I'm not dead! XD I JUST finished my latest piece of chapter art for this story, which I wanted to have done before I put up this chapter. Now it's time we met back up with Sonic, on his way to Amy's abode…
---
I can wait another day…
Until I call you
You've only got my heart on a string, and everything a-flutter
But, another lonely night…
Might take forever
We've only got each other to blame, it's all the same to me love
But I know, what I feel
To be right…
No more lonely nights
----
This had gone on for long enough.
I had let myself and the people around me grind down into this miserable train wreck- and worse than that, I let somebody get in the way.
BIG mistake, Sonic.
I let someone get in the way of something I had always known was my meant to be, whether I had agreed with it at times or not.
Even when I was too young to comprehend what I felt for her, and felt a rebellion against any feelings of the sort toward girls.
In a way, when I was younger, I was almost annoyed at her- angry, ridiculously, that she'd gotten me. No other girl had really turned me into a stuttering, blushing idiot before- and then she came along.
I couldn't be cool 24/7, and when I was growing up, that's all that had mattered to me- being cool, confident Sonic.
Until her.
With the guys, it was different. I could still be me, arrogant and cocky- they were either awed by me or envious.
But she didn't care- she'd tell me to shut up, smarten up, or stop acting like such a jerk, even though she needed me.
I guess she knew that I would never let her get hurt, no matter how saucy she got with me- no matter how bossy or how much she agitated me, somehow she knew I would never leave her.
I had myself convinced she was the most irritating girl that had ever existed- and at every opportunity, I fled from her- from the way she sent my heart into a pounding frenzy whenever she squeezed me close. I even had my friends convinced that I couldn't stand her.
But they kept asking the question that I myself could not admit the answer to.
Why do you save her then, Sonic? Why do you care?
She's the kind of girl who puts you down when friends are there
You feel a fool…
Why?
Why indeed.
There was the hitch in my well sewn scheme- that was what called my bluff every time. And she knew it better than anyone else.
Because I could not bear to lose her anymore than I could bear to have her near me, frazzling my thoughts and mind.
She understood that I couldn't bear to lose her, she could just never understand why. Often times, neither could I.
I could not lose Amy, and I couldn't always understand that at my young age.
I remember when Metal Sonic stole her, shortly after our first meeting.
It wasn't just a kidnapping. It wasn't routine, what I was used to. It was different.
It felt too personal.
It harped away at a nerve that I didn't know existed until Amy was in danger.
I remember the nights the most- because I barely got any sleep during them.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her blushing at me when I smiled at her.
I saw her bragging to me about her bizarre way of finding me- how for once in my life, she rendered me speechless by telling me she was meant to find me.
She even called me silly for doubting that fact at all- that her cards were always right.
My dreams always delved into the places I tried so hard not to relive while I was awake- almost taunting me.
I saw her turning around as we approached Never Lake, emerald greens bashfully staring down at the Mobian sunflowers at our feet before peeking up at me. She asked me if I had a girlfriend- I just about had a stroke.
Not only was the girl pretty, funny, and interesting.
She liked me.
It's as if she was made to find you!
I was just staring at her, and I could still feel the beads of sweat… she flushed madly, looking down at the ground again.
So uncool Sonic…so, so uncool! Speak! Do something dude!
"Oah, I guess a boy as cute as you already has a really pretty girlfriend…"
Blushing had never been a part of my life until that moment- what did I have to blush about? I was never embarrassed, because I was never uncool.
I was Sonic the Hedgehog.
But all I could do to answer her was blush, and my hand had flown to the back of my head for the first time. Because now she smiled childishly at me, and winked.
"Betcha don't think she's as pretty as me though, do ya?"
"I-I'm…" I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever met, but my brain is temporarily on leave! "I don't- N-no girlfriend." What did that even mean? You sound stupid! You're supposed to be Sonic, man!
She looked at me expectantly, fluttering her lashes.
Well? Shouldn't you kiss her?
