One beat. Two beats. Three beats…

It was my heart. I could feel it beating fast in my chest like it was going to jump out. Suddenly, I became aware of my own body. It was a strange feeling; painful.

There was some strange force making me breathe. And I did try to breathe, but it was so hard. The pain. Just horrible, sharp pain in my chest and nothing more. The darkness was still around me and I wanted so badly to get out of it.

Once again, I tried to open my eyes. Ouch. This time I succeeded, but the light blinded me. Great. Why are we always trying to reach the light if we can't look at it? My eyes adjusted after few moments. The room around me was not so bright and full of light as I thought. That was good actually.

"Don't move." someone said next to me, but too late. The pain passed through my body like a lightening when I moved my head to my right side. I felt like it was going to choke me and I wanted to put my hands on my chest, but I couldn't move them. I panicked.

"Amarantha! Don't!" I recognized Gerald's voice "Stay calm, please."

I knew I couldn't speak, but I wasn't even trying. Gerald could read all my thoughts and answer all my questions, at least I hoped so. I tried to remember what had happened to me. I saw images of Nasuada…the knife…pain… I would have screamed if my body was listening to me.

"Amarantha, listen to me!" Gerald said "She's gone! Don't think about it. You'll ruin all the effort…"

Murtagh! Where was he? What had happened to him? Wasn't I dying? How did he…?

"He's here." Gerald said almost accusingly "He almost died because of you."

What? My breathing became so fast that it hurt, but what was this little bit more of pain? I had to look around the room. I tried to move my head to the other side. I wanted to be stronger than the pain. Right. The darkness came back before and I was grateful for it.


I don't know how much time I was asleep. I woke up, desperate for a drink. Gerald came closer to me, bringing me a glass of water. This time I was glad he could read my thoughts or I would have never gotten what I wanted.

Gerald helped me to raise my head and pressed the glass to my lips. Water felt amazing in my mouth, so cold and refreshing. But my throat hurt badly when I tried to swallow it. I still wasn't in condition to control my movements. My hands and legs felt so heavy.

Murtagh saved my life, probably healing the wound. But wasn't I supposed to feel like nothing happened after being healed by magic? Or maybe magic wasn't what I thought it was?

"You weren't just wounded." Gerald said, answering my thoughts "You were dying. It takes a lot of energy to bring person back to life. You can't have a perfect spell if you don't have from where to cast it."

Oh. I heard stories about healers. Apparently, it could have killed you if you tried to do something like that…I gasped, despite black spots in front of my eyes. Murtagh!

"He's been sleeping since he healed your wound." Gerald didn't seem to be pleased with everything that had happened, but I couldn't blame him for that "Just you woke up already twice, and he didn't."

But I didn't want him to heal me! I didn't ask for it! But then again, I was glad he did. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn't want Murtagh to die saving me, my death seemed a lot worse option. And when I remember I wanted to end my life some time ago…how stupid I had been! Just imagine what would have happened if I had succeeded…

Murtagh saved my life already too many times. I was being so damn lucky. But if something happened to him…

"I told him not to do it. But I guess only he knows why he had risked everything…including his own life…for you." Gerald said, but this time without anger or hatred. It was just a plain statement. He realized he couldn't hate me for Murtagh's choices.

"Ah…and if you want to know, Max and Elisabeth are here. They are sleeping in the other room." Gerald said "You should rest more. You weren't supposed to be as hurt as you are at the moment…so it's better to be cautious."

Great. The dragon didn't eat my kids. That was relief. Could this be the end of our troubles? I had enough of craziness for my whole life. If we could just have a nice, normal life like every other normal family…ah, whatever. Normal wasn't the right adjective for our family anyway. I just wanted us alive…nothing else.

A week had passed by before I could sit up in the bed and move my arms. I was still in pain, but after so much time of being hurt…I guess I just forgot how it was not to be in pain. If that was possible…


Murtagh recovered faster, of course. He was taking care of the kids while I couldn't. But he refused to talk to me about what had happened. He just kissed me and told me we would talk about it when I felt better.

"Murtagh, you've got to tell me what happened! Please!" I said one night when he came to see me "I'm going to try to get up from this bed tomorrow, so it's a sign I feel good enough to hear the story."

"Then I'll tell you tomorrow." he smiled, gently kissing me.

"No! Tell me now." I said.

"Sorry, but I think I won't be able to remove that scar from your chest." he switched the topic so fast that I couldn't even realize it.

"What?" I stared at him in shock. I remembered the ugly white line on my right breast "Why not?"

"The wound was too deep." he said, looking a bit sad.

"Ah, whatever." I said.

"You're not angry?" he sounded surprised.

"Angry?" I raised an eyebrow "Why would I be angry?"

"Because of the scar." he said.

"You saved my life. You risked your life for me again. You think I could be angry because there is a scar left?" I smiled.

"Umm…yes?" he smiled too.

"But don't avoid the topic." I said "I want to know what happened to Nasuada."

