Quickest I've ever updated. Laugh, rate and give me that wonderful feedback! For all those who've been giving me it thus far, I thank you. With that said, honorable mentions!

Ad Legere: Thank you for the kind words! I never know how people feel about the serious moments, and it's nice to know they're appreciated.

Sagar Hussein: Thanks for constantly commenting. The constant support is appreciated too.

Chemis3: Thank you for letting me realize I have fans from other places! Love goes out to you from the US to the Phillipines!

EvanescentWriter: Thank you for the review. Honestly, I feel bad when it takes long to update. I want to give you guys my best, so I often don't write when I'm not feeling good. I haven't been feeling good for a very long time. I haven't even really eaten in a while. Knowing that I have fans like you that are willing to let me give you my best, even though I'm just not at my best, makes me feel good. I really want to interact with you guys and give you my all. It's just that my all isn't very much. Thank you for waiting.

Schermionie: Your review was just so well written and... you know... comprehensive? In depth? It had feedback and suggestions and references to what I did right and stuff. Thanks for that. I don't know what I'm doing right or what I'm doing wrong. I want to know things like that. I want to get better. I want to be a writer that can bring amazing stories to you guys, my wonderful fans. Improving on the good parts of my story is a great start. I might even use some of your ideas. I've used a fan's ideas before. Just don't think it'll happen often. This story is pretty set out already.

And to everyone else that has been telling me that I've been doing wonderfully and how funny it is... I thank you. It's late right now in New York so I can't do every single person individually, just know that I'm going through the comments now and I've read and remembered all of you. Thank you for your support and have a great night. (Or day) I love you all.


The first thing Orochimaru noticed when he opened his eyes was that the world wasn't black and white anymore. No, instead it was black and silver, as the darkness around him lent no aid to sight save for the silver hair of his subordinate, Kabuto Yakushi.

The very same Kabuto Yakushi that Naruto and Sasuke met in the Chuunin Exams.

Orochimaru's sneer widened. He had been sneering from before he regained control of his past self, and only saw fit to do more so now. The man kneeling before him, while loyal, was an absolute madman. Kabuto was cunning and devious, and Orochimaru was sure that the man would do everything in his power to meddle in his plans, if for no other reason than to prove himself more and more useful through necessity.

The man was loyal, but only in so that being loyal was beneficial to him. However devoted Kabuto was, he was simply a pain to deal with and even harder to get rid of.

So it was with great glee that Orochimaru dispatched of him immediately. A quick swipe of Kusanagi, his famous sword, and Kabuto was beheaded before he could even react.

Kabuto's reaction to the attack was to reattach his head.

"Now, what was that for Lord Orochimaru?" the man asked, the wet "schlop" sound of his skin and blood colliding filling the void of the empty, and rather dark, room.

"Uh… nothing," Orochimaru stammered, clearing not expecting that. The boys had told him that word would quickly become his response to everything, and it had seemed to be for a reason. Kabuto, the slick, inexpressive bastard that he was, seemed to take the explanation without complaint, and rose to his feet.

"I see, well then. Like I was saying before, a Konoha Jounin had overheard me and the Sand Rat talking about the plan, but he was quickly dispatched. The invasion is going along smoothly and all of our troops are preparing for the attack in a month.

"Ah… I see," Orochimaru hissed. He was uncomfortable with the proceedings, as his want to destroy his old village disappeared ages ago, but he was nothing if not a good actor.

And a confirmed shifty freak.

The Snake Sannin played his part of an overwhelming and frightening lord, and Kabuto nodded, apparently pleased with his demeanor.

"By your leave, Lord Orochimaru."

The Snake Sannin dismissed him, and Kabuto bowed deeply before leaving. As soon as the door closed, Orochimaru shuddered. There was something not right with that boy.

XxX

Kakashi looked at Sasuke. The Uchiha glared back. Kakashi moved the boy's collar, only to see that the mark was gone. Sasuke continued to glare. Kakashi coughed.

"So… what happened to the-"

"I fell down some stairs," Sasuke replied, obviously not in the mood.

"I see," Kakashi mumbled. He wasn't sure how to take the obvious lie. All parties present could easily tell that it was a lie, including the Uchiha himself, but the boldness of it was so daring that he wasn't sure if he should call his student out on it. At a loss of anything else to do, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "Training?"

"Sure," Sasuke grunted, and the two disappeared.

"Well, that was a thing." Naruto's smile, while ever present, was still blinding even if he had nothing to smile about.

"Yeah," Sakura mumbled. She looked back and forth between her teammate and Neji, who decided to stick around for some reason, before nodding and proceeding to walk off.

