My Never
Chapter 17

So Addison is finally back ... are you excited? I bet you are, so I'll keep this short. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the wonderful people who read and review this story. It means so much to me. And we're on chapter 17, guys! Don't worry, there's still a lot more to go!


Derek ~ the trailer ~ present

"Devony? Devony, baby you have to wake up," Derek whispered to his small daughter.

"What, Daddy?" she mumbled softly.

"We have to go to the hospital," he whispered, scooping her up. She clung to her blankets and Derek wrapped them around her as he jogged out into the cool night. Her blue eyes were wide in her doll-like face as he placed her carefully in the back and buckled her in. Then he got into the front, still struggling into his shirt.

The only light in the car was from the streetlights and the dashboard as Derek drove to the hospital. Devony sat up, completely alert, as if she knew something important was happening. The blankets hung loosely around her thin shoulders, and Derek saw her shivering. He reached around the car until he located her tiny pink Uggs and handed them to her.

Derek had been awoken late that night, or early that morning, really, by Richard's phone call. He and Devony had gone home to get some sleep before Addison arrived. Richard had promised to have someone call when she landed, and now his heart was pounding and pumping his blood too fast through his veins. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel at stoplights and tapped his foot impatiently. Devony only clung to Pluffie tightly.

He walked quickly through the halls when they arrived, trying to find someone who would tell him where Addison was. He was too preoccupied to notice Devony's curious cerulean eyes taking in everything. Suddenly her warm hand was yanked from his and she ran into a room yelling, "Mommy!"

Derek hurried in after her. He nearly ran into her as she stopped abruptly, staring in horror at her mother. "Mommy?" she whispered.

There was nothing Derek could have done to prepare himself for seeing Addison like that. Seeing her there, in the hospital bed, intubated and not moving, changed Derek's world forever. She was deathly pale and hooked up to way too many machines. The sight was only made worse by the fact that Derek knew exactly what those machines were for. The only movement was her shallow breathing as her chest rose and fell gently. There was a thick white bandage wrapped around her head and she was so thin that he could see the bones under her skin. Dark circles under her eyes suggested that the drugs were still poisoning her body. Numerous cuts marred her face and other visible skin. He knew if he lifted the blanket he'd see her other bandages from the surgeries and the thick white splint on her leg and her immobilized pelvis.

Devony was shaking. "Devony, Mommy is sick," Derek told her quietly. "That's why she was away for so long. She's sick, and so she's going to have to stay in the hospital for a while. Alright? She'll get better soon."

"Is she sleeping Daddy?" she asked, twisting to look at him.

"Sort of. She needs to get better, so she might not be waking up for a while," Derek said.

"Hey, man, I came as soon as I heard," Mark said behind him, rushing into the room. Callie was behind him, but she hung back a little.

"Mark, can you take Devony for a while? She's having a hard time – she shouldn't have to see her mother like this."

Mark nodded. "Come on, squirt, you're going to come play with me and Callie."

"What about Mommy?" she asked.

"You can come back later," Callie told her with a smile. "Maybe when she's awake and feeling better. But right now your Daddy needs to see her." Derek smiled gratefully at Callie. Devony walked shyly forward to take Callie and Mark's outstretched hands.

"We'll be back later," Mark promised.

The minute they were gone, Derek hurried to Addison's side. "Oh, Addie," he sighed. He ran his thumb gently across her cheekbone, just under the purple circles. She was absolutely beautiful, even damaged like she was. Her face was angelic and peaceful. She was always gorgeous, but when she slept, her face looked much more innocent and childlike than it did in real life, and Derek found himself unable to look away. She looked helpless and utterly irresistible.

He sat there, just watching her sleep, for hours. He hadn't seen her in so long. "I'm sorry, Adds. I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry for . . . before. I just realized that I'd never apologized, at least not to your face. I'm sorry for being absent. So sorry. You should have been the most important thing in my life. I was sad that you weren't ready to have kids after Evelyn, and I know we fought about it, and that hurt you just as much as it hurt me. And I'm sorry that the fact that I was never there pushed you into the arms of Mark. I'm sorry I just left you there. I'm sorry about Meredith. I'm sorry for treating you like crap and chasing after Meredith and saying you were an obligation and calling you Satan. I'm sorry about Prom and the panties and not being there with you for Devony. I'm so sorry, love."