"Sonic? Are you ok?" She smiled, pink rising to her cheeks again, and gently caressed my ear, pulling dandelion fluff out of my fur from where I'd ran through a patch earlier. And that did it. SO PRETTY! NEVER met a girl hedgehog, why is she so pretty?! Cool gone. She had me rendered unable to speak. I felt like my skin was on fire, and briefly realized bewilderedly that it was the blushing. I wasn't used to it.
She likes you, just do it!
When you say she's looking good
She acts as if it's understood, she's cool
Cool, cool, cool
Oh, Girl…
I ran.
I ran, I ran, I ran.
The next time I saw her, her face was seized in terror- divine green eyes brimming, wincing- Metal Sonic.
He was holding her too tightly.
Even in dream, I could still feel the way my chest flared indignantly at that fact- oh, there was a fire alright. And if I'd have been sure he wouldn't kill her before I had the chance to get his pointed steel fingers off of her, I would have tried to rip him apart, bolt by bolt, right then and there.
He bit into her sides, sharp fingers embedded into her green top. She cried out, and his jet kick started. For a moment I was horrified that he might burn her. Then, he was taking her away- and she was looking back at me, a hand reaching for me- she screamed out my name.
She wanted me to help her.
My mind was racing, screaming.
Visions of possibilities were what the dreams always ended in.
The horrible things that Eggman might be doing to her…
Using her life energy to power one of his machines, perhaps?
That scared me the most.
What if one of the machines Eggman used against me was powered by her?
What if Metal Sonic was torturing her?
If he did burn her, if he did hurt her…I'd…I'd…
I'd wake up, and my own voice, disoriented but dark with contempt, would surprise me:
"I'd kill you, Eggman."
I'd blink in surprise, coming back to my senses in whatever zone I'd passed out in exhaustion from.
Called your bluff, Sonic.
Called your bluff.
You like that girl, and you damn well know it.
Do not!
Do too…
And for the sake of said girl, I'd plough on through another multitude of zones until I could take no more, and the dreams would start again.
Those were always the worst moments of my life.
So I naturally tried everything in my power to keep them from making a reappearance.
When I knew she was safe, I wanted to keep her that way.
I tried to keep her back, and everything being around her did to me and meant.
I would only bring her closer to the danger that always whirled around me.
But I couldn't run from my own thoughts.
I couldn't stop the dreams, whenever she was in danger.
They always reminded me just how much I had twined my life with Amy's.
The dreams exposed me to Sally- whom I'd cared for deeply, but not deeply enough to ignore what I felt for Amy. I could be cool around Sally. She was beautiful, she was heavily protected- she was a princess. Of course she was.
If I wasn't there, Sally had a royal guard.
I thought I could love Sally- I loved her as a friend, why not more?
I found her attractive, smart, interesting, honest.
But it is true, what they say. You don't choose love, it chooses you.
Amy had chosen me since day one.
But I tried not to let that blind me.
The important thing was, I was all Amy had.
I was Amy's royal guard- her protector, her friend, her mentor in battle, her partner in missions, her faith in all that was good in this world, her reason to better herself, her biggest irritation, her lifeline, her flaw, her muse.
I was her one true love.
Is there anybody going to listen to my story
All about the girl who came to stay
She's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry
Still you don't regret a single day…
Oh, girl…
She needed me so much, I was terrified of being the source of her demise.
I never realized that I cared about Amy so much, I pushed her away to keep her with me- always at a distance, but always safe and free from the crossfire being with me would place on her.
It always boiled down to this: Losing her was not an option.
I thought that the pain, the risk of her being hurt due to her nearness to me surpassed the pain of never acting on how she made me feel.
I thought the way I was whenever she'd been captured was a testimony to that.
I was listless. I would lose my mind, whenever I didn't know what was happening to her- the dreams, my persistence. I would battle, crush, leap any obstacle, brave waters, flames and toxins- I would demolish mammoth creations built to kill me, I would ironically brave any horror that came my way, to beat down the one that scared me the most.
Losing her.
It was agony- it was the only time I can honestly say, in all my bravery, that I was terrified.