"Where are you going?" Neji asked.

"To spy on them," the kunoichi replied without even turning around.

"Why?"

"Cause they're both hot."

Neither ninja had the proper words to respond to that. Seeing they had nothing else to say, Sakura slinked off, disappearing almost immediately. Neji turned to Naruto.

"And what about you?"

"Me?" Naruto asked. Neji rolled his eyes.

"No, the Kyuubi." Neji responded sarcastically. The Kyuubi answered anyway.

"I'm going to go burn down the surrounding forests." A puff of chakra later and a small three tailed fox took off through the village. "Small" was a relative term, as it was still the size of a small house, but that was a small detail.

The big detail was the horde people screaming as the Kyuubi burned the houses on his way to the forest.

"Should we be…" Neji started. Naruto held up a hand.

"Give it a minute," he said. After a minute the panicked people suddenly stopped screaming, before going back to what they were doing beforehand. "There we go."

It should be noted that the houses, while slowly going out, were still burning.

"Ah, of course. I don't know why I bothered." The Hyuuga's tone was decidedly dry. He turned back to Naruto. "So, we're alone."

Naruto's eyes snapped to his Hyuuga friend. His eyes were wide as he said, "This better not be your opportunity to confess."

"What? No!" Neji sputtered. "I just wanted to ask you some stuff."

"Like what?" Naruto asked. He sat on the ground. As there were people walking in the busy village street, this was an unwise decision.

"Like how this 'time travel' stuff works. The rules seem to be switching all the time."

"I don't see what you mean."

"Well," Neji began, "Are things supposed to stay the same, or change?"

"They're supposed to stay the same." Naruto tilted his head.

"Then why are they changing?"

Naruto tilted his head even more. "Because we want them to?"

"Why?" Neji practically screamed. "These are gods you're playing with! Why are you purposefully trying to make them angry?"

Naruto shrugged.

"How are you even doing this?"

"Oh, that's an easy one," Naruto said, the smile on his face replacing the confused one. "It turns out, if we annoy them enough, they'll compromise in order to push things along."

"So… the curse mark thing?"

"They're compromising."

"And the Sakura thing?"

Naruto tilted his head again. "What Sakura thing?"

"Sakura's changing too. Have you not noticed that?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not really. She just seems like herself."

"Like herself when she was this age, or like herself when she was an adult kunoichi?"

Naruto refused to answer.

"You don't think she's…"

"No," Naruto answered, conviction in his voice. His panicked expression didn't mirror the statement.

"Are you… are you okay?" Neji wasn't sure if he should be afraid, given the scared look on his friend's face.

"I sure hope we'll be."

"Wait, we?"

Naruto didn't answer. Instead, he stood up and walked off in a random direction in the village.

"Where are you going?" Neji asked. A slight panic ran up his spine at Naruto's sudden lack of answers.

"To go find Pervy Sage. I haven't seen him in forever and if Sakura really is going to be the next person to return due to our shenanigans, then I need to talk to someone who can relax correctly."

"Wait, then what am I going to do?" Neji reached out to stop the boy, but Naruto slipped around his grip.

"Anything you want. We are supposed to do what we did last time around, but if you haven't noticed, literally none of us actually are. Have some fun. This is a vacation." And like that, Naruto disappeared.

Neji looked at the spot where his future Hokage last was, a dazed look on his face. After finally getting over the shock, Neji gathered himself and stalked off.

Maybe he should cut loose.

XxX

"No," Sasuke said, his arms folded. Eyes lidded, he glared at his teacher as he tried to teach him his one original technique.

"Why not?" Kakashi asked, the Chidori sparking in his hand. "You need your other hand to stabilize it."

"No I don't," Sasuke said. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was pouting like a child. If he could, he would activate his Sharingan just to put the man in a genjutsu that made him believe that they already did this lesson. He could totally do it, but he wouldn't be able to explain the Sharingan's full maturity.

Which would mean that time would reset. Then all of the half progress he made would be lost. So Sasuke grit his teeth and perservered.

"You do," Kakashi drawled. He sounded as if he would fall asleep from boredom. "You're new to the technique, so your chakra can flare and accidently electrocute you. Stabilize it with your other hand or we're not going any farther."

Sasuke almost scoffed. He held it in as to not offend the man with the legendary assassination technique currently active. "You already showed me how to make it. How much more do I need to know?"

"If I don't teach you how to attack with it, in the process of moving your hand, it's entirely possible for you to dislocate your own arm." Kakashi's bored voice sounded completely out of place with the severity of his own words.

