My Never
Chapter 29
Yes, I am aware that it has been forever. And I apologize for the quality of this, because I've spent the last two nights watching Harry Potter run around like a headless chicken at midnight and attempting to help my drunk brother shop for a present for his girlfriend. He knocked over an entire display of sunglasses, which I had to pick up because he kept missing the rack.
Derek ~ Seattle Grace ~ present
On the eve of Addison's celebration of three months of safety, Derek walked in her hospital room to find it covered in sheets. Addison sat on the floor, casted leg extended, tying a white piece of fabric from her hospital bed to the door handle of the bathroom. His daughter, her small brow furrowed in concentration, was standing on her tiptoes in order to tie another sheet adjacent to it, making a tent-like figure.
"Huh," Derek said, lounging in the doorway. "What are you ladies doing today?"
"We're having a camping sleepover inside, Daddy!" Devony told him excitedly, taking his hand to lead him further into the decorated room. "Mommy said that's the best kind."
"That's because your mother thinks camping means staying in a five-star hotel near the edge of the woods," Derek said, and Addison frowned at him.
"I don't like waking up with a sore back, bug bites all over, and trout for breakfast. Sue me," she said haughtily.
"Yeah, Daddy. Sue her," Devony repeated, obviously having no clue what the phrase meant.
"If you're going to be mean I won't give you your present," Derek teased.
That shut Addison right up, but Devony continued skipping around her paradise of bedsheets singing, "Sue me, sue me, sue me."
"Okay, I'll be good," Addison said reluctantly, fingering her new diamond necklace and the chain with her wedding rings. Derek grinned and swept a red silk Chinese robe from behind his back. It had intricate designs woven in gold, green, and navy blue thread and long drooping sleeves.
"I know how you hate to go out in your hospital gown," Derek said. "So I thought you could wear this instead."
"It's beautiful, Derek," Addison said sincerely as he draped it over her shoulders and helped her fit her arms into it.
"Not as beautiful as you," he whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek softly before pulling back. "So, do I get to be a part of the camping inside sleepover?" Derek asked.
"I guess so," Devony said after a minute of consideration. "If you go get my sleeping bag from the twailer."
"Yes, your majesty," Derek teased, ruffling her midnight curls before departing.
When he returned, however, the pink sleeping bag in hand, he found the tents finished, Addison lounging on her bed in a way he couldn't help but find seductive, and Devony and Tuck doing handstands in their pajamas.
"Hello, Tuck. Goodbye, Tuck. It's bedtime," he said, grabbing Devony by her skinny legs and turning her right-side up again.
"Hi, Mr. Derek. I'm sleepin' over too!" Tuck crowed excitedly, arranging his sleeping bag carefully so as not to disturb Devony's stuffed animals.
Derek opened his mouth to tell the boy that he certainly would not be sleeping over, but Addison beat him to saying anything. "Miranda and Tucker wanted to go out for dinner, so I told them Tuck could stay here with us," she explained cheerfully. Derek was momentarily distracted, because cheerful Addison didn't show her delightful presence often, although she had been present a little more often during the last month. The sessions with Dr. Birch were going fairly well and Addison was dealing with all aspects of her experience.
"What? Addison, she thinks he's her boyfriend!" Derek hissed angrily once he stopped himself from being distracted by the way Addison's hair curled softly around her bruise-less face and how the twinkle that had formally inhabited her ocean-blue eyes was coming back.
"So?" she shrugged, slipping her legs under the covers and watching Tuck and Devony settle down in their tent. "It's kind of cute. Besides, she's three and he's four. It's not like they're going to do anything."
Derek's excuses were running high and dry, but he'd only known Devony for seven months and he was reluctant to give up any part of her. "He's almost five!"
"Well, she's almost four."
"I don't care. Tuck, I'm sorry, but -"
"Why can't he stay, Daddy?" Devony pleaded, poking her tousled head out of a gap between the sheets and pouting pitifully. "It's just like when I slept over at his house when Mommy was gone."
"Oooh," Addison said, wrinkling her nose. "Which one is the three year old and which one is the world class neurosurgeon again?"
