"No." I said "I won't."

"Then you don't love me." he said.

"Maybe I shouldn't." I said. We stared at each other for a moment; we were just standing there like statues. I wasn't going to let him ruin my life again.

"There's a castle far from here…I'll take you there and you'll be safe and well hidden from everyone." he said.

"No." I said "You're not going to hide me somewhere and leave me alone there! I'm not going anywhere! Or you change your plans or I'm going back to home."

"Do you want something to happen to Elisabeth?" he looked at me, his eyes cold fire. I panicked; he would hurt my daughter. I knew he would.

"Do you want me to give birth to your child?" I asked, trying to stop my hands from shaking "If you do something to Elisabeth, I'll kill myself…and our child."

He was shocked; even he tried to hide it. He didn't expect to hear something like that from me. But what did he know about mother's love for her child? I promised to myself no one would harm Eli.

"You wouldn't…" he said.

"Oh, I would. Trust me." I said coldly "I won't be part of your double life! You won't be married with some woman in front of everyone, and visiting me secretly in some stupid castle! I won't let it happen! I'm not your lover."

"You don't understand! It's not because of me. It's for the people!" he said desperately.

"For people?" I asked "Do you really believe that? No, this is for you. And you know it."

"Then tell me what to do…" he whispered.

"Me?" tears appeared in my eyes "I don't even know what I'm doing! I don't know…anything. Should I stay with you? Should I leave and never return, knowing I'll miss you forever?"

"Amarantha…we have to decide." he said, touching my face gently "Or this will destroy us."

I nodded; he was right but it made me so sad that I couldn't stop crying.

"We can go back to our old lives, or start a new one…together." he said.

"We're not ready…" I whispered "We're not ready to leave the past behind…you can't change who you are…I can't forgive myself for leaving Dorian."

"Then what?" he looked deep into my eyes.

"We're not meant to be." I cried.

"Are you leaving?" he asked.

"Yes." I said "Today. I can't stay here any longer…I can't."

"Alright then." he moved away from me a bit "I guess this is goodbye."

"Yes, it is." I felt like someone cut me with a knife. He looked at me sadly and headed for the door.

"Wait!" I yelled. I wanted to kiss him one last time, but I wasn't brave enough to do it.

"What?" he looked at me expectantly.

"I want to ask you for a favor." I said.

"Tell me." he said.

"Swear you won't come to see your child…swear you won't try to see me or the baby using magic." I said.

"Why?" he was surprised.

"Safety reasons." I said "If we're going back to our old lives, we're doing it seriously."

"Fine. I guess it's better like that, for everyone..." he said it but I guess it hurt him to do so.

"Just keep your promise, please." I whispered "Goodbye."


I packed my things as fast as I could and I was glad I didn't have much to carry with me. I took Elisabeth in my arms and left the castle without saying anything to anyone. It was better that than seeing Murtagh again and changing my mind.

When I reached the woods, Lily appeared out of nowhere. I gasped. She didn't look mad, so I hoped she wasn't going to attack me or something.

"Oh, finally!" Lily exclaimed "I've been waiting for you!"

"I'm going home." I said.

"Of course, you are! Dorian is waiting for you." she smiled.

"He is?" I was glad he was alive. It was surprising how Lily changed her opinions and moods so fast. With her I never knew what she was up to.

"Yes! I told him you're at your friend's place and that you'll come home soon." she said.

"Oh. You told him that? Why?" I panicked "Is he looking for me?"

"No. I told him you're on your way so he would probably miss you if he went looking for you." she said "He can't wait to see you and Elisabeth. Oh, that precious baby!"

I let Lily hold Elisabeth; I was already getting tired. But as we kept going, I couldn't stop thinking of Murtagh. Lily gave me an angry look.

"Stop thinking about him!" she said "You did the right thing. He doesn't deserve to have a child."

"Don't say that!" I got upset.

"Sorry, sorry." she said quickly "Relax. Breathe. I didn't mean to upset you."

No, you definitely didn't! Huh. I actually listened to her advice; I took a deep breath. But it didn't make me feel better.

"Don't feel guilty for that! she said "He would ruin your child's life. He knows it too because he let you go. He wouldn't be a good father…Dorian will be much better. Think about your child."

"How do you know?" I looked at her furiously "How do you know?! Don't tell me you saw it because no one can! You can get into someone's mind but not in the heart."

"Mind eventually wins over heart." she said calmly "But, hey, you decided to leave him and ban him from seeing your child…so you agree with me."

"Maybe you are right." I said "I shouldn't think about him. I should think of my child…"

"You can think about him…but forget what your heart says and listen to your mind." she said "Just think of what he has done to you, how he spoke to you…did you really want to be his lover?"

"I admit part of me hates him…he ruined my life." I whispered "But if I let the hate take over me, I'll never be able to love his child. I don't want to see him every time I look at my baby."

"Forget it then." she smiled mysteriously "You don't have to love or hate anyone. I'll take care of…"

"What?" I asked suspiciously. What was she talking about?

"Oh, nothing." her face lightened up and she smiled "Let's go!"

