My Never
Chapter 27
You guys have been excellent with the reviews! If I had a gold star, I would give it to you. This chapter has some angst and some fluff. And also some swearing and mature topics, like usual, just warning you. Anyway ... I present chapter 27 :)
~ Derek ~ Seattle Grace ~ present
They say time flies when you're having fun. Fun was not the word Derek would have chosen for caring for his abused ex-wife, but they achieved, together, a kind of peace that had not been present in his life for the last four years. It was not fun, but comfortable to sit at her side day by day and tell her about his most interesting cases. It was rewarding to watch her improve, and heart-warming to be together with her and Devony.
But the past still clung to him, appearing when they seemed most likely to forget it. The tiniest things triggered Addison's worst fears – stuff she saw on TV, nurses or doctors who had features similar to her kidnappers, even phrases he used unthinkingly.
Still, time passed in this delicate balance between happiness and pain. It seemed to be tilting more and more to the happiness side, but there were still days where it reverted, regressed, flipped upside down. There was just no way for Derek to know.
However, neither agony nor contentment could halt time in any way, only their perception of it, and before he knew it, the six week mark was approaching. He wasn't sure whether he should mention it to Addison; do you celebrate the day you were rescued from certain doom? He wasn't sure.
But it turned out that such an opportunity was stolen from him before he could decide, because when he walked past Addison's room after his nine o'clock craniotomy; the first thing he registered was her openmouthed horror as she stared at the TV.
"Dammit," he muttered to himself, heading toward her door. He had forbidden her to watch shows like Law and Order, because although she'd suddenly become fascinated with them, she got upset when people died or rapes were featured in the storylines. It just wasn't healthy, he told her. Usually Devony watched TV with her, suggesting something like Dragon Tales which Addison survived with martyred endurance. He had to remind himself that Addison had cared for Devony for over three years by herself, he knew his daughter nearly as well as she did now.
But Devony had slept over with Tuck the night before, and Bailey hadn't arrived at the hospital yet. Derek entered Addison's room, wondering what had prompted one of her stunned silences this time, and was completely puzzled for a moment. It was only the morning news.
Then he tuned into what they were actually saying, and Addison's appalled expression made sense.
"Several of the kidnappers were apprehended just a few days ago. Police believe that the kidnappers were planning to sell the victims throughout Central and South America as sex slaves," a female voice was saying, safe in the studio where they were filming, well-dressed and perfectly calm, while Addison's fists were clenched and her face was bone white, contrasting strongly with her fiery hair. "Of the twenty-eight kidnapped women, twenty-one have been found, nineteen of them dead," the voice continued. "One of the two survivors, Addison Montgomery, a thirty-nine year old surgeon, is currently at Seattle Grace Hospital. She suffered grievous injuries and nearly died herself."
Addison cried out at the picture on the screen, and Derek couldn't help it, he did too. Previously, he had been standing in the doorway, trying to figure out what had her terrified down to the roots of her soul, but he moved quickly into the room to stand by her side, like that could make it better. They didn't show pictures of her kidnappers, but what they did show was somehow worse.
Because bad as the pictures were of the poor dead, broken souls, those shown of Addison made him feel like somebody was viciously squeezing his heart. Derek had seen her a day after they found her, after she'd been cleaned up and had several surgeries. Not washed up by the river, nearly dead from drug overdose and in her ragged, holey clothes. He'd certainly never wanted to see that.
In Addison and Derek's stunned, aching silence, the report persisted. "Chief of Surgery Richard Webber, however, says she is on the mend. Addison was found by some young rafters in Mexico about six weeks ago. Her friends and family, including her ex-husband Derek and daughter Devony, are very grateful that she was found alive. Also found was twenty year old Casey Fitzgerald, a student at the University of Phoenix. Casey's injuries were slightly less severe but no less regretted. Her sister, Tasha Fitzgerald, has spoken publically several times about the need for action. The other seven victims have yet to be found, but are not expected to be in any better condition."
Derek lunged for the remote and turned the TV off as more pictures came onto the screen. "Addie," he said.
"I was just watching the news. Just the new, Der. Can I even watch the freaking news anymore? Can't I be normal, like I used to be? Can't those disasters I hear about be impersonal again, unable to touch us?" Her voice broke by the end, and she slumped, apparently exhausted by her outburst. Vivid red locks framed her face in a sort of halo as she sank back onto her mound of pillows.
"I know it's hard to watch Addie. But nobody thinks worse of you because of it. They probably admire you. Maybe you can even turn this into something good, and inspire people, like Casey's sister is doing." He was grasping at anything in his reach now, but he saw, once the words sunk in, that he'd struck gold. Helping people was Addison's weakness. There was never any need for her to work; she had a trust fund worth millions of dollars. But she did because she wanted to make a difference.
