My Never
Chapter 31

This chapter is rated M … for obvious reasons. In fact, I'm debating about just rating the entire story M. I had a dirty mind while writing this. My five-year-old sister asked me the title of a book and instead of A Photographic Journey I accidently read it as A Pornographic Journey. Anyway. Read. You know you want to.


Derek ~ Seattle Grace ~ present

Liquid moonlight spilled over their motionless forms as they waited for the night queen to ascend to her place in the sky. Addison was propped up by the pale curve of a single arm as she listened for the nurses, hearing their quiet goodnights to the various patients. Derek's nose collided with her side as she scooted closer, until it was buried in the slightly perfumed fabric of her hospital gown.

They had both memorized this routine by now, the silent anticipation of waiting for this wing of the hospital to plummet slowly into slumber, the feel of their lips pressed together, the kisses going further and further every night. He had been careful not to push the boundaries so as not to repeat Addison's scare of two weeks ago, but holding back was becoming damn near impossible.

"I think it's okay now," Addison whispered, rolling over to bestow a greedy kiss on his waiting lips. That was all the encouragement he needed. Grasping the sides of her torso with eager hands, Derek kissed Addison like a man dying. He was hyperaware of the ridges of her ribs under his palms, her tongue begging for entrance at his teeth, and feeling of his leg pressed between her creamy thighs.

As Derek felt himself grow hard, he prepared to pull back and give Addison some room, but to his absolute surprise he felt Addison's fingers skate over the taunt denim of his jeans. Shocked, he disjoined their lips and stared at her, but she only smiled innocently, just a hint of desire coloring her expression.

"Addison," he said calmly but firmly, remembering how she had reacted a mere fortnight ago, "what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" she whispered seductively as her hands bunched his sweater up, pulling it up over his stomach so his skin was exposed to the soft blue midnight scattered over the floor. Shock fought a violent battle against passion, warring for dominance in his mind. And although his fervor for Addie put up a valiant fight, he couldn't dismiss the images of her bruised, broken body from his mind.

"Okay, wait, Addie," he begged. "Slow down. Don't you want to talk about this?"

"Well, if you'd rather be talking …" Addison pouted as she pulled back and let his sweater rest at armpit level. Her devastated expression pulled at his heart.

"Look, Addison, I love you. And when I said I was prepared to wait forever … I meant it," he said earnestly as he traced patterns on the delicate skin of her neck with the pads of his fingers.

"I know you would. But Der, what I'm trying to tell you is that you don't need to wait forever," she explained. Her words wove a tantalizing spiderweb of lust in his mind, urging him to abandon his newly learned caution and just kiss Addison like he wanted to, but he felt that would be blasphemy after what she had been through.

"Addie, we can't," he said softly. "Not here, not now. You're still sick and in the hospital. Someday … maybe someday soon, we can, but we can't.

"Yes," she yanked the sweater over his head roughly, catching it on his head on accident. "We," she continued, placing feather light kisses down his chest. "Can," she finished as her hands arrived at his belt buckle and made quick work of the clasp.

He grabbed her hands and held the exquisite, impatient skin prisoner against his chest. "We're in a hospital."

"Never stopped us before."

"Addie," Derek croaked, because his excuses were running dry, "You're only been back for four months and I don't think -"

"Derek -"

"No, just listen," he wait a minute he said when she attempted to interrupt. "Are you sure about this? After what they did to you, and all that's happened, are you sure?"

She touched the rough skin of his chin, sending shivers throughout his entire body, and then looked down at him, her blue eyes filled with an enticing combination of lust and love. "Derek, I'm sure. I've been thinking about this, and the things that happened to me … well, I remember them, and I always will, but they're not affecting me as much as everyone thinks they are. We've been building up to this for two weeks. And I trust you, Derek. I never thought I'd ever be saying this again, but I completely trust you. I love you. And I want – I'm ready to try."

Want and need rose inside him, awakening a ravenousness for Addison's body that he'd forgotten that he possessed. His hands shaking slightly, Derek rolled over her so that he was on top. "I love you too," he whispered as he pressed gossamer-light kisses to the smiling corners of her mouth. Addison's hands once again found his belt buckle but he stopped her, saying "Tonight is about you, Adds. I can wait. Let me pleasure you."

He let out a ragged gasp as she squirmed in anticipation, making their connected bodies collide in tormenting ways. The snaps of her hospital gown came undone between his talented fingers only too easily and Addison flushed a delightful pink as he pulled it slowly down her shoulders, letting the night air kiss her skin. She helped him tumble her out of it, and then she sat, bare except for a pair of the Hello Kitty panties Izzie had lent her, her white skin just begging to be ravished.

A slight moan escaped Addison's thrown back head as he captured her breast gently in his hand, caressing the skin below it and flicking the nipple gently. He peeked apprehensively up at Addison, but all she emanated was passion, so he lowered his head to her breast slowly.