I thought that there was no pain greater than what I felt when she wasn't safe.
So, for her sake, I hurt both of us.
I thought it was so selfless… but it was selfish, wasn't it?
When Sally left me, she had smiled wistfully at me.
She told me to stop lying to myself- it was hurting me.
I could lie to my subconscious as intricately as I pleased, but it was telling me the same thing- calling my bluffs in dreams.
I could not lose Amy.
I could not lose her to anything.
Because I was terrified of what that might do to me- though it was really Eggman who should be scared of that.
He wouldn't have so much fun with Dark Super Sonic.
You see?
Am I making myself clear?
And, my friends, this is exactly why I, Sonic the Hedgehog, had tried so stubbornly to keep my distance from girls.
It would only mean trouble.
TROUBLE!!!
Every guy knew, girls were trouble.
Then, you figure out the meaning of trouble when they're gone- and you find yourself missing them.
THAT, is real trouble.
Losing a girl, is trouble.
My plan was perfect, flawless.
It was working so well- she was safe.
She still pined for me always, and unbeknownst to anyone- sometimes even myself- I still pined away for her as well, running the frustration of it all off at the speed of sound.
Our absurd cycle of a relationship stayed the same for years, unchanged- and she was still so near to me, in love and secretly loved, but most importantly: SAFE.
The only downfall was that she was never truly mine, and as the years passed, my unflawed plan became very flawed to me.
I went from relieved, never having to call her my girlfriend, to just plain pissed off.
She was safe, but at what cost?
She was hurting in other ways.
So was I.
When I think of all the times I tried so hard to leave her,
She will turn to me and start to cry
And she promises the earth to me, and I believe her…
Oh, Girl…
I teetered on the edge of doing something about it, and being scared to break this cycle. What if I had missed the boat, and delayed too long?
What if she wouldn't believe me if I told her I wanted her after years of running from her? I couldn't- I was afraid of that, too. What if that made her mad, and she decided I was a liar- that she didn't want to see me again? She was so damn stubborn. She might take off on her own, convinced she could protect herself.
She could plant me in the ground with her hammer, and poof! She'd be gone.
Out there somewhere, that Eggman could collect her.
That new fear- her rejection of my well disguised feelings, lead back to my biggest fear of all.
Losing her.
I risked losing her, and that was a wager that was too great to gamble.
I would shrivel without her- she truly lit up my life, in so many ways.
I overlooked the biggest flaw in my plan of all- and for this, I deserved a blue ribbon for idiot of the century.
I never considered, of her own will, she would decide to give up on me.
It was so obvious!
A person as passionate, as affectionate, as loving as Amy- of course she would need to act on all that pent up, overwhelming emotion some day.
It was easy for me- I knew she loved me, I knew I felt for her…what did I have to worry about?
Did I ever think about the fact that it wasn't fair?
She didn't have the luxury of knowing the person she pined for was madly, blatantly in love with her- like me.
For all she knew, she meant nothing to me- she was wasting her time.
God, forget the ribbon. I deserved a monument- a museum of idiocy, in my name.
Now a new fear- bigger than losing her to Eggman- more disturbing than losing her to my ego, to Metal Sonic, to her irritation or rejection of me.
This pain deserved its own research team, because screw getting punched through 14 brick walls by a 3 ton robot.
Losing her to another man, by her choice?
THAT.
That, dudes, is what I call PAIN.
Forget the nightmares caused by the other kind.
THIS kind kept me up at night- I couldn't even get to sleep, and I've slept in some creepy, messed up places in my day courtesy of Eggman.
None of the other pains I'd experienced in my life had ever made me cry this way.
So, although I had weaved what I thought was a fool proof way of keeping Amy safe, it wasn't keeping her near to me anymore.
And what was my prime directive?
Not losing her.
And I didn't care if another man could keep her safe.
I didn't even care that it meant I didn't have to be Amy's protector anymore- that she wouldn't be my responsibility, that I wouldn't have the nightmares hounding me whenever I knew she wasn't safe.
