My Never
Chapter 8
Hmm, I rather like this chapter. I hope you all do as well! Oh yeah, and this is sorta cheesy, but I wrote the end part of the chapter to the song So Close by Jon McLaughlin. I think I actually managed to get the right chapter of the right story up this time (unlike last time, haha.)
Addison ~ Evelyn's grave ~ 2 years, 4 months ago
Addison stroked Devony's silky, mist kissed curls as she stared down at the grave of her other child. It had been almost eleven years, and moss was starting to creep up the pure white marble.
Evelyn Grace Montgomery Shepherd
Beloved daughter, granddaughter,
and godchild for too short a time.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal."
Addison sniffed softly, trying not to alert her daughter to her tears. They ran silently down her cheeks and fell off her chin onto her collarbone, warm at first but soon cooled by the frostbitten air.
Addison could imagine Evelyn if she had lived – a larger version of Devony, her black hair reaching farther down her back, and her pale blue eyes even more mischievous. She would be nearly eleven.
"Why are you crying, mom?" she would ask, skipping up to her mother. She would give Addison a hug, and Addison would wipe away her tears because her daughter was not lost after all. Devony would reach out a hand to tug her sister's midnight colored curls, just like she pulled her mother's red ones. And then, maybe, just maybe, Addison would feel a hand on her back, and she would turn to find Derek behind her, beaming with happiness.
But it was not meant to be, and Addison blinked and it was gone. She shifted Devony's weight, making a crinkling sound as she bumped the brilliant red roses she'd brought for Evelyn. She knelt and set them next to the grave. Involuntarily, she rested a hand on the moss covered stone. Devony stirred and opened her eyes.
"Mama?" she asked.
"Hey, Dev. Say hello to your sister," Addison told her softly. Devony waved a tiny hand at the grave. "Daddy says hello too," Addison whispered. She squatted in front of her lost child until her thighs began to burn, and then she straightened up and walked back into the mist.
Derek ~ Seattle Grace ~ present
"Alright. Thank you. You have my number if you find anything more. Bye." Derek groaned in frustration as he pressed the end button on his cell phone. He had just gotten off the phone with the airport. They did not know anything more about Addison's disappearance and they had gotten quite annoyed with his questions, probably because the police already had an investigation going on there.
Derek didn't know what else to do, though, or where else to look. He had called Savvy again, and then Naomi, Archer, Nancy, Kathleen, his mother and his other sisters, and Addison's coworkers and Mt. Sinai. Nobody knew anything.
The only people he had not called yet were her parents. He didn't know how much they knew about the demise of their marriage, but he had gotten the impression from Savvy that Addison had not been in close contact with them. He knew he would have to call them eventually, if only to inform them that their daughter was missing. The police had wanted to do so right away, but Derek talked them out of it, explaining that it would not help anything.
It was four in the morning, and the hospital had a comfortable, quiet ambiance, as if it was asleep. Of course, if he journeyed down to the action packed ER or the surgical floor, it would be different, but Derek enjoyed the few minutes of relaxation.
Devony slept beside him. This was only his fifth day with his daughter. Only the fifth day. Addison and his family had known her for her whole life. He remembered a conversation with his mother the night before.
After she assured him she unfortunately knew nothing more about Addison, Derek asked about Devony, and what she had been like as a baby and a toddler. When his mother told him, Derek couldn't help the feeling of loss that swept through him.
"You didn't think, just once, that maybe I would want to know I had a child?" he said angrily.
"I didn't know anything, Derek, much less how you could do the things that you did."
"I had a right to know, mom."
"We tried to convince Addison to tell you, Derek, but it was her decision. She was planning to let you meet Devony eventually. But, Derek, you never called, you weren't in contact with her or your family. I found out news secondhand from Mark. You didn't want her, you didn't want New York, you didn't want your family, and you didn't want your old life. You came out here once since you moved out there. All you wanted was Seattle and your girlfriend. How was Addison to know that you would want a child that embodied of all the things you didn't want?"
"I – I don't know. But I would have been there for Addison and Devony."
"Yes, maybe you would have, but until you could bring yourself to forgive Addison you would have resented her for it."
"I still would have wanted to know I had a child. I missed so much of her life, mom."
"You could have been there for it, Derek. I know you wanted kids again after Evelyn. You could have been there for every single moment of Devony's life. Addison could have bought you a baby spoon to tell you, like she did with Evelyn, instead of coming to my doorstep sobbing. It could have been your hand Addison was holding while she was in labor instead of Savvy's. Devony's first word could have been 'dada' if she'd known her dad. You could have had that life, Derek. Addison got pregnant with Devony while you two were still married. She would have found out soon. If you hadn't been with your girlfriend at prom . . ."
"I know, mom. I know I screwed up. That was one of my worst mistakes. But did I really deserve this? I'm glad for the opportunity to be a father, but it's hard like this. And do I deserve to have the love of my life kidnapped?"
There was silence on the other end of the phone. Then, "Derek, do you still love Addison?"
"What? I – no, I let Addison go. I just still think of her as the love of my life sometimes out of habit. I did think that for fifteen years. But I'm in love with Meredith now."
"Are you really? Are you sure? It's been four years; you should be over Addison by now if you truly don't love her anymore."
"I don't know, mom. I don't know what I feel anymore. I just need to focus on finding Addison, and then I'll work it out."
