I was lying on the bed, thinking about what that woman had said. Dorian was already sleeping, but I couldn't close my eyes. This was all too much for me. The part of me was still hoping this was just an extremely long dream.

I put my hand on my stomach. Another child. I was supposed to be happy…but why the only thing I felt was rage. I believed him everything he said…I thought he really cared. But no…it was all fake.

Tears appeared in my eyes. I felt like choking; I had to run out of the room. Walls were closing over me. I didn't want to have his child.

I thought about the future; I saw myself holding the newborn baby in my arms. No, I couldn't do that…I could never love that child. It would just remind me on my biggest mistake over and over again. Maybe I should throw away the protection Lily gave me and let Murtagh find me…but he would kill me too.

However, I had a reason to live; she was lying in her crib and sleeping peacefully right next to where I was standing. I smiled at her. Oh, Elisabeth…my love. You don't know what your mummy did.

I cried almost whole night. It was the only thing I could have done. Dorian found me in the morning; I fell asleep on the floor next to the crib. Elisabeth was crying.

"Amarantha?" Dorian helped me to get up; he was so worried "What happened to you?"

"I…" I didn't know what to say.

"Are you feeling alright? Oh, you're so pale!" Dorian was all over me, trying to realize what was going on with me.

"I'm fine." I sighed, taking Elisabeth in my arms "Shh, honey, it's okay. Mummy's here."

"Amarantha, you're not fine!" he was so sure of it I didn't know how to convince him the opposite.

"How could you tell?" I yelled at him, annoyed and Elisabeth cried even harder.

"You see?" he said "You're upsetting her too!"

"I…" I gave her to him and ran out of the house. People were already outside, getting ready for work or going somewhere else. My neighbor looked in my direction and I sighed; oh, just great!

"Oh Amarantha, how are you?" Ramona, my dearest neighbor came closer to me.

"I'm fine." I muttered, hoping she'll just go away…like that ever happened.

"My, my…you look so tired! Your eyes are red!" she looked at me from head to toe "Oh, you poor thing! Did Elisabeth hold you awake whole night again?"

"Yes." I said shortly. I was not going to give any explanations to that woman. Especially when I couldn't tell her the truth.

"Oh, I know how it is to have a baby in the house! My…" she kept talking but I stopped listening to her. I got lost in my thoughts again.

"And you?" suddenly asked Ramona with smile on her face. Oh, great…I was supposed to say something but I had no idea what she'd been saying.

"I…I have to go." I forced myself to smile at her and went back to the house.

"Amarantha, please, you have to tell me what's going on with you." Dorian said at the moment he saw me "I can't go on like this! Please!"

I glanced at Elisabeth, who was sleeping again in her crib. Was she dreaming like me? Or she just loved to sleep; I couldn't tell…it was still very early in the morning. Dorian was still looking at me expectantly and I didn't feel like giving any false answers.

I went closer to him. There was nothing else I could do if I wanted to keep my family alive; I kissed Dorian passionately and before he could realize what was going on, I pulled him to our room.


After that day Dorian didn't ask me anything. We were back to our old routine; he would go to work every morning and I stayed home, taking care of Elisabeth. For a moment, I almost forgot how my life had changed.

Dorian's kisses usually got me back to reality, where I had to be careful what I was saying or how was I acting. My feelings for Dorian had changed and I couldn't see him as the person I love anymore.

I wanted Dorian to be with me and Elisabeth as her father, but I didn't want him to kiss me or to touch me. It wasn't because of him; it was because of me. I was the one who felt disgusted by myself.

Because every time I kissed my husband, I remembered the Dragon Rider. I hated him. Hated him for what he had done to me but part of me was still hoping Lily was wrong.

"There's still hope!" my husband's friend ran into the house one day.

"Hope?" I raised an eyebrow. That man used to get excited over stupid things. Not to mention that he was obsessed with everything that happened in the Empire.

"I just heard Eragon escaped from the king!" he smiled "We don't know much about how it happened but apparently Eragon's friends…the Varden…figured out the way to free him! That means we have a chance to bring the king down. But don't tell to anyone, I know you and Dorian are reliable and that you don't like the Empire much since…"

"Yeah, since the Empire took me away…" I said. Did I forget to mention he talked too much and too fast?

"There will be war!" he said "Galbatorix is pissed! Where is Dorian, anyway?"

"He's not home yet." I sad absently.

"Oh." he said "Do you know that the soldiers of the Empire will most likely come here and take every man who is able to fight?"

"So there will be a big war?" I sighed and then panicked "Wait, what about the other Dragon Rider? Is he still…?"

"Yup. He's still with Galbatorix." he frowned "Why do you ask that? Hello, Dorian could be forced to join the army!"

I hated that guy so much. He really didn't have to wave in front of my nose with his hand and say I was supposed to start crying for my husband! For a second I thought something happened to Murtagh when Eragon escaped.

"The soldiers won't come here for him…our village is too far from Urû'baen. There are lots of places closer to there." I felt relieved Murtagh was alive for some strange reason, but I was surprised with myself for even talking about the Empire "They don't have time."

"Actually we don't know how much time it would take or when will the war start…" he said, trying to look extremely smart "Months can pass by…we don't know!"

