Paperwork. It never ended. Emily Piggot spent more of her time looking over paperwork than making decisions, or planning, or doing. Right now she was looking over the report on Victor's death. What a mess…

They had received a call from a man claiming he saw someone fly out of a warehouse. In what was, in retrospect, a terrible idea, she'd sent Assault to investigate.

Armsmaster and Dauntless both handed in perfect paperwork, no matter what the situation was. They both dealt with it promptly, handing in forms that were perfectly clear and legible. Armsmaster would include photgraphs, and Dauntless would include in-depth descriptions. Miss Militia, Battery, and Velocity were less perfect, but still understandable – it was rare that she had to call them for clarification. But Assault…

He might as well have written this in crayon. It was incomprehensible. An original draft was obviously printed, then crossed out by pen and rewritten in the margins, then... did he use an eraser on the pen, scribble over that with a pencil, and try to fit more words in the margins?

From what she could piece together, there were ten dead men, Victor among them. Killed by some form of projectile fire, except the holes were too small for any known weapon. Except for one, obviously killed by an explosive.

So some blaster entered through the high windows – make it a mover, because they were too far up from the ground – broke a lookout's neck – make it a brute, too – and then shot eight people with their power multiple times and blew up the ninth with what was probably a grenade. A tinker – or a team equipped by a tinker – made the most sense.

They then didn't destroy the warehouse, but left it after opening some of the boxes. Ignoring the drugs and weapons, but taking some – but not all – of the money. What was the motive here?

She pushed the button marked '3' on her desk's phone.

"Arnold, could you call the Protectorate and ask that Assault come by at his earliest convenience?" Not for the first time, or for the last time, she mentally cursed the distance between PHQ and the PRT HQ.

"Yes, Director," the voice of her secretary came out of the speaker, followed by a click.

Her phone rang after ten seconds, and she pushed the 'Answer' button. "Director Piggot."

"Assault is on his way, Director. Should I bring out the mint bowl?"

"No." She turned back to his report. Was that a lowercase l or an I? Neither seemed to fit. Oh, it was a semicolon. She continued deciphering the nuances of Assault's handwriting until the phone rang. She pushed the button.

"Assault is here, Director," said Arnold. She looked at the clock – it had been a half hour. He must have come very shortly after hearing the message.

"Send him in."

The door opened, and Assault strode in.

"Director," he said, his slight smile the only sign of insolence. It was a forte of his, 'deniable disrespect'.

"Assault. Sit," she said. He sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk, took his helmet off, and put it on her desk where the mint bowl would normally be placed. It revealed a handsome face, dark hair framing sharp features and tan skin. He clasped his hands together, the only sign of nervousness. "I'd like to discuss your report."

She noted the tensing of his hands.

"First off, I'm done berating you for this. We've been over this enough. Please, once you've reached the final wording of your report, just retype it. It's a waste of both of our time to have me try to decipher your words." His hands unclenched slightly. "Now, I'd like it in your natural words, ones not commented on by Battery and reworded to sound 'official'. What happened there?"

"We got the call from someone who heard gunfire, and saw someone fly out of a window. I arrived with Jenkins and Garcia in a car, and –"

"Garcia?"

"Chris Garcia. He's one of the new PRT guys. Short? Built like a brick?"

"Right, the transfer from Florida." This was why Assault was a valuable asset. Beyond being a powerful cape, he was also the one member of the Protectorate team who made it a point to remember the names of the unpowered people he worked with, and establish a rapport with them. It also made him dangerous – Emily hoped for her own sake that he never violated his probation, because arresting him would be disastrous.

