Time

Hostility between Sebastian and his master grew worse and more apparent to the rest of the Phantomhive manor as Ciel continued to blow his top, with Sebastian ignoring him. The Earl's actions could be deemed childish to an outsider—throwing tantrums, breaking plates and cups to get his servant's attention. But to Sebastian, they seemed desperate; as if he had gone out on his last limb and had no other idea on what to do next. He was acting, well, like a 13 year old. But Sebastian continued to smile, his grin growing bigger each time, and kept his head busy with his work, though his heart ached at this distance between them. But it needed to be done; to put his foot down. He needed to prove that he wasn't a door that would be constantly opened and closed when he wanted, even for the sake of the manor.

April had begun and was covering the country in constant changes. Some warm weather here, rain pouring down there and so on. This was another rainy day for the Phantomhive manor, so the young Earl stayed inside. All his meetings had been cancelled and Elizabeth shunned at the thought of coming out in the rain. So, he was all alone and bored. He sat in his study, staring at his window as Mey Rin, Baldroy and Fin all played in the rain. He had had his taste of sickness and preferred to watch. It gave him time to think about how he would annoy Sebastian today. He had spilled some of his tea on his bed, gotten his breakfast all over his clothes and dropped his silverware on the floor—all to get Sebastian's attention and have him close to him. But he still didn't want to talk about anything other than what needed to be done in the manor. Should he just take a different approach on things?

While thinking of what plans to execute next, Sebastian slowly rolled in his afternoon tea. "Greetings, young Master," he spoke, closing the door behind him, "I've brought the afternoon tea." "Good," the young one answered, "I am slightly peckish." Sebastian rolled the cart closer to his Master's desk and began to present today's menu to him. "Today, you have a chicken sandwich and a cup of apple cider, and a raspberry Danish." Ciel stared at his food for a second, staying silent. "Is something wrong, my Lord?" "No, it's fine," Ciel spoke, continuing to stare at his plate, "I'm fine." Sebastian smirked and started for the door. He stayed on alert, expecting something to drop, break, spill or anything of that nature—especially when it came to the way the young one had been acting lately. "Sebastian…" He stopped and turned toward the Earl. His head remaining low and no expression on his face. It seemed like had just checked out of his body in a way. "…why won't you touch me?" His eyes widened. This came as a shock to him; he hadn't seen him so calm toward him lately. "I'm sorry?" "Why do you not brush my face anymore? Speak the way you used to toward me?" Sebastian leaned his back toward the door. "Have you seen the way you've been acting lately?" the butler said, "Breaking things and causing messes? It isn't as if you are making my job any easier." "You know why I'm doing these things…" "So, it's my fault?" "No, I'm not saying that!" He lashed out. He took a breath and looked at his love. "I'm sorry…I just miss you." Sebastian smiled. Hearing these words from the young Master made his heart dance and beat in ways it had never done. "You've missed me?" Ciel got up from his chair and started toward his companion. He held his head to the floor as he grew closer. Then suddenly, wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Yes, I do."

