Sebastian on her hip. "I need to see Peyton."
He winced and shot the twins a weak smile. "Go play, guys. Grown-up talk."
"Bye-bye, Auntie Brooke!" they called in unison, running off to their room.
"Look, Brooke," Nathan said simply. "It's really not a good time. I know this is surprising, and I know you're freaked out, but there's a lot going on…"
She lifted her chin and assumed as defensive a position as one could assume while cradling a two-year-old. "Why don't you go ahead and fill me in, then."
"Brooke –"
"I know, okay? I know that this is hard and awkward for everybody, but…Peyton was my best friend. Practically my sister. No matter what happened in the past…we need to talk about now."
Her words reminded Nathan of yet another unsolved mystery. "What did happen?" he inquired.
Brooke glared at him. Through clenched teeth, she said: "Where is she?"
He wasn't up for confrontation, not after the day he'd had. "The apartment above Tric," he informed her reluctantly.
"Thank you." She turned to Sebastian, kissing his nose. "I'll see you, baby boy, yes I will. Auntie Brooke loves you lots." She gently handed the baby to Nathan and strode out of the house purposefully.
Haley opened the unlocked door to Peyton's apartment – she'd automatically assumed that the door would be unlocked, and it most certainly was; some thing really did never change. She stormed into the bedroom, flinging open that door, too. Peyton was sleeping restlessly on a bare mattress, her cheeks stained with tears.
"You are so selfish," Haley declared hotly, flicking on the overhead light and planting her hands on her hips.
Peyton sat up, blinking. "Excuse me?" she asked in a vulnerable, sleepy voice.
"Do you even care about what your behavior is doing to your daughter?" she demanded.
"Haley – what – of course I do!"
"It's killing her! And you, you don't care, you're off having sex with Chris! And you devastated him! Do you even know what you've done? He really and truly likes you, and you don't care. Neither Chris nor Jenny deserve any of what you've done."
"Haley…" Peyton murmured confusedly, her eyes a deep, wounded green.
"You can't just go around sleeping with people," Haley forged on, "without considering their feelings! This is just a tad reminiscent of you and Luke sneaking around behind Brooke's back in high school, don't you think? Have you seriously not matured since then? Let me ask you something: do you ever consider anyone but yourself?" She arched an eyebrow, awaiting Peyton's answer. Her breathing was heavy.
"Of course I do. Haley, that was forever ago, and I know that it was wrong, but I was in love with Lucas!" She seemed to choke on the words. "And…I don't think that what happened between Chris and I is really any of your –"
Haley's anger was further fueled, and she cut Peyton off. "Oh, it is my business. Since you oh-so-casually waltzed back into our lives, everything you do is my business, particularly because you left a girl in desperate need of some maternal care in my home."
Peyton gasped and teared up, but her voice was steady as she asked: "What are you saying?"
"I know you didn't really have a family growing up, and I know it was hard for you, but that's no excuse for what a horrible mother you've been to Jenny lately. You're so absorbed in your love triangles of eons ago that you're neglecting her, and it's breaking my heart to watch it happen. Lately it seems like I love that little girl more than you do. Jenny deserves that love; she needs her mom, and lately you're not even close to what your kid needs."
Haley knew she was crossing a line. She could actually see it as the intensity of the pain in Peyton's eyes mounted. She knew that her words were too cruel for a girl whose life had been marked by the deaths of two mothers. Peyton still missed Ellie; Haley knew that she always would, just as she'd always mourn the loss of Anna Sawyer. Haley knew she was being a bitch, but she was too hurt and too stubborn to back down.
Peyton just sat there, staring at her as though in shock. Her lips trembled and her eyes were full, but she didn't say a word. She looked utterly exhausted and pretty near broken.
"So," Haley said, "you've left Jenny hanging when she needs you most, broken Chris' heart, and to top it all off, you are such a hypocrite."
Peyton lifted her eyebrows, her eyes filled with deep devastation brought on by betrayal, wordlessly and tiredly encouraging Haley to get to her point.
And she did. "When I left to go on tour, to follow my dream, everyone knew where I was going. I know that I hurt people, yeah, but I came back and I apologized. But you…you were so pissed off. You were so hard on me. And then you completely disappear for twelve years, you pop up again out of nowhere, and I've supported you! I've tried to be there for you, but you are still hiding crap from me – and from Jenny! God, Peyton…where the fuck is Jake? What the hell has been going on with you? What are you so caught up in from so long ago? When the fuck are you going to step up for your daughter?"
She couldn't look at Peyton's saddened expression any longer or she'd fall apart. "I'm done," she whispered. "I will always be there for Jenny, but I cannot be there for you anymore. You are not the same Peyton Sawyer that I considered to be one of my closest confidantes, my sister. You are someone else, and I honestly don't know if I like you."
Haley walked out of the apartment, closing the door quietly behind her. She tripped down the stairs, ran out to the car, and drove home with careful precision, obeying every rule of the road. It wasn't until she was safely at home and within her bewildered husband's arms that she allowed herself to cry.
A/N: Next chapter: Brooke and Peyton finally meet. Review, please!