Addison stirred slightly in her sleep, but didn't wake up. Derek carefully peeled the blanket back until he found her hand. He could see the white of the bandages covering her body, but he tried to just focus on her hand. It was cold and her nails were ruined and there were bruises and cuts covering her arm, but Derek hugged it close to his chest. Her skin smelled clean, but too clean; hospital clean. He supposed they'd wiped her down after they found her.

He couldn't imagine how she could be okay after all she'd gone through. He wanted to believe, so badly, that she would wake up and be just fine, but he knew, after watching patient after patient succumb to Death's relentless clutches that no matter how much he loved her, there was only so much he could do. At some point, she would either get worse or better. "Don't quit, Addie. Remember what you said before I left? We're Derek and Addison, and we don't quit. So don't quit on me now, baby, please." His voice was hoarse by the end and he was blinking furiously. "Please," he gasped one last time before holding her hand to even closer to his heart.

A few hours later Richard silently joined him. He sat on Addison's other side, and neither man said a single word. The two continued their soundless vigil well into the morning before there was a soft knock on the door.

"Hey," Izzie Stevens said softly. "Hey, I'm so glad she's okay. Well, I know she's not okay right now, but she will be."

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens," Richard said. He took the extra blanket Izzie was holding and laid it over Addison with extreme caution, so as not to hurt her anymore than she already was.

Izzie hesitated before pulling up a chair. "Devony fell asleep, and Mark and Callie are taking care of her," she told Derek. "Carolyn, your mother, called, and so have all your sisters, so you should call them back when you get a chance. We already contacted Addison's parents and her brother, who's flying out here. We have her full lab workups if you want to see them."

"Thank you so much, Izzie," Derek whispered. She smiled at him and left.

When he woke up the sun was shining through Addison's window. He blinked rapidly and rubbed his eyes. Richard was gone, and he'd fallen asleep over Addison's still form. He glanced at her heart rate monitor. It was the steady beat of the heart he loved so much that had put him to sleep last night.

On the chair next to him was a note. He recognized Mark's handwriting.

Derek, took Dev to breakfast. We'll be back soon to see Addie. Brought you some clothes.

He sat watching the golden sunlight caressing Addison's face for a few more minutes. She looked a little better; slightly less pale, the dark circles not quite as prominent. Still watching her, he flipped open his phone and dialed his mother's number.

"Derek?" she asked an instant after the phone started ringing. "What's going on, why did you call?"

"Mom, they . . . they found Addison. She's alive, and she's lying right beside me. She's here, and she's going to be okay." He felt himself getting a little teary at the end, but his mother didn't comment on it.

"Oh my God, Derek. That's great – I'm so glad," she said. Derek could hear the raw relief in her voice. She did, after all, still consider Addison one of her daughters even though they were divorced.

"The thing is, Ma . . . she's not in the best shape. She's got a lot of injuries and she's already had surgery and I'm afraid to even know the full extent of it all."

"Derek, I'm flying out there. In fact, I'm booking my ticket right now. I'm going to call your sisters and we're coming out there. But honey . . . if she's okay, what do you mean you don't want to know the extent?"

Derek took Addison's hand again. "She was raped," he said, his voice raw with pain. She was raped several times, brutally, and if you knew what those men had planned to do with her . . . I can't tell you over the phone, I just can't, but when you get here . . ."

"Okay, Derek, it's okay. We're coming."

"Thanks, mom."

"See you soon, honey. Tell Addison and Devony to hang in there."

Derek had just barely hung up when the door opened to reveal Preston, Mark, Bailey, Callie, Meredith, Izzie, Cristina, Alex, George, and their interns. There was a collective gasp when the ones who knew Addison first laid eyes on her and then silence.

"Shep, Dev's with Richard," Mark said to break the silence. "We got you this," he said, handing him a box with the smell of eggs and bacon emanating from it.

"Dr. Shepherd, here's Addison's chart," Dr. Bailey said, handing it to him.

"I – I can't," he whispered desperately. He didn't want to know more about her injuries that he already did.