This almost made Sebastian cave in. He couldn't help himself but choke on his own feelings. Should he deny this gesture or just let it happen? After how he felt weeks before, with Elizabeth and the argument, how could he just….forgive him? Let the pain he once felt melt away? He looked down at him, just to see his face. He wasn't crying or anything, he was just wrapped around him. "You know," Sebastian started, "This is hard for me too." Ciel looked at him. "I know," he answered, "I could pretty much guess this is harder for you than it is for me." "And how would you figure that, my Lord?" He let go and walked toward his desk. "Seeing me with Elizabeth, how I acted, how I've been acting…" Sebastian looked at him; the sun beams bouncing from the window and shining off his dark hair. "Yes, but," he added, "It has been hard for you as well. What you must feel while doing all these things." The young one turned to him. "Don't give me a pass, Sebastian," he said, "I know where the fault lies. But I can't help myself. She just…." Silence suddenly fills the space between them. He could see the pain in the young one's face, how he wished for something to help guide him. "Why don't you choose her, my Lord?" The butler asked. "What do you mean?" he said, looking to him. "Why have yourself go through this? Why not stay with Lady Elizabeth? She makes you happy." Ciel looked to the wall. Did he even have an answer for that? If Elizabeth made him so happy, why not stay with her completely and stop the affair? "I…" He grew silent again. Sebastian stared at him as he awaited his answer. "Because she doesn't make me truly happy. You do." They locked eyes at the same time. He hadn't expected this answer either. Did he truly mean this or was it another move in his book of plays? "You seemed happy with her when she was here." "I didn't say she didn't make me happy." Sebastian became slightly confused. "I-I don't understand, young Master…" "I said she doesn't make me truly happy. Not that she doesn't make me happy at all," he explained, "When she's here, she makes me smile; sometimes even forget some of my internal demons." Sebastian listened, trying to understand. "But," Ciel added, "These feelings of happiness are sometimes questioned by her motives. Like Valentine's Day. She wants me to send her a basket, yet sends nothing in return, unless it's been lost in the mail for 2 months. But, I completely doubt that." Ciel turned to his love, his cheeks rosey for what he was about to say. "But you, Sebastian…" He pauses. He can't help but feel his words slip from him. But this was no time for his pride to take over. "You've shown me so much in so little time," he continues. Sebastian's eyes open wider; he no longer thought this was just a play. He was sure that these words were true. "Young master, you don't have to force yourself…" "Yes, I do," the young one interrupts, "You deserve to know how I feel." Sebastian's heart skips a beat and his skin becomes clammy. "Sebastian, I don't question your love, even though you may question mine," he continues, "I deserve this. All of this. And I'm sorry. You stay loyal to me even while I act like a kid and play around with your emotions. But I can't quit you. I can't stand this distance between us. The fact that I don't feel your lips or the warmth from your skin." The words stop and they both remain silent. The young Earl felt so weak with his words. He wasn't used to opening himself up completely. But why not to Sebastian? The person who pulled him from the cage and stops the nightmares? He didn't mind feeling vulnerable, as long as it meant having Sebastian by his side. "Sebastian…" His pride slowly overcoming him, but he couldn't allow it. "I love you." He looks into Sebastian's eyes deeply, finding the strength to finish his feelings. "I'm in love with you."

Sebastian expresses a state of shock. "Did he just…? No. He couldn't have. This must be a dream." He can't grasp these words. He can't understand what was going on right now. He's speechless. Ciel feels as if he has a weight lifted from his shoulders. He can finally say it with feeling sick to his stomach or biting his tongue. He can finally say it…and he means it. Sebastian smiles. He no longer wants to understand. He loves this moment, even if it is just a moment. And within seconds, his anger toward him disappears. "Hmmm…" Sebastian takes a minute to collect his thoughts. He slowly removes his gloves and lies them on top of the bookshelf. He begins to walk to the young one and stands in front of him for a minute. Then swiftly, he takes him into his arms and hugs him tightly. Ciel is surprised; he had won back his love's affection. They stand there for a moment, taking it all in. "Thank you…Ciel." The young one smiles and enjoys this warmth. "I want you by my side, Sebastian," he speaks, "Please don't stop loving me." Sebastian takes his hand and takes hold of Ciel's chin, looking deeply into both of his eyes. "Never," he whispers and within an instant, takes a hold of his lips with his own." Ciel wraps his arms around his love; he had missed his gestures, even the small ones. He had missed them all.

But even though he was enjoying this, he knew it couldn't last for long. Their lips part and their noses touch, only breaths length away from each other. "I'll never stop loving you, Ciel," he speaks, "…but I can't keep doing this." Ciel's heart begins to ache. Was this the end he had been dreading? "What are you saying?" "I'm saying, I will remain by your side no matter what. But I must do it from a distance. I can't have you go through this." Ciel's eyes begin to water and overflow. "Sebastian, please…." "I am not angry at you, and I sincerely appreciate your words," he explains, "For it is something I have waited for a long time. But you are going through too much at such a young age. My love for you will only grow as you do. But I can't keep robbing you from Lady Elizabeth. It is your destiny that you two be together." Ciel's body fills with sadness as Sebastian wipes away his tears. He doesn't understand. He wants to be with him, so why can't they be together? But maybe that was just it. Maybe it was because he doesn't understand. He needs time to grow and fully grasp things, so that one day, he can properly make a decision and be ready for the consequences that go with them. "Is….is that what you want, Sebastian?" he asks. Sebastian kisses the young one's forehead and keeps a hold of him. "No…" he speaks, "But it is what is best." Ciel takes a breath, and closes his eyes. He takes hold of this final embrace and doesn't let go. "Alright…if it makes you happy." Sebastian's face remains smiling but his heart aches. What was he doing? Could this be what he needs? A chance to grow on his own? A time for where he doesn't have to choose? Sebastian lets go of him and walks back toward the door, grabbing his gloves. "I love you, too, young master," he speaks while opening the study door, "Never forget."