"That doesn't sound too bad," Sasuke responded, his voice not nearly as sure as he intended. He had learned the jutsu so long ago, and had become so proficient with it, that he had completely forgotten about it's possible drawbacks. He wasn't so nearly in tuned with the technique as Naruto was with his Rasengan —dear Sage that boy had learned to breathe with that technique— but he was skilled enough with it that turning it on was as simple as a thought for him.

So it was with that proficiency that he absolutely refused to use more than one hand for the technique. It would be downright insulting to his skill. True, it was skill he wasn't supposed to have yet, but an Uchiha's pride ran deep, damn it.

Also, it meant he would have to use his other hand, the one he wasn't supposed to have. So Kakashi's plan was already doomed to fail.

"Please? Just try it to start out with once?" Kakashi pleaded. Sasuke snorted.

"No."

"Then I'm not teaching you my technique," Kakashi said, a note of finality to his voice. Sasuke actually chuckled a bit. If Naruto were here, the boy would swear the world was ending.

"Oh, you mean this technique?" Sasuke asked, before holding up his hand and using the base version of the Chidori. It paled in comparison to what he would eventually make, but damn if it wasn't enough to put a shocked look on his teacher's face.

"Is… you got it on your first try?" Kakashi stammered. He obviously wasn't expecting that. Sasuke nodded, the smile on his face surely signaling some sort of apocalypse.

"It seems so."

"How does it feel?" Kakashi asked. Sasuke wasn't expecting that question. How was he to answer it? He had been using this technique for so long, it didn't really feel like anything anymore.

"I… don't know? It feels like using a jutsu." Sasuke answered. He hoped it was enough to satisfy his teacher's question. It wasn't.

"It's supposed to feel like a rush of chakra and energy," Kakashi said. His eyes were now lidded, showing how pensive his teacher suddenly was. "The Chidori is mostly unstable, so you should be feeling even a little apprehensive about holding it in your hands."

Sasuke didn't know what to say to that, so he just shrugged.

"It appears that Naruto isn't the only one on your team I should be looking out for."

Sasuke didn't like the sound of that. While he wasn't there for a lot of Team Seven's formation in this time rewind, he was still holding the same brain, even if the memories were different. He was getting the memories from before he came back in bits and pieces, and one of the things he remembered was how Kakashi treated Naruto when he was suspicious of the boy.

He did not need that kind of scrutiny. Any sort of breakthrough Kakashi, the genius that he was, made towards figuring out the time rewind they were in would immediately cause the universe to reset, and that would mean they would lose all sorts of progress.

And that would mean they would be delaying his reunion with his precious daughter.

So Sasuke did the only thing he could. He looked for a way to deflect the conversation. While he wasn't as good at sensing chakra as his rival, he could still do it. Expanding his senses, he quickly sensed a presence in the trees and pointed it out.

"Oh, hey look. Sakura is here. Do you want to teach her too?" Sasuke asked, pointing directly at where Sakura was hiding amongst the branches. Kakashi turned to her, obviously not checking the surroundings, blinded as he was at figuring out the enigma that his Uchiha student was.

"Didn't I tell you not to try to spy on us?" Kakashi asked, a hint of steel in his voice. Sakura, to her credit, merely swallowed her fear. Maybe all those interactions with high class murderers really did do her good.

"No, you didn't," Sakura nervously answered. Kakashi was prepared to call her out on her lie, before he caught himself. Technically, she wasn't lying.

"Oh," Kakashi drawled, before pulling out his book. "Well, you really shouldn't."

Neither Sasuke nor Sakura knew what to say to that.

"Why are you here?" Sasuke asked in lieu of his teacher that seemed just too nonchalant to do the honors.

"Well," Sakura started. "I figured, hey, two hot men are going to be training. Might as well watch."

Neither Sasuke nor Kakashi knew what to say to that.

XxX

"Well, that takes care of that," Naruto said, obviously pleased. He was standing on the red bridge in the village that led over a small stream. The stream was incredibly shallow, and really only useful for water walking training or letting kids play in. It was such a docile stream that parents could reliably allow toddlers to go unsupervised in it without fear of trouble. Throughout the entire history of the Hidden Leaf, there had only ever been one death related to the body of water.

And people had written it off as a bogus folktale.

"Well, now we have another tale to add to your village's lore," the Kyuubi cackled. His glee was made frightening by the fact that he was currently holding Ebisu, the Jonin that was supposed to be teaching Naruto, under the peaceful stream. The man struggled, but those struggles were weakening.

"Why do I let you go on these murder sprees?" Naruto asked. The question was as blasé as one about breakfast. Combined with the fact that Naruto was simply leaning on the bridge's railing with his chin resting in the palm of one hand made the question almost rhetorical.

