Twisted Logic

Somewhere in the Gulf...Mid Afternoon


"So when is someone going to explain to me…what the hell we're doing in this thing?"

There was no response, from anyone. Shane was comfortably lying out on the upper level of the boat, bikini clad and tanning. Carter was rambling on and on in a phone conversation, one that sounded personal, as if it may have been Allie. Andy was relaxing in the seat across from her with a beer in one hand and a portable GPS marker in the other, laughing every fifteen seconds or so at its updating details. And Jeff sat behind her on the same long seat at the wheel, his head leaning back over the edge of the boat, catching the sun upon his cheeks and only laughing at her insistence in the matter. They all seemed too calm to her, as if they had known the trip would come to this, almost like it was their job to pull stunts of this kind. Professional pains in the ass.

"You guys…seriously, is that part of the job description?"

"Agents don't have job descriptions, Harvard." Carter chided as he hung up his argument on the phone and walked towards her at the front of the boat. "We do what we see fit…at the moment…in the moment. Welcome to the fold."

Jeff laughed again behind her, his knees locked around her waist where she leaned into him. Lily simply stared up at Danny through her shades, her head slightly shaking at the nonsense of his response. "I don't get it. We just kidnapped a felons boat…how is that helping the government? He's not on the damn thing with us…"

"You're right, he's not. But think about this…" he began, leaning against the wheel with a fresh capped beer in hand and a strange, glowing grin curling up beneath his glasses. "…when those marina watchdogs run off to make a call to a certain owner of said Monterey, which is now…oh," he looked down to the dials on the dashboard below him, "Thirty long miles from port…and they tell him that a group claiming to be CIA bolted off with his ninety thousand dollar boat, what do you think is gonna happen?"

Shaking her head, annoyed, she tried to answer truthfully, "He's going to try to hide from you guys."

"I had a feeling you might say that…."

"Then what?"

"Carter, get to the fucking point." Sands' argued in a grumble from behind Lily, as Andy laughed and kept attention with the GPS.

Danny sighed and took another sip of his beer as he adjusted to look down at her again, "Tuzla is the one guy who's matched the cops, the FBI, us…time after time. And why is that…?" he asked rhetorically, "Well…because he's always one step ahead of them. That cocksucker more than likely already has a plan in effect for this kind of thing…his boat goes missing…he flips the switch."

"What switch is that?" She asked back sarcastically.

"The one that tells everyone to step up, instead of hiding out. Jimmy's smart, he's the opposite of everything we know about criminals…he's stealth, just like the intelligence that tries to catch him. When he feels threatened by the law…he becomes the predator, instead of prey."

"So what does stealing the boat do?"

"It gives us a chance to see what we're up against. It's our official greeting…so to speak." He took another sip of his beer as she sat shaking her head, completely confused by their logic.

"Let me get this straight…you all are purposefully walking into the lion's den…basically doing a tap dance on his boots, and then waiting to see how he'll react?"Sands' hummed with relaxed laughter behind her as she glanced back to see his smile. Danny was nodding when she returned to him. "And this is what the CIA does all the time? Instead of scaring the guys you want to catch, you piss them off…"

"As I said before, welcome to the sector, doc." With a wave of his hand, he got up from there to get another beer, and as she turned around to face Jeff again, she noticed him already sitting up, his arms slowly draping over hers as she crawled into him.

"So we sit here and wait for them to come after us?" She whispered as he brushed back her hair, rubbing her back at the same time.

His head was nodding in approval when she looked up, watching him finish off his beer. "I could have warned you earlier, but figured you would lose your damn mind over it. Come to think of it," he smirked as he stretched out, "…you may still go nuts on me."

"Well it would have been nice to know that we were going to be shark bait for the afternoon…"

"Don't worry these won't be the big sharks…not yet."

She wished she could see that statement in a shining light, but even the thought of lesser criminals, the assistants to criminals coming after her with weapons, death sentences by association, by her relation to a certain cop family, was too much for her to bear accepting. Lily tried to find a focus on something else instead. Tanning with Shane would have been an option if they had lent her the information enough to pack her bikini. The radio on the boat kept her attention for a while though, as she sat counting the boats on the distant horizon, trying not to wonder if any of them would come closer, with guns. They never did.

After a while, she drifted to sleep in Sands' arms, her head filled with a number of different thoughts, images, good and bad, steady and wavering. She was wandering on open sea, crashing upon waves in a reckless Northern storm, the sands of the Cape eventually pulling her to them. Each particle of gold sparkled as her boat came ashore, her feet hit the soft grains, and she walked along carefully, following a path of footsteps larger than her own. There was no breeze on the coast, soundless rain only; striking lighting that tore away the sun when she glanced up into the sky. Her white cotton dress turned blue in the shade of the silent clouds, the footsteps disappeared as she stood in place, turning slowly at the sole sound of a voice. "It's my fault Lily…it was always my fault. Don't do this anymore…" Spinning around to see the moving lips of a man, she realized that it wasn't who she thought it was; it was Tommy. His face was sad, but a smile kept strong at the corner of his lips as his palm touched her cheek, without sensation, nothing more than a light breeze in the movement. A second later, his eyes were replaced by glasses, aviators she recognized, but not her brother's. Lily blinked into the falling rain, crystals in the spark of lightning, and when she opened her eyes again, the face was not Tommy's…it was Jeff's. And the rain was no longer falling from the sky, but from underneath of his glasses, from his eyes as he pulled the aviators away and revealed the dark orbs she remembered, the glassy auburn heaven of them.