"Okay, Derek, I'll let you go. You probably have to get Devony to bed."
"Yeah, I do. Bye mom, I'll love you. I'm sorry for not calling more; I'll try to do better. And mom . . . thanks."
Derek was roused from his thoughts by the approach of Meredith. She smiled at him tentatively; they were still on thin ice as a couple. Derek worked his face muscles to reciprocate the smile, but it was fake, as none of the emotions assailing Derek were worthy of a smile. There was something his mother had said that kept coming back to him.
"You could have been there, Derek. You could have been there. You could have been there . . ."
Addison ~ The Shepherd house ~ 10 months ago (Christmas)
"Wow, Dev, look how big you are now! How old is she again, Addison?" Nancy asked, tickling her little niece.
"Two and a half," Addison told them proudly. She set Devony down in the Shepherd's beautifully decorated living room. She carefully fixed the pale blue ribbon holding her daughter's hair in a little ponytail on top of her head. Devony toddled off through the many presents to play with the other Shepherd grandchildren.
Addison smiled at the kids, and then walked into the kitchen to open the wine she'd brought. She wrestled with the cork in front of the sink, gazing out at the winter wonderland outside. She frowned when she saw a car enter the driveway and make its way to the house.
"Mom," she called to Derek's mother, who was giving the kids fresh baked cookies, "we weren't expecting anyone else, were we?"
"No, why?" Carolyn Shepherd asked.
"Because there's a car in your driveway."
"Hmm, maybe one of my friends decided to stop by."
Addison continued to watch curiously as the door of the car opened. Suddenly she froze. It was Derek. Derek was here. Derek was here, and so was Devony.
As if Addison wasn't panicked enough, Derek walked around to the other door and opened it for Meredith. "Oh, no," Addison said faintly.
"What?" Nancy asked, walking over.
"It's – Derek and . . ." Addison said in a strangled voice.
"And the slutty intern!" Nancy said in outrage, forgetting, of course, that there was no way Meredith could still be an intern.
"Derek is here?" Kathleen asked in surprise.
"I have to go!" Addison said quickly. She walked over to Devony, picked the little girl up out of the sea of toys, and put on both of their coats. "I have to go. I can't . . . he can't . . . I have to go." She shook off Carolyn and Nancy's attempts to convince her to stay.
"No, mommy! I don't want to go!" Devony yelled.
"Sorry, baby, we have to," Addison said. She had lost all rational thought when she saw her ex-husband. The last time they had even spoken was while negotiating the divorce. And now he was here. If it had just been him, maybe Addison would have considered staying, but he had brought his girlfriend. This couldn't happen, not now, not like this.
Addison ran out the back door and into the snow. She got Devony bundled into her car seat and had closed her own door before she summoned up enough courage to look back. But Derek hadn't seen her; he and Meredith were already inside.
Derek ~ Shepherd house ~ 10 months ago
"Hey, everybody," Derek said in a falsely jolly voice as he walked inside. He was met with absolute silence. His family stared at him and Meredith as they stood by the front door awkwardly.
"Derek, hi," his mother said after a minute, coming to hug him. The rest of the family said still-shocked hellos after that. Derek couldn't remember the last time he'd been home for Christmas. Even the last year he lived in New York he had been at the hospital on Christmas, although he knew Addison and Mark had come.
The door was still slightly ajar and Derek heard a car start and turned to see it pull away rather quickly. "I'm sorry, did we interrupt . . . was someone here?"
"Yeah, just a friend. She had to leave," Nancy said shortly.
"Oh," Derek said. They were all still staring at him. He got the impression he was missing something, but he tried to forget it as he and Meredith were finally welcomed in.
All of his family was painfully polite to Meredith, but Derek thought it was the best he could have hoped for. It was truly a Christmas miracle in Nancy's case. He was just glad that everybody was being nice to each other. Soon it felt like old times as the celebration began, although one key element to the traditions was missing. How could it truly feel like Christmas without Addie?
Derek noticed a ribbon lying on the floor while they watched the kids open their presents. It was light blue, the same color of his eyes. He forgot about it abruptly when he heard the children's gasps of delight, but somehow the ribbon ended up in his pocket that night.
Soon the floor was littered with wrapping paper and the kids were excitedly showing off their new toys.
"What about D-" one of the kids started to ask, but he was cut off by Nancy.
"Okay, time for dessert!" she called loudly.
"Wait, guys, there are more presents under here!" Derek said, ducking under the tree.
His mother came over quickly. "Oh, what are those doing there? I was supposed to take those to the homeless shelter last weekend. I bought them for the kids there that don't get presents." She gathered up all the presents and slapped away his hand when he tried to help. "I got it," she said, taking them upstairs. Derek saw her exchange a relieved look with Nancy. He puzzled over it until Meredith came over and put a hand on his arm, handing him some cider.
Derek ~ present
Oh my god – They were there, he thought. Addison and Devony were there that Christmas. I was so close to my daughter. That had been Addison, running away when she saw him coming with Meredith. Those had been Devony's presents under the tree that his mom hid. And he had a feeling it had been Devony's ribbon also.
Now he fully understood what his mother had meant. You could have been there.
I'm not sure who the quote from Evelyn's grave is from, so I can't give credit. It was found on a tombstone in Ireland, that's all I know. So, yeah, anyway, I hope you liked it!