"That's a good question," Kyuubi said. "I should really stop them."

The Kyuubi did not stop suffocating Ebisu.

"I fear for my mental health," Naruto said in reply. "You're a terrible influence on me." The Kyuubi barked out a laugh in response.

"The day someone can purposefully influence you is the day I bow down to the Nibi and proclaim her my superior."

"Speaking of that, what is the deal with you and the Two Tails?" Naruto had started to clean his nails. "You go on about her a lot." The Kyuubi seemed to ponder the answer a bit, though he switched which hand he used to hold Ebisu's head under the admittedly shallow water.

"We have a… sordid history."

Ebisu managed to break above the water while Kyuubi lost focus on him. "Pleh… What are you doing?"

"Enough of that."

Ebisu was pushed back under water.

"Sordid history how?" Naruto asked, uncaring about Ebisu's plight. He wouldn't let Kyuubi actually drown the man. He just didn't want to use the Sexy Jutsu on him like he did last time. Using it for non-combat reasons felt… dirty.

"We dated," Kyuubi stated. It was so blunt and quick Naruto almost missed it. Naruto had a feeling that the demon probably wouldn't have said anything about it at all, but now that he was asking knew that there was no way around it. Once Naruto wanted to know something, he would get the information out eventually.

It was a matter of when, not if.

"You do remember that you used to be the same being… right?" Naruto was surprisingly not laughing.

"So?" Kyuubi had snapped back regardless. "All of your puny existences sprouted from the same being at some point."

"Huh, I guess you're right." Was all Naruto said, before the two faded back into silence.

Silence that was pervaded by Ebisu's still struggling flails.

"He takes a while to drown." Naruto said. The Kyuubi moaned.

"I know! This is ridiculous!"

"I'm going to go look for the Pervert while you're doing this. Remember. Don't eat him."

The Kyuubi just moaned again while Naruto departed. He roamed the village, eyes roving over various places and institutions that were lost to the… colorful… destructions that had come to visit upon his hometown. The eventual Hokage smiled at all the places he would come to frequent, and smiled at their resiliency.

Admittedly, he would add to their supposed resiliency in times to come, as no single town should hold so many landscape changing individuals at once, but that was neither here nor there. These institutions had somehow managed to survive their almost repeated destruction, and for that he was endlessly grateful.

Naruto was so caught up in the nostalgia that he almost missed the fact that he was passing Konoha's most famous bathhouse. It was a frequent of the kunoichi in the village who had made it to Genin but not much farther. As such the beauties there were fit, but still mundane enough to care more about cosmetics than training.

The place got lecherous peepers at least once a day, but the kunoichi there, while mediocre ninja, were still ninja. Most peepers didn't last long. Then again, most peepers weren't Jiraiya of the Sannin.

"Cha doing pervy sage?" Naruto asked. He made sure his feet were light and his voice was low as he approached his godfather. Emotion welled up inside him, but he quashed it with the same resolve he used to quash his feelings for the Third Hokage and his own future wife.

"What's it look like, kid?" Jiraiya snapped back, his voice also low. His hair, a mane of spikey white locks, bristled with his irritation, and had Naruto not known how it could be used as a weapon he would have wanted to pet it.

"It looks like you're peeping," Naruto replied. He had stopped right next to the man, and had taken in his outfit. Jiraiya, for as much of a lady's man as he was, never saw fit to change his clothes. Ever. Not even once. Truth be told, most ninjas in the village refused to change. It was sort of an unspoken rule that everyone was expected to wear the exact same thing every day without change. For Naruto it had been his orange jumpsuit, while for Sakura it was her weird red dress thing. Kakashi wore the standard Jonin flak jacket while Gai wore what was quite possibly the one thing that people feared on anywhere near a level of his Talk no Jutsu.

Honestly, Naruto believed that even if he were to die in battle, as long as Lee kept his line of clothing and student rearing capability alive, the village would remain safe regardless. There was a reason why there was only ever one "Green Beast of Konoha" and it had nothing to do with willingness. Most Genin would kill for the chance to study under the best taijutsu users in the entire world. No, it was socially (and internationally) forbidden for there to be more than one "Student of Youth" at any given time, and the vote was passed unanimously.

Naruto had never seen Gaara so vehement about something before.

Naruto smiled at the thought of his old friend, but shook his head of the memories. His godfather, in his bright red jacket and toad green shirt and pants, was talking to him.

"… and that is why you should never disturb a man when he is appreciating the female human form," Jiraiya said, a faraway look of what could only be described as extreme perversion plastered over his face. Naruto smiled at the man's antics, before sitting on the ground next to him. He planted his back against the wall and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. The atmosphere was just too perfect.

