It Got Me Here

12th floor private suite – 10:18 pm


Setting foot inside of the room, Lily's eyes gazed in a rush of a million different emotions, most importantly relief. She'd made it up 12 floors with only smiles and laughter, his hand wrapped snugly around hers as she had led them towards the room he'd charged to his assumed agency credit in an instant. It wasn't as if she was sixteen again, she knew what to expect, she knew why they were walking inside and why they needed a suite to themselves. And Jeff had been entirely too right, she did want this, and whether he knew it yet or not, by the end of the night she wanted him to understand just how much she needed it too, how her body would never be the same again without his, the way it had been that morning.

He inched his way across the carpet without her hand, reaching out for chairs, tables, and eventually the bed. Laughing as she watched him, she set her purse down and kicked off her heels to feel the soft floor. Everything was playing out like a movie, slow motion in certain places, black and white in others, enigmatic color again in more. Sheldon was lounging on the mattress, his boots dangling off and head coaxed back from his elbows. She wanted to jump right on top of him and let him take her wherever he so desired, but she stopped herself and instead walked over delicately and sat down on the edge.

"The room is nice." She said, trying to fill the silence.

"What color are the curtains?" He returned with a chuckle as she gazed over and assisted him.

"They're green."

"And the sheets?"

"Blue."

Satisfied enough, he sat up to where she was, leaning into the heat her body was already emitting, and let his hand slide across the bed to her legs, and then between both of her thighs and back under her dress. Lily felt his fingers move slightly over her center, stroking at the thin lace panties she wore.

"What color are…these?" He grunted into her ear as he bit it, and forced his fingers harder on her covered but moist spot. Her breath was officially gone at this, and her answer given in mute sighs.

"I…don't…remember."

"Oh." He spoke, coaxing her body back until it hit the mattress and his own fell to drape hers. "I guess it won't matter…" kissing along her neck and open chest as he dug into her heat, "…once they hit the floor."

Gasping against the grind of his hips into her, his hand between her legs, and his tongue at her neck, she tried to hold focus; she tried to hold the floodgates of everything in her as she stared up at the ceiling. Jeff was capable of bringing out sensations in her that no man since had done, and certainly no high school boyfriends before him. It was the danger in his spirit that had drawn her to him the first time, and now, it was the soft side of danger he held, the disrespected, saddened danger in his fingers, his body, that made her want to reach out to him, and allow him any and all access he required.

A moment later, he captured her mouth against his, swirling his tongue down between her lips without warning, and pulling her body closer and deeper into his sanctum. Every melt his legs and hips made into hers drove her even madder with desperation, the need to feel him somewhere few had gone, and only he had broken. She begged him with clinging breath, with her fingers digging into his shoulders, and when he pulled back from her mouth, he swore he heard her every thought, her every emotion without ever actually hearing or seeing her. It confused him, it drew him into her more and not wanting to be so over bearing or forceful, he knew there was something he'd needed for too long, from any woman and especially her. Sands fell back to the bed next to her, and relaxed as she came up to rest on his chest.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just…"

"What?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

Lily smirked, almost half knowing what it was, but waited for his show of desperation, as his hand came up to cover hers, and slid it down his chest, lower stomach, until it came to rest on the protruding bulge at the inner thigh of his jeans. He said nothing more about it, and when she caught his face tumble back away in almost reluctant shame, she smirked sadly and massaged him where he needed it most.

"Jeff?"

"Huh."

In her heart she knew he had struggled with the adjustment of being blind, and this, more or less had no spare time for sex incorporated into it. Not to mention the fact that she doubted it was an easy thing to do, hit on chicks at bar, when you could barely see to walk. It broke her as she spoke, "How long has it been since before…" a sigh from his lips as she finished, "Since before this morning…with me?"

He took a moment to answer, to think about answering her, to think about embarrassing himself. And then instead, realized that it wouldn't matter either way to Lily, she would just as well enjoy knowing how long he hadn't had sex than how long he had. So he answered her, "Four months."

An average amount of time for someone, anyone other than Jeff. Not from what she'd learned about him in the Agency, with the guys, with Shane. He had been desperate for four months if anything else and she could feel it under her fingertips as she soothed over his tight denim with a smile.