"Help people," she parroted slowly, as if it had never occurred to her. "You're right, I could … But you knew, didn't you?" she asked softly. "You knew they caught them." Addison's voice was not accusatory, but he would have preferred anything but the silent betrayal present in it. She toyed with the necklace he had given her as she spoke, as if it had taken on new meaning.
Derek sighed. "Yeah, Addison, I knew. And I was going to tell you, but the TV beat me to the punch." He tried out a weak smile, and she responded in turn. And as his heart gave a particularly loud thump, she leaned slightly closer, her ocean tinted eyes, bursting with emotion, slid down to his lips, and he ran a hand slowly, achingly over her cheek …
"Am I interrupting something?" called an amused voice from the doorway.
"Archer!" Addison breathed, blushing and pulling away from him hurriedly.
Archer Montgomery swaggered into the room, carrying himself with an air of someone who thought himself quite good-looking. He plopped himself right down on Addison's other side and took her hand with little regard to her feelings. "What are you doing touching my sister like that again?" he asked, his voice like splintering ice, while directing a glare at Derek.
"It's really none of your business," Derek snapped back, needled. Where had Archer been, during the last month and a half? Where had he been during the five months she'd been missing? He couldn't drop in like this, on a whim, it wasn't fair to Addison.
"Now, Archie," Addison scolded. "I know you've never liked Derek," Derek rolled his eyes and snorted at her cursory description, "but could you try and get along with him, please?"
Of course Addison forgave Archer. She always did. Even when he didn't visit. Even when he had ignored her and Derek's calls and she was unsure if he was even safe, not to mention what country he was in. Even though he had run off with his friends when they were little, leaving her in the large house alone to raise herself.
"I can't believe you're going to let this asshole mess you up again," Archer said to her, completely ignoring Derek. "Hasn't he done enough?"
"I haven't seen you here," Derek replied. "You haven't been here, helping her, supporting her. You're off on one of your tours, because Addison is never and was never first on your priority list!"
"Both of you shut up!" Addison said as loudly as she could, and they were both so startled that they were quiet immediately. "Derek, Archer is my brother, and you know why I love him, you know what he did for me in the past. And Archer … I was married to Derek for eleven years and he's the father of my only child. I love him."
"Great," Archer interjected sarcastically.
"Don't bring our problems into this, Archer. Addison needs us. That's all that should matter," Derek retorted.
"Since when do you care?" Archer asked angrily. "Since when do you give a shit, huh? I still haven't forgiven you for all the nights she'd call me crying when you were married. She sat waiting for you in that house all alone, dinner waiting on the table, for hours, and you hardly ever came. And then the second time around all you did was look at that pretty blonde intern. You broke her. It took her a long time to heal, Derek, but she finally did, after not seeing you for four years. Even then she wasn't completely herself. She was strong for Dove, but she never went on dates, never looked at another man, nothing. She never truly moved on, and that's your fault. So what are you doing?"
"I know I was an asshole," Derek admitted. "I know that. But I'm trying my best to make up for it now." Sincerity rang from Derek's voice so powerfully that it stopped even Archer in his tracks. His love for Addison was his one constant, the one thing that no matter what, he knew he'd always have. Through death and darkness, through any torment, any tribulation, it would always sing out in the deepest recesses of his heart.
"I'm watching you," Archer said to Derek. "I see her crying one time, you step one toe out of line, and I sweat to God Derek, you'll be dead and I'll be the one holding the gun."
"You said asshole, Daddy. That's a naughty word," Devony giggled from the doorway, and Derek resisted swearing again, apparently his daughter had heard at least the end of their less-than-pleasant exchange. She was holding Bailey's hand and Pluffie and a plate of cookies in the other. Tuck stood beside her, smiling his lopsided grin.
"Bye," Tuck said to her, and Devony haughtily permitted him to kiss her cheek. He leaned in, ever so slowly, and for a second mocha and cream skin were joined. Derek's heart spasmed with a different kind of pain than he'd felt that morning – shouldn't he have years before he had to worry about Devony with a boyfriend? Sure, she was the most beautiful three year old on the planet, you'd have to be blind not to see it, but this was too much.
Before Derek could to anything, however, Tuck pulled away and took his mother's hand, and Devony ran for the bed, plunking the cookies and her toy down on his lap.
"Unca Archie!" she said in surprise after launching herself into her mother's arms. "What are you doing here?"
"Silly Dove," Archer laughed. "I came to visit; I wanted to see how beautiful you'd gotten. Apparently the boys are starting to notice," he said with a wink. "Was that handsome little boy there your boyfriend?"