"Scoot over, woman," Derek said grumpily, finally defeated. Addison obliged, and as slivers of her creamy skin touched his he tried to keep his mind from spinning off into fantasies. His fingers curled automatically around the skin just under her shoulder, but other than that, he kept his distance. Three months was to him an eternity, but to Addison, it was only a blip in time and space away from her attack and he didn't want to disturb the fragile progress she'd made.
Still, these nights sang of passion-filled times at the brownstone when neither of them could get close enough to the other, when skin upon skin was just not close enough, when Addison's lips affected their erotic torture until he was incoherent. They were different people than they had been then, life had knocked them around and they bore the cuts and scrapes and bruises of living.
Of course, that meant that fervent fights and maddening habits made their presence known as well. "Ouch, Addison, your cast is digging into my leg! Can you just scoot over a little -"
"No, because then I'll fall off the bed," Addison pouted quietly, trying to keep the finally-sleeping children from waking.
"What are you talking about, you have plenty of room over there!" Derek said, half teasing. "My ass is about to freeze off because it's hanging off the bed."
Derek had expected a witty jab back, not an explosion of tears, but that's what he received. Bewildered, he rushed to comfort her, pulling her body to his. "No, no – I'm sorry, Addie. My ass is actually pretty cozy. I was just – what did I say?"
"This just can't happen, Derek," she said between sobs.
A creeping dread stole through him, because no matter how much Addison depended on him, lavished her now-rare smiles on him like precious jewels, and confided in him every fear that touched her mind, he still worried, in the dead of night, that they wouldn't be able to fix what was broken. Gathering his composure, Derek asked, "What can't happen?"
"I can't fall in love with you again, Derek."
Those fateful words carried both joy and agony, because although it was clear they loved each other in a platonic way, Derek had been secretly craving insurance that she felt for him the abundance of tender yet confusing feelings he experienced around her. Love that had been buried deep was being brought to a boil again, and they both stumbled through this awakening, wanting and needing but desiring caution as well.
"I can't," she whispered when his tempest of thoughts delayed his answer.
"Well, it's too late for that, isn't it? You've loved me from the start," he whispered, bending to kiss her crystal tears away, his lips brushing her cheekbones, her eyelids, her nose, and the barest corner of her mouth as he did. "Come with me."
~ Devony ~
Devony awoke to an endless expanse of white stretched over her head and took her a panicked second to remember about the camping sleepover inside. The little girl rolled onto her stomach and pushed herself to her knees, frowning at the slightly snoring Tuck beside her. She stole out of the tent's entrance, stepping carefully around Pluffie and her other animals, but when she got to the bed where her parents had lain, they were gone.
"Tuck!" Devony whispered loudly, returning inside to wake the boy. Tuck mumbled in his sleep, black curls spilling all over his forehead, and Devony extended a thin white arm to touch the sleeve of his orange basketball-patterned pajamas. "Tuck! Mommy and Daddy are gone!"
Tuck blinked sleepily and sat, fists rubbing sleep from his freckled cheeks. "That means we can sneak out!" Devony told him happily, grasping his mocha colored hand in her cream white. In a few years, hand-holding would cause self-consciousness and mean more to the two children that it did at that time, but neither Devony nor Tuck found anything odd about the gesture.
The two tiptoed carefully from the room, equally cautious of waking shadowy monsters and angry nurses. The ER and surgical floor buzzed with activity, but the more permanent rooms, designed for patients with extended stays, were silent, the occupants sleeping as well as their various infirmities allowed. The soft cotton of Devony's nightgown brushed over her knees and she giggled, reveling in the success of their secret operation.
Their softly stepping feet had barely reached the overpass leading to the rest of the hospital when they encountered others awake in the dead of night besides them. Devony let out a soft gasp and stopped, while Tuck ran into her back, nearly sending the two children tumbling.
Devony's alarm lasted less than a second before she grinned wickedly. "I have an idea, Tuck! We should spy on them!" she whispered, eyeing the two figures, bent together and cloaked in darkness, very closely.
