"My, my… you know my birthday isn't until next month, cutie." Rouge taunted, grinning coyly at her jab. I rolled my eyes with arms folded, leaning against her now open doorframe.
"Hi to ya too, Rouge. Mind if I come in?"
"I suppose so, if you promise to be a good boy. Knuckie might get the wrong idea and look for a reason to fight you, as usual."
"Oh he can feel free to get the wrong idea. Maybe he hasn't mentioned his date with Amy to you yet." I grumbled, feeling a slight thrill at being able to instigate Knuckles. Rouge merely led me to the living room, tossing an entertained smile over my shoulder.
"Oh, I know about it sweetie. He had a good time with her, nothing wrong with a little healthy competition. Hmm?" I avoided looking at her, because I was pretty certain my mouth was hanging open. Healthy competition?! I don't think so! Didn't she have any worries that Amy might take away whatever her and Knuckles had? No, that's just you, worrying about Knuckles taking away whatever you and Amy have. As if reading my mind, Rouge turned to me with surprise, eyebrow held high.
"There is something wrong with a little healthy competition? Strange for you, Sonic. You usually love fuelling a duel."
I like competitions I know I can win.
"Rouge, I'm worried about Amy." I came out and said it, before she dug the knife in any deeper- hoping to leash her sarcasm. Usually I could take the banter with gusto, but not about this. Not when everything seemed to be afflicting me more than it should. "After what happened…"
"…you can't blame her for wanting to move on." She finished for me, giving me that face. You know the one, the same face every girl gets when she's sticking up for another girl. No matter how opposite women can be at times, they can always forge an allegiance out of womanhood. That sort of bond would come in handy sometimes, if it worked on guys. I involuntarily flinched inside.
"I earned it."
"You did though-"
"This ain't why I'm here, this isn't a confessional!" I said, recovering some of my typical witty 'tude, smirking. "I came because, well… you're a girl, not too young to talk to 'bout all this stupidness and…" At my fading confidence, she actually gasped.
"You're looking for dating advise! Sonic the Hedgehog, smoothest bachelor on Mobius-"
"I am not looking for that!" I growled, face flaming as she cackled. "Rouge, I'm…look. I don't know how to deal with this, is kind of the thing. It's changing me." My expression grew dire now, and her eyes widened at my brute honesty.
"You're genuinely upset over this mess, aren't you?" She murmured, half in wonder. "I've never seen you like this big blue."
"What was your first hint." I retorted. "Of course I am, Amy's completely forgotten I exist-"
"Mmm. Now that's karma…" Rouge's low drawl mused, but her smile evaporated at my leer. "Um, Sonic… if you want it, you got it. You did come to the right place. But don't think I'll go easy on you if you do."
As her arms folded with the challenge, I raised my chin as an indication to proceed. She cleared her throat, swishing a hand in the air. "Let me tell you something in all honesty."
"Alright, but get this- remember Rouge, this doesn't leave this room-"
"Shut up." She said suddenly, and my jaw clenched.
"Uh-Excuse me?!"
"You wanted my advise, well there's your first piece. You talk to much, shut up every once in a while and listen to what she has to say. I mean where do I start? Let me be blunt here, Sonic…"
"Jeez- you mean ya haven't already?" I said sarcastically, then clapped a hand over my mouth at her warning glance.
"As I was saying. You, are what I would deem a dating hazard." She had to have heard me swallow that lump down my throat in the silence. "You're cocky, self centered, sarcastic, saucy, late, inconsiderate toward her feelings and what she has to say, you're always disappearing on adventures and missions, running from emotions, not to mention your lust for a death wish…" I felt like a measley board holding up a boulder collapse, and yet still I managed to dig some wit out from under it weakly.
"Hmm… that it? Or would you like to flatter me some more?"