Small hands tugged the clipboard away from him gently. "I got it," Meredith told him. "Dr. Addison Montgomery, post-op day one, admitted late last night. TBI and skull fracture, repaired by a craniotomy, still slight swelling but the operation went well and seizures have stopped. Ruptured spleen and torn liver both repaired in surgery. A fractured rib that penetrated her kidney was fixed as well. Her pelvic fracture is stabilized, and we're waiting to cast her re-fractured leg until the swelling has gone down. The laceration on her right shoulder is slightly infected and is being monitored closely. Still intubated, but may be able to breath on her own soon. We also ran a tox screen and her body is slowly but surely filtering the drugs out of her system, but we are also watching for liver failure." Suddenly Meredith stopped. She looked up at Addison, fear and compassion in her eyes. She continued in a shaky voice, "Rape kit done in San Diego was positive, pregnancy and STD tests negative. Some vaginal tearing and risk of infection."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey," Burke said when she was done. Derek buried his face in his hands, secretly hoping if he stayed like that it would all go away. "Dr. Yang, will you read off the treatment plan?"

"Monitor all aspects of her condition closely. If the infected cut gets worse she'll need intravenous antibiotics. She already had one blood transfusion but may need another. She has ICU status and will be moved to the actual ICU in a few hours." All eyes turned to Derek. He'd requested that she be put in a room where she could see the sun, at least for one night, since she'd been locked up in a warehouse for months on end. "Continual CTs and X-rays are recommended to keep track of progress. Some internal problems may not be apparent until later, as her entire body suffered severe trauma. Intestinal, heart and other kidney or liver problems could possibly develop. Internal bleeding from torn iliac and femoral blood vessels were also corrected in the aforementioned surgery. Abdomen is no longer distended and though the patient lost a lot of blood she is now stable."

Derek only stared blankly at the wall. Why her? Why her? Why her?


~ Addison ~

The pain was getting worse. It was eating her stomach, devouring her from the inside out, and there was no escape. The rest of her body that she could actually feel felt as if it were resting on a cloud. Light, numb, and barely there. But there was definitely something wrong.

First she dreamed ants were eating her stomach. She tried to scream for help, but she couldn't form the words. Next, a giant plant took a bite right out of her abdomen. She tried to move, to talk, to yell, to do something, but she still couldn't. Next, someone stabbed her. The blood spurting from the wound turned to ash and devoured the whole lower half of her body. This time her dream didn't end. The pain went on, making her increasingly uncomfortable in her blanked out paradise.

She wanted to wake up. She felt like there was something waiting for her, just out of reach. She tried to touch it, taste it, smell it, but she was unable.

Maybe she was dying. That would make sense. Why else would Derek's face be swimming above her? Why else would his voice be surrounding her? He sounded angry, and then defeated. Was she going to Heaven or Hell? The pain suggested Hell. But then why was Derek there?

Later, an unidentifiable amount of time later in her muddled state, she decided it didn't matter. Derek was here with her. That was what she wanted, what she needed. Just him. His smile, his eyes, his perfect voice. His dulcet tones sent her deeper into dreamworld. She couldn't truly see him; Dream-Derek wasn't very clear. But Dream-Derek's voice was just right. It brought back memories of whispered promises and secret rendezvous. Of him whispering to her as his talented fingers made her come. The sound of that voice as it whispered her name in ecstasy. She changed her mind. Maybe this was Heaven after all.

The men were gone. She had vague memories of being dumped out the back of the van, and of speed, and of falling and hurting and water, but that was it. Now it was gone. The hurt was gone too, although she couldn't move. There was only the gut-wrenching agony coming from her stomach. Not even Derek's voice could alleviate that.

He wasn't the clearest in her dream, but at least she got to see him one last time before she died. She felt the end coming. It was too much. She was tired of fighting. She'd fought for so long and fought so hard and now she was just too exhausted. It was best to die now, with Dream-Derek, than to live on in endless torture.

She faded out, still smiling as she looked at Derek. Her soul mate, the love of her life. With her last thoughts, she wished him happiness. Happiness without her, but with Meredith and Devony and Mark and everyone else. If he was happy, she could go.

Unbeknownst to Addison, a frantic beeping started as she thought these thoughts. And over twenty people gathered around her, hurrying and worrying and trying their best to diagnose.

Code Blue.


~ Derek ~

His nerves were completely shot. He was not allowed in the OR, or the gallery, or even to see his patients. He had to sit tight with Mark and Devony and it was destroying him.

Apparently Addison'd had a pancreatic injury. They were difficult to diagnose and she was now undergoing reconstructive surgery. It was her second major surgery in twenty four hours.

