"Another break in Vern?"
"Yup, north end. Smashed a window to get in." Vern said to his supervisor.
"Jeez, why are people trying to get into this warehouse anyways?" the supervisor said. "There's nothing of actual value in here."
"Well, there's food. Maybe they're hungry?"
"How do you know there's food in here?"
"Oh it's simple," he produced a clipboard. "So you see, to keep myself busy, I go around and categorize what's in the warehouse. It also allows me to know if something got stolen as well." He slid his finger down before tapping it on the clipboard. "There is five hundred units of some off-brand cereal, six hundred units of flax seed, ninety-two pounds of dried milk...still find it strange they house food with hardware stuff though..."
"It's for a superstore, what do you expect?"
"Ooh! So that's why there's gasoline and matches in here, gotcha."
"Wait, wait, wait, what?"
"Didn't you hear me? I said there's matches and gasoline next to each other, which is also next to the propane and rags, located in row five, next to the smoking area."
"T-t-that's a fire hazard! Why didn't you report this?"
"Uh, I work for you guys, not for this company. I could care less if this thing goes up in flames. I just catch anyone who breaks in, not find out if something could make a building explode."
"..."
"Anyways, my shift is over. You can have this," he shoved the clipboard into the supervisor's hands. "I kinda have it memorized so I don't really need it."
The supervisor blinked and sighed. He wished he had some kind of raise to compensate for what just happened.
"So no job yet, huh?" Roxi asked.
"Yup, this harder than it looks." Lynn said with a sigh.
The three were back in the same bar they met in before, though things were not as upbeat as usual.
"Do feel so down on yourself, Lynn. Someone will eventually see your talent for knowing everything." Vern said. "Though I wonder why no is hiring you at all."
Lynn faceplanted on the counter and groaned. "This is the shittiest moment in my pitiful existence of anyone who has ever existed."
Roxi and Vern looked at each other with worried looks. Lynn has always been downgrading to herself for a long time, but this...this was something else entirely.
"Hey, Lynn," Vern started. "Why don't I try to see if you can work with me?"
"A security guard? Really?"
"Yeah! It's literally a no brainer job, and it kinda pays well," he continued. "Just forge some documents and you're all set."
Lynn turned to Roxi. "Do you have anything?"
Roxi shook her head. "My place just finished hiring some summer employees, no job openings."
"Fine, just don't get on my nerves," she said to Vern.
"Great, though I may be getting reassigned soon."
"Why?"
"Well, I inadvertently discovered the place I was watching had several building and safety violations, and it kinda caught the attention of upper management," he said. "May get moved to somewhere where more attentiveness is needed."
"What kind of violations?"
"Flammable materials placed next to a smoking area was the first, which I found. Later inspections revealed outdated fire systems, place hasn't been inspected in years...I can go on." he pulled out a plastic bag and handed it to Lynn. "Here, take it."
"What is this?"
"Documents, since we're "not humans" I took the liberty of getting you two identities since I believe you two didn't establish yours with enough creditability. You can thank me later."
"How did you get this?" Roxi asked.
"Jyster secrets. We've been among humans longer than anyone else, natural for us to blend in with no problem," he drained the rest of his drink before getting to his feet. "Now if you excuse me, I have to head to work, bye."
The two looked through the documents and found them to be pretty convincing...too convincing in fact.
"Wow, they look pretty legit, even got the shiny coat to it." Roxi said.
"Probably threatened some guy to make them." Lynn said.
"So are you going to take the job?"
"I don't have a choice do I?"
Out of the three, Roxi was the second best at keeping her temper in check, while Vern takes first in staying cool as a cucumber. She has no idea how he keeps his cool at all; any insult, slander, and harsh criticism is simple brushed away as if they didn't mean anything to him. It was like he didn't care whatsoever.
She wished she had his level of cool and collectiveness right now.
Today, a shipment of ingredients that was supposed to arrive did not come, which meant the smoothie store couldn't make majority of its smoothies. Add to the fact it was unnaturally hot as well created quite the conundrum.
Roxi was also the manager of the store, which meant SHE had to deal with the hordes of unhappy people complaining about not getting their drinks.
"Listen up everyone!" she yelled. "Our weekly shipment did not come in today! We are out of most of our ingredients so we can't make majority of your orders! Come back tomorrow or order something else!"
Unfortunately, her voice was not heard over the mob that was rapidly forming in and in front of the store.
"This is getting ridiculous." she muttered.
"Any luck?" a female employee asked.
"Nope, I swear this is going to turn into a full blown riot if we don't do something," Roxi said. "What did corporate say?"
"They given us permission to close...but I don't think they will like it."
The redhead looked at the mob and sighed, looks like she had to be the one to break the news. "Hey, do we still have coconuts?"
"Yeah why?"
"I'm going to make a point."