"I thought you said you didn't need my help?"

Growling at her, he tried to pull away, feeling and sensing another argument arising in him, "Forget it." She caught his legs though as he twisted from her, and held his body on the bed where it was, hands on his hips, face near everything else.

"No. I want to."

Without response from his lips, she took her cue and reached up to slowly unbutton his jeans, tug at the zipper, and loosen his tucked black t-shirt from them. Lily moved her lips down to the shadowed line of hair that outlined his abdomen, from navel to the place of interest, and kissed once for practically every black hair she found as she tucked her hand inside of his boxers, searching out what he needed help with. Sands body fell to an insane mode of tingling, of shivering under her as he felt his entire length rest in her palm and come into the open air of the room. Even in darkness he felt the sensitivity of his pleading organ in her hands, near her lips, as he felt her come down to the tender head of him, and kiss lightly. His teeth clenched, his feet dug into the boarded end of the bed, toes crackling with his breathing. Lily smiled once before drowning him in her mouth, inching against the thick, elongated heat, the pressured need in him inside of her. Jeff felt himself swallowed by ecstasy, by something that had been a long time coming, and he gulped once with a buck of his hips gently towards her.

Trying to apologize, she released him from her lips in concern, and placed her hand on his stomach as he breathed remorse. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, I promise I'm better at this now." He grinned at her voice, and felt her lips again take over his dripping ache, consuming him as he did her mouth. She drew him in and out, a swirl of her tongue against the underside of him, as she held the fluid filled sacs for a forced wait. He was driven crazy with her mouth, her lips, tongue, everything down upon him in ways no woman had been in a while, and in ways he had only dreamed she could ever be again. Her mouth was hotter here than in his head, it was softer, it was better at this than it had been in his dreams, she was right, and he relaxed into her mode as he groaned slightly into the sheets.

Lily couldn't help but watch him in the action, the effect she had on him, the things she was still capable of bringing out, the innocence of being so vulnerable in her hands. And as she felt him tense even greater between her lips, she stroked a few more times with her tongue, listened to him moan, "Lil…shit…please…," but never gave into his begging. Instead, she tightened her hold with a careful kneading and eased him out of her mouth. "What are you…fuck…" he grunted, as she eased him down with her hips around his, a quick tug of her panties down her legs, and then rolled him on top of her as she felt his peaked head drip at her opening.

"Your turn." She smiled and kissed his forehead, moaning deeply a moment later as he took the cue, lifted her dress away from her thighs, and pushed hard into her. Still almost fully clothed, they didn't seem to care, or mind, or worry about it one bit. The sensation of him thrusting inside of her, grazing her receptive walls, holding his hands under her head of curls to gain a better hold of his quick pace, was all enough to send any man into a breaking point. Lily ran her hands up his shirt, his back, forcing him down into her until there was nowhere left to go, and she took a breath with him.

"I think…" he sighed with a wiry smile, kissing her passionately once, "You're getting better than me now, kid."

"Scare ya?" she retorted with a giggle.

"Yeah. But it feels so damn good…," he grunted, as he pulled out of her body slowly, and then thrust back down roughly, "…that I don't even care." A kiss on her forehead, and he repeated the motion.

At a loss, she held tightly to his back, to the sheets beside her, to anything that would hold her body over the edge of the dangerous canyon that he was pushing her into. He was rough, but passionate, brutal, but warm all the same, and with each new thrust, each renewed wave of hunger, she felt even more of him than she had earlier in the car. It was as if that had been nothing but child's play, an innocent act done under surveillance, under parent's watch, trying to prove their maturity to one another. And this, this was a craze of obsession as it heightened with his hips and the grind they made into her body, with his lips, his tongue, blindly mapping out the familiar line of her jaw, her breasts as they fell from her sleeveless dress, into his mouth, the places he could feel inside of her, different than they had been in the car. Every time they were together it was different, in ways that only the same thing can be. For while they didn't change individually, together they were growing. He saw this. She saw this.