"My point is…" She ignored my snide comment, continuing on dutifully. "That is my view on you as a girl looking at a prospective date. For whatever reason, when Amy looks at you, those things don't seem to matter. She sees past those- t-that monument of flaws, and for what I'm not sure, I don't know what you're like when you're alone with her. So, I'm convinced the you I get to see is a show. It's your stage act, and perhaps Amy gets the real you when you're not playing the hero role. Here's the problem… your ego and job description leaves little room for anyone else. If you don't meet her halfway, she's carrying the real you and herself forward in a relationship. Kid, you either need to find a balance and figure out if you wanna just stick to being a hero, or there for her… or even both if you think you can tough it. She's been knocked down a lot of times by you, Sonic. It's probably getting harder and harder for her to get back up again for your sake, getting absolutely nothing in return to even show her it's worth the trouble."
Those last words stole the breath from my lungs, the visual it gave me tearing through my mind like splintering glass. I now knew what it was like to fall, to be rejected by her… and I thought on all those times I ran, all those times I had better things to do, all the times I wriggled out of her arms, the things I'd said, the promises I broke… I imagined the feeling of the fall each and every time, and it consumed me until I felt like bottled high pressure. I'd earned this more than I'd accounted for. I did this to her. I deserved to be rejected by Amy, I deserved to be alone.
"Who died and made you love guru." I choked, but Rouge wasn't offended. The words sounded cracked, hushed, as if I'd just had the wind knocked from me. She put a hand of comfort on my arm, shaking her head.
"You wanted my two cents, you got it gorgeous. The bottom line is, even after everything you did to Amy, she still comes back. And even now she's still your friend, even after what you did to her again- I wouldn't have put up with it. She's carrying something strong for you, whatever it is. But you're evidently starting to lose her, with her beginning to date other people. Now is the time to act, or be forgotten."
Oh God…ohGodohGodohGod…
"She wouldn't forget about me." I cut back, eyes closed as my arms folded tightly- away from her touch. Feeling her hand made this conversation real, as well as the words I didn't want to hear- making my fears real.
"No, she wouldn't. But she'd stop loving you, or at least stop showing it. Then you'd wish she had forgotten you."
My mind
was in vertigo, everything I held dear flashing behind my lids. Amy
shyly offering me a gift on my 13th birthday, Amy glowing
with pride at me complimenting her battling skills when I'd begun
training her, that shimmering light that could only be her affections
for me in her eyes, bare and unguarded in the hue of kelly green…'you
make me do crazy things…'
I imagined that light going out
forever.
Someone else stealing it away.
OH GOD OH GOD No no no…
Rouge read my anguished brow and continued on.
"Did you try talking to her? You know, generally communicating with girls is more effective than running from them." Hearing her voice now was like a blur of sound in the commotion my mind was in. I spoke on auto-pilot.
"I DID, try talking to her." I said through grit teeth now, as Rouge lounged over her beautiful eggplant colored sofa. I stood, too tense to get comfortable- but deathly still. I didn't want Rouge to know how truly troubled I'd become at this point. "She didn't have time for me."
"You know…" Rouge seemed thoughtful now, contemplative. "This sounds like a little bit of history repeating… only this time, you're the one who's left in the dust. It's time you make some good use outta that speed of yours."
And turning to stare at Rouge's smug
yet concerned face, a boulder dropped through my insides and left me
weightless & numb with terror… because she was spot on.
And
unlike Amy, I didn't have the strength to take it. I turned my back
to Rouge again, wishing I could move. I was feeling too heavy-
feeling like thousands of invisible strings clung to my limbs, trying
to drag me down. I was actually losing Amy, something I had never
considered would happen.
"What do I do, Rouge?" My voice was but a whisper of it's usual saucy attitude, and when I looked at her again, she wasn't smiling. She wasn't used to my quiet, saddened voice any more than I was. She just looked sympathetic.
"The same thing she did, Sonic. It's all you can do. Just try your hardest, wait it out… hope for the best. The worse thing you can do right now is nothing. Your're running out of time with this now, she's already seeing other people. But unlike her… I'm sorry to say something so awful to you Sonic, but it's for your own good. You're a big boy, think realistic. Perhaps… it would be best if you didn't hold high expectations. She's been hurt by you. Bad."