"Yep," Devony said, raven-colored curls bouncing as she nodded, her pink cheeks flushed. But her smile faded quickly as she traced her finger down the tube that ran into Addison's IV. "You were on the TV this morning, Mommy. Tuck's mommy was watching it, and I saw you."
Derek abruptly forgot his half-formed schemes to keep Devony from ever seeing Tuck again. Why? He wanted to scream at the heavens. She isn't even four! Why our family? In his inability to field that particular minefield, Addison took over. It was good for her to have something other than the poppies he'd planted to take care of; she regained part of her old self when she spoke to Devony.
"Mommy was on the news because she was gone for so long. Remember that?" Addison asked, and Devony nodded. "They don't want other people's mommies to go missing to, so that's why they're showing people what happened."
"You were very sick, Mommy," Devony asserted gravely.
"Yes, but I'm better now, huh?" Addison asked, obviously trying to retain some optimism in her tone.
"She's better, but we all have to take care of her, Dove," Archer said, rousing memories and stories of when Archer had been the only one to take care of Addison …
~ Addison ~ Montgomery house ~ 31 years ago
Loud, thundering footsteps sounded above the two young children, but neither stopped running, both having learned what that meant. Archer, the elder, short but muscular for his twelve years, pushed the eight year old Addison behind him. She was still fairy-light, having not gained the height and grace that came later in life, her most remarkable feature was her strawberry colored hair.
"Get in the closet," Archer hissed to his sister, eye on the staircase.
"No, Archie, there's spiders in there!" Addison squeaked. "Please, let's hide somewhere else!"
"There's no time, Addie. He's really drunk this time," Archer whispered back, trying to control the tremor in his voice.
The thuds moved to the polished wooden staircase, and Archer forced Addison into the closet. She tried to protest but he was too strong, and eventually she gave up and sat amongst the expensive, fur lined coats. Addison watched though the crack in the closet door as Archer gave his terrified sister one last look.
Though it had been a year since his father inflicted bruises on Addison's milky skin, the memory still caused Archer pain. She was supposed to grow up, get her happily ever after, had kids. Their father couldn't be allowed to hurt her again.
"What the hell are you doing?" Mr. Montgomery yelled as he saw Archer.
"Nothing, sir," Archer replied quickly. "I was just …"
"Where's your sister?" Their father was disturbingly lucid when drunk, but his demeanor was shaded by a demonic craze. He was volatile and unpredictable, so different from the polished CEO …
"I don't know. I think at a friend's house," Archer lied smoothly. It might have worked, probably would have, in fact, if Mr. Montgomery hadn't tripped over one of Addison's dolls, left on the plush carpet …
"What the fuck do you little shits do all day? Make a mess? Where the hell are the fucking maids, huh? Answer me!" he screamed.
"Sorry, but I don't -" Archer began, but he didn't finished. Never finished, in fact. Because the next second, a fist smashed into his small head, and the assault didn't stop until Addison couldn't see Archer's chest moving anymore. She stole out of the closet, screaming when her father looked up and saw her, and didn't stop running until she reached her mother's room. Even Bizzy couldn't ignore the sight of her dying son.
Archer was taken by ambulance to the hospital, Bizzy instructed Addison on what to say, and Archer was never hurt again. Her father didn't hurt her for six more years, and a few years later she escaped to college, out of his reach forever. But Addison never forgot what her brother had done for her.
~ Addison ~ Seattle Grace ~ present
The woman in the mirror was almost unrecognizable. Not quite a stranger, because she'd been her, about seven months ago. Beautiful, poised, flawless, her smile bright and slightly mysterious. But Addison had though that facet of herself was dead.
Somehow, however, during the last hour Izzie and Devony had resurrected her. Devony insisted on 'makeovers' and Addison hadn't the heart to resist her; it had been so long since she'd been able to do anything with her child. Maybe she shouldn't have submitted once she heard Izzie was in on the plan, but she had to hand it to the two, she did look good. At least on the outside.
Her hair, red as blood against her pale skin, was swept into a beautiful updo, which Izzie was putting the finishing touches on. Addison's nails, completely ruined after what had happened to her, were polished and shining. She had a light layer of make-up, which skillfully covered stubborn cuts and bruises and accented her features.
"You could be a professional," she told Izzie.
"Not really," said Izzie with a shrug. "You look good because you're gorgeous to begin with, Addison." She had no answer for that, because nowadays it was a blatant lie.
"Butterfly clips now?" Devony asked Izzie, giving her mother a happy smile.
"Hmm," said Izzie. "How about we put those in your hair, Dev? They'll go nicely with your silver eyeshadow."
