Welcome! To Chapter Fou-

ES: 'Three.'

Excuse me?

ES: 'It's three, seeing as the last 'chapter' was in fact, an intermission.'

I am not going to take abuse from any of MY actors, let alone you Elizabeth!

ES: 'But it's true!'

What matters, matters not!

JS: 'How did you come to that brilliant conclusion?'

I don't know Jack, how did you come to the conclusion your soul was worth a ship?

JS: 'Will you people bloody leave that alone already?'

No. Now, back to the intro. Welcome to Chapter Four of Pirate Theater! Act one of the fourth chapter! Playing the abridged, Little Shop of Horrors!

JS: 'Oy- wait. A musical?'

Yes Jack. A musical.

JS: 'Ah. I take it the eunuch is to have the lead role then?'

Right you are Jack Sparrow!

WT: 'WOOHOO! I have a part! A major part! THE major part! YES! HAHAHA!'

JS: 'Can I burst his bubble of happiness?'

No Jack, that would ruin the plot! Now, Seymor was a regular guy (if you can call a freak who lives the basement of a flower shop normal) who happened to be on a walk one day. When suddenly- there was a solar eclipse and a plant suddenly appeared before him. Being the idiot that he was, he took the plant home without questioning where it came from. Once there- the plant became unhealthy. Only after accidentally feeding it blood did Seymor realize what the plant needed. Still being an idiot, he kept it after this revelation. In fact, he decided to sing about it.

WT: 'I feel so nervous. I've never sung in front of an audience before!'

JS: 'I hope you never do it again.'

WT: 'But.. You haven't even heard me sing yet!'

I believe Jack is foreseeing the inevitable… But, he should not be holding up the 'lines'. Get onto it Will- er Seymor.

WT: 'Oh.. heh alright…

A drop or two… I guess I can spare it.

What mysterious can this plant hide?

A drop or two… we shall soon see.

…I'm so happy!'

JS: 'Was that falsetto?'

ES: 'Lord, I think it was…'

JS: 'I feel sympathy for you Lizzie.'

ES: 'Thank you Jack.'

JS: 'Here, blow your nose on this. It's alright.'

Will you two shut it? You aren't even in this!

JS: 'We aren't?'

No Jack! You and Elizabeth aren't in this!

JS: 'Then why the bloody hell are we here?'

Beats me. Now, let me get back to the story!

JS: 'By all means, continue with this catastrophe.'

Now Jack Sparrow, be kind to young William! To be a good man as your friends say, you must be kind!

JS: '…'

Are you trying to ignore me? You can't you know. You may be the only one who can hear me but-

ES: 'Jack, is there something in your ear?'

JS: 'Er- no, luv. Sorry.'

Yes. Be sorry! Now, as the plant grew bigger, and bigger, Seymor soon realized blood droplets were not going to do. It needed something more. In fact, the plant started to tell Seymor about its needs.

JS: 'May I inquire as to who plays the plant?'

Well er… we couldn't find someone, so we decided no one will play the plant.

JS: 'We?'

Stop ASKING QUESIONTS JACK! Now, Seymor was afraid to follow through with the plant's request, but being a weak willed person, gave in in the end. Now- he had a crush on someone-

ES: 'I thought you said I wasn't in this?'

You aren't Elizabeth, now hold on so I can get this part out!

Now, he had a crush on someone, but she didn't really think of him that way. In fact- she was seeing someone else!

ES: 'Uh-oh… Jack hide, it's Giselle!'

He's already gone Elizabeth, but don't worry, she's under strict order NOT to touch anyone she's not supposed to.

G: 'Really?'

Yes.

G: 'Oh…'

Now- she was a bit of a ditz, not only in the sense she shamed even classic blondes on the stupidity marker, but she was even seeing a crazy man.

HB: 'Ye aren't tellin' me wife are ye?'

JS: 'You're still married to Tia Dalma?'

HB: 'Shut-up Jack.'

Shut-up both of you! Now, he was crazy in the sense that he liked to cause others pain by being a dentist, and he took laughing gas on a regular basis.

HB: 'Ye really expect me to put this stuff in me?'