"Uh, kid?" Jiraiya asked, effectively creeped out by the kid he knew to be his godson. He couldn't tell him that yet though. "What are you doing?"

Naruto's eyes shot open. He looked at his godfather, before chuckling softly. He rubbed the back of his neck while a sheepish smile adorned his face. "I'm just relaxing. You can continue doing what you're doing."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. Well, this was nothing like the loud, self-righteous kid he was told about. "Aren't you gonna yell or cause a scene about how I'm peeping?"

"Hmm? Why would I?" the blonde asked.

Jiraiya found himself at a loss. He never thought that he'd have to answer that question before.

"Would it change anything?" his godson continued. Jiraiya shook his head. "Then if it's not going to change anything, I have no reason to do it." The boy went back to relaxing. He leaned back into the hot spring wall that Jiraiya was currently peeping through via a hole. "You never know when you're gonna lose those around you. It's best to just enjoy life while you can."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I can see the logic in that. But why are you doing it… here… of all places?"

Naruto shrugged. "The company is good."

"Oh really?" Jiraiya snorted. He had went back to peeping on the hole. The girls inside were splashing each other and running around with nary a scrap of clothing on, but for once in his life they had seemed uninteresting. He had caught what his godson had said, his words and meanings disjointed just enough to not concretely give anything away, but Jiraiya was a spymaster. He could catch onto phrases and hidden meanings well enough, and he had a nagging feeling the boy knew that. He conveyed through conjecture what he couldn't through straight up words, and the Sage couldn't help but to stare at the boy once again.

Naruto was in the exact same position he was in when Jiraiya looked at him last. On the surface he seemed calm and collected, but Jiraiya wasn't the kind to look just on the surface. Since he had sat down, Naruto hadn't moved once to make himself more comfortable, instead choosing to sit impossibly still, as if even twitching would break whatever atmosphere he had found here, making it forever lost to him.

Here, among an old pervert leering at girls half his age.

"You're a weird kid," Jiraiya said. He had wanted to say more; he had wanted to ask about all those small signs that the kid had probably knowingly threw his way, but something was telling him not to. Instead, he said those words instead, hoping the boy got his meaning.

"You don't know exactly how weird I am," Naruto responded, the first bit of actual calm seeping into the kid's posture. Jiraiya smiled. If nothing else, that was an invitation for him to learn more about the kid. The invitation was roundabout, like everything else the kid had shown him, but the Sage had agreed to communicating with him in that way with his last comment, so he wasn't too peeved. Content with the situation, the Toad Sage turned back to the girls in the hot spring. They were giggling over something and he wanted to find out what.

Back with Naruto, he had simply delved into his peaceful place. It was surprisingly easier with Jiraiya's perverse giggling occasionally drifting his way. Never before would the future Hokage say this, but he honestly missed the sound. When it continued long after it started, Naruto almost sighed in relief. It appeared that this time he had finally gotten his message through to Jiraiya without him prying any further.

It had only taken forty-three tries.

XxX

"Hey Gamabun-" was about as far as Naruto had gotten before the giant toad he was on quite literally roared at him. Naruto had to double check that he was in fact standing on a toad and not some canine creature.

"BRAT, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING SUMMONING ME IN ANOTHER GODDAMN PIT?" the boss toad, Gamabunta, asked. His voice was loud enough that Naruto was certain he would cause an earthquake and destabilize the pit they were in.

By the way, they were in a ravine. Pit. Hole in the ground. Jiraiya had thrown him in there for training and Naruto had completely forgotten about that.

Mostly because he didn't want to believe it actually happened.

"What do you mean, 'again'?" Naruto asked. He had started to use chakra to stick himself to the boss toad's forehead, but the toad's natural slime destabilized whatever effort he had thought to make. Instead he just sighed and tried to balance the natural way.

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN, YOU FUCKING RUNT." Gamabunta then shook his head, mostly to get Naruto off so he could watch the blonde fall to his death, but also to gauge something. "ALSO, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING SMALL?"

Realization dawned on Naruto. "Wait, are you-"

"AND WHY AREN'T YOU SUMMONING 'KICHI? AIN'T HE YOUR FAMILIAR?"

"Well, he is, but that's hardly the point. You see, Boss Toa-"

"THEN SUMMON HIM. I'M OUTTA HERE."

And just like that the boss summon was gone. Before he disappeared Naruto had dashed to the side of the ravine and stuck himself there. Weathering the smoke from the great toad's departure, Naruto made his way back up the side of the cliff.

Once he reached the top, Jiraiya made his way over to the boy. With a smile on his face, he attempted to pat the kid on the shoulder, only to be winded by a surprisingly strong punch in the gut.