"Anyway, we arrive at this warehouse, and the front door is open. So we'd heard the capes flew out of the window, but somebody unlocked the warehouse already. We looked around, but couldn't find anyone even with their thermal goggles, so either a powerful Stranger was there, or someone came in for a very short time. The security tapes were gone, so I assumed, and still do, that someone came in, grabbed them, and ran. Once we confirmed no one was there, we looked over the bodies. Victor was easily identified, and we assumed the people around him were his henchmen. We're still running their prints through the database, but so far three of the five results that came back on the henchmen had priors. We'll notify the families once the search is completely finished." Assault ran his hand through his hair, then cracked a knuckle before continuing. "So we looked at the bodies. They had holes going through their bodies and into the floor. You know, Jenkins was a sniper back in the military, and he told me that bullets don't penetrate that far – and the entry wounds were tiny. Do you remember the Greenfeld case?"

"The rabbi gunned down by an Empire thug? Yes… why?"

Assault took a deep breath before continuing, "That was when I saw what normal bullets do. This wasn't it – the entry holes were pinpricks, and the exit holes were huge. Except for one guy, who was pretty much disemboweled. That's kind of weird. I mean, we counted twenty five holes on the ground, once we'd moved the bodies. PRT agents carry more bullets than that, and they're not even authorized to use them in most cases."

"I see."

"So we've got eight guys dead from bullet hell, and for variety they killed the ninth with some kind of explosive? Anyway, Garcia went up the catwalk to look at the last guy. His neck was snapped. We called up the crime scene guys to collect evidence, waited for their arrival, then drove back to HQ." Assault finished, then started fidgeting with his hands.

Emily paused, and looked over the report. She pushed the button on her phone. "Arnold, did we get the coroner's report yet?"

"No, Director."

"Thank you." She ended the call, paused for a second, and looked at Assault. "What do you suspect?"

"I'm just trying to think what it could be. Pretty much the only capes in the Bay capable of this exact thing are Victor and Oni Lee if they had Tinker assistance, except Oni Lee doesn't fly and Victor was the victim. So I'm thinking new cape, but not new new. Someone is muscling in on Brockton Bay."

"Did you hear about Armsmaster's patrol the previous night?"

"Yeah. Met a new cape, right? We should be friendly, but not pushy, something like that?"

"The other part."

"He didn't talk about anything else, and I haven't read the report yet."

"There was a fight between Lung and another Brute, leading to an unknown number of deceased. Unknown because the bodies were in no shape to be identified as human. The lab is still trying to work it out. We suspect either Lung or the new cape is dead."

"Shit." Assault covered his mouth with his hand for a second, before clenching his hands together again on the desk.

"Indeed." She looked over her notes. "Do you have anything more to add?"

"Well, it's a little unrelated, though now that I'm thinking about it, it might not be." Assault paused, chewing his lip, then looked her in the eyes.

"What?"

"Über and Leet uploaded a video today, and it seems they have someone new in their roster. I'll show it to you. Can your computer access the internet?"

"No, it's on the PRT intranet."

Assault got up, walked out of the room. "Hey, Arnold, you got a tablet somewhere on you? Or a computer that can get internet?" He came back in with a tablet, and moved his chair to Emily's side. He sat down, placed it in front of them, and pressed the screen.

The scene opened with Über and Leet sitting in front of their computers. All of a sudden, the power cut out, leaving it dimly lit. Leet gave an overdone yelp and falls from his chair.

"That was as graceful as you could possibly be, what with your weight." A female robotic voice rang out.

"Who is this? Who are you? Show yourself!" Über's voice boomed out. He could choose any skill to excel at, and yet acting was never one of those.

The camera turned to show…

An oversized potato. Coming out of the front was a tube with three red pinpricks of light inside. It walked on two three-toed legs.

"I am Genetic Life form and Disc Operating System. You may call me GLaDOS. I assume you are too stupid to grasp that one is an acronym of the other. And you two are working for me now."

"Yes sir commander!" Leet jumped to his feet with an attempt at a salute.

"I have misplaced my Aperture Science Handheld Portal Gun. You two are to supply me with an alternative. We will rob the one known as Squealer."

"We can't do it alone," Über almost shouted.

