Thanks to everyone who's been reading. I own none of Ashes to Ashes or their characters. The characters I made up I own. Unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine!


They looked sad as they had approached him. He knew the news was not good.

"Guv," Ray started.

He looked up. "She's dead, isn't she?" His voice was so different. Pain, despair and shame accompanied every syllable.

"No, Guv," Ray responded quickly. "She's not dead, but it's not looking good."

He had a memory of his brother, attached to life support before he died. He hadn't looked the same. And he could picture her like that. Her beautiful sleeping face, so peaceful, underneath an oxygen mask. An IV dripping precious nutrients into her body so she wouldn't starve. And her, oblivious to it all. She was as good as gone. And it was all his fault.

**

November, 1982. The day of the blag. Alex has just been shot. Shaz's POV

Chris and Shaz ran up to the Guv. Ray had reached him first. Alex was lying on the ground. They all stopped for a moment, they had to take in the horror. Her eyes closed. It was then that they reacted. Shaz ran to her side. Ray picked up his radio and called for an ambulance. Chris went over to look at the other man in the courtyard. Dead.

Shaz checked Alex's pulse. It was weak, but still there, and she was breathing faintly. Shaz ripped the beret off her head.

"Chris! Give me your tie." He did so with no question, which was unusual. Maybe he realized the seriousness of the situation. Shaz rolled the beret up and pressed it against the wound. Then she tied Chris' tie around it.

"Jus' 'old on ma'am." Shaz looked up; surprised to that it was Ray who said it. She knew that he was loyal to the Guv, but had no idea how much he respected the DI. Other than the sirens approaching in the distance, the courtyard lapsed into silence.

"No!" Chris, Ray, and Shaz jumped. The Guv had been standing in shocked silence for so long; they had forgotten he was there. He looked at Alex.

"That foul, scheming, two-timing, little BITCH! She did this!"

Shaz was confused. How could he be blaming the DI for this? True, she had been here against orders, and she was acting oddly the day before, but Shaz couldn't believe that Drake was corrupt. Of course she couldn't believe that the Guv would shoot Alex either…

"Guv," Ray said.

"It wasn't me fault! It was Jeanette! She was watching the blag, and when I shot that man, she came out and Drake hostage. Jenette fired at me so I fired back, but Drake got hit instead of that scumbag. Ya have ta believe me Ray." This was serious. The Guv was pleading.

"I do Guv," Ray said quietly.

The conversation came to a quick end when the ambulances came screaming in. The crew loaded Alex up as quickly and gently as they could and took off, sirens wailing.

Chris, Ray, Shaz, and Gene all looked at each other, not entirely sure what to do.

"Right," said Gene. I guess we better get to the hospital. Shaz, you should change before ya go. Yer a mess."

Shaz looked down at her soiled dress. This morning it had been so beautiful, so exquisite. Now it was in tatters. She hoped her mum wouldn't kill her when she saw.

Chris, Ray, and the Guv piled into the Quattro and took off. Shaz looked at them, and realised that Ray had left the front passenger seat open. Shaz looked down at herself again. She would change and then go to the hospital.

***

2009

"Wait a second," Alex interrupted finally. "The Guv, he wasn't mad at me?"

"Not in the way he was the night before. I think he was mad that you showed up at all, but he was the angriest at himself.

"Oh Gene. If I had known, I would've tried harder to find a way ho...back to 1982. Maybe I can still find a way back."

Shaz continued with her monologue

***

1982

The surgery had been over for hours. They all were sitting around her bed. The doctors weren't optimistic. She hadn't had any vital organs hit, but had lost a lot of blood. She had a bag of blood hooked up and an IV drip. She was so pale. It was a sight that Shaz had not expected to see.

Suddenly two men walked into the room. It was Chief Superintendant James Saul and a man Shaz had never seen before. The Super crossed the room.

"How is she?" His didn't seem like he actually cared, but Shaz answered anyway.

"It's not good sir. She lost a lot of blood."

"I see." He turned around. "DCI Hunt. One of your DC's filled me in on the events that occurred today. I am therefore suspending you pending an investigation of why you shot your DI. This is your replacement. His name is DCI John Philips. He will lead the investigation."

Gene's already sorrowful face fell. Shaz had never felt so sorry for him in her life. All the while, DI Alex Drake slept peacefully in the background, unaware anything was going on.

***

Several weeks passed. Orders were given to bring Gene Hunt in for questioning, but he had mysteriously disappeared. Eventually, a young DC had brought him in. Philips had held a party that night. None of CID attended. They were all waiting. Alex had hovered between life and death for weeks. The doctors had no explanation. She should have woken up or died by now.

The Guv was always receiving a stream of visitors. Viv would sneak him some of Luigi's food and Ray was in the cells if he wasn't working.

The Guv had changed though. He stopped responding to people and looked past them if they talked to him. He had said only a few words.

"My fault. I killed her. S'all my fault."

Then, the day DCI Philips was going to charge the Guv with attempted murder of a police officer, it happened. Alex died.

Ray and Chris wanted to keep it from the Guv, but Shaz knew that he had to know. She let herself in his cell and sat next to him.

"Guv, there's something you need to know. DI Drake, she... well she..."

"She died." His voice was flat. He had no emotion.

"Yes Guv."

"I'll be charged with murder."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Most likely, Guv."

"It's all me fault." With that he turned his back to her. "Just go Shaz. I'm a cop killer; I deserve whatever sentence I get."

Shaz left the cell, closing the door quietly. As she looked through the window in the door, she swore she saw a tear roll down his cheek. Then she walked down the hallway, away from the cell of the now tamed "Manc Lion."

***

2009

"That day he was charged with murder. He was found guilty and got life. Chris and I, we tried to visit, but he told us to stop. We respected his wishes. Ray kept visiting, but stopped. Being in his company was too depressing. We stopped talking about him. It was an unspoken rule. To talk about him was to bring up the past, the bad past, the one we don't look at. The only reason they were talking about you today is because they knew that you would want to hear stories like that. You haven't been mentioned in years. Out of respect ma'am, not anything else."

Alex had tears in her eyes. She expected a story like that, but hearing what happened to the Guv, what he turned into was painful to listen to. She didn't expect he would fall apart like he did. She was shocked.

"Ma'am?" It's your turn. How did you die and yet stay the same?"

"To tell you the truth Shaz, I'm not entirely sure myself.


TBC.. Reviews are always appreciated