"Sheldon…" she whispered, strangely, exotic in nature as her hips forced down upon him with a final plea, a final rush. He grunted in response, forcing himself into her again, and breaking down her release, covering himself in her heat, her moisture as she screamed his name, all the things he loved, all the things he knew he needed. And drawing back once more, a twinkling smile of sincere wickedness, he groped her hips with fixation, and pushed down into her with his own trickling discharge. He filled her body with his longing seed, relaxing into her and away with only sighs.

It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you


Chatham Bay - July 4th, 1995


Her toes rose upon his as he dragged her weight along in the cold sand, hand at her waist, hand locked in her own. Dancing was not his forte, but somehow Lily had insisted he try again and again, until eventually he was better with harmony than he was with merely walking along the street. There had been a picnic in the park earlier in the day, a carnival, a baseball game, all things they had enjoyed gladly with smiles and conversation, friendly banter while keeping their fingers tightly bound together. They had one more night together before Jeff had to leave for a Washington briefing, concerning a case that had her own brother bound along with him to its tight clutch. It was their first major handling together, one that kept Boston's police force under seclusion, under chains and veils for every bit of protection they could muster. It was a job that Lily and her mom had begged them not to take, and to which they insisted it would be their break into the agency if they did it right. Tulza would be no match for Sands and Hanson, so they pressed on.

He breathed darkly into her hair as they spun about in the empty sand, the open air of the audience free beach. The only music was twenty yards down the shore, distant and humming into the waves that surrounded them. But they made their own, as was ever their drill in moments like these. There was very little left to say, and what wasn't spoken aloud, soaked through the breast of his white t-shirt as she cried against him. He had waited all day for these tears, had prevented them until now, but knew it was too little too late at this point. Crying was Lily's way, and he respected her for it. She was the only person who had ever cried over him.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, kissing the top of her wind-blown hair.

A sniffle of relief came at the broken silence and she pushed her face harder into him.

"Things."

"Interesting things by any chance?"

"Just things Jeff." Her voice was cold, as if she were prematurely distancing herself from him. When he caught this, he held her waist tighter, also hearing a slight rumble in the sky over the bay.

"Well make them good things then…"

She felt as if she were drowning, the more he put off the inevitable, the more he tried to sway her into believing it wouldn't be the end, it wouldn't be dangerous. Unable to contain herself, her arms wrapped around his neck as hard as she could manage, her toes lifting off of his bare feet as he held her against him, her breath in his ear. "Don't get yourself killed, Sheldon. Please." New tears formed as she choked on the words, and he stiffened in her hold. "You have to swear…that you won't do anything stupid. I won't survive without you or Tommy. This isn't just some convenient store bust…"

"I know that." He whispered back, planting her feet on the sand again. "I'm ready for this, Lily."

She nodded in understanding with more questions filtering to the tip of her tongue, "And you can't call me."

"Yes I can, and I will." His finger drew her face back to his, "I'll call you every free chance I get."

"And Christmas? Can you both come home for Christmas?"

"I don't know." Again her face fell away in sadness. Jeff coughed back the angst growing in the pit of his stomach, and bent his face down to where hers was hiding away in the night. "But I'm going to do my damndest to be here. Okay?"

A shaking nod of her head was response.

He gripped her shoulders as the thunder gained strength overhead. "I'm coming back, I promise. Nothing's going to happen Lily, I'm tough, Tommy's tough we can handle it." She said nothing, and he shook her warmly with force, "Do you hear me?" Her eyes darted up with his violent conclusion. "Everything is going to be fine. Nothing will change."

A solid tear ran down against her cheek as the predicted rain fell along the sand at their feet. Looking up to him, she felt her knees wobble with mock uncertainty in his words, and he felt his own heart give out in a forced expression of absoluteness. Lily didn't smile; she didn't nod her head or touch his face. She spoke with as much silence, as much concern as the rain, "Thing's have already started to change, Jeff."


It was a dream, not the first like it, and certainly not the last. Lily's eyes shifted from the darkness of her own mind, to the darkness of the room as she heard the rain filter from her sleep into her conscious, present state. Curled in the warmth of expensive sheets, she stretched her legs out to pulled the rigged muscles, toes touching the baseboard of the bed. She yawned, smiled out of renewed habit, and brushed the hair out of her face further to take in her surroundings. The mattress was empty save for a few scattered pillows, a discarded shirt. Music was still playing throughout the space, rain coming down from the open doors of the balcony, and two pair feet, the ones that were missing from the bed beside her, were hanging out over the end of a patio chair.