Naruto, while not as proficient as Sakura, could utilize Tsunade's strength abilities as well.

"I guess I deserved that," Jiraiya wheezed. To the man's credit he recovered not long after he said that.

"Don't ever throw me down a damn ravine again," Naruto growled, his eyes a slightly purple tint.

"It worked though, you summoned Gamabunta! I heard him cursing from here." Jiraiya wiggled his eyebrows, his smile back on his face He was obviously pleased with himself. Naruto was not.

"What if I didn't? Huh? Would you have jumped down and miraculously saved me?"

Jiraiya's face wasn't very comforting.

"Would you have summoned Gamabunta for me?"

Jiraiya's face was betraying his guilt.

"Would you… would you at least try? Like… anything?"

Jiraiya's face was downright mutinous.

"I hate you," Naruto muttered. The behemoth of a man snaked his arm around the blonde's shoulder.

"And to think… you're going to be spending the next month training with me!"

Naruto wondered if it was too late to go check up on Orochimaru. He turned to his mentor with an exasperated look on his face. "Hey, Pervy Sage?"

"Yeah?" Jiraiya asked. He was rubbing his stomach even though Naruto was sure the man was already better.

"What would happen if someone from… say… the past, were to use the summoning technique?"

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. He wasn't expecting that question. "Why?"

"Just curious, is all."

"Well… if I had to guess…" Jiraiya grumbled, "due to the nature of seals and sealing energies, the person would summon a version of the creature that existed in their time. We pull summons through both space and time when we summon them, after all."

"Oh," Naruto deadpanned. "How marvelous."

"Indeed." Jiraiya grumbled once more. He scowled at his pupil one last time before shrugging and going back to what he was doing.

The girlie mag wasn't going to read itself.

XxX

"Hey Orochimaru. I'm here to check up on you." Kyuubi said as he took his place amongst the gory remains of Orochimaru's experiments.

"Oh, Kyuubi. It is an actual delight to see a familiar face. I hypothesized that you would return with Naruto, but I wasn't sure." Orochimaru didn't seem surprised at all by the biju's entrance of fire. He made his way over to the foxy Naruto clone and shook his hand. Neither person seemed particularly concerned that Orochimaru was covered in viscera. "Why are you a child?"

The Kyuubi huffed. "I don't know. None of us know. It just is a thing."

"Can't you control your form?"

"We went over that too."

"And what was the conclusion that you guys reached?" Orochimaru asked. He had went back to carving up the man on the construction table.

"We… we hadn't actually reached a conclusion." Kyuubi said, his voice rising in octave as he realized what he was saying.

"Oh," Orochimaru said. His face was pensive as he cut into a man's chest.

The man was decidedly not happy about that.

"I can't believe we never came to a conclusion. How had we glossed over this?"

"Hmm," Orochimaru hummed. He nicked an artery and blood splattered on his cheek. With his unnaturally long tongue the Snake Sannin licked the gooey life substance off his face before turning to address his visitor. "Well, maybe they just assumed that they didn't have an answer? If you couldn't change your form back, then they probably couldn't either. Tell me, what did it feel like when you realized you couldn't change back?"

The Kyuubi was silent.

"You never checked to see if you could change back." The way Orochimaru said it was a confident statement.

"It's not my fault!" Kyuubi screamed. The man on the table winced at the sudden explosion of sound, and the Kyuubi took a moment to apologize. "Have you ever been around the boy for extended periods of time? It's like every stupid decision he makes starts making sense!" The Kyuubi then paused, visibly shaking before his sudden realization. "I'm catching his stupid."

Orochimaru hummed again. He used a bloody glove to rub his chin in contemplation. For some reason the blood that was smudging on his face didn't bother him at all. Then again, it apparently didn't bother anyone in the room.

"Oh, I know. I was in the village for a single day, and I just started dancing everywhere. Honestly I'm surprised the Leaf still stands today if Naruto has that kind of effect on people."

"I think it's a passive effect of the Talk No Jutsu," Kyuubi shivered. He drew his legs up into the chair he sat in. That it was a torture chair complete with shackles and caked in blood didn't seem to matter. "You just have to follow whatever he suggests. It starts off small, but you don't realize that you're slowly acquiescing to his demands. He says something stupid and you might even say no. After a while though… after a while you just go along with his stupidity."

"You know, you never told me how he does that jutsu." Kyuubi glared at the mad scientist. Said mad scientist chuckled in response. "I kid, Kyuubi. I know you don't know it either."

"No one knows it except for him. It's scary."

"It's a good thing he's an idiot."