Tuck gave her a silent thumbs up and the two children padded forward carefully, making sure to hide behind any objects on the way, just like real spies. Devony squinted as the two strangers loomed closer, their bodies bent in strange positions. The dim moonlight barely afforded her any clues to what they might be doing …
Devony jumped when she felt Tuck's lips at her ear, but he quickly folded a hand over her mouth and whispered, "They're kissing!" Then he collapsed in a fit of silent giggles, trying fiercely to keep from being heard.
Devony bit her lip, laughter bubbling inside her as well, but as she turned back to the midnight wanderers, they shifted and moonlight reflected off a sheet of brilliant red hair. Devony stumbled forward, her mouth opened in shock, until her suspicion was confirmed. "Tuck! Tucker Bailey Jones! That's my Mommy and Daddy! They never do that!"
"My parents do it all the time," Tuck as they backed away, Devony's stomach still reeling with embarrassment. He sounded amused but unsurprised, like parents kissing was an everyday spectacle he unfortunately had to endure.
"Mwine don't. They never do."
"Derek and Addie sittin' in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-" Tuck trilled gleefully.
"Stop it, Tuck! Don't talk about my pawents like that!"
"Why? It's what they're doing."
Devony frowned. He had a point. Although Tuck annoyed her sometimes and teased her about princesses, it was what boyfriends were supposed to do and she teased him about Power Rangers, so it was all okay. "Well, why are they doing it?" she asked, hoping his extra year of experience might enlighten her.
Tuck shrugged. "Maybe your dad thinks your mom is texy."
"What's texy?" she asked, wrinkling her nose at the unfamiliar word.
"I don't know, but grown-ups say it all the time. My Dad says it about people on TV when Mom isn't home," he explained nonchalantly. "We could try what your parents are doing, if you want to."
Devony considered, her head tilted to the side, studying her parent's locked lips. It didn't look like much fun. "No," she said finally.
"That's okay. We can do it when we're married," Tuck said unconcernedly.
"Fine. But you have to wash your mouth first so you don't give me cooties. Mommy says bleach works wreal good at cleaning stuff."
"Deal," Tuck said, and they shook hands. "Now let's go find some other people to spy on. Your parents are boring love birds. Derek and Addie sit-"
~ Addison ~
The moon exploded over the horizon, painting the night sky in the most brilliant silver and white. Derek's hand rested on her shoulder, and they were connected as the only living beings awake in sight. Together they watched the moon make her nightly climb, trailing dark and slumber behind her, chasing the sun from his daily throne with her army of stars.
"I missed the moon," she said, not really speaking to him but talking in general.
"Sometimes when I think about what happened to you, I can't stand it, Addie. I don't know how I can live by your side every day knowing that they still exist out there." There was something about so awesome a sight that freed them of normal societal constraints, leaving them free to express what normally might not be said. Derek knelt beside her wheelchair and took her hand, and he was not watching the moonrise but instead the way the soft illumination played across her face, casting blue-tinted shadows.
Something changed, so quickly and fluidly that Addison had no time to cry for cease, to stop time and breathe and get used to the idea. Derek's hand cupped her chin, his thumb skating over her lips softly. His eyes were so blue and she was getting lost, just like she had the time they first met, lost in blue that had no end. She could see the individual hairs that covered his chin, he clearly hadn't shaved the night before, and the way a few curls trickled onto his forehead, breaking free of their hair product restraints.
Addison had always known she'd always love Derek, whether she hid it or buried it or ignored it. What she wasn't prepared for was falling for him all over again. His hand moved to the back of her head, cradling it and supporting it, and then he bent forward.
Thump, went her heart. Thump, thump, thump.
The world blurred as he did so, and she wasn't thinking about cruelly crushing lips or arms pinned to damp concrete, she was thinking about Derek and his soft lips and trying to remember what they felt like … and then as they touched hers she knew. There was only the barest pressure at first, and the kiss was slow and lingering as he tilted his head to the side, disconnected their mouths, and then kissed her softly again.
Somewhere in the midst of this her heart was awakening, blinking sleepy eyes and then reaching out with an unstoppable passion towards Derek, and before she knew it she was kissing him back. Their mouths moved in a pattern left unused for many years but unforgotten, ready to be brushed off and used again.