"Derek!" she cried when his lips met the sensitive skin and he grinned wickedly and sucked harder. She gasped throughout his ministrations and shuddered delightedly when he moved his attention to the other breast, her nails digging into his bare shoulders. The sight of her, rosy and vulnerable before him, made the bulge in his jeans almost painful, but he knew Addison needed to be fully prepared before they moved further.

Derek let his hand fall down the luscious skin of her stomach to her already saturated panties. He pressed gently against the wet fabric and grinned. "Addie, you're really wet."

"We…el," she moaned as he located her clit through the soaking cotton and began to rub softly. "N-not having sex for five years kind of … does that to you," she breathed. "De…rek!" she gasped when he finally pushed the material aside and slid a finger into her entrance. He delved a second finger in, wishing to hear more of her breathy moans, and she obliged, groaning at every thrust as her wetness leaked onto the bed between them.

"Oh – Oh God, Derek!" she shrieked, so loudly that a vague concern for their neighboring patients entered the very small bit of his mind that was not occupied with the woman rocking onto his fingers before him.

"Come for me," he whispered to her, the words snaking into her ear along with his hot breath. Her entire body shuddered as he pumped in and out of her, her words becoming unintelligible as the pleasure mounted and he guided his ex-wife to her first orgasm in five years.


~ Addison ~

Addison attempted lazily to quiet the gasps still exuding from her as she collapsed under Derek, coming down slowly from her high as her muscles contracted slowly a few more times and the pleasure abated. Derek smiled gently as he coaxed sweaty hair from her neck and she buried her head in his bare, muscled chest, concealing her enraptured smile.

"Did you like that?" he inquired, naughtiness dousing his voice.

"Mmm," she hummed. "I can't believe the last time we had sex was conceiving Devony, and she's going to be four tomorrow."

Guilt effused Derek's face as he admitted, "God, I don't even remember that. I mean, I remember us doing it, but I don't know which time it was …"

"Well, we'll have to fix that, won't we?" she responded before seeking out his mouth covetously again, interlinking tongues famished of pleasure and bodies seeking ecstasy in the other. She wasn't quite sure what had come over her but she sensed, more strongly than ever before, that this was right. She wanted to be with Derek forever, and she saw no problem in starting forever right now. Derek shed his jeans of his own volition and followed them quickly by his boxers and more slowly by the panties he pulling teasingly down her legs. Addison let her knees fall naturally apart in order to encompass Derek's body as he moved in between her legs.

"Are you sure you want to -"

"Yes."

"You know what? You're beautiful," Derek told her, and the sheer honestly of the statement allowed her to see past the white scars illuminated by the moonlight and the way her bones still poked unnaturally out of her body and just appreciate the fact that in Derek's eyes, she was beautiful.

Derek paused above her, resting his weight on his knees and elbows. She moaned, urging him wordlessly to hurry up, because he was driving her out of her mind with need. "Addie, I need to know, are you absolutely s-"

"God dammit, Derek, yes, I'm sure," she growled, earning a chuckle from him. He descended down toward her, and as he slid inside her he could tell he was seeking reassurance from her movements, but that was something, that, in this moment, she couldn't grant. Derek waited while she adjusted to his length inside her, the feeling of being so intimately close to another human being. She knew she couldn't have done it with anyone else, but when Derek began to rock his hips slowly, pushing further inside her, her intense need for him peaked again and she mirrored his movements as he went deeper and faster.

Their hearts beat as one, a steady rhythm thumped out to the metrical thrusts and sweat beaded bodies. It wasn't just about the building pleasure, however, because Addison reveled in the intimacy with a man that at one time she thought could never love her again. Derek healed her as their bodies moved together, and as they both came, gasping for the suddenly necessary oxygen, she couldn't discern between their two souls.

And as she slept warm and safe in her lover's arms, she didn't know how full circle they had come.

When she woke, perfectly content in content in the soothing cocoon of Derek's body, she felt, for the first time since leaving him in the first place that shadows had taken permanent leave from her life, and the few left were ones that she and Derek could overcome. Derek was still sleeping away a day of long surgeries, his face boyish in slumber. She explored the coarseness of his stubble with a single finger, tracing the lines of the face that she loved, and she was rewarded with the fluttering of azure eyes.

"Hello," Derek breathed, adding a mile-wide smile to the greeting.

"Hello," she whispered back as she rested her chin on his bare chest and he encircled her unclothed with his warm, muscled forearms.

"Have I mentioned I love you lately?"

"Hmm, I don't know, but you certainly showed me last night," she replied with a wicked grin.

"My memory's a little fuzzy. Maybe I should show you again," he said, letting his hands drift lower down her back. "But only if you're okay with -"

"I'm fine," she assured him firmly. "Better than fine, in fact."

"How much better than fine?" Derek asked before rolling her under him again and running his hands over the legs that rose around his back before proceeding to kiss her senseless. She was so caught up in the flutterings of their connected skin that she didn't pick up on the pattering of footsteps in the hall, because as Derek's hands brushed the tender skin of her belly she wasn't aware of any worldly details.

