Chapter 8

BPOV

An amplitude of emotions crash into me. Yet at the same time, I can't really identify what I feel exactly, all I know is I feel broken. I realize that I'm back with the Cullens now, but it's as if my mind is back in that dank warehouse. They are all smiling, glad that I remember I guess. I know they heard me muttering about being embarrassed. Not knowing what else to say, I turn my eyes down towards my folded hands.

"Bella, it's perfectly understandable after what you've been through." Esme said. Everyone was still lined up on the farthest part of the wall. Trying to lean up in a better position proved to be a difficult task. I started to feel lightheaded and slumped back down.

Though it didn't help much, my head still felt strange. It was like I was dazed. Looking at Carlisle, I needed to make sense of things.

"Carlisle. Did you give me something? What happened?"

"When we found you, you were unstable. You had a lot of blood loss and abrasions along with some deep cuts. I have been giving you some pain killers. They're probably wearing off and that's why you're feeling dizzy.

Now, if you are in any pain I can give you another dosage, but it will put you to sleep."

"No. I think I've slept enough for the time being." Carlisle just nods. Moments pass with nothing being said. I'm just anxious for them to leave.

"Let's give Bella a chance to rest. Get better Bella." Jasper smiled sadly at me. Everyone agreed and piled out of the room. Everyone except for Edward. I knew the time apart was its own special form of torture for him, and I knew he missed me. But I just didn't know if I was ready to be close with anyone.

He takes slow steps up to me, and despite my better judgment I attempt to be okay with the close proximity. I look up at him and smile. This reunion was the only thing that made me want to fight to live when I was kidnapped. I just wasn't expecting to feel apprehensive or fearsome of any of the Cullens, especially Edward.

"Is it okay for me to sit on the edge of the bed Bella?" He nearly pleaded. If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was him who was in pain instead of me.

"I don't know. I want it to be okay, you can try." My throat creaks out. His mouth breaks into that crooked smile and almost completely calms me, quieting my fears. Almost.

He carefully sits down and takes my hand gently in his. I can feel my heart thumping in my chest. Taking deep breaths I am determined to be able to do this small thing. I smile at Edward reassuringly.

"We are going to get through this Bella. Do you believe that?" Edward asked.

"I don't know. What if this breaks us. I know I already feel….damaged." A tear tracks down my cheek. Edward moves his free hand to wipe it off. Instinctively, I immediately pull back, a small scream escapes my mouth as I escape from his reach. His arm shoots back to his side and he stands to move.

"Sorry…I'm so sorry Edward." More tears fall.

Turning to look at me, he starts feverishly apologizing. "No, don't be sorry Bella. I should have known better. You aren't broken and neither is this relationship. Bella, together we can overcome anything, and I can't be without you. If I have to stay five feet away from you then so be it, but for all eternity you have my life in your hands."

"I love you so much Edward, and I feel the same way. I just, I just need time to take everything in and figure out how to move on."

"Take as long as you need my love, if you need anything, I'll be a mere whisper away." Edward smiles and walks out the room, leaving me here alone with my demons to battle.

I try to hold back my full feelings, try to be strong. But my façade quickly dissipates and the sobs hit me full force. I can't help but think that despite Edward and his family's words that they aren't going to love a broken Bella. I don't think I could really blame them, I put their family through so much in just this year alone.

Before I was…I was taken, I felt useless enough but this increases that feeling by tenfold at least. Looking at the clock beside my bed, it reads 7:23p. I've been sitting here wallowing for two hours now but I still couldn't get past it. I still didn't feel safe. Jasper must be having the world's biggest headache right now. Well that couldn't be helped.

My chest heaves erratically a few times and I close my eyes calling for sleep to overtake me. It seemed to be working but flashes of what happened smacked into me, causing me to cry out in fear.

"Edward!" I bolted upright in panic. Looking around I remember that I'm alone. Barely even seconds later, the subject of my scream ran in my room.

"Bella? What happened?" He asked in rushed hurried tones.

"I was drifting and was starting to remember what happened. Could you stay with me? Please?" I practically begged.

"Whatever you need Bella." Edward moved to sit beside the bed. "Is this too close?"

Thinking about it, what I really needed was to feel safe. No one but Edward could make me feel completely safe and right now I needed to feel him closer to be reassured.

"No…um. Could you hold me?" I hesitantly ask. Shifting his previous position, Edward slowly pulls me into his arms.

"No problem, you never need to feel shy to ask me anything ever."

At first, the lack of space was making me nervous. My heartbeat was definitely heard by Edward, but after settling in, it was more comfortable. Closing my eyes again, my breathing slows to a more normal pace.

"Sleep well love."

((AN: Writing a conscious after-rape Bella is hard. Warning for part of future chapters, Bella might seem a bit…loony. But, I think it's appropriate after such a traumatic experience. So….review on this chapter please! NOW! LOL. Please…. :( Thanksies!))