"Whatever." I suddenly said. I really didn't care for all this. This guy just needed to tell to someone what he heard.

"But…" he said "We could all be dead!"

"Yeah…" I was sure my face was showing what I meant about the topic.

"Ah, you're a woman. You don't understand." he sighed.

"True." I smiled. Finally he said something smart. I didn't care if there was a battle…as long as it was far from me. And there was really no reason for battle to come here. I noticed the man had left so I just got back to what I was doing. At least the food was nicely cooked.


Dorian wasn't in the good mood when he came home. Rumors came to him too. Someone said the Empire was indeed coming for soldiers, but there was no way to confirm that. Whole village was in panic; typical for this kind of situation.

Everyone was worried; wives for their husbands, mothers for their sons and men because they didn't know will they ever come back.

"I might have to go." Dorian said while we were eating our dinner.

"Where?" I asked like I haven't been living in the same place.

"To the war!" he was upset but he calmed down in an instant "I have a feeling they're coming for me."

"But you wouldn't go with them! Not after they…" I said.

"I wouldn't…but I have to! If they don't find me…or I say I won't go…they'll kill us!" he said sadly "I won't let anyone hurt you or Elisabeth! I'll go with them."

"Umm." I didn't know what to say; him being away didn't sound like a bad idea. I mentally kicked myself. How could I ever think of sending him to death after all I've done to him? I got so nervous that I got up from the table and went to take a glass of water. Dorian stared at me with puzzled look on his face.

"What?" I looked at him. He was making me anxious.

"I have to ask you something…please, don't get mad!" he said uncomfortably.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow. Now this was weird.

"Did you gain weight?" he flushed, looking at my already a bit rounded stomach. I put my hands on it protectively.

"I'm pregnant." I said quietly. He's face changed from shock to happiness then to something it looked like anger.

"For how long did you know?" he asked.

"Um, not long." I lied.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he was suspicious.

"I was waiting for a perfect moment." I turned around, looking at the window. There was no way I could lie while looking at him about something so big as this.

"Oh, we're having a baby!" suddenly he was so excited that he got up from the table and came to hug me "That's wonderful news!"

"Yes!" I forced myself to smile.

"Oh, this is great! Honey, I love you so much!" he was kissing me, touching my stomach and smiling like crazy. He didn't suspect anything just like Lily said he wouldn't. Days were passing by so fast, who could actually tell how many?

"I love you too." I stared at the point on the wall behind him.

"Oh, honey!" he was still out of his mind. I guess that was normal…I remembered when I told him I was pregnant the first time. We were dancing around the house and screaming from happiness. When Elisabeth was born, it was one of the most beautiful moments ever…well, not exactly the act of giving birth…but everything after that.

"I'm tired." I suddenly said "I would like to go to the bed. Could you clean up, please?"

"Sure, sure!" I knew he was ready to do anything for me "You just go! I'll take care of this mess here."

"Thanks." I smiled and we kissed. I went to the room and closed the door. So part of the plan was working.


"Amarantha." I jumped in shock when I heard someone saying my name. It was Lily and she seemed pretty amused with my reaction. I had no idea when she entered the house because I didn't hear anything. I guess she knew Dorian wasn't there.

"Don't you ever do that to me again! I'm pregnant!" I said and then considered it; it was possible to lose the baby…it would solve my problems maybe.

"No!" Lily frowned.

"Oh, reading my mind again?" I sighed "I just think I'm not ready for this."

"Not ready?" she was surprised "You already have a child! It's not your first time!"

"No, that's not what I meant." I said "I don't know can I love that child…when it would only remind me on…"

"So?" she smiled mysteriously. I could swear I saw something dangerous in her eyes.

"So?" I had no idea what she meant.

"It's not important. I just want you to give birth, nothing else." she said.

"You want to say it's not important what I feel…" I said quietly.

"No, no, no." she smiled wickedly "Of course, it is important. That's why I'm telling you to do this! You'll change your mind when the baby is born."

"I hope so." I whispered.

"Listen to me, Amarantha." she said "You're not a murderer. You couldn't lose your child on purpose. Besides, that would put you in danger too."

"I guess you'll right." I said "But if you keep scaring me like that…or something happens…"

"Nothing will happen." she said "Oh, I almost forgot…the army will take your husband away…"

"What?" I gasped "What?"

"Rumors are true. The king wants to have a big army…everyone will be called…everyone." she said "Aren't you happy about it?"

"Happy about the war? Are you out of your mind?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Not that, silly." she laughed "Dorian leaving…isn't that great?"

"I don't know." I said "I don't want him to die…I don't want to be alone here…"

"I can come any time you want me." she said.

"I prefer to be alone, thank you." I said bitterly "I think I'll invite my cousin to stay with me."

"Oh, alright then." she smiled "See you!"

"I hope not." I muttered to myself after she left; she might be saving my life but she wasn't on my list of favorite people. So Dorian was indeed leaving. I felt relieved. I won't have to fake happiness in front of him. But I didn't want him to go either. I wasn't ready to take care of everything by myself…

I decided to visit my cousin. She lived just at the other part of the village. She was married but didn't have kids. I was sure her husband will have to go just like Dorian.

I just knew I couldn't be alone...