She never had a chance though, as the scene changed itself immediately to black, white, fading into something true, something deep and melodic. A memory.


"Can I get you kids some blueberry pie? I made it this morning…"

Tommy howled with an aching, full stomach across from Lily and Jeff as they laughed at him, their hands twisted together under the table's edge. "I don't think I'll need to eat again for a month, mom." Debbie smiled down at him as she lifted his plate away, and kissed him on top of the head.

"Good. You all hardly look like you've been eating at all up there."

"We manage…pizza and beer." Jeff sighed as he relaxed against his own chair with a shared smile from Deb. Lily began to stand to help her mom with the dishes when Tom stopped her.

"No way. It's my turn for once."

"Let me do it." She chided, reaching out for the bowl of potatoes at the same moment as him, chuckles of competition. But Tommy glanced away to Jeff after a moment, a different grin colliding at the corner of his mouth before he returned to Lily.

"I've got it, Lil. Sit." After one more instance of struggle on the bowl, she let it go, and settled back down next to Jeff, his arm snaking around her shoulder to pull her to him closer. He kissed the top of her head, and then leaned his nose down to whisper in her ear.

"Take a walk with me?" There was something very different about his voice all of a sudden, something that matched the way he had acted most of the evening, an odd uncertainty almost. She glanced out of the sliding door to see the beach, growing dark, and the September wind.

"It's cold."

"Yeah…" he whispered again with a laugh, "That's sort of why you have me."

She smiled at this, and eventually gave in, standing up and walking hand in hand to the door with him. Her mom smiled from the sink and Tom winked awkwardly as they stepped out, bones shivering on contact. Jeff immediately dropped his jacket and helped her slide it over her arms, two sizes too big as always. They walked down the steps of the house, onto the sand, and eventually out to where the water crashed against the wet shore in the purple light of the dark sky. Jeff kept his arm tight around her waist, lifting her body up over the higher waves that came onto the shore, edging out toward the pier, the one her dad had built years before.

After a long time, she forced the conversation to commence. "Is something wrong, you seem weird?"

He glanced sideways down to where Lily was taking a seat on the bench at the end of the dock. There were a million ways he could have answered her, and none of them seemed to actually fit. He stood standing, too wired to sit.

"You should know I'm weird by now, kid." He chuckled briefly, nervously.

"No, you're just acting…like…"

"What?"

"Like there's something on your mind."

He said nothing, only stared at her, watching as she wrapped his jacket around her body tighter, her teeth chattering.

"Jeffery."

"Lily."

"You wanted to take a walk…but you don't want to talk to me?"

Taking a deep sigh, he felt himself losing focus, unable to control the need to run in the other direction, to let her discover the point behind it all herself. Jeff wasn't a nervous person, ever, about anything but this.

"I don't know how to start this…" he began, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he spun around to stand at the rail of the pier, looking out and away from her gaze.

Lily eyed him suspiciously, her stomach turning over numerous times at the way he stood, the manner of his body, the side of his face. Unwilling to keep the silence, she tried to help him.

"How to start what?"

Another deep sigh came as he shifted back, holding her eyes in the blackness of his. There, in the pits of angst, of terror, of uncertainty, she came to accept something she thought she saw.

"Oh no." She whispered, her hands half covered by the sleeves of his coat, coming up to hold her mouth in a gasp of air. Lily could feel her eyes burning as he watched her, and shook her head, eyes zipped shut immediately. "Jeff, don't."

"Lil, I have to." He murmured under his breath, coming closer to her as she met him in quickness and jumped from the bench, stepping away and back down the pier.

"No…no you don't have to." Clinging to his jacket tighter, she hurried off a ways as he shouted back at her. Trying not to listen to him, she only stopped to profess the point on firmer grounding. She turned with tears in her eyes, a choking tickle in her throat, and red, icy cheeks. "Just stay Sheldon, stay right there. Don't follow me…don't, don't do this!"

"Lily come on I'm serious…you have to give me a chance with this."

"A chance?! You want me to give you a chance to…to…" her breath hitched as she stamped her boot against the planks, rumpling her hair in the wind, with the stress of the moment. "You want to tell me something I don't want to hear…you want to break up with me…you want to break this!" Tears fell heavier from her eyes as his jaw dropped, his shoulders slumped forward the same as hers, and he somehow was coming in closer again, considerately.

