My Never
Chapter 5
All I have to say is: Happy New Year! Well technically New Year's Eve. But you get the picture.
I know that everyone wants Addison to be found, etc, and that will happen, don't worry. But not quite yet. Not for a few chapters, that's all I'm saying. Also, if it seems MerDer-y, don't worry, that's just for now. This is so an Addek story, just wait.
I think I've already written enough disclaimers.
Later that night Derek took Meredith out to talk about Devony. Derek was forced to bring the central topic of conversation along with him, because he wasn't sure what else to do with her. He managed to get her dressed in a fairly nice silk lined grey wool dress, white tights, and Mary Jane's without too much trouble.
Meredith was already sitting down when they arrived at the restaurant. "Hey," said Derek, kissing her cheek softly. She just looked at him. She refused to even speak until they ordered and their food came.
"Derek," she began. "I know that you didn't know about Devony, and what happened to Addison is terrible, but I just don't think our relationship can survive a kid right now."
"So . . . what exactly are you saying? You want to break up?"
"No, no! I don't want to break up. But how are you going to take care of her and be a surgeon, Derek? Isn't there someone else who can take her?" Meredith asked.
"You want me to give my daughter, the only thing I have left from Addison, to someone else?"
"See, this is always where we start having problems, Derek! It's always about Addison! Sometimes, I'm not even sure after four years that you're over her!"
"I care about her, Meredith! I can care about her without being in love with her!" Derek said loudly, frustrated.
"That's the thing, though, Derek, I think you are in love with her, still."
"I'm in love with you! You, Meredith. But even if I was willing to give up my daughter, which I'm not, she has nowhere to go! Archer Montgomery has no idea how to care for a kid. I will not subject another child to Addison's parents and the upbringing she received. My sisters have enough on their plates with their own families to worry about. Savvy and Weiss are considering adopting a child of their own. Sam and Naomi already have a daughter, and their practice is in financial trouble. There is no one else."
"Well, Derek, I don't know how we're going to survive a kid," Meredith said angrily.
"Can't we try, Meredith? At least try? I'll take care of Devony, you won't have to do anything. Just don't give up," Derek pleaded. Meredith was about to answer when Derek looked over to find that Devony's cheeks were ballooned out like a chipmunk's.
"Devony? What's that in your mouth?" he asked, momentarily forgetting Meredith.
"Nothing," she said, giving him a huge smile.
"Where are all the sugar cubes?" Meredith asked suddenly. She was fixing her coffee and the little dish full of sugar was empty. Slowly they both turned to look at Devony. Derek put his head in his hands.
He reached over, grabbed a plate, and set it in front of her. "Devony, don't swallow all that, you'll be sick. Spit it out onto the plate, okay?" Devony slowly opened her mouth and spit sugar and saliva all over the clean white plate. Derek sighed and turned back to Meredith.
"Meredith, every time I bring up something big, you get skittish. You're a third year resident now. You don't want to build a house. You don't want to get engaged, or married. You don't want kids. What do you want?"
"I want a healthy relationship. I don't need all the rest," she said.
"Have you ever considered that I might?"
"That doesn't mean that we should do it that way. Not all relationships can be like yours and Addison's was."
"But, Mer, it's all about you and what you want. We live in your house with your friends and we do things how you want," Derek told her. He was getting frustrated. They were stuck, him and Meredith, and that forced him to consider that maybe they were never meant to move forward.
Suddenly he was distracted, once again, by Devony. "No, Devony, please don't do that. Don't mix th – oh no. Okay, it's okay. I've got a napkin." Derek tried to mop the mess she'd made of her food off the tablecloth.
"The food here is yucky," Devony whispered to him. Derek had to admit she had a point. This was Meredith's favorite restaurant; he didn't really care for it. And they didn't have a kids menu, so poor Devony was forced to eat the blandest pasta dish Derek could find, which was not very bland at all and not food a normal three year old would enjoy. She had mashed it up and poured her water into it and made a kind of soup instead of eating it.
"I can't do this," Meredith said suddenly. Derek looked up, confused. "We can't even carry on a conversation. I can't do this right now. I'll see you later, Derek," she said, and walked out.
Devony obviously didn't completely understand what was going on, but she understood enough. "Sorry, daddy," she said in a small voice.
It broke Derek's heart. "No, sweetie, there's nothing to be sorry about. Meredith is mad at me. Now, why don't we order some dessert instead?"
"Okay!" Devony agreed excitedly.
A few minutes later they both surveyed dessert menus. The waiter asked for their orders, and Derek got apple pie. He was about to lean over and help Devony when she said, "I want cho-co-late ch-ip cake", sounding out the words slowly. Derek's mouth fell open in shock. She knew how to read. She knew how to read, and she was three.
After the waiter left, Derek appraised his daughter in surprise. "You already know how to read?" he asked her.
She nodded, if it was no big deal. "After I learned the abc's, mommy taught me the sounds and how to sound out words."
"Wow," Derek said. Both he and Addison were smart, they were surgeons, but a child reading at three? That was rare.
They finished dinner and Derek took Devony back to his trailer. She only had a few clothes with her and no pajamas. He gave her one of his tee-shirts and socks to wear, and helped her put them on. When it was time for bed she just stood there looking at him in the too big clothes, her blue eyes wide. The expression on her face was so like Addison's it felt like someone was stabbing his heart.
Already, at age three, she was beautiful. Not just cute, like most kids were, her face was almost angelic. Her doll-like features were tiny and perfect, and she looked like Addison as a child. Smiling, still astonished that he and Addison had created such an amazing little person, he scooped her up and put her in the bed beside him. Within a few minutes she was curled up in a ball by his side, asleep.
Addison ~ the brownstone ~ 3 years ago
As Addison studied her daughter, sleeping on the bed beside her, a wave of calm washed over her. Devony somehow made the world seem all right. She found herself wondering, even after only four months with her, how she had survived all those years without her.
Little Devony was lying on her back and breathing softly. Her hair was dark, darker even than Derek's, although she had his eyes exactly. Addison reveled in Devony's unconditional love, although she wished that her daughter's father had loved her the same.
Derek. It still hurt to think of him. She sometimes thought that the hurt would never go away, although hopefully it would subside at least slightly.
She had already dealt with balancing motherhood and her career. The Chief at Mt. Sinai was very understanding, especially since he liked her and she was a single mother. She was able to pass off some of her textbook surgeries to the many residents at the hospital.
She wanted Derek to meet their daughter, their miracle they had created. He might still hate her because of Mark, but he deserved to know, and she wanted him to. Someday, she vowed, he would meet Devony.
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