My Never
Chapter 13

Update! Loved all the Addie-Derek-Mark-Sam-Naomi in the crossover last night. If the show was centered on them, it would totally dominate. And as you can see, the flashbacks are getting closer and closer to the present ... Hmm ... I know I have more to say but my Calculus test killed me so very dead. So just read :D It's a fairly long one.


Derek ~ Seattle Grace ~ present

Being a dad wasn't like Derek had thought it was going to be. It was better. He smiled as he scooped his daughter up off her tired legs and set her on his shoulders, her new favorite spot.

She giggled. "Whoa, daddy! I'm tall!"

Derek laughed too. "Yep, you are."

"Daddy?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." Yes, being her dad was definitely much better than he could have ever expected. "How many more sick people do you have to see?"

"Just a few more, Dev. Then me and Uncle Mark will take you to the park. How does that sound?"

"Good." Devony said, her voice coming from above him. He gripped her legs tightly so she wouldn't fall. "Look, daddy, Pluffie is flying!"

"I didn't know giraffes could fly, Dev."

"Pluffie can," she said simply.

"Alright, squirt, we're here," Derek said, lifting her off his shoulders. She walked over to the single chair in the room and climbed up on it. Derek began talking to his patient. At first Devony sat patiently like usual and played with Pluffie, making him walk all over the chair and up the window. But after a few minutes she walked over.

"Sorry," Derek apologized to his patient quickly. "Walt, this is my daughter, Devony."

That's okay," Walt said. He smiled at the little girl, who grinned back.

"Want to pet Pluffie, Walt?" she asked.

"Devony, Walt has a serious head injury. This isn't really a good time."

"It's alright. I'll pet – Pluffie, wasn't it? I'll pet Pluffie." Devony held the purple and blue giraffe out to Walt. His face was contorted with concentration, but nothing happened.

"Walt? Walt?" Derek asked, concerned.

"I – I can't move."

"Get me another CT. He might be paralyzed," Derek said quickly. He looked at his daughter. She'd just saved a man's life. Neither he nor Walt had realized that Walt couldn't move anything lower than his neck. Devony met his eyes innocently; unaware of what had just happened.

"Thank you, Devony," Derek said seriously. "You just helped save Walt. But now he needs my help. He probably needs a surgery. So I need to take you to the daycare, okay?" he asked, grabbing her hand.

"No, daddy! I don't want to go to daycare!" Devony yelled as they walked down the hall.

"But Dev . . . why not?" Derek asked in surprise. He knelt down so he was at her level in front of the daycare doors.

"Nobody will play with me there," Devony said tearfully.

"What do you mean?" She'd only been to daycare twice, as Derek only did it in emergencies. He really needed somewhere for her to go, but he didn't want her to be uncomfortable there.

"Nobody likes me there," she whined, starting to cry.

Derek hugged her quickly. "I'm sure there will be nice kids today. And it will only be for a few hours at most, and then we can go to the park." Devony nodded, and Derek got her a tissue to wipe her tears.

They entered the daycare together. She stood by his side as he signed her in. After he was done, he tried to leave, but Devony clung to his hand. Her lip trembled and she hid her face in his pants. He attempted to detangle her a few times, but she only clung tighter. That only made him feel guiltier for making her come.

"Hey! Do you want to play?" Derek's head snapped up quickly to see his savior. An adorable black boy stood in front of them. He looked maybe four years old, and had freckles and curly hair.

"Okay," Devony said cautiously, peeking her head around Derek's leg. She walked over to the boy slowly, and he led her over to some toys. But Derek couldn't help thinking that the boy looked extremely familiar.

"Hey, what's your name?" he called after him.

"Tuck," the boy said. Well, no wonder he'd recognized him.

Three and a half hours later, Derek lifted his bright green daughter out of the car. He set her on the grass of the park. She immediately ran off to the playground, getting green handprints everywhere.

"Dude, what the hell?" Mark asked from beside him.

"Bailey is going to kick my ass when she sees Tuck," Derek moaned. "He's bright blue. They painted each other at daycare today."

"Wow," Mark said.

"Yeah, you should have seen the day care lady," Derek said, starting to chuckle.

"Only Addison's daughter could get into trouble like that kid can," Mark said. His words reminded Derek that it had been three and a half months. Three and a half months with Devony, and four and a half months since Addison went missing.

They watched as Devony was quickly bored of the playground and began chasing pigeons. When she was done with that, they all sat down and had sandwiches Mark had packed in a paper bag. After a while Derek became aware of an old woman watching them strangely. He pointed her out to Mark, who was lifting Devony above his head making airplane noises. Mark set Devony down to stare back at the woman. Devony crawled into his lap and finished eating her peanut butter and jelly.