"It's a great thing he's an idiot."

"So…" Orochimaru started. "The transformation?"

"Oh right," the Kyuubi said. His eyes lit up as the realization that he might be able to shapeshift again crossed his mind. Closing his eyes, the fox boy allowed his chakra to coalesce around him like wisps of bubbly red gas. It started off pretty sedated, but proceeded to spin faster and faster until the Kyuubi suddenly exploded. The force of Kyuubi utilizing his chakra created a concussive blast that splattered the viscera he was sitting in to all parts of the room, coating the walls and ceiling in red.

Somehow that tidied the place up more than it dirtied it.

"Ah yes. It used to use a great deal of concentration to shapeshift for you."

"Shut the hell up, Snake. You're breaking my concentration."

The Kyuubi's face scrunched up, a cute feature on Naruto's face made deadly with the Kyuubi's addition, as he attempted to use his chakra to force his will upon the world around him. As both a fox and a fragment of the chakra that once presided over the world, the Kyuubi had the ability to do manipulate his surroundings in small doses to the things directly around him. When he used his ability on himself, however, the process was laughably easy. He used to be able to shapeshift all the time with just a thought, but ever since he came back in time the act had become… difficult.

"How is it working?" Orochimaru asked. He was genuinely curious as he leaned forward over the autopsy table he was using. The man, who was definitely still conscious, looked over as well. He was distinctly less awed however, as his primary concern was his exposed chest area.

"Better when you're not talking, Snake." The Kyuubi didn't look like he was having the best of times. He seemed to be struggling pretty hard against something.

"Are these… gods? Yes, are they interfering with your technique?"

"I'm… not sure," Kyuubi stammered out, barely able to talk. Orochimaru was annoying him more and more as time went on, but Kyuubi knew he couldn't simply kill the man. Orochimaru had become progressively more shifty as the years went on, and as such was harder to kill than a ninja cockroach.

And those guys were really hard to kill.

The problem with this dilemma was that Orochimaru was cognizant of his difficulty to be put down as much as everyone else was. The only foreseeable way to kill the man seemed to be to Talk no Jutsu him. The problem with that plan was that it allowed the use of the infernal technique.

And that was, in itself, a terrible idea.

"Can you feel a foreign influence?" Orochimaru continued to ask. Kyuubi could already feel the madman's scientific side coming out. He would be curious and inquisitive of everything until his interest and curiosity were sated, something that might take quite a while.

"Yeah," Kyuubi growled. "It's you. Talking to me. After I told you to shut the hell up!"

"I see," Orochimaru said, his voice hinted with a tinge of mirth. He started the process of writing something down, only to realize he had both nothing to write on, and nothing to write with. Looking around, his eyes fell on the somehow still alive man in front of him. With a careless shrug, the Sannin took the scalpel he was holding and started carving his findings into the man's skin.

"Are you… documenting this?" Kyuubi asked. His eyes were barely open, and yet he could still tell the man was up to something he would find annoying.

"Indeed I am," Orochimaru answered.

"…May I ask why?" Kyuubi asked. Orochimaru smiled. He wasn't evil anymore, but the act still made all those who saw it feel greasy and wrong.

"Why yes, you may. You see, shapeshifting is the ultimate form of mastery and manipulation over the body, and thus, the mortal. If I can control my mortal self, my immortal soul would never have to die and I could finally reach that pinnacle I have been searching for my entire life."

Kyuubi bothered to open his eyes at that. "That reminds me, why do you want to be immortal anyway?"

"Why do you want to eat everyone?"

"Because it's fun!" the Kyuubi yipped, an actual smile breaking out on his face.

"Well there you go."

The Kyuubi didn't really have anything to say to that answer.

XxX

"So… are you from the future?" Tenten asked, her scroll of sealed weapons coiling around her like a very dangerous snake.

"Well, fuck," Neji cursed, annoyed but mostly exasperated as the world froze around him once more. Naruto was the first to teleport back to him.

"Neji?"

"Yeah, Naruto?" Neji already knew where his friend was going with this.

"What the fuck?" the blonde Hokage asked, pointing at Tenten. "It's not that hard. Just don't tell her we're from the future. Don't act too out of place. It's not that hard!"

"Well apparently it is!" Neji yelled, his eye twitching. "This reset is still happening and I've done this how many times now?"

"I dunno," Naruto said. He collapsed to the ground as he shrugged. I haven't been counting.

"I have," Sasuke sighed as he walked into the time frozen clearing where Team Gai was supposed to be training. "Forty-two times. Honestly. One would think you'd learn how to do this by now."

"Yeah." Neji deadpanned, not wanting to lose his cool to the Uchiha. "One would think."