Devony, for once, was sitting quietly with Mark not causing trouble. Neither one had said much for a while. Mark's eyes were closed and he looked nearly asleep, but Devony was making Pluffie walk up and down his legs. He took to watching the patients, unraveling the little telltale signs of relief or anxiety or anguish. He could be any one of them in the next few hours. Watching them, however, gave him an idea.

He gently lifted his daughter off Mark's snoring body and secured her against his hip. He stroked her hair as they rode the elevator down to a place in Seattle Grace Derek had never been. Devony grinned when she saw all the toys of the gift shop. She ran off to look at them while Derek approached the counter. He looked at all the flowers lining the displays. Lilies were Addie's favorite, but the all the delicate blossoms somehow reminded him of her.

"Can I help you, sir?" the cashier asked after a minute.

"Yes. I'll take a pink balloon and all those flowers."

The cashier spluttered in surprise. "All of them?"

"Yes, all of them! My wife . . . um, ex-wife actually, not that it matters, but she's getting out of surgery in a few minutes so I suggest you hurry up. I'll pay you whatever you want."

In the end, they had to lend him a cart for all the flowers. He paid for them, not even noticing the price and hurried back upstairs, his daughter and her pink balloon following close behind him.

When he reached her new room he began setting them up quickly. There were lilies and roses and carnations and tulips and daffodils and hundreds of other flowers Derek knew he'd have to be female to know the names for. When he was finished her room looked like some sort of rainbow jungle.

"What the . . . what the hell is this, Shepherd?" Bailey asked as they wheeled Addison's painfully still body into the room. He stared at it anxiously until he saw the slight movements of her chest, and realized that if she was dead they wouldn't have brought her back to her room.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "How'd it go?" he asked Bailey, ignoring her earlier question.

"Surgery went well, no complications. She's even breathing on her own now. She could wake up at any time."

"Really?" Derek asked excitedly. "Anytime?"

Bailey shrugged. "She seems to have taken a turn for the better. Not sure what she's going to think of the menagerie you got in here, though."

"She's a fighter," he said proudly. Bailey only smiled and shut the door quietly. Derek spotted Meredith and her friends staring at the display of flowers through the glass ICU walls, but he didn't care. They could say or think whatever they wanted about him, but he had Addison. How could anything else compare?

He pulled his chair close to Addison's bedside and set Devony on his lap. "Devony, I know it's scary seeing Mommy so sick. It's scary for Daddy too. You've been very brave. But . . . Mommy's going to have to stay in the hospital with those machines for a while. They're helping her, okay? Soon she's going to wake up and you can talk to her, but we have to use soft voices and be very gentle. Okay?"

Devony nodded. "Can I give her a kiss, Daddy?"

"Sure. But be very careful." He was relieved that she seemed to understand. Devony leaned hesitantly forward before pressing her lips to Addison's cheek.

"Feel better soon, Mommy," she whispered.

"Maybe you could make her a card?" Derek suggested. Devony nodded happily and got her crayons out of her backpack. She colored on his lap while he watched Addison breathe; making sure her chest rose and fell the right amount each time. Twice he thought he saw her hand twitch, but then convinced himself that he was imagining it.

It was many hours later, in the blue cover of twilight, that it happened. Devony had long fallen asleep, she was resting curled up in a chair. Derek's eyelids were beginning to droop but he just wanted to watch her for a few more hours. Just a few more minutes.

He started when her head moved a fraction of an inch. She stirred again, messing up the red hair spilling out the white bandage around her head. Her eyelids fluttered, and Derek swore his heart stopped. He watched, transfixed, barely able to breathe, and her head turned toward him and he saw the irises of her azure eyes for the first time in over four years.

She shivered and blinked and looked endearingly confused. Then as she saw him her eyes met his and Derek felt the instant connection. Her mouth fell open and her lips trembled. Still she stared at him, and he at her, as if they could see into the depths of each other's souls. "Derek?" she whispered, and he was home.


I know, it probably wasn't the complete Addek reunion you were hoping for, but that takes place more in the next chapter. Addison is back, though, and not dead, and now she's awake, so yay! And at two this morning, I thought of an idea for a sequel. I have no idea if it'll happen or not, but hey, you never know. So anyway, didja like the update? I hope so, but lemme know! :D