Chapter Two of the…
JS: 'Oy, why did you stop?'
I expected you to contradict me.
JS: 'You want me to?'
Er, no. So, back to the intro…
WT: 'But Elizabeth!'
ES: 'Can't you leave me alone for five minutes Will?'
Oh great- now they're going to interrupt me! Shut it so I can get the title out why don't you?
Chapter Two of the Pirate Theater!
WT: 'Can we continue arguing now?'
ES: 'I'd rather not and say we did.'
No to both of you. You're putting yourself to shame! Jack looks better than both of you right now!
JS: 'What, are you saying I argue too much? I bloody do not.'
You're arguing right now.
JS: 'That's one.'
I'll keep track, and mark my words Sparrow, if you so much as go beyond a certain point…
ES: 'I don't think he's going to say anything now.'
Thank you Elizabeth, for your keen observation.
WT: 'So, what are you doing today anyway?'
Good thing you asked Will, you're actually in this one.
WT: 'I am?'
No, I just wanted to see that hopeful expressions leave your face.
WT: 'You're a cruel narrator.'
Well, I do my best!
JS: 'I don't believe that was supposed to be a compliment, mate.'
Ah, so the mighty Sparrow decides to sow his face!
JS: 'I wasn't hiding!'
Two!
ES: 'Can you just tell us what we're bloody doing?'
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen Elizabeth loose it like that.
JS: 'I have.'
WT: 'I have.'
Wow, Jack said it first. Will, you're getting rusty. So- before any of you can interrupt me again, welcome to act one of Chapter Two in Pirate Theater! The abridged, Midsummer Nights Dream!
JS: 'Are we ever going to do something full length?'
No Jack, think of the trees.
ES: 'But we aren't even using scripts!'
Quiet Lizzie.
JS: 'Oy, only I get to call her that.'
Don't get so possessive Jack.
JS: 'Am not!'
Are too! Er- Three!
ES: 'Will you two stop it?'
Her outbursts aren't as scary when you're expecting them are they?
JS: 'No, they aren't.'
ES: 'Jack!'
JS: 'I'm entitled to my opinions Lizzie.'
Shut up both of you, I've only managed to distract Will for so long. I don't know how long it will take him to figure out DVDs don't rewind.
JS: 'Excuse me?'
Shh- stop talking so I can start narrating. And seeing as we can't pull this off with just two of you, I need to introduce the other characters.
JS: 'Oy- what is he doing here?'
HB: 'Nice to see ye too Jack.'
He's one of the other characters.
ES: 'Oh great- who else is going to show up?'
Don't be so touchy, Elizabeth.
JN: 'Do you despite me so Elizabeth?'
ES: 'James?'
Yes, yes, you can all do that catching up later. I need to introduce you still, remember?
TD: 'Goin' forget about me then?'
JS: 'Tia Dalma?!'
TD: 'Don' look so surprised Jack.'
JS: 'Why shouldn't-'
HEY. I said catch up later! Introductions people, get in your places!
HB: 'Places? I wasn't aware this was so-'
I will put you back where I found you Barbossa if you keep talking. Now, I shall start, and I want no interruptions. Hermia- go, get in the spotlight!
JS: 'Tia Dalma?'
Jack, stop spluttering and interrupting! Besides, that's not as shocking as her lover, Lysnader!
HB: 'Pardon?'
JS: 'Barbossa?!'
Yes, yes, shock, intrigue, get over it. Now being madly in love- they say a lot of lovely things to one another.
HB: 'Very descriptive.'
Yea well start talking, I have four more people to introduce.
HB: 'Right…
Oh fairest Hermia what sun could you not shine brighter than, or what moon could you not out glow? All shadows flee from your radiance!
…Take that voodoo witch.'
ES: 'Are all pirates equip with a Shakespeare translator?!'
It seems so Elizabeth, it seems so… Hermia, respond with a loving attitude.
TD: 'Why I be doin' this…
Dearest Lysander, how can you give such praise when I all I require is your presence? A glimpse of you from afar is all I need to keep my passion ablaze!
…You think you can out do me, Barbossa?'
ES: 'Is anyone else wondering how her accent went away?'
Quiet Elizabeth. Despite Lysander and Hermia's love, Demetrius was determined to win over Hermia's heart. Get out Demetrius.
ES: 'James?!'
What have I told you people about interrupting?
JS: 'Very little?'
You're lucky I can't count that against you Jack… Demetrius, start spouting something vengeful!
JS: 'Not like he's used to that…'
Jack! Stop making fun of Will and Elizabeth and how their relationship ruins everyone else's lives.
JS: 'Sorry…'
JN: 'Well, I suppose now is a time to get rid of some of my pent up anger…
How can Lysander even dare to look her way? Hermia shall become my bride, and that bandy-legged skinny dip of a blacksm- I mean, that man is no match for what I can offer her! Hermia shall fall for me just like the very sun's rays fall to the earth.
…that was oddly… helpful.'
Er yes, also a tad too revealing. Of course, I get to complicate matters more, by introducing Demetrius's secret admirer! Though of course, it isn't a secret she likes him.
AM: 'What am I supposed to be spouting again?'
JS: 'Ana Maria? Everyone thought you were dead!'
AM: 'Yes, well that's what happens when you disappear for a while. Can I get back to my line?'
Dear God… I think I'm in love.
Quick! Someone resuscitate the narrator!
JS: 'Who the bloody hell are you?'
I am the Conscience. Now, someone do as I say so this demented story can have a happy ending.