Kissing Derek wasn't like kissing anyone else, and her heart rejoiced.
All too soon, however, he pulled back breathless, his eyes brimming in wonder. She wanted to know if his heart was beating as fast as hers was, so she extended her arm to press her palm up against the spot in his scrubs where she knew it lay. He copied the motion, covering her heart, only his hand was next to a scar.
"How did I ever give this up?" he asked. "I must have been crazy."
"Freaking insane," she agreed, rolling her eyes. Derek bent forward again, but Addison was unable to stifle a yawn before his lips got there, so he kissed her forehead instead and began pushing her back toward their room, both of them enjoying the night bathed in wonder.
Derek loved her. She could be scared, she could be utterly terrified, but if Derek loved her and always would, everything else faded into insignificance.
At least until morning, when Addison remembered just what had transpired between them in the past and why she had avoided him since the divorce. The first time, love hadn't been enough, and an unfortunate Archer and Bailey had to witness her freak-out when she awoke to swollen lips and two missing children. "I just – I can't – I thought that it would never happen again, and then here we are, thirty-nine years old, playing tonsil hockey," she said, attempting to convey her frustration to an unconcerned Bailey and a bored Archer.
"I didn't know you were one for contact sports analogies," Bailey snorted.
Archer made a disgusted face, his sheer dislike for Derek written all over his expression. "Well, if you're so worried, I'll go beat him up," he offered, suddenly cheerful. "I've always wanted to take out Derek's tonsils. Not to mention his -"
"Not helpful, Archie."
"You're hopeless at resisting him, Addison." Miranda pointed out briskly while she checked the few bandages Addison had left. "So I'm not really sure why we're having this conversation."
"What? What? It's not my fault that's he's being all husband-y again. Clearly they did something to my brain while I was kidnapped, because –"
"I'm not exactly feeling sympathetic here. You did lose my son."
"Nice excuse, sis. They fixed your brain, remember? Mark told me you bitched about having to wear bandages around your head."
"Archer, I seem to remember telling you to shut your mouth."
"Addison, put the goddamn plastic knife back on your breakfast tray and take a chill pill. You kissed your ex-husband. Get over yourself." Archer wrapped her knife-wielding hand and steered it back toward her breakfast but she yanked it away, this time aiming for his head.
"You know what, Archer, you are such an ass-
She was interrupted by the arrival of a very pissed off and bossy fourth person. "Do you mind telling me while my top neurosurgeon is running around looking for children instead of prepping for his ten o'clock craniotomy?" Richard snapped. "How did you and Derek not notice them sneaking out of your room? Oh, I know, maybe because you two were doing it yourselves."
"We were sleeping," Addison asserted innocently, giving her brother one last glare before adopting an appropriately perplexed smile.
"Right. And why were you so tired?" Richard wanted to know.
"Well, we hadn't slept in a long time," Addison pointed out.
"You would think you two snuck off enough as interns to make up for it now," Richard said, tiring of their game and rolling his eyes.
"You know what, Richard? I don't have time for this right now. I'm trying to freak out about kissing my ex-husband, so you need to leave." She pointed out the door for him, just in case, but it sprung open a second time to reveal Derek and two squirming, giggling children. Strangely, her panic dissipated slightly upon seeing him. Yes, they were lost in a jungle of uncertainty, but right now they had bigger problems. Like what to do with their mischievous, sprite-like three year old.
"Tuck Jones, where the heck have you been?" Bailey screeched.
"They were 'spying', apparently. On the candy machine," Derek said, waving his hand at Devony and Tuck's clothes and pajamas, which were stained red. "Richard, you might have to buy some more Hot Tamales."
Soooo … I don't know. Was three months too long a time for Derek to wait to kiss Addison? Or was it too short? I can't decide, but it didn't really fit into any chapters before this. Oh, and Devony and Tuck's misadventures are partially based on mine with my first 'boyfriend.' Anyway, I promise to get the next chapter up faster ... but inspiration helps :)
