"So Vern, how is your mental state?" Lynn asked. "I presume it's been keeping in line?"
"Oh yeah, it's been fine. We've gotten to a point where we can live without tearing to bits, though a bit of booze kinda helps as well." Vern said as he swirled the shot glass of scotch around.
"Shouldn't you not be drinking? Aren't you going to work?" Roxi asked.
"Does it matter, Rox? At this point alcohol is more like medicine to me, it helps me to...concentrate and focus."
"That not her point Vern," Lynn said. "She means...you know what forget it."
"Whatever smartypants, those fuckers don't even care about their workers anyways. So they can stick a fat one up their arse."
The three sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The television blared out some news that no one really cared about.
"Anyone hear what happened in City A?" Vern asked. "Aliens I think it was."
"Oh yeah, aliens came and razed the city to the ground," Roxi said. "It was pretty bad."
"I wonder if the Heroes Association is losing their touch," Vern said. "After all, remember the City J incident?"
"Yeah, luckily that C-Class hero showed up and defeated that monster, especially after it defeated two S-Classes," Lynn said. "Can't believe people are accusing him with taking all the credit, especially when he's the only one that made a dent on that thing."
"That's unfortunate to say the least." Roxi said. "Maybe he is the hero this place needs..."
"Hero?! That bald-headed freak shouldn't even be called a HERO!" a random patron yelled. "Several other heroes laid down their bodies against that monster and all he did was one punch it. Puh-leeze!"
"And there's the migraine...coming back to haunt me." Lynn muttered.
"It's just an opinion dude," Vern said. "Chill, ok?"
The man continued to rant for a good while until bar employees escorted the man from the bar.
"Thank god he's gone. Any longer and I would've lost my shit." Lynn said as she rubbed her head.
"Still have those migraines? Honestly, I thought you'd grew out of that by now." Vern said. "Must suck for you whenever you go to a loud event-ooooooooooo-"
"You better retract that burn before I turn you into a pretzel." she hissed.
"...annnnnnnd retracted."
Roxi chuckled and sighed. "You two act like an old married couple." she said. "It's adorable."
The redhead got glared at. "What? You two do, you basically act the same in a sense. Well, Vern is mentally unstable and you're short-tempered. You both are sadistic when you're unhindged."
"Stop please, I don't want to hear any more." Lynn said.
"And I take personal offense to that," Vern said. "I'm NOT mentally unstable, more like socially awkward."
Another uncomfortable minute past once again as the three returned to their drinks.
"Have you two caught up on the latest episode of 'Game of Bones'?" Roxi asked.
On the outskirts of City H, a large demon-like monster stared down at the city from atop an overlook. It had red skin and two curly ram horns sticking out of its head, and was dressed only in a brown loincloth. It had large, bulging muscles that would intimidate even the most toughest guys out there.
The demon had a small army of smaller demons, who still looked pretty intimidating though, standing beside him.
"Today I, Dezorus the Deadly, will be the first to conquer the human realm for the UNDERWORLD!" he bellowed. "No one will stand in my way! No ONE!"
The other demons roared in response to their leader's wishes.
"The invasion of upper realm begins NOW!"
"YOU REALLY THINK JUNO IS THE BEST BAE?!" Lynn yelled. "Bitch please! Fhari is the best bae in the goddamn series first off. Secondly, Juno is just a stupid slut who needs her ass saved by Captain Dogo every time!"
"EXCUSE ME?! Roxi yelled back. "Juno is perfectly capable of defending herself, she only gets captured because the enemy always uses some kind of crutch to SCREW HER OVER!"
"HA! FHARI DOESN'T HAVE A TRUE COUNTER, SHE'S THE BEST!"
Vern slammed his fist on the counter. "YOU BITCHES ARE WRONG! BEATRICE IS BEST GIRL!" he flashed two birds. "SUCK IT!"
For the past thirty minutes, the trio's conversation on the highly rated t.v show 'Game of Bones' went from a light conversation to a heated debate, which was, well, which of the (usually) scantly clad female characters was 'the best'.
It didn't help that the alcohol only added more fuel to the fire.
"BEATRICE! That slut is even more of a slut than Juno! Why the fuck do you like her?!" Lynn yelled.
"Well excuse me, smartypants! She may look like one, but she ain't! Her attitude says otherwise, unlike yours, biotch!"
"You're lucky that this fat OAF is in the way. If she wasn't here, you would be on your ass right now!"
"EXCUSE ME?! Who do you'd think you're calling fat, bitch?!" Roxi growled.
"She is, still pudgey aren't yeah?" Vern said.
Roxi slammed a fist into Vern's face and sent him flying into a nearby storage closet. There was a bit, wait no, a lot, of crashing and things breaking. "I TOTALLY DID NOT DESERVE THAT!" he yelled from the closet. "Fatass."
