I had my first doctors appointment on Saturday. On Friday, we were going to file a report at the police station and then to Andi's - well our - house for sleepover. The day at school was long and dragged on.
Bex picked me up from school and then we went and picked everybody else form the middle school. I sat quietly while they chattered around in the back. Bex looked over at me and smile like I would be doing this oneday. No way. No way. No way. We went and got frozen yogurt. I got vanilla with lots of hot fudge. I ate mostly quite listening to Buffy and Cyrus fight in hissing whispers. I wasn't eavesdropping just letting the whispers fall over me.
"Amber? Ready for the police?" Jonah asked in his normally kind voice. I nodded and stood to join the rest of the group.
"Let's go catch a criminal," Buffy said maliciously with a punch thrown at the air.
"Buffy," Cyrus says, exasperated warnings laced in his voice.
We piled back into the car and Bex began to drive towards the police station. Andi pulled out an ancient iPod and tried to find a song on it. Andi finally selected 'Somebody to You' by 'The Vamps'. I felt a blush creep up my pale, oily cheeks and heard Buffy smack Andi. I could picture her face: eyes flashing, nose crinkled, lips drawn into a single angry line. I hope my baby had her expressive face. Or something like it. Not Bryce Evans' greedy, smug, spoiled expression.
As I sat in the parking lot of the station working up the courage to walk in there and do what I'm about to do. I had to really focus to remember that I'm doing this to give rape a name, not let it continue to get away untold. But the headlines people would publish kept flashing in my mind. 'Local teen, Amber Reversi, rape victim,' 'Girl who cried rape,' 'Local teen claims to be raped.' Finally, I sucked in one more deep breath and got out of the car joining everyone else who was waiting by the door.
/||\\/||\\/||\\
As we piled back into the car after filing the report Bex started to drive home.
"Bex, can we stop by my Mum's house quickly?" I asked, drumming my fingers on my leg. She nodded and turned at the next light. I need to do this. I kept repeating to myself. She knew where to go from driving Andi over occasionally. When we pulled up I heard Cyrus gasp and I cringed.
"That isn't a house that's a mansion," he said, and I could practically see the stars in his eyes.
I knew where he was coming from, the front of the house is made of wood and glass with concrete stairs spiraling up to the second story entry. It had a sprawling front yard with a ginormous pool front and center, lined by trees.
I stepped out of the car and shivered at the touch of the night air. "Stay here, I'll be back soon." I took off for the walk and trek towards the entrance. I took slow steps up the stairs and knocked on the door hesitantly.
Jade answered. "You've got some nerve being here," she said, but let me in anyway. I walked in quietly and crept downstairs to the floor where JP's office was located. I knocked on his door lightly before stepping in.
"Hey there Amber," he said taking of his glasses and spinning his chair to face me.
"Hey JP, I wanted to talk to you and Mum," I said.
"Okey dokey, pepperoni," he said in his jooly voice, using an old nickname for me. "Sapphire! Come here for a moment."
"Coming darling, " she called and I closed my eyes pretending it was me she was calling out to. "What do you ne-oh," she said when she reached the door jamb.
"JP, can you get her to stay quiet while I explain myself?" he nodded and gestured for me to start. "I'm sure she told you I'm pregnant," my mother opened her mouth but one look from JP and she shut it, "but I was kicked out before I could really explain. Mummy, JP Bryce took advantage of me. He drugged me and took advantage of me and now I'm pregnant. I want to forgive you, Mum, but what you did was also unacceptable."
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. I smirked a little and JP sucked in a deep breath that you could hear resonate around his body. "But Bryce is such a good guy," My Mum said.
"Oh my god Sapphire, do you hear yourself right now? He raped our little girl, he's not a good guy," JP said.
"Well, people make mistakes Jake. Move back in Amber, we miss you," she tried, smoothing out her dress and crossing her ankles.
"That's nonsense!" Jade called from somewhere in the house.
"Jade!" My mom shouted. "I apologize Amber, you should move back in."
"You kicked me out! I'm not moving back in. If you want connection with the baby you have my Instagram." I said.
"Amber! You're making mistakes. You're young and foolish. You know what, Jake I'm going to bed." And with that she left the room.
A few tears fell from my eyes. "Do you agree with Mum?"
He shook his head and opened his arms. I sat on his lap pressing my head to his chest. He rubbed my back as tears fell silently. I closed my eyes and remembered sweet memories of him and I.
~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~
March 11th, nine years earlier.
Mum's company was hosting a charity gala for all the family of the realtors. Jade and I were wearing matching dresses, mine was in a golden, ambrey hue while Jade's was an emerald/jade shade. We danced out hearts out that night, as the last dance of the night they called a father-daughter dance. I walked away, knowing JP wasn't my real dad but he grabbed both of our hands. He pulled us to the dance floor, twirling us like crazy. That night when I was sleepily climbing into be JP planted a kiss on my forehead and whispered in my ear.
"You'll always be my little girl."
August first, five years earlier
When I was ten and Jade was seven we went to Disneyland. On thunder mountain my sister and mum rode together while I rode with JP. as we were ascending the final climb he took his hands of from around me and put them up.
"Daddy no! Daddy don't let go!" I screamed.
And just as we went over the drop he put his arms right back around me.
~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~
I raised my head and saw that JP had take off his glasses and his eyes were rimmed with red.
"I love you Daddy," I whispered even though I hadn't called him that in ages. I kissed his cheek.
"I love you too, pepperoni, I love you too," he said.
"I love you more," I said jokingly but my step-father replied completely seriously.
"No, I love you more. More than you'll ever know. You make me so proud everyday, I'll miss having you and the baby everyday," he said. My heart tingled as he regarded to the baby as a human and not something that made me a slut.
"Help me pack?" I asked and he nodded following me too my room.
/||\\/||\\/||\\
Once all was packed he helped me pack everything else he helped me drag the bags out to the car. I climbed into the passenger side of the car and he walked around to where Bex was in the driver's seat. He bent to get level with the window. "Take care of my little girl," he told her.
Hours later as I was laying awake on the couch next to Buffy I thought about how grown up I was going to have to bee soon, how real all of this was becoming.
/||\\/||\\/||\\
I woke up feeling oddly well this morning, I wasn't as tired as all the other mornings and actually felt the need to do something. The day seemed to pass slowly until Bex rounded us up so we could go to the appointment.
The first part of the appointment was all paperwork, meeting the doctor and technician and getting my vital checked while they were testing my blood.
"Hi, I am doctor Rabini I will be covering you through your pregnancy. You're hormone levels where very, very high so let's do the ultrasound and see what's going on." She said.
She told me how the ultrasound would work and then shot some gel onto my abdomen after tucking a towel around my pants and my raised shirt. She moved the wide wand over my abdomen and studied the screen in front of her.
"That's your baby, Amber. Her size indicates about eight to ten weeks in. So, your due date is going to be out at November twenty-eighth. Whenever you're ready come out to get your pictures and make a new appointment. Oh, and tell the receptionist to schedule another scan because your hormone levels were." she left the room and closed the door behind her. I wiped the gel off with the towel that had been tucked around my clothes.
Everybody else chatted about everything baby related and how excited they were and what names they like and everything else of the sort. I was only terrified though, I still couldn't believe I was going to be a mum shortly.