"What…in the hell…is your problem?"His voice wasn't mean, only shatteringly confused.

With quivering lips, she fed his words back to him. "M-my problem?"

"I've said it before, and I'll just keep saying it as long as you live…I swear…you are the craziest fucking girl I've ever known. You're insane."

"Oh…well gee thanks."

"You're very welcome…" His eyes were popping out of his head as he stood before her, not reaching out but carefully easing his hand into the opening where his jacket swung loosely from her body. As his fingers danced inside of the hidden pocket, she flinched and stared at him angrily. "Hold still."Another second quickly passed as she dried her eyes, for the sake of only her stinging cheeks, and watching his free arm delved further around her, pulling her waist closely to mesh with his own. He winked once quickly as it hovered above her nose, and brought his hand from inside of the pocket, curled into a fist for some reason.

"If you're not going to break up with me…then why the heck did you bring me out here in the cold?"

A sly smirk crossed his lips as he gained the confidence he had been looking for, praying for. Holding onto her hip with one hand, he brushed away her floating curls from her nose, her wet eyes, and then carefully eased himself to the ground in front of her. Heavy breathing ensued, more tears, a wavering, shaking jaw as Lily attempted to speak and could only bring herself to gasp.

"Lillian Grace Hanson…"

"You're not…"

"Oh yeah, I am." He laughed, relaxing on his knee, the velvet box perched in his palm.

"No."

"Yes."

"Jeff…"

"Lily."

"You can't mean this…" He glanced upward at her statement with a tight smirk as she continued to cry. "I mean, you're really serious?"

"I told you so…"


When the shadows cleared above her head and the sparkling drift of a hundred insights floated back into the imaginary sky, Lily's eyes cracked open. She felt weightless, the scene was darker, a hazy grey in place of the sun that had shone through her glasses previously. There was still movement under her, around her, but it wasn't as peaceful, it didn't feel like waves. It was a road, a car, high speed and humming music, the sound of arguing voices nearby, but no warmth, no arms around her, no breathing on her neck.

Yawning as she stirred further, her body turned over to face where the voices came from, and as the leather seat beneath her crumpled to fit her form, two heads twisted to draw focus, only one pair of eyes.

"Damn…took you long enough, girl." Carter chuckled as he spun back to re-focus on the road. The other face, tinted by unanimous shades, only smiled.

"Jeff."

"Hey."

"Did I…was I asleep all this time?"

"Dead asleep." He replied with a low laugh as her head fell back on the seat again, and she stared up at the passing moon and streetlamps, upside down, in the large window of the moving car. She began to wonder what she had missed if anything, if Tuzla's boys had made any sort of attempt on the theft of the boat, what had happened to the boat itself now that they were back in the car, and of course, how had she actually slept through any of it at all? Was she more tired than she had given herself credit for? The last thing she could even remember was the sound of Jeff's voice as her eyes fell closed in his arms, he had merely said, 'Don't worry, these won't be the big sharks…not yet.' Not yet? As opposed to some other time, very soon?

She tried not to think about it and instead took to counting each passing, yellow light above her head, concentrating on the music that was running the length of the truck, and the sound of a pill bottle, nearly empty, shaking into a palm. Letting this last detail pass for a minute or so, she eventually thought on it more clearly, realizing that only one person in the car was in any dire, known need of medication, and that his pill bottle should be nowhere near empty yet. Lily sat up instantly to bear proper witness to the scene. Sands' was entirely too nonchalant about the act, the four or five whole pills that were being tossed back from his palm to his mouth, no water provided for their run down. She practically choked at it.

Leaning in wearily from the backseat to the front, she asked, nervous. "Jeff…you okay?"

He turned back with a half grin, trying to hide something deeper. "Fantastic."

"Do you have a headache?"

"No."

"Is your leg--"

"Lil, I'm fine." He snapped quietly, turning the radio notch a little higher as Benny and the Jets filtered in. She ignored the ignorance and pressed on, performing only her job.

"I didn't give you those pills so you could overdose on them. How many did you take?"

He refused to answer.

"Sheldon, you can't take that many at once. The bottle's almost gone…what are you--"

"Enough!" He shouted back instantly, not caring whether he disturbed the driver or not in the process.

"No." she demanded quickly, "I got you that prescription to help you, not so you could kill yourself. I'm still your doctor…now give me the damn bottle."

"Get fucked." When Lily's jaw dropped, Carter's followed. No one said anything. The car continued on over the bridge smoothly, Lily slid back against the seat, legs crossed, arms crossed, eyes watering out of habit but never shedding a single tear. Jeff threw his head back into the seat forcefully, grunting at his own stupidity, his own temper, but never said another word.

After a long, passing minute, it was Lily who spoke. "You were right you know…" a pause in time fell as Carter kept his tight focus on only the road, and Jeff's head shifted solemnly at her voice. "…you haven't changed at all."