That did it. My eyes unlocked from their usual guarded expression, and out came a wild expression of both desperation and fear. She never saw it. I couldn't face her… couldn't face anything feeling this way.
"I-
Thank you for your help Rouge, really, I'm- i- if you'll excuse
me…"
The door was slammed behind me before she could even
reply, and I was dashing through her front lawn- flying down the
lane, and that's when the trees began blurring with the speed. It
was as if a gnarled bramble had weaved around my insides, centering
around the left side of my chest and squeezing every few seconds.
The
pain timed in with every beat my heart conjured, and a name flashed
with it over and over like a neon sign beckoning from a highway. It
danced and sifted with gnarls from the branches inside that lashed at
me, all words, all memories, all cutting.
'This is the best day ever!'
Amy. Amy. Amy. Amy. Amy.
'You would never abandon me…'
Amy, Amy,
Amy…
She's been hurt by you. Bad.
Amy Rose…
Perhaps it would be best if you didn't hold high expectations.
And I was
so unused to the feeling, that when I felt the ice cold wetness
against my face, I dodged under a tree and placed a hand against it
with a groan. Rain? And when I looked up at the cloudless sky, the
dry earth on the path… a sharp intake of breath as shock rocketed
through me, and one of the foreign tears plummeted down and exploded
on the tip of my shiny red sneaker.
Tears. My Tears.
I
couldn't remember the last time I cried, and the evil bramble
within gave another sharp squeeze for good measure, reminding me of
why I was in the first place. My back quills scraped two curling
lines of bark from the tree as I slid down it to rest at the bottom,
letting myself get swept up in the hurt. They fell free now, and I
didn't question them, just accepted them.
No hurt or beat down
I'd gotten in a battle ever felt like this.
Because there was no
machine, no power ring, no high speed that could offer me the power
to fight this. It was inside, where I couldn't get at it, where I
couldn't give it a snappy wisecrack or beat it into goodness or
submission. I was helpless against it, like the angry waves that
lunged at me whenever I stood on the seashore, leaving me shuddering
at it's mammoth cruelty.
Like
plunging into sleek, unpredictable & unforgiving water, I was in
further than I knew how to get out of.
All I wanted right now was
to see Amy, and talk to her- show her what this was really doing to
me. This was a new Sonic, a Sonic I didn't know how to deal with,
one that was needy and not whole. It was battling with the old Sonic,
who was too proud to go up to a girls house in tears, to be taken
down by such foolishness… that petty romance nonsense.
But it
wasn't foolish at all, not even close to petty- for I was truly
cloven in two. I had heard of it before, but I'd laughed at it and
called it girl chatter, losing a fighting match with your own
emotions.
Now I knew
it for what it was. Frightening.
Oh, how I felt the burn of it
now, like a flame on the inside, taking everything in its path and
moving its way outward. There was no way to stop it, no way to reach
it and douse it from the inside.
The only thing that seemed to
relieve it was the brief drop and sizzle on the flame that a name
offered… Amy, Amy, Amy- like flicking droplets at a bonfire, the
name hissed, cooled, and rekindled the flame all at once.
It was no use.
There was only one relief, and the stubborn, stupid fool of a hero hedgehog part of me wasn't ready to accept defeat yet.
The new
Sonic burned on in anguish, revolting and fighting with my ego, but
couldn't possibly win. The part of me that was hurting was also too
weak to put up a fight.
So I doused the flame another way.
With
my own stinging tears, I began the gruelling task of fire fighting
long enough to fall into an uneasy slumber.
---
Agk! Man…
Snuggles Sonic Cheer up, Blue!!
That wasn't easy
to do by any stretch. LOL I feel for the poor hog…
You'll see how the next turn of events unfold soon, with a new day brings endless possibilities…;3
-Mish