"I'm sorry," a quavery voice said. Derek looked around and saw the old woman. "It's just that you two have such a cute daughter."

Derek and Mark started at each other in horror. "Oh no, we're not -" Derek began.

"We're not together," Mark said in a panicked voice. They exchanged another uncomfortable glance. Great, so now people were assuming they were gay.

"You know what? We're leaving. Devony, time to go," Derek said, cleaning up their picnic.

Back in the car, Derek and Mark shared an uncomfortable silence.

"So now-" Mark started.

"Yep," Derek said.

"And they think-"

"Looks like it."

"Great," Mark said sarcastically.

"Daddy, why isn't mommy coming back yet?" Devony asked suddenly from the backseat.

Derek sighed. "She can't, sweetie."

"Why not? Doesn't she love me?"

"She does. She loves you so much, Devony, I promise. But she can't come back right now."

"Will she ever come back, daddy?"

"Yes," Derek said firmly, but he was no longer sure. The chances of Addison being found alive were dwindling with every day that passed.

"Can Tuck come to the trailer and play?" she asked.

"If his mother lets him," Derek said.

"So what's up with the green, kid?" Mark asked.

"Me and Tuck wanted to be Rainbow People. But nobody else wanted to play. So we tried to paint them anyway, but the mean lady in there got angry. So we painted her instead."

"Devony, you can't paint people who don't want to be painted. And remember what we talked about? We do art on paper, not on our body or on the wall."

"But daddy, that's boring."

"Sorry, that's the way it has to be. If you want to get to play with Tuck more, you need to behave."

Devony frowned but didn't argue.

"What are you guys watching?" Derek asked after getting off the phone with Meredith later. She had wanted him to come over, and got upset when he explained that he had to de-green his daughter. Normally he would have agonized over such a fight, but lately he found he just didn't have the energy to care about Meredith or her problems.

"Enchanted," Mark answered, not taking his eyes off the screen, almost as absorbed in the movie as Devony was.

"Hey daddy, Robert looks like you," Devony said, studying an image on the TV.

Derek walked around to look. "No, he doesn't."

Mark laughed, "Yeah, he actually does, Shep."

"Does not!" Derek argued, embarrassed.

"Does so, daddy!"

"I don't know what you guys are talking about." Mark and Devony rolled their eyes simultaneously.


~ Mark ~

As he watched Derek's daughter sleep, he found himself wondering what it would be like if it was him. True, his child would be older than Devony, at least four now. But what if that was his kid? Why had Addison kept Devony, but not his child?

He knew the answer. She wanted Derek's kid, not his. They were AddisonandDerek. He knew that.

Derek was sitting beside him, watching Devony's small chest rise and fall. Her dark curls surrounded her head like a halo, and Mark could see part of her Tinkerbell nightgown sticking out from under the covers. He cared for that kid like she was his. Not exactly in the same way Derek did, but she was family.

What if there had been another little girl sleeping beside her? Maybe with his dirty blonde hair instead of Derek's black? What then? He couldn't get the picture out of his head, so he voiced his thoughts. "Why do you think Addison kept your kid but got rid of mine?"

Less than a second later, Mark realized the true impact of his words. "What did you say?" Derek asked softly, startled. "Addison was never – what are you – Addison was pregnant with your child?"

Mark had not meant for Derek to find out like that, but he figured honesty was the best policy. "Uh Derek . . . I know you didn't know about this, but . . . after you left, Addison stayed with me in New York. You were never there even before she cheated, and we spent a lot of time together, and I fell in love with her. She didn't really know what she was doing, because she was so distraught, but she needed someone, you know? And even though I cared about her, I couldn't keep it together, even for her. She got pregnant, I cheated, she got an abortion and flew after you. End of story."

His best friend was sitting there, looking stunned. He seemed to be grappling with several emotions before he shrugged. "It doesn't matter," he said quietly. Mark raised his eyebrows in surprise, used to his friend blaming everything on Addison. Maybe he really had changed. "She forgave me, even after all I did, and so I'm forgiving her. That's it."

Mark nodded slowly. "I just – I know you always wanted kids, and I'm happy for you, I really am . . . but sometimes, I wish I'd gotten the chance to be a father too. I know I'm a screw-up, but . . . maybe I could have done it."

Derek's face softened. "It wasn't you," he told Mark quietly. "It wasn't because it was your kid. She was scared; scared because I left her and scared that it was your child she was pregnant with after Evelyn. I know her. When she first got here, she'd watch the babies in the NICU all the time, even more than she used to. I couldn't figure it out, and I always knew I was missing something, a part of the puzzle, although I didn't really care at the time. But now I know what it was. She was regretting terminating the pregnancy, Mark. No matter whose baby it was, she wanted it. That's why she kept my kid and not yours. Honestly, that's all it was. I screwed up worse than you."