"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauties," Mark sang out as the door banged open and he swept into the room with an armful of balloons. "Sorry, some of the balloons … popped." His expression flitted from shocked to amused within a fraction of a second, but the others who followed behind him were less impressed. Richard covered his eyes and turned around as Addison gave an involuntary squeak and Derek pulled the sheet around her. Cristina looked revolted, Izzie delighted, Meredith nervous, George awkward and Alex utterly bored. Callie awarded her a lewd wink and Addison felt a blush creep up her cheeks and was glad Archer had finally left a week ago.

"Sorry to interrupt," Callie said wickedly.

"Nice, Shep. That hospital bed ain't even that big," Mark boomed.

"Oh god," Cristina moaned. "Can we please leave before I am forced to see any more of McDreamy and Satan?"

"Aw, come on, Cristina. It's so cute," Izzie giggled. Addison made sure the bedsheets were pulled to her chin and then gave them all her best burning Satan stare. It was somewhat less than effective.

"Karev!" Derek snapped warningly, and Addison noticed that the resident's eyes had slid down to her silhouette under the diaphanous sheet. It didn't bother her like it once might have, instead amusement filled her half-lidded eyes and Alex gulped.

"Well," Richard called after several discomfited seconds, still looking pointedly away. "We'll just wait out here." He held the door for the doctors, their arms full of presents and decorations, and then shut the door firmly.

"Oh God," Addison moaned as she hunted around for her hospital gown. "That was humiliating."

"I actually thought it was kind of hot," Derek grinned. "But I'm going to kick Karev's ass for trying to get an eyeful."

Half an hour later, Addison let out a string of expletives as she contemplated her handiwork. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I suck at art. It looks like a blue slug slithered all over the cake."

Addison stepped back from the monolith of a white pastry before her, careful not to trail the drooping red sleeves of her robe in the frosting. Izzie had insisted on baking the cake for Devony's fourth birthday, and it looked positively delicious. Or at least it had until Addison got to it.

"It looks great Addie. Delicious. I'm just not sure – what is that part supposed to be?" Derek asked, barely masking the amusement in his voice.

"A flower! That's a flower, Derek. I tried to write 'Happy Birthday Devony' with this stupid frosting stuff but it turned out all wrong so then I tried to turn it into a flower garden. Crap. It looks terrible." Addison sank down onto the bed dejectedly, tuning out Derek's eager but undeserved compliments. To make up for all the terror and horror they'd endured that year, Addison had wanted Devony's fourth birthday party to be perfect.

"Never mind the cake. Bailey is going to bring Tuck and Devony back from the water park any minute," Derek said, glancing at his watch. They exchanged a glance, glad that Bailey had not witnessed their morning escapade.

"The decorations are ready," Izzie said happily as she stepped back to admire the room. "We've got balloons, cake, presents … I think we're good."

"Did you get her a present? Because if not, you can share mine," Derek offered.

"Of course I got her a present," Addison said, pretending to be offended. "I ordered it online."

"Okay, okay, woman, jeez," Derek mumbled.

"So," Mark said, settling himself on Addison's bed.

"Don't go there, Mark," Derek warned.

"I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you, buddy."

"Shut up."

"Shut up is a mean word, Daddy. Don't be mean to Unca Mark." All the occupants of the room turned to see the dripping wet birthday girl, moisture clinging to her rosy skin. Devony's mouth dropped open when she saw the cake and decorations, and her gasp of delight evoked warm, fluttery feelings of motherhood.

"Happy Birthday, baby," Addison said as Devony threw herself into her arms. Derek joined their hug, enfolding them both until they couldn't breathe and collapsed into laughter.

Devony's fourth birthday was a strange sort of validation for Addison. As her daughter blew out the four pink candles and all the doctors cheered, she remembered that whether she had been kidnapped or not, she still would have been here with Derek, like she'd promised Devony. They'd all ended up where they were supposed to end up and whatever had happened in-between was just part of life.

"Did you have a good birthday?" Addison crooned several hours later to a sleepy Devony as the little girl ran her fingers over the silver locket Derek had given her. Also cradled in her arms was the iPod from Mark and Callie (Derek'd had a fit over that one), a metallic purple boom box from Izzie and Alex, a Littlest Pet Shop playset, complete with mini seahorses, from Miranda and Tuck, a princess sing-a-long DVD from George, and a Barbie Pegasus from Meredith and Finn. On the nightstand was a Swarovski crystal lily from Richard and Adele, and next to it was the light up Sleeping Beauty vanity she herself had given, along with a Nutcracker dress-up outfit. Burke had gotten her a Dora trike which he claimed was from Cristina also. In the end, Devony had been too tired to open presents from her grandmothers (Addison was frightened to see what Bizzy had gotten), aunts, and uncle.

"The best birthday ever!" Devony sighed sleepily. "But Mommy? Why was there a bunch of snakes on my cake?"


So, I should probably mention that this story is coming to a close. Addie and Derek are almost where I want them. But don't worry. There's a multi-part epilogue. I haven't decided what parts I will put in it yet, though.