Chapter 6
A/N This is a parody and bares little resemblance to the wonderful writing, acting and characterizations in shows Little House on the Prairie and Bonanza. It's just basically a fan fic writer being silly (-;
Also, thanks so much everyone who commented reviewed or even read my silly story. You guys make writing such fun.
~o~
They trudged on for many miles, the blistering sun high in the sky making their journey ever more difficult. The sun was so blazing hot it would take a good bata writers help to write it properly.
Mr Edwards sang Old Dan Tucker for the first hour but as morning turned to afternoon everyone got sick of it and told him to shut up. He spent the rest of the time trudging along grumbling to himself.
Nelly walked gracefully along in buttoned down boots that were too high and her head of golden curls was shaded by a large frill rimmed umbrella. Percival crawled after her on his hands and knees lugging the large box of China on his back.
Charles and John walked out in front, trying to get ahead of Ivan and then each other.
"I think it's this way," John pointed to a steep incline of rocks just ahead. "I have this deep founded instinct that my son is somewhere just beyond those rocks."
Ivan passed him heading in the other direction. One by one everyone followed Ivan until John was on his own.
"Okay, wait up," he called as he jogged his big frame over to catch them up.
~o~
"Are you sure you know where we are?" Charles asked. "This looks a lot like Cheyenne territory."
Ivan turned round to face him, his handsome blond features coming over all snotty and affronted.
"Of course I know what I'm doing. I've been a tracker ever since my parents were killed by vigilante circus folk when I was three. I knew then that I would have to toil and scrape to forge a life for myself. I immediately journeyed to Carson city and signed on as a Trackers apprentice."
"At three?" Laura asked.
"Yes, I had no other choice. I would have to wait another ten years before I could avail of the savings in my parents joint bank account."
"That's a lovely back story lending incredible depth to your character," Charles nodded "but you've led us out on to waste ground that is part owned by Cheyenne Indians. There isn't a watering hole for miles and night will fall soon plunging the temperature so low it could kill us while we sleep."
Ivan looked all around him.
"Yeah, I see what you mean actually. It is pretty dead around here and we are out in the open, vulnerable."
They all looked at him.
"Okay," he said finally. "The good news is I'm not going to charge you. This tracking job is on the house. Yeah, I think I did go wrong somewhere."
"You went wrong?" Mr Edwards growled.
"Yeah, these trees and shrubs all look alike, you have to admit. Well good luck."
They all looked on in shock as he shook their hands and headed off down a dirt track by himself.
Laura squinted, shielding her eyes from the sun, "should we follow him pa?" She asked.
"No half pint, the road he's going is a path he must travel alone."
"Back to The Man From Uncle set," John nodded.
"Yep."
It was then that Nelly burst into tears.
"We're never getting out of here are we. We're stuck here forever. I wanna go home," she sobbed her heart out.
Laura rounded on her "Put a sock in it, you nit" she snapped.
"I'm the one who has lost the man I love. I'm the one who must lay down at night only to imagine his warm caressing hands on my trembling naked body. Being deprived of hot steamy sex night after night is more..."
Caroline went to her daughter and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"Laura, I know you're hurting but this is just a little too much information."
"But Ma I have all these feelings and Reverend Aldan tells us daily that we should practice honesty in all things."
"Yes dear I know but..."
"Aw let her talk Caroline," groused Mr Edwards, "she ain't bothering us none."
"What's everyone standing around for?" Charles asked as he came up.
John, Edwards and Percival dispersed quickly and busied themselves looking for firewood.
"Don't worry Half Pint, we'll make camp and start out first thing tomorrow morning. We'll find them tomorrow for sure and we'll bring Almanzo back with us and there will be no need whatsoever to ask the two captors any questions about anything because they are just opportunistic vigilantes out to make a quick few dollars yeah,"
Charles nodded to himself as he joined in the search for wood. Caroline and Laura exchanged glances.
~o~
Hoss ran to the other end of camp roaring like a great bull. Andy was high up on his shoulders holding on for dear life.
"An now the great bull is gettin angrier than a hornets nest. You best hold on up there."
Hoss let out another roar and galloped to the other end of camp.
Adam and Albert entered camp at that moment Adam grinning from ear to ear.
"Nice to see you found something constructive to do while I was away," he said.
Hoss reached up and took Andy down from his shoulders.
"Aw Adam, I'm havin such fun with this little feller. I ain't had this much fun since we had those two little kids to stay with us, you remember."
Andy went to stand with Albert, the fourteen year old looked awkward and traumatized and Albert tried to sympathize with his eyes.
"Adam, is that all the fish you caught?" Hoss asked. "Bonzo here will have them all for starters."
"It's Almanzo, and yes I'm starving."
Adam nodded, "yep, I'm afraid that's all we got. The line got snagged and I asked Albert there to wade out and would you believe Hoss the poor kid couldn't swim."
"Poor little fella."
"So, we stripped down to our long johns and into the water to learn the back stroke. He could swim the Mississippi now couldn't you Albert?"
"Yeah," Albert answered.
It was Andy's turn to fix him with a look of sympathy.
~o~
That night Caroline cooked up a beef stew. She made dumplings to go with it and knocked together a steamed jam pudding for desert. She also made up a strong tangy beer to wash it all down with from barley stalks she picked earlier.
"Darlin, where's the cream?" Charles asked. "You know jam pudding tastes better with cream."
"But Charles, we're out in the wilderness here. Where am I to get cream?"
"We did pass some cows earlier," Mr Edwards groused.
"Yes we did." Caroline nodded agreement "I've ruined everything. Dinner is ruined. I'm so ashamed," she brought the corner of her apron up and wiped at a tear in her eye.
"Don't worry Darlin," Charles smiled at her over the campfire. "You can make up for it tomorrow with breakfast."
Caroline immediately smiled and was cheered by Charles encouraging words.
Charles smiled around at them all,
"Now let's all have a sing song, come on Edwards, where's old Dan Tucker."
Edwards folded his arms and turned a little away from them "I ain't singin it."
"Aw come on," John coaxed.
Edwards pointed at him.
"You were the very one that told me to shut up earlier. No way I'm singin anything for you."
"Aw come on, I'm sorry. It was hot and I was hungry."
Edwards shook his head and turned even further away from them.
Percival moved closer and put a hand on his knee.
"I like Old Dan Tucker, sing it for me," he said softly.
Edwards nodded. "I'll sing it for you...but not for them, they all told me to shut up earlier."
"I know, sing it for me."
And so, looking only at Percival Mr Edwards sang softly the words to Old Dan Tucker.
Soon they were all joining in and the little camp was a happy gay scene as the tired red sun dipped low on the horizon.
So wrapped up in their singing were they, that they could not know that they were being watched by a tall bronzed stone faced Indian.
Dom Dom Dom
