Chapter
12.
Stevie
gazed at the stars which slowly started to show up in the sky. Deep
in thoughts as her fingers held the ring on her other hand. It was
still there, still messing with her mind. Looking up she wished for
some sign, some silly sign of Alex that it was okay. That this was
just a coincidence. If only she could just talk to him. Talk, touch,
be in his strong embrace for just a second. It would be enough, some
sort of approval and strength to fall in love again.
She suddenly shook up, hearing her name. But it wasn't Alex' voice. Russ walked up to the veranda; the spot where she was just sitting on the little bench. 'I hope I didn't startle you', he let out unsure. 'I just checked if Ingrid was around. We had some mix up today', he said, pointing his hand back, to clear up he had been looking for her.
'She's at Killarney, with Marcus', Stevie smiled gently.
'Oh right …', for a moment he stood there unsure, steps away from her, his fingers now pressing into the back pockets of his jeans. She had to admit he was cute like this, rather insecure. 'Uhm, may I join you. I promise I won't stay for too long', Russ quickly added.
She had to grin; 'no it's okay. Have a seat'. She moved a bit more to the left corner and patted quickly on the empty spot at her right. Thankfully he gave her a short weak smile, before sitting down. There was some silence.
'Okay, I confess I didn't really come for Ingrid … I … just wanted to see you', he said, swallowing and suddenly gazing into her gentle brown eyes. Stevie smiled a bit shy. 'Like uh … in a way of seeing you're okay', he had muttered a moment later.
'I'm fine', she said, feeling rather uncomfortable. She bit her lip for a moment as brushing the palm of her hand over her neck, pressing out a soft smile.
'Good, that's good', he stated, nodding weakly, trying to find some strength and comfort to tell the things he wanted to tell. 'I hope you're fine about what happened the other night. If I was pushing anything …'
'You weren't', she instantly said. Stevie brushed her hand up over her hair, breathing in. How to say, what to do? Damn Alex. He is this great guy. 'It's weird, but I like you. I really do', she mumbled.
'Yeah that is weird', he chuckled weakly, looking at her and seeing how it lightly eased her mind. A smile playing on her lips. 'No I get it, you aren't ready yet.'
'I am, I should be, right?', Stevie replied, rather quick and suddenly realized she had said those words. Words she shouldn't be telling him. Words she told Alex, or maybe one of the girl, not him.
'It's not for me to say', he replied. Russ just stared at her, seeing how she took in a deep breath and turned her face to just gaze up at the stars.
'Sometimes I wonder if he sees me, sees everything I do', Stevie let out quietly, taking another deep breath. She wished for a cup of hot chocolate in her hands. Not that it was that cold outside, but it was suiting; its smell, its taste. Chocolate was always a sign of needing comfort. It made her think of the time she had taken a whole thermos with hot chocolate with her, causing Alex to whine for coffee. But telling him she needed lots of chocie these days was enough for him to know how she was dealing with Rose.
He didn't say anything. Russ shifted a bit unsure on the small bench.
'He would find me pathetic. Not the Stevie he knows.' Suddenly she heard herself talking and a little embarrassed she stared to the wooden floor. 'I'm sorry, you must think I'm a nutcase.' Her red curls had fallen lightly down her face and she brushed them slowly behind her right ear.
'A gorgeous nutcase', he now grinned. They looked at each other shortly.
Her expression became serious again as she studied his face. Stevie pressed her lips into a smile. 'Maybe I should just shut up.'
Russ gave her a supportive look, a small smirk on his lips. He wanted to say something. That it was okay for her to talk, to talk about Alex. But it wasn't that simple. What could he say to it? She was obviously still full with thoughts of him, and she realized it just as much as he did. 'Maybe it sounds weird, well you already think I'm a nutcase ...', Stevie now started, letting out a silly chuckle.
He smiled at her gently, impressed with her cuteness; 'what?', Russ asked with a deep voice.
Stevie looked at him, and felt her body respond to another inhale of air. 'Can you hold me?'
'Uhm yeah', he uttered, quite surprised with her question. He rose his arm and a bit awkwardly he rested it around her shoulder. God she felt nervous now, uncomfortable she leaned more again him. Feeling his warm body against her, his arm around her; she had to adjust to it. But it was so needed. God, she needed it so much. Just to feel a man, a man that wasn't her cousin or her brother in law.
Slowly her head rested against his shoulder and she closed her eyes, no need to say a word. Minutes passed by before Stevie turned more into his embrace and rested her hand onto his stomach. It felt good, but she didn't feel the need to open her eyes and to look at him. She knew what she had missed so much.
Years back she hadn't been the huggable kind of girl. But Drovers had changed her, Alex had changed her. Through the years his embrace had meant everything. There was always something so suiting about it. Not sure what precisely. His scent, his warmth, the fact he was so huge, so protective. It was everything she wished for and at this very moment she dreamt away.
Just like the time she had danced with Marcus, she had let herself drift away. Thinking about Alex. Stevie felt lips on her forehead, suiting as well and it made her smile. Russ doubted if he should break the silence. The silence that seemed to do her well. 'Stevie', he quietly whispered.
Dreamy she looked up, meeting his gaze. His eyes so blue. It swept her away for the moment. They both reached closer, closing the gap in between. Which separated them, which held their lips apart. Closing her eyes she felt his nose brush against hers, against its right side. His warm breath teasing her lips as they parted.
His lips touched hers. Stevie kissed him softly. Slowly recapturing to kiss him once more. There was something so tender about him, like he didn't want to break her. In need to sense him more her left hand reached up and crawled into the back of his neck. Stevie kissed him rougher and he moved along with her, feeling how she ended up sucking weakly on his bottom lip. His fingers up in her red curls, guiding her gently away.
She waited a moment to open up her eyes, to gaze up at him. Trying to recover so slowly and to still feel him so close. He didn't have to break the kiss, no need to at all. Looking up Stevie saw his soft and gentle eyes stare at her. 'You're okay?'
'Yeah', she quietly answered.