"It's not even that hard. Naruto and I actually destroy stuff. The Kyuubi eats people. Orochimaru is out there and I'm pretty sure he's elbow deep in a person. And yet it's never any of us. It's always you. How are you messing up this bad?"

"No idea," Neji ground out through gritted teeth.

"It's actually pretty impressive," Orochimaru said, his voice smooth like silk and none the less creepy for it. "The first thing I did once I was active in this world was decapitate Kabuto and even that wasn't enough to rewind the world. Congratulations, Hyuuga child."

Said Hyuuga child was silent. A compliment from Orochimaru was never a good thing. Rather than insult the man who was so obviously stronger than him, however, Neji chose to ignore him. It was a valid tactic for everyone else around here.

Everyone looked around for the Kyuubi, who usually arrived after Naruto. When he didn't appear, everyone looked at Naruto.

"He said he was busy with something stupid."

Everyone looked at Orochimaru.

"Why does that mean me?" the Snake scientist asked.

"Because you're the next person he goes to when he wants to do something stupid," Sasuke huffed. He made to fold his arms, an action that was implanted in his young body's muscle memory, only to realize he only acknowledged the one hand. Stuffing his right hand back in his pocket, he put his hand on his hip.

Orochimaru smiled. "Good to see my critical analysis teachings stuck with you, Sasuke-kun."

"Don't call me that. Call me that again and I'm trapping you in another dimension. One without food or water." Sasuke then thought over something. "Or air."

"Probably won't be enough to kill him," Naruto added. He had started to lie on the ground.

"I know, but it'll make me feel good to know he doesn't share a dimensional plane with me."

"You don't have your Rinnegan." Orochimaru said with a sneer.

Sasuke blanched. "I'll find a way."

"Persevering in the face of insurmountable odds?" Orochimaru asked, his sneer widening. "I've raised you well."

Sasuke almost wretched.

"Back… to topic?" Neji said, unsure. He wasn't comfortable with the focus being on him, but he wasn't comfortable with this either.

"Thank you for letting that carry out," Naruto whispered. The blonde looked truly contented.

"Ah, yes. The Kyuubi is back at my hideout. He's trying to shapeshift."

"We never did figure out if he could."

"Quite," Orochimaru hissed. He managed to be both soothing and unnerving at the same time. It was a feat that was altogether unnerving. "Also, how are you managing to mess this up? It's not very hard."

"I don't know!" Neji screamed. Even he was getting annoyed by his constant mess ups. "It just keeps happening!"

"Have you tried not telling her?"

"That's the thing," Neji said, his eye twitching. "I haven't been telling her. She's just been figuring it out! As soon as I enter the training ground she stops what she's doing and asks me if I'm from the future!"

"Maybe you look different? Like you're from the future?"

"I can't change my appearance." Neji deadpanned. It was one of the misfortunes of not really being able to change anything.

"Maybe it's your face?" Sasuke suggested. Neji stared at him, his cold, unblinking Hyuuga eyes and face chiseled out of stone not giving away a single emotion. "Maybe not."

"Did you try killing her as soon as you walked into the area?" Naruto asked. Everyone stared at him.

"Naruto. Why would that work?"

Naruto shrugged. "It's worked for me."

Sasuke, who was about to say something, stopped his train of thought. "He has a point. I've seen him kill a lot of people without repercussions."

"Now that you mention it… so have I." Orochimaru hissed. Sasuke, who was standing next to him by chance, edged away.

"I think that's more along the lines of the gods just being too exasperated with you to go through the trouble."

"See? It works!" Naruto chirped. "Just try it. Worst case scenario, they notice something is wrong and we're back here again."

"So it literally can't be any worse than what you've already been doing." Neji punched the Uchiha in the shoulder.

"Fine," Neji admitted, more just to get the two boys off his back. "I'll try it, but it won't work.

XxX

Neji walked into the training ground he usually used by Team Gai and proceeded to enter his stretches. His sensei, Gai, was off currently demolishing a different part of the area with his carbon copy student Lee.

Passively. They didn't mean to destroy everything, the nature of their training just demanded that outcome.

Halfway through his stretches his female teammate, a girl by the name of Tenten, had finished her target practice and made her way over to greet him. Upon reaching him however, she suddenly stopped, hand rubbing her chin as she contemplated him.

"So… are you from the fu-" she started to ask, before Neji swiftly tapped her heart with his Gentle Fist. The action immediately killed her. The girl collapsed to the ground, body twitching as it registered its shock.

"There, that should do it," Neji said. He folded his arms as he waited for the world around him to freeze.

He was horrified when it didn't.