I followed her, but I knew something was wrong. She wanted something; she had a plan. Maybe I was being paranoid again but I couldn't feel safe around her or anyone who knew how to use magic. Just when I thought my life would get back to normal, I realized that would never happen.


"Amarantha!" Dorian ran to me to hug me at the moment he saw me coming. Lily smiled next to me and I forced myself to smile too. Dorian was kissing me and Elisabeth and he was so happy that tears appeared in his eyes.

"My love!" he said "I missed you so much! Oh, I love you!"

"I love you too." I said as we walked to the house. I looked at Dorian again. He truly loved me and he would do anything for me. And I almost left him for…It didn't matter anymore.

"How are you? Is everything okay with the baby?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine. Everything is just fine." I smiled. Yes, everything just perfectly fine. Especially my daughter having my curse and me pregnant with other man's child, but whatever.

"Where have you been?" he asked suddenly "I'm not sure I know your friend…"

"Oh, you don't know her." I looked away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice I was lying "We've been friends since we were young…but she got married and moved away."

"Oh." he said "I'm so glad you're here."

"Yes, me too." I said.


Time was passing by fast again and days seemed shorter and shorter to me. I thought they were going to be longer but I was so busy every day that I didn't have time to waste. It was better like that.

Elisabeth was already walking and talking like a normal baby of her age. Well, she wasn't really a baby anymore but she was still my baby. She did start talking later than the other kids in the village but I was glad she didn't speak about her dreams.

Last few weeks I couldn't really do much except sitting with friends and gossiping; my stomach was already huge. I almost started feeling as a part of the village, not different from other women in any way.

I usually didn't care about rumors, but the ones about our new Empire were highly interesting. So I found out Murtagh got married with Nasuada. The Varden and the Empire were joined together finally. Everything seemed just perfect.

I also heard there were some rebels again. Well, not sure who they really were but I guess some people just couldn't live without war. They were against our new king and the queen, even they didn't really have a reason. At least, not yet. But they believed something would go wrong.

I also heard they blamed Murtagh for death of one of their men. They couldn't prove it, though. But knowing Murtagh, he could have done that. For many nights I have reconsidered everything that happened between Murtagh and me. And it wasn't nice. He never loved me, I thought.

Dorian was taking care of me and when he couldn't, Lily was there. Lily seemed harmless for most of the time but I never trusted her completely. But Elisabeth really liked her; and I wouldn't let my girl stay with anyone else.

One night I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I screamed. It was the time. Lily immediately sent Dorian out and closed the door. I almost laughed at the expression on my husband's face; he was confused.

I lost the count of how much time it took me to give birth. I just realized it was morning outside when I heard the baby crying. I was exhausted.

"Congratulations!" Lily smiled "It's a baby boy."

Boy. I gasped. No. After some moments Lily got closer to me, holding the baby wrapped in white blanket. She wanted me to hold him.

"No." I said. She raised an eyebrow.

"Don't be silly. It's your baby!" she said.

"I'm tired." I said and closed my eyes.

"Well, whatever." Lily said and I heard her opening the door. She spoke to Dorian then. He was thrilled. He also asked about me but Lily said I was sleeping. I really did fall asleep after a moment.


When I woke up, it was getting darker already. Great. I was really getting used to sleeping a lot. I realized Dorian was next to me.

"Ow, honey!" he said "I love you so much!"

"Umm." I smiled a bit. I wondered when the baby would start crying and then I would have to get up and take care of him. With Elisabeth it was very exhausting; she was waking up almost every hour at first!

"You know, I was thinking about the name." Dorian smiled.

"The name?" I was puzzled.

"For our son!" he looked at me, worried "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I know it was very tiring for you to give birth…you probably need some time to recover!"

"Oh." I bit my lip; I wasn't really able to think of a name.

"So, what do you think?" Dorian was excited actually.

"You choose." I said. I didn't really care. Besides, I chose Elisabeth's name. It was time for him to decide.

"Really?" he was surprised, but positively surprised "I love you, honey! How about Max?"

Max? You could have called him Murtagh! I sighed.

"Alright." I said. The name probably wasn't the only thing that would remind me of him.

"Oh, honey!!" Dorian kissed me. In that moment we heard the baby crying. The door opened and Lily walked in the room.

"I'm sorry, but the little one is crying." she said.

"Can't you do something about it?" I asked. I wasn't really feeling like getting up yet or actually sitting up.

"You need to feed him." she smiled "That's a thing only you can do."

"Ah, fine." I rolled my eyes and let Dorian help me sit up.

"His name is Max." Dorian smiled at Lily.

"Max?" Lily grinned at me.

"He chose it." I looked at Dorian.

"I see." Lily laughed. Dorian just looked confused at us.

"Would you mind keeping an eye on Eli?" I asked Dorian and he just nodded and left the room. Lily closed the door and gave me the baby.

I looked better at my son. Oh. He had his father's eyes and hair and mouth…damn.

"Amarantha, please. You're imagining it." Lily said "He has your lips and nose. And he doesn't have enough hair for you to be sure it's like his."

"You really think Dorian won't…?" I looked at her.

"Oh, come on. Your hair is dark enough…" she said quietly.

"If you say so…" I sighed. This was going to be hard.