"Kankb- I mean Kankri, I just...well...ah, I'm not good with motherfucking words like you are. What I'm trying to say here is that...well I guess I've kinda all up and begun getting some feelings for you... I know I'm probably not what your motherfucking looking for and how you say you don't date and shit, but I just kind of thought its worth a shot... I may as well hope for another miracle. ..I'm trying to say that I...well...ah fuck it..."
I felt him move his hand to the back of my head. Before I had time to process the words fully or even react to his increasing closeness, he crashed his lips into mine as carefully as this clumsy clown could. My eyes widened in surprise and I could feel my cheeks heat slightly again. This is not a situation I'm used to in any way. I'm not one much for even hugging, let alone a sudden kiss. For some reason though, in this moment, pulling away was but a fleeting thought.
My mind went into overdrive to try and process this whole situation, from his words to the current 'connection' so to speak. Just as soon as my mind filled, however, my thoughts abandoned me in favor of my slow relaxation to the situation. Despite myself my eyes fell closed and I relaxed in this situation. The background noise seemed to fade as the moment carried on. My mind felt blank as I just so hesitantly kissed him back for reasons I don't fully understand. I'm not typically one to allow myself to fall into a moment like this, but for some reason I can't rid myself of the thought that this situation feels... well... right.
In what seemed all too soon, we had to break apart for air. After a moment of air, my senses came back to me and my mind clicked back into overdrive. Warning signals shot up everywhere in my thinking process. No, no, no, what am I doing? What could I possibly be thinking here? I looked over to Gamzee again. He currently had a ridiculous smile on his face with his gaze in space momentarily, then moving back to me. He smiled at me and all I could do in return was slightly furrow my brow. His smile faded some into a questioning look. I sighed slightly before I began to speak.
"Look, Gamzee, you are a nice guy, but this is completely inappropriate. I don't mean to...uh...belittle your feelings in any way, but this is just not logical..." I said, fumbling slightly with words, a rare occurrence in itself, but this seems to be a night of those.
I felt his hand falter from its place on my neck on to my shoulder. His face fell into a not so common frown. He floundered for words for a moment, his mouth opening slightly every so often, unsure of what to say. He looked upset, and a slight bit confused. I felt wrong saying those words, but my head and plain logic told me it was right...right? I can't question myself right now...
"How is it not motherfucking appropriate or logical? I don't..." He said, sounding confused and hurt.
"Firstly, we are in public right now. Public displays of affection could be triggering to many for different situations. Secondly, you are my younger brothers friend. I think that rather goes without an explanation of how its appropriate. Lastly, I... I...don't feel...the...the same..."
I attempted to sound confident, but at the end, even to my own ears, I sounded more confused and unsure. I'm not even sure what I feel anymore. I hoped he wouldn't pick up on my loss of confidence at the end and just let this be over. I had no such luck here.
"Kanbro, please just look past motherfucking peoples thoughts and feelings and tell me how you really feel. I can tell your all coverin whatever you really think up. I don't want to all up and pressure you or anything. I just want you to be motherfucking happy. Please, at the very least give us a try or all up and think on it some?"
He smiled at me some, but I could see he was still a bit nervous. I sighed lightly as I thought, formulating situations and weighing my options. I then paused briefly in my thinking. I redirected my train of thought from implications or opinions on the matter at hand and thought about how I feel. I thought about how I feel about the situation. I thought about how I felt about the kiss. I thought hard on how I feel about him... Feelings are odd things. I thought about the effects of if we were to 'give us a try' as he said. After a good amount of thought I sighed a deeper sigh as I reached my decision for the time being.
"I've come to a decision on the matter." I said rather formally, regathering his attention and his nervous expression.
"Oh, uh, and?" He said biting his lip ever so slightly as I took another breath.
((Hey there! Sorry its been so long since the last update. With computer difficulties and endless projects I havent had the time. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and still enjoy the story!))