"I think Tuck will like them. He likes bugs, so he probably will," Devony said in a pleased voice. She wore a pale blue dress adorned with sparkles, Archer was taking her to a play to give Addison and Derek some alone time. Although why that warranted a make-over Addison was afraid to think. Just because she looked like her old, confident self mean she was her again.
"Absolutely stunning," commented a voice from the doorway when Izzie stepped back, and Addison whirled around to see Derek. He stole her breath just standing there in his onyx tuxedo, leaning against the doorframe, his blue eyes glowing. His smile was brightest of all; it lit up the entire room.
"I – what's going on?" asked Addison, trepidation making her sweat.
"I have something to show you," Derek told her with an irresistible wink. She couldn't contest the nickname McDreamy tonight. But he was her prince. Her McDreamy.
Although it felt sort of silly thinking it. Maybe, however, she could imagine that just tonight was a fairytale.
Izzie, who had disappeared into the bathroom, stepped out in a golden yellow gown, her long flaxen hair loose around her shoulders. Addison felt like crying when she saw how Izzie's flawless, scar-free skin caught the light. That had been her, once upon a time.
"Ready?" a gruff voice asked, and Addison turned to see Alex beside Derek, looking at Izzie like she was his sun, outshining all else in his life. The young doctor blushed and nodded, whispered, "Good luck," to Addison, and exited smoothly, her hand tucked in Alex's arm.
"Der … what is this?" Addison asked. It brought back terrifying, ugly memories of Prom, when the coffin that was her and Derek's marriage had been nailed shut and she had been unknowingly pregnant with Devony. She couldn't do that again, especially since Meredith still worked at Seattle Grace and she wasn't the person she had been. It was the worst kind of déjà vu, the kind that made her sick with dread.
Derek was about to answer when he was interrupted by Archer. He held his arm out to Devony like Alex had for Izzie, and she took it eagerly, face alight with excitement. Addison remembered guiltily that she was supposed to take Devony to see Cinderella in New York.
"Bye Daddy! Bye Momma, you look exqwuisite!" Devony struggled to pronounce (she had been reading the dictionary that day), waving at them as her uncle swung her up on his shoulders.
"Bye Dev," Addison whispered.
"Love you!" Derek called after their daughter. "Everything is beautiful tonight, huh?" he asked, gazing out at the starlit Seattle. "But not near as beautiful as you. The very moon and stars are jealous."
"Don't be ridiculous," she snapped, fear making her irritable. "I'm in a hospital gown, Derek. I look like Raggedy Ann. I'm the farthest thing from beautiful. And I'm not leaving this hospital room."
Everyone would see her, if she did.
"Please, Addie? Humor me for ten minutes. It's kinda silly, but it might be fun. Then we can come back, if you want," Derek promised. His eyes smoldered, melting her icy resolve, and she sighed. Sensing victory, Derek retrieved the wheelchair from a corner and lifted into it. Her hospital gown rode up far enough to reveal her bony legs, and she looked away, ashamed of her undernourished body.
Derek pushed the wheelchair out of her room, down the hall, and into the elevator. When they arrived at the bottom floor, she noticed decorations lining the wall, getting more and more extravagant until they reached the lobby, and Addison gasped.
Golden lanterns every few feet provided the only light, making the ceiling look like the night sky. Beautiful figures rotated in gowns of every imaginable color, accompanied by handsome counterparts in smart suits. It was like fairyland, or a princess castle, and try as she might, she couldn't make herself fit.
"Dance with me?" Derek asked, but she shook her head and wrapped her arms tightly around her torso, as if that could hide her skeletal body. She felt tears in her eyes.
"Why not?" he asked softly.
"It's beautiful, Derek," she said thickly. "But I don't belong out there, not anymore. Everyone will stare."
"You belong with me," Derek whispered, untangling her arms and slipping his hands under her shoulders. "Everyone will stare because they can see that more clearly than anything else. And this time, I'm not letting you go," Derek said, obviously thinking along the same lines as she was, about the last hospital event they attended together.
All her breath left her as he lifted her, and she automatically wrapped her legs around his waist, her blue cast and thin hospital garb like rags compared to everyone else's finery. But Derek refused to let go, instead holding her like a child and grabbing one of her hands. He began to spin them, to the music slowly, taking care to cradle her body so she wasn't hurt.
Sometimes the music was fast, sometimes slow, but Derek rotated, carrying her, at the same pace the entire time. She spotted Callie in Mark's arms, Richard and Adele, and Meredith with someone who might have been Finn, she wasn't sure.
But mostly it was just Derek. His eyes didn't move from her the entire night.
And they danced until the stars fell asleep and faded into the blinding dawn.
So, I've been planning that for a while. Kind of a redo of prom, since that's when things went so wrong for Addison and Derek.
Anyway ... I love to hear from you!