"You are slowly signing your death warrant, Vern!"
"I plea innocent on ground of pure insanity! Plus it's true, I never lie!"
"He's kinda right. He never lies." Lynn reasoned. "Though he could be a little less blunt."
"You started this, egghead. I wouldn't get cocky just yet." the larger woman said as she glared at Lynn. Her eyes briefly turned into reptilian slits before returning to normal.
Lynn rolled her eyes and went back to her drink.
Vern stumbled out of the closet with no injuries and dusted himself off. "How did I manage to fly in here? I mean this is perpendicular to the counter." he mumbled to himself.
He walked back to the bar counter and sat back on his stool. Surprisingly none of the other bar customers cared what just happened.
However, they did react to a couple of demons jumping though the bar's front window.
The bar cleared out in little to no time, but not everyone left. The three 'friends' still sat in their seats, totally oblivious on what just happened. Their obliviousness could be a result of them continuing their conversation.
"In all honestly, how did our little conversation turn into a raging shitfest in the first place?" Vern asked.
"I don't know, but I don't care since you got slugged in the face, which makes me slightly happier." Lynn said.
Vern threw his glass at Lynn, but missed and hit one of the demons in the face, causing it to snarl.
"Well I'll be damned. You don't see that everyday." Vern said. "Or before you die."
"When did they come?" Roxi asked. "Did we miss something?"
The demon who had a glass thrown at its face roared and lunged toward Vern. But Vern leaned backwards, allowing Roxi to slam her fist into the demon's face. The demon soared out of the bar, though the window, and into a parked car, causing its alarm to go off.
The other demon ripped a large table off the ground and hurled it at the three. Vern punched the table, causing it to shatter before it hit them. Lynn, in the mean time, launched herself at the demon and swung her leg at the demon, sending it flying into the wall of the bar and leaving a demon-shaped hole.
"Hm, that was easy," she said as she readjusted her glasses. "Honestly I thought spawns of hell would be slightly harder to defeat."
Suddenly the same demon shot back out of the hole, and hurled itself towards Lynn. It pulled back a fist with full intent to smash HER face in.
Lynn's hand started to crackle with electricity. She curled her hand into a fist and backhanded the demon. Electricity surged through the demon, briefly showing its skeleton, before it was sent into the same car where the first demon laid.
"Better, but still pathetic."
"You think it was only those two, cause there better not be any more-" Roxi started to say before an alert stopped her.
"Attention all residents of City H! A Demon-level threat has been detected. Please evacuate the city in a calm and orderly manner." a loudspeaker said.
"I find that ironic..." Vern thought.
"...and me and my big mouth..." she mumbled before realizing something. "I have to go."
"Wait, why?" Vern asked.
"Rita, I wanna make sure she's safe."
"Who's Rita?"
"Her girlfriend." Lynn answered.
"Oh yeah, you're not turned on by men." Vern said as he stood up off his stool. "How'd I forget that?"
Just then several more demons decided to arrive at the bar. All looking kinda pissed cause they beat up their comrades.
"And cue cliché scene where everyone tries to kill us." Lynn said as she rolled her sleeves up.
"I think I have to call in sick today." Vern said as he tossed his jacket to the side. "How far is it to your place, Rox?"
"Five minutes, ten tops." she said as she cracked her knuckles. "Are we racing?"
"Depends," Lynn asked. "Are we just finding your roomie or having fun?"
Roxi thought for a second. "Find Rita first, then we can have fun."
"Sounds good to me." Vern said as a grin crept on his face.
Class-A Heroes Golden Ball and Spring Mustachio were first on scene to confront the disturbance in City H. It didn't take long for them to encounter what was causing the disturbance, and the two sprung into action.
"Hey, Spring," Golden Ball said as he used his slingshot to take down a demon that charged him. "This doesn't look like a Demon-Level Threat. Looks like more of a Tiger."
"Appearances may be misleading, my friend," Spring said back. "Don't let your guard down."
Suddenly a man was thrown their way and into a car.
"Sir! Are you ok?" Golden Ball asked as he and Spring ran over to the man.
"Totally dude," the man said as he got up. "Just got chucked by a demon, no biggie."
"I suggest you should lay down so you can get medical attention-" Spring started to say.
"Medical attention? Screw that, I've been through worse before," the man said as he got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Nice 'stache dude."
A demon ran up to them and screeched. The man in response tore off the car's door and hurled it at the creature, slicing it in half.
"Love to stay and chat, but my friends are having a contest on who can kill the most demons, later." the man bolted down the street and out of view of the two. "You fuckers better not be killing without me!"
The two heroes blinked and looked at each other, still processing what exactly just happened.