Another employee went into the back and came back with a unripe, green coconut.
"Thank you," she said as she took the fruit. "Whistle."
The female employee blew a sharp note and the crowd went silent.
"Ok, listen up! I'm only going to say this once and once only," she shouted. "We have little supplies, which means we are serving a limited menu, so order from the limited menu or leave!"
The crowd started to protest, but were stopped again with another note.
"Look, I know you're stressed, but am just as stressed as you are. But if you still want to complain..." she closed her hand and promptly crushed the coconut, its juices ran down her arm. "...you can take it up with me, are we clear?"
Majority of the people in the crowd blinked, blinked again, looked at each other, and dispersed quietly. A few others lined up to order from the smaller menu.
"Problem solved." Roxi turned to find stunned expressions from her co-workers. "What?"
"Could you always do that?" an employee asked.
"Yeah, how do you think I crack the coconuts every morning?"
"Don't you use a hammer or something?"
Roxi chuckled. "Nah, a hammer would've destroyed the coconut, and maybe the hammer in the process as well," she tossed the shattered fruit to him. "Now get to work, we got customers!"
"Eh, eh, what did I tell you?"
"Vern, if you utter one more word, I will pound your face in."
"Come on, you just mad I was able to get you a job, something YOU couldn't do."
"I swear VERN, if you don't shut your trap..."
Vern didn't say anything, but the smirk he gave Lynn was almost infuriating to the female.
Needless to say, the firm hired Lynn on the spot, and with some string pulling by Vern, the two monsters were able to work together as partners assigned to the city's bank. Lynn now wore a similar attire to Vern, minus the jacket.
"Can you just get through one night shift without annoying me?"
"But isn't that what I do even though I don't try?"
"Gahhhhhhh..."
Suddenly Vern's radio crackled to life. "Hey, guys. Something is going on by camera thirty-five."
"What's going on?" Vern answered.
"I don't know, it's all static. Can't see a thing."
"We'll check it out, over." Vern let go of his radio. "Thirty-five huh? Welp, let's go."
Camera thirty-five overlooked the front area of the bank, where all the teller windows were. The two entered the main area of the bank and located the camera, which was hanging in the top corner of the room.
"Chuck, everything looks fine here. Can you see us through the camera?"
"..."
"Chuck, you read me?"
"..."
"Chuckie, Chuck, you hoo!"
"..."
"How much do you want to bet he's out cold?" Lynn asked.
"I thought you weren't the one to gamble?"
"I take my chances sometimes."
"I check on Chuck, you get the guys in the vault."
"Of course."
The two headed off in separate directions to where the robbers may be. Vern opened the door of the control room to find a barrel of a gun staring at him.
"Huh, neat."
Meanwhile, Lynn made her way to the vault. The large safe door was locked up tight and nothing seemed to be amiss, but she decided to check inside just to be sure. She used her keycard to gain access to vault and when she looked inside she found a group of robbers that managed to tunnel their way into the bank. They didn't notice her at first since they were too preoccupied grabbing cash.
One of the robbers noticed her after looking up. "Shit, the fuzz!"
The robbers looked up and pointed their weapons at her.
"Oh, that's gotta hurt," Vern said as he watched a robber get clobbered by the Librarian, he tossed some popcorn in his mouth. "Hate to be those poor suckers down there."
"Uuuugh...my head..." Chuck said as he slowly awoke from his unexpected nap. The portly security guard huffed as he got to his feet. "Gaahh...Vern...?"
"Yup, it's me Chucky. Got caught with your pants didn't you?"
Chuck rubbed his head and tried to clear his mind. As he did, he noticed something, no, someone in the corner behind Vern.
"Vern, who's that in the corner?"
Vern turned around. It was the robber who knocked out Chuck. He was badly beaten, in a straightjacket, and had duct tape over his mouth.
"Oh, that's they guy the caught you with your pants down."
"Where did you get the straightjacket?"
"I had one. Sometimes I like to practice getting out of it, and I find it better than tying someone up."
"We have cuffs you know."
"But, someone can break them. That thing, isn't so easy to break."
"Huh...where's Lynn?"
"Taking on all the other robbers."
Chuck blinked. "Wait...what?"
"You heard what I said."
"Shouldn't we be helping her? Did you even call the police?!"
Vern held up a hand. "I called the boys in blue, Chuck. And Miss Lynn here can handle the situation PERFECTLY fine, look." he motioned to a monitor.
At that precise moment, Lynn delivered a punch so hard it knocked a tooth out of a robber's mouth. It hit and bounced off one of the cameras.
"If I were you, I'd sit back and watch her kick some ass. Cause after this, we gotta do a WHOLE LOTTA paperwork." he handed him the tub of popcorn. "Want some?"
A/N: Nothing special. Review if you want.
Till next time,
-D.W