The robot ripped off the potato disguise, revealing a sleek, sinuous, nearly alien form. It reached behind its back with a three fingered claw, pulling out a rod that quickly extended to what looked like a futuristic sniper rifle. It aimed at the camera, and the title card played:

ÜBER & LEET

After a pause, & HAX joined it.

The next scene opened with their camera showing the interior of a factory. On some tables, drugs were being measured, put in bags, sealed, and put aside, all in an assembly line. Inspecting them was Skidmark, his tattered coat flapping behind him. And working on a monstrosity, which the camera slowly panned to show, was Squealer.

The vehicle was to a car what a monster truck was to a speed racer. All sharp edges and exhaust ports, it looked like it shouldn't even be able to stand without collapsing in on itself or exploding. And the tinker sitting inside the engine was cursing, throwing things, and at one point raised a grimy arm and shouted "WRENCH THING", to which a man hurried to hand her a plier.

The camera panned to the ceiling, where Leet was prying a skylight open. Then Über slowly descended on a rope attached to some… device. This time, they were both wearing orange jumpsuits with 'Aperture Science Test Subject' written on the front and an odd circular symbol on the back, as well as the usual domino masks they wore when committing a heist themed around a game with no masks.

Quickly enough, the device exploded, causing all of the Merchants on the ground floor to look up when Über landed.

"What the fuck?" Skidmark said.

"Hey," Über said, "Would you mind pretending I'm not here?"

"I'm sick of these scrotum sucking shitheads. Get me a gun," he told one of the men there. Über quickly entered a martial arts pose, only to look up when the glass under Leet shattered as well.

Mid-fall, Leet changed direction, stopping just in front of the wall. Then GLaDOS appeared, holding him. She leaped from the wall, and landed in front of Über.

"Did your parents abandon you because of your teeth, or your smell?" she asked Skidmark, then raised her arms. They were briefly covered in an orange glow, and for a split second, Skidmark's cloak seemed to float before he collapsed, followed by three of his men. GLaDOS pulled out her rifle and aimed it at another. "If you aren't as stupid as you look, you should run. With your weight, run slowly. It would be a terrible shame if you had a heart attack."

The men ran away.

"GET ME A RATCHET," came a voice from the engine box. After a few seconds, "A FUCKING RATCHET I SAID."

Finally, Squealer looked up to see Über, Leet, and GLaDOS surrounding her.

"Fuck."

The camera cut to them sitting in the front seat. GlaDOS's arm shifted into a form that fit the ignition. It turned, and… nothing. They sat there for a few more moments. It turned again, and nothing happened.

"Did you idiots forget the power source?" GLaDOS snapped at them. The camera cut to show Über and Leet taking a piece of some bizarre glowing tinkertech, sitting obviously on a table, and putting it in the hole in the engine where Squealer had sat.

The car turned on, and shrank until it fit through the main door. It drove off, a miniature Über and Leet cackling maniacally.

Assault turned the tablet off. "The car was apparently sold to Toybox."

Silence reigned in the room for a good minute, while Emily digested what she'd seen. Finally, she spoke. "So we just saw a Case 53 Tinker who can jump and latch onto walls with a tinkertech rifle. One who, unassisted, took on an entire room and routed them."

"Oh."

"Indeed."

"Do we need to be worried?"

"No. Not yet."

"Okay."

The silence dragged on. Assault was looking down, as if answers were sitting between his hands.

"Do you think a scared teenaged girl could mistake that rifle for a hammer?" Emily asked.

"Doubt it." After a few more seconds, Assault asked, "Do you think that robot… Hax… may just be Leet's invention?"

"It was in one piece at the end of the video. I doubt it."

"Right."

The silence dragged on longer. Emily broke it again.

"How did you find out about this?"

"Research."

"Of course."

The silence dragged on a little bit longer, until Assault broke it. "I've got a patrol in an hour."

"Dismissed."

After Assault left, Emily went back to her paperwork. What was she going to write about this?