Look- it's only lethal in LARGE doses. Now get huffin' before I tell Tia where you are.

HB: 'And ye tell me theater is relaxing…

Now- Hahaha…hehehahahah!

….GRNH… HAHAHA!'

Crap… Quick, Jack, Elizabeth, I've thought of something for you to do!

JS: 'Really?'

ES: 'Should we be happy or dreading this?'

You two get to be the chorus! Whenever something bad happens (like Barbossa about to OD on laughing gas) just start singing until things get straightened out. Alright?

ES: 'Alright…Jack?'

JS: 'Aye.'

ES/JS: 'You really ready? 'I'm fine Lizzie. You start… 'No! 'Yes! 'No! 'FINE! I'll bloody do it…

Little shop, little shop of horrors… little shop, little-

Shop of horrors…'

Uh, good job you two. We got things straightened up so stop.

JS: 'I don't think she likes our singin' luv.'

ES: 'What makes you think the narrators' a 'she' Jack?'

JS: 'What makes ye not?'

ES: 'Hmm.. Point made.'

AHEM. Alright. Now- Orin was a touch crazy and other things. But Audri couldn't leave him, 'cuz she was afraid.

JS: 'Ye know, as a narrator ye should use proper grammar.'

Shut-up Jack. Now- Audri worked at the flower shop where Seymor lived (and, consequently, worked). So they saw each other everyday. And one day, when Orin came to pick Audri up for a date- Seymor realized what a jerk he was. So the plant convinced him to chop up Orin and feed him to him. Or her… or whatever the plant was.

HB: 'Ye come nay closer with that -HEHAHA- axe boy and I'll kill ye- hehehaha..'

Er… right. So- get off stage then Barbossa!- after feeding Orin to the plant, Seymor soon realized that he would have to kill again. Despite having done it once before, he couldn't bear to do it again. So- after convincing Audri the pair of them should get hitched and leave town- Seymor packed his things and prepared to leave.

G: 'I am ever even goin' to be speaking?'

Shush Giselle. Now- dressed up an everythin'-

JS: 'What have I told ye about grammar luv?'

Stop interrupting me Jack! We're almost at the end here!

JS: 'Oh- sorry then'

You should feel sorry for this Jack Sparrow in fact-

Now, Audri- Jack, why are you smiling?

JS: 'Nothin' luv, continue.'

Oh-kay! Now, Audri had come by the flower shop without realizing the potential danger of the plant. When it asked her to feed it- she foolishly reached for a watering can. Grabbing Audri, the plant had her half-way in his mouth before Seymor showed up. Ok Audri- you can do something now.

G: 'Oh- alright…

EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHKKKKKKKK

…Ain't nothin' much comin' from this part is there?'

No. Nice scream though. Now- Seymor managed to pull Audri out of the plants gigantic 'maw' and began an epic duel with the plant. Using an axe… subsequently the same axe he sued to kill Orin.

WT: 'Ew…

Die icky evil plant thing!

Die! Die!

Chopped up icky evil plant thing!

…Please tell me the green ooze is plant matter.'

Now-(no Will, don't ask again) the plant was actually pretty unperturbed be this. In fact- the plant actually won the fight, but after accidentally sticking one of its root/vines into a light socket- it exploded. Still happy with her half-(cough-cough) would be hero, Audri and Seymor ran to the nearest church and got married.

They then moved into a superficial home and lived happily ever after. With a dog.

WT: 'That was fun!'

JS: 'Glad you enjoyed it young William! Now tell me. How's married like?'

WT: 'What?'

Damn it all Jack Sparrow! Why couldn't you let me tell him?

WT: 'What?'

THE END

JS: 'I believe luv, before you ex-fiancé fully understand what's happening…'

ES: 'Yes Jack, I understand.'

Little shop! Little shop of horrors, little shop. Little shop of terrors! Little shop of horrors. Little shop….

A/N I couldn't let Will and Elizabeth stayed engaged forever! You know, I actually rented the movie version of this so I could remember how the story went? I'm actually rather disappointed with the results… but I shall ask you for your honest opinion. What'cha think? Also- if you have any classic stories you want my crazy characters to enact don't be afraid to mention its name.