JS: 'Er, right…'
Jack, who were you talking to just then?
JS: 'Conscience?'
Sure… Now, on with the story. Helena, dear sweet, sweet, Helena, please deliver your lines.
AM: 'Don't ever call me that again.'
Oh- right.
AM: 'I think having 'disappeared' was a better option than coming back…
Though Hermia be my friend, can she not see what she does to me? Drawing away dear Demetrius's love from me! I shall have to ruin her, in order to make Demetrius mine!
…Ruin, hmm… can I do something truly awful to her?'
Uh, no… Look, I need to introduce two more people, and then we can actually get started.
HB: 'Ye mean, we actually haven't started?'
Shut-up Lysnader. Now, away from this odd four-person love issue. Er- love square if you will, a married couple was having some major issues.
WT: 'You mean I am actually in this?'
No Will, you and Elizabeth aren't even married. Shut up and go back to rewinding my DVD collection! Now, Oberon and Titania were having marital issues over a serving boy each wanted for there own use.
JS: 'Lizzie, let me have the child so my mind stops wandering down that road.'
ES: 'Likewise Jack, likewise.'
Will you two shut it? Actually, I need you to start being angry with one another.
JS: 'Over a serving boy?'
Yes. And I count that as four Jack.
JS: 'Well, it's not going to stop me from pretending our issues are over something else…
Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania. The moon and it's shadows were never one to suit you!
…Oh bugger, I may have just quoted something.'
It's ok Jack, as long as no one thoroughly examines us, we're fine.
JS: 'Now I just feel dirty.'
Oh. Forget that last thing. Titania, go with a snippy retort.
ES: 'You want me to complain? Alright…'
JS: 'Bugger.'
Don't interrupt someone's lines Jack!
JS: 'Right, sorry.'
ES: 'Now I've lost my train of thought, that you so much…
The shadows here do me the favor, Oberon, of hiding your deceiving face. Do you think I would give this child up to you? Did you think I would not stop your attempts at persuasion?
…Not exactly what I was going for. But I hope it gets the point across.'
JS: 'Persuasion Lizzie?'
Oberon- Titania, stop looking at one another. You're angry remember? Oh fer- fine. This will be the abridged, abridged version.
HB: 'How you going to bloody pull this off?'
Watch me Lysander. Deciding that they wanted to have their future's free of society, Lysander and Hermia ran off, hoping to find a better place to marry. Helena, still determined to ruin her best friend for taking Demetrius's love, told her object of affection that his loved one was running away with his adversary. As Demetrius followed Lysander and Hermia's trail, Helena followed him. Realizing this was a poor way to show affection, Oberon and Titania deciding to talk and beat sense into the two young people so that they would love each other.
JS: 'It's nice to see you got an actually bit of narrating done there mate, but when did beating the sense into people ever come up in Shakespeare?'
Five Jack! FIVE!
ES: 'Actually, can I add to Jack's statement?'
No Titania, now start spouting lines, the both of you!
JS: 'Oh- alright…
Love is a blind thing, that is, until one learns they are not blind, but their eyes are simply shut. And if only they have the courage to open them, they could see the one they truly love.
You get it you two buffoons? Start making-up before your eyelids are removed.
… I think I got the point across.'
Yes Oberon. Very, thorough, Titania, please don't add anything.
ES: 'Uh, sure.'
Seeing the truth in the king's words, the pair instantly and re- fell in love with one another. Start spouting love.
JN: 'Well-uh, ok…
Oh fair Helena! How could I have been so blind? How could I not see you for what you were? Hermia is a trifle, you are a treasure!
…Is that romantic enough?'
It'll do Demetrius. Helena?
AM: 'Why do I have to say anything? Wasn't I already in love with him?…
Oh Demetrius! The time I have waited for this cannot be measure. Nor can the joy I feel in my heart at your proclamation!
…That's as bloody romantic as you're getting me to be.'
JS: 'Wait- was I narrated in as king?'
Are you just realizing this?
JS: 'Yes.'
ES: 'It's not that big of a deal Jack.'
JS: 'It makes you queen Lizzie.'
In a play, can you two stop staring? I'm not done with this story. After getting married in a small, country church, Lysander and Hermia decided society wasn't so bad after all, and went back. They even made it back in time to see Helena and Demetrius's wedding! Happy with their lives, the two couples remained happy until the end of their days.
JN: 'Why did we have to go to the church when we didn't have any lines in that scene?'
Uh, I don't know what you mean Norrington. Jack, stop laughing.
HB: 'Why did we go to that bloody church?'
JS: 'Hector too?!'
Jack, don't get me in trouble!
WT: 'Trouble? This is brilliance! Who would have thought to get Tia Dalma and Barbossa married? And you threw in Ana Maria and Norrington like an added bonus!'
Will?! When did my extra become devious?
WT: 'I, found this script lying on the ground…'
A script? A SCRIPT?!
JS: 'Oh bugger… quick, someone run off stage!'
THE END
THE END?! I'm not through with this yet! Think of the trees people, and how much paper is wasted on copying scripts for plays! Share! Buy used books!
JS: 'Recycle!'
Yes, thank you Jack, recycle!
A/N I don't like it as much as the first one, I think I concentrated on the narrator a bit much. Still, very fun. 'Ill met by moonlight proud Titania' is in fact from the Shakespeare play, A Midsummer Nights Dream. It is also the only actually line from a play I have used in either of the 'chapters'. Shocking?
Also people, do recycle paper. I like trees and the ability to breath, so should you.