Mark nodded, and they both sat in the soft twilight for a while. "You wouldn't have been a bad father, Mark," Derek said firmly a few minutes later. "Like I said, I did worse things than you, but I still got the opportunity to be Devony's father, and it's one of the best things that ever happened to me."

Mark sighed in acceptance of Derek's statement. Maybe there was hope for him yet. Addison was never truly his, but maybe there would be someone else, another chance.


Addison ~ LAX airport ~ 4 ½ months ago

The thick LA air made her feel like she was suffocating. Addison walked quickly out into the humid night. Something about the parking lot was giving her the chills, although the warmth of the night was like a blanket around her and streetlights lit up the dark every few feet.

Initially, she'd been pretty pissed about the stupid rental car service being so slow, but now exhaustion was clouding the annoyance. She thought she should call Savvy, maybe tell her that her flight had gotten in okay and remind her to tell Devony she loved her. The phone was in her hand at once, the screen flashing in the ink black night with all of Devony's favorite games, but she didn't make the call. First she had to find her rental car in the maze of the airport parking lot and make it to the hotel with a big white bed. Then she'd call. Devony would already be asleep anyway, and Savvy too, probably.

Strange the things you think of before disaster strikes.

Addison smiled as she thought of Sam, Naomi and Maya. It had been over a year since she'd seen them. But thinking of her two best friends made her think of them and Derek and Mark in an apartment in New York, drinking and laughing and acting as immature as the interns they were. She missed those days. She missed thinking she'd be with Derek forever, she missed Evelyn and the unbroken future she'd seen in her baby's angelic face, she missed believing in love and goodness and fate. Mostly she just missed him, though. Just Derek.

Four years ago, she swore she'd stop thinking about him. Fat lot of good that did, she thought. Addison sighed; the truth was that while Derek was never far from her mind, she was farthest from his heart. No amount of wishing or hoping was going to change that.

Something else did.

When Addison later looked back at the event that changed her life forever with pain and horror and abuse and torture, she still couldn't regret walking under that one particular lamppost. If she'd known, she would still have done it again, sick and masochistic as it was. Because although wishing and hoping for Derek couldn't have brought him back to her, one cataclysmic event brought her to him.

But Addison never saw the men leaning against the dark van, just waiting for such an opportune moment. She never heard the soft, appreciate whistle of one of them as they beheld her three inch heels, glimmering red hair, and perfect features. She never knew about the look that passed between them, or the nods, or the silent scrambling in the dark to get into place. She walked right into their trap.

"Hey there, sugar," a man's voice came from behind her. Addison had no way of knowing he was just the bait. She threw him a scathing look and continued on her way, right into the four men waiting behind her. An engine revved and a van swerved around behind them.

Her desperate scream only lived for a fraction of a second before a hand was clamped over her mouth. In the same second, another latched onto her hair while vice-like grips imprisoned her arms. She struggled, trying desperately to pull away, but they spirited her out of the light and edged closer to the waiting van. It was five against one but Addison still managed to catch one of them in the groin and another in the stomach with the toe of her pointed heel. An angry fist connected with the side of her face and she hit concrete, her grip on her phone lost. There was barely time to think as yet another blow shoved her head back into the ground as she tried to lift it.

The world was spinning with stars and dizziness and mocking laughter. Each blink of her eyes made her head feel like it was about to split in two. Still she tried to rise, thinking about Derek and Devony and Savvy and Naomi and Mark and how she had to get back to them, how she could get back to them if she could just stand up.

Addison barely had time to register that the scratchy cloth pressed to her face smelled terrible before the world began to fade away, stretching away from her. She was pulled into the distance as another reality tugged on her with greedy fingers. There was only time for one more thought. She wanted to make it good, in case it was her last.

Derek's face swam before her eyes, looking exasperated but endearing. What are you doing now, Addison? he seemed to be asking. I don't know. I'm sorry, she tried to say, but he just shook his head before he too was gone. And as she lay bleeding, the world going black, she had to wonder: Would he care now?


I know, I know, probably not the full explanation you were hoping for. But I can promise you that Addison's story continues in the next chapter. Also, I just wanted to mention a thing with the time and flashbacks. Although her kidnapping was 4 ½ months ago now, after Derek's had Devony for a few months, it was only a month before Devony was brought to Seattle. Just thought I'd point that out so nobody got confused. Anyway, things really pick up in the next one, that's all I can say. My heartfelt thanks goes out to my reviewers - you all rock!