"What do you think happened to her?" he asked; his face expressionless. He wasn't going to make this easier on me.

"I saw blood on the floor in the other room when Gerald opened the door. But the blood could have also been mine." I said. It actually took Gerald some time to clean the blood off the floor. He wasn't really happy about doing it.

"I cut her head off." he said coldly, watching carefully my face. I froze a bit. I stared at the face of my future husband, father of my son, a cold-blooded murderer…But Nasuada almost killed me. I would have done the same. Ok, I probably wouldn't succeed in doing it, but I would have tried. Maybe.

"Good." I said. Just hoping I would never be Murtagh's enemy. I don't think he would think twice about killing me if I did something he didn't like. Maybe I was overreacting.

"Do you want to marry me?" he suddenly took my hand and stared deep into my eyes. I was so surprised that I stared at him with wide eyes, not really realizing what was he asking. I took a deep breath.

"Yes." I said "But under one condition."

"What condition?" he frowned a bit.

"I don't want you to get involved with the Empire's politics again." I said. He looked away from me.

"Murtagh." I said "They'll never leave us alone if you try to take over the Empire again. You know that."

"But Nasuada is dead and I was her husband. The throne belongs to me." he said.

"No." I said "I want you to renounce the throne."

"No!" he said "I won't give them what they want! I won't let them win! I'm not a coward!"

"It's not like that." I said.

"I can make the Empire strong…and there is no one better to be the king than a Dragon Rider." he said.

"Then forget it." I said quietly. He looked at me.

"Don't do this to me." he said "I saved your life…"

"And you're sorry now?" I smiled bitterly, tears forming in my eyes.

"No!" he was upset "I'll do anything you want, if you let me do this."

"No." I said.

"I can keep you safe. You don't have to be the part of it." he said.

"Why do you want that so much? Why?" I asked.

"Because I can do it!" he said.

"I know you can do it." I said "You don't need to prove it."

"You don't understand things like that." he said.

"True." I said "I don't care about the politics because I don't know anything about it. But I also feel there is a reason you want this…and it's not a good one."

"There! You said it yourself!" he said "You don't know anything about it!"

"That's not the point!" I said "You're doing it just to prove something to someone! And I don't like it because it puts us in danger!"

"You won't tell me what to do!" he said.

"I'm not trying to!" I rolled my eyes "Choose what is more important to you…me and the kids…or proving something you don't have to!"

Murtagh was about to say something when the door opened and we both looked at Gerald.

"What do you want?" Murtagh said, obviously annoyed. Gerald frowned.

"Murtagh, I want to talk to you." he said.

"Not now!" Murtagh rolled his eyes.

"Well, it will be now!" Gerald said.

"I'm having an important conversation with Amarantha." Murtagh was a bit angry.

"Oh, really?" Gerald looked at me. I smiled stupidly, not knowing what to say. I really needed more time to decide who would be less pissed by my answer.

"Well, it doesn't look like it." Gerald finally said "Come with me, Murtagh. Now."

Murtagh glared at me and left the room with Gerald. Great. I stared at the wall for a moment. No, I couldn't just stay here not knowing what they were talking about. I had to get up from the bed, even it included walking to the door after. Murtagh and Gerald had told me that my recovery wasn't supposed to be so slow.

But, come on, how was I supposed to walk around like nothing had happened if the pain came back to my chest with every step I made? I didn't know why it was happening to me; probably Murtagh did something wrong while healing me…not that I would admit thinking on that. Happy to be alive, remember?

But there were some things I didn't know about and I wanted to know. I was wondering what had happened to Nasuada's helpers. Weren't they supposed to come to attack us if she didn't come back? Murtagh and Gerald were so careful to keep me away from truth.

I got up from the bed. I stood there for a moment, waiting the dizziness to pass. Obviously, I was lying in bed for too many days. The only steps I made were with Murtagh's help. I took a deep breath and started walking slowly.

The way I walked reminded me of the time when Elisabeth and Max were learning how to walk. Funny. I almost laughed, but realized Murtagh and Gerald would hear me. Actually, if they were careful enough to check my mind all the time, then they already knew what I was doing. My only hope was that they were too busy with their conversation.

I got to the door, leaning on the wall next to it. I opened it a bit and concentrated on the voices. What I heard made me gasp. Damn. They heard that. There was silence in the other room and then someone walked to my door. I pressed my back to the wall, completely nervous.

I could have said I just wanted a glass or water…or to see the kids. But all my excuses were unnecessary because they already knew I was thinking about it. Murtagh pushed the door open and looked at me.

"Amarantha, you need something?" he raised an eyebrow. Gerald came right behind him.

"Actually, yes. I need to tell you something!" I said, tears forming in my eyes "You are a monster!"

"I thought you already knew that." he smiled, but I was too angry to think.

"Yes…but this! This is just…too much!" I yelled through tears "How could you? How…?"

"You wouldn't understand it, my love." he wanted to hug me, but I pushed him away. That effort revoked the sharp pain in my chest and I fell to the floor.