"We should see what's going on." Spring said.
"Yeah..."
"Get off ME!" Roxi shouted as a demon hopped on her back. She grabbed the demon and threw it to the ground, cracking it in the process. She then planted her foot on top of its head, splattering blood and brain matter all over the ground. "I am not a ride, dammit!"
The trio battled their way to Roxy's apartment and found that Rita was out of town. So the three went on a demon killing spree since, why not?
Roxi punched, kicked, threw...you know what...she basically tore though the demon ranks with little to no effort. Her brute strength and relentlessness to pummel any demon by any means necessary made her a force to be reckoned with.
To put it into context, it was a gorilla smashing ants...and the gorilla was in a steamroller.
On the other hand, Lynn struck down each monster, but not with the same brutality Roxi employed. She nimbly dodged each attack the demons threw at her before striking her target with deadly accuracy. Each strike was powerful enough to kill each demon, but not enough to, say, explode a demon into a million pieces. It wasn't as 'flashy' as Roxi's display, but it was just as effective.
Lynn formed a gun with her right hand and pointed it a hoard of demons headed her way. Electricity crackled through her hand in white sparks.
"Boom."
The discharge jumped from demon to demon, cooking them to a crispy perfection.
Yum. (Just like Mama would've cooked them)
"Where's Vern?" Lynn asked. "I haven't seen him for five minutes."
"I dunno, but-" Roxi inhaled and let out a large blue flame that reduced a bunch of demons to ash. "He got knocked pretty far when we confronted the whole army."
"True, but he's usually back by now..."
"Hi guys!" Vern said as he landed in front of Lynn, smashing a demon in the process. "Sorry I'm late, I saw this cool radio that would go very well with this montage. Just had to have it."
"Why?"
"Cause every major battle scene HAS to have some music, DUH!" he put the radio down and turned it on.
(Music: Hot Right Now by Dj Fresh ft. Rita Ora)
"Why can't I help but feel this is cliché?" Lynn asked.
"Well, to be honest, this song is great to work out to," Roxi said. "Love it."
"Oh! One other thing..."
"What is it, Vern?"
"I MAY or MAY not have...pissed off their leader." Vern said as he twiddled his thumbs. "And he's coming our way...like now."
Just then a very LARGE demon appeared in front of the three. He was at least ten heads taller than Roxi.
"YOU HUMANS DARE TO STOP THE DEZORUS THE DEADLY! I WILL ELIMINATE YOU PESTS!" he roared.
The three blinked, looked at each other, and blinked once again.
"What was his name again, Thesaurus?" Roxi asked. "Kinda hard with all the yelling."
"Ooooh, that must why he's pissed," Vern said. "Cause his parents named him after a stupid book."
"Sounds logical, I would be a little ticked off as well." Lynn agreed.
The demon lord actually recoiled in shock from the answer he got, but recomposed himself. "MY NAME IS DEZORUS! NOT THESAURUS, STUPID HUMANS!"
"Still hearing Thesaurus amigo," Roxi said. "Lynn, Vern you ready?"
"WHAT?!"
The demon didn't notice that two of the humans got to the top of two nearby businesses across from each other and were each charging up an attack. Lynn's arm crackled with white electricity while Vern's was covered in a maroon aura and shaking violently.
"CONTACT!" Vern yelled as he and Lynn launched themselves towards the demon's head.
The two fists made contact with the head and it exploded into a shower white and red light. When the light died down, the head was nowhere to be seen and the headless body flopped to the ground.
"That counts as one." Roxi said as she approached Vern and Lynn, who both landed safely on the ground.
"Whatever, I don't care," Vern said with a yawn. "I'm going to bed, catch some zzz's, later."
"Us too, see you Vern." Lynn said.
The two parties left in separate directions, unbeknownst to them they were being watched by Golden Ball and Spring Mustachio.
"Call the Association," Golden Ball said.
"One step ahead of you." Spring replied.
"No one gonna believe this..."
A/N: Quick things I want to address:
1. I do not know who's the most powerful out of the three. Vern, Lynn, and Roxi are powerful in their own way.
2. Threat levels are divided into the following categories (from lowest to highest): Wolf, Tiger, Demon, Dragon, God. (I wonder why Tiger is higher than Wolf, and Dragon higher than Demon, seems weird. I would have it as: Tiger, Wolf, Dragon, Demon, God.)
A major thing I want to address is something that I have recently seen in someone else's story. I do not tolerate any hateful comments, reviews, , etc. Any of such will be deleted and reported. I only accept constructive criticism, any other negative comments (including but not limited to: death threats, racism, bigotry, etc) will be ignored, deleted, and reported. This also applies to other writers, guests, and others who view this site.
Be nice to each other, ok?
Till next time,
-D.W