Sitting up, she wrapped the clinging sheet further around her now exposed body, smiling again, and standing to walk. This though was immediately determined as near to impossible, her thighs, calves, everything numb and tingling with each step. Careful not to trip over her own lack of nutrition, over her own weak form, she step towards the wide sliding doors, holding the curtain of her way as she stepped down to the balcony. Rain carried off the roof in sparkling icicles, ten feet away from the dry place where she saw Jeff lounging in the chair, his guitar propped on his lifeless legs and lap. Sleep deprivation had obviously won out on his mode of relaxation, and this made her laugh as she stepped closer.

Shaking her head, she took the guitar from his hands as he stirred against the movement. This though was not managed easily, when his hand came up to take her wrist and another reached out to pull her body into his on the chair. She yelped at the startled move, but fell into the crook of his waist and lap, smiling as he held her tight, the guitar settled on her own legs.

"I was planning on playing that still." He replied with a mock grin.

A giggle held her lips in curve up to him, "Oh well excuse me…"

He held his own smile as he drew her closer to him, her legs eventually jetting out to relax between his as she fell snug into his lap with the instrument strumming lightly under her fingers. His arm draped over her chest was memorable, a place where it had so often seemed to fall, a protective place for Jeff. He took a thick inhalation of her hair as he kissed her head, romantically, a way he hadn't managed to bring himself to in too long a time span. There was no need for romance in the world he'd lost himself in, the world of dangerous bets and costly avenues of success. Romance killed more often that tobacco and guns in Sands' world.

"I think you've permanently shattered my pelvis tonight." She hummed into the warm, bristly skin of his arm with laughter. He caught the joke and joined her.

"Want me to pop it back into place for you?" Emphasis on the word pop humored her, and she nestled into his chest with further mockery.

"Said the CIA agent…"

He chuckled into the cold rain, leaning over the chair to feel for the guitar she had moved to her own lap. Snatching it back, she shifted her weight away from him to watch in amazement as he began to play, lightly, carefully recalling every cord, every sound the guitar could make.

"Still sounds exactly the same..."

Smiling, he wrapped his legs tighter around her waist, playing. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah…" she focused harder on the movement of his fingers, thinking aloud, "You know I finally learned how to play."

"Yeah, right. Get outta here..."

"I'm serious, an Irish guy in a pub taught me."

He laughed darkly over the rhythm, finding it impossible information, but still intrigued. Lily, annoyed at his laughing, slapped him in the leg, "It's true, and you don't believe me? I'm really good…"

"An Irish guy in a pub?"

"On a trip my mom and I took to Dublin. There was this singer, cute guy actually…" she mocked, with a firm caress of his legs as he shook his head in oblivious tone. "…anyway, he taught me to play one night."

"One night? I tried to teach you for years…you never picked anything up."

"That's because you're a terrible teacher."

Sensing a tease, he back fired on her. "Terrible teacher…huh. Well, that certainly isn't what you said about our other lessons." A crooked grin at the corner of his mouth, around the corner of her ear told her everything she needed to know. She took the guitar from him and sat it on the ground while he tried to oppose her leave, and then slyly returned to slide into his lap again, kissing his bare stomach and chest. Sands felt his body tense in drowning warmth as her lips covered him, the sensation of her skin, her mouth, the sound of rain and distant radio tunes, something so vaguely familiar it nearly killed him. And without hesitating to think about the how's or the why's of what they were becoming again, he moved his hand to the back of her head, lifting her mouth to his, and breathing down upon her lips.

When he kissed her that time he tasted like the rain, like refined burning tequila, like the cigarette paper that melted to his tongue. He tasted like life, something that she had missed from his face. Life was what they needed, and between the roll of far away thunderclouds, the warmed sheets of the bed, the unmarked territory of beats shifting in the room, and during their passionate movement as one again, they came to accept and relish in the place they had come to. This fork in their everlasting and provincial road. This merger of memories, of vengeance and pain that could only be soothed by the thought of a bay breeze summer and a case that had changed everything for them.

They didn't even have to say the word.