Because, I didn't want that. So forget all my other plans, because this was a damn emergency! I thought I knew all the worst case scenarios, I thought I hated the idea of her being my responsibility and failing her the most.
But her forgetting about me like that… letting some other guy worry about her…
I hated that idea, more than I ever thought I could hate anything.
Another man.
PUH!
I never took into account, the devastation of her letting go of me would bring.
She must be kidding! She couldn't want that, could she?
Because I didn't want that!
I didn't want another man to protect her.
I didn't want another man to love her.
I wanted that.
I'd always known that, I'd always denied that, but dammit, that's how it was.
I loved Amy, and I knew it.
I was the last person to come to terms with that, besides her.
Sally was right.
Everyone was right.
But her with someone else? That was wrong. She loved me, and I went from needing to run from her to needing to tell her the truth. I needed her to know that I loved her back… jeez, my timing is just perfect, isn't it?
Man, forget the fastest- I'm the dumbest thing alive!
Now I stood the risk of being destroyed by what was going on- and it was my own stupid fault.
I knew, I should have done this years ago.
I was almost there, and like I did while I was battling, I was going my way and that was that. No turning back, no chickening out, just forward- and fast.
I might be too late.
I might not.
Better to be late than never.
Boy, had I learned that over the years gone by.
Now was a time to put it to the test- to put me to the test.
Would you believe, the greatest I'd ever come face to face with?
I inwardly groaned as I felt the scattered pecks of water hit places along my arm, my nose, the top of my head… rain.
This is why I hated spring more than any other season.
The faster I got to her house, the better…
Upon thinking that, there was her house, standing with the light on over the door at the end of the trail I was standing at.
This was the moment.
All I had to do was indulge in that puny distance from this hill, through her gate and up to her porch steps.
Everything would start or end at the bottom of this hill.
The rain began to pick up slightly, speckling along me and beginning to take shelter in my cobalt fur. I shook the droplets that attempted to hold onto me in annoyance,
and zipped swiftly to her front door.
I thought about lifting my fist to knock, and that was my first mistake.
That gave the situation and the fears that came with it enough time to catch up with my speedy feet.
My breathing became unsteady, and my pulse pounded in my wrists and ears.
Jeez. So this is what it was like to be truly, uncomprehendingly terrified.
For once, I knew how the people I rescued on a daily basis felt.
I sucked several deep, dragging breaths into my lungs, in through the mouth, out through the nose.
You can do this, Sonic. You've done everything else. It's time to do this now, or go home.
I was NOT, going home.
I raised my fist confidently, about to release my energy into this extremely important knock. What came after it would change many things. But as my white glove hovered over the door, the image of Shadow answering it made my fist drop like a deflating balloon to my side.
God…
What if he did answer her door?
Tell me to get lost, piss off somewhere and stop tormenting the two of them?
I remembered what Tails had said to me earlier, and with renewed courage, Shadow or not, I rapped crisply on the familiar door.
Screw Shadow.
Amy loved me, Shadow or not.
My ears perked, waiting for a footfall.
I felt guilty
.What if she was in bed?
NO.
You can't go home now, dude! Not after working up the guts to do this.
Damn it Sonic, get this over with. It's what you want, it's what she's always wanted, now stop with the stupid running away.
I knocked again, louder this time, and I leaned against the door.
This time I'd feel it if someone stirred.
But with a sinking, remorseful feeling, I could already tell.
This place was dead.
Empty.
The light over the door was meant for people who may consider a break in- it was false hope.
Where could she be?
My breathing halted then, as a shock throughout my system occurred.
Unless…
Then, with the water absolutely unavoidable as it steadily soaked into everything in the open space, I lunged into its unyielding cascade. In the squishing, slippery basin of mud that the trails had been reduced to, I was thundering my way toward Shadow's house.
What I was going to do from there, I really had no idea.
Maybe I would fight for her.
Maybe I would beg her.
Maybe I wouldn't even make it there, and save myself the heartache- retreating for my home to ebb away the devastation the failure to speak to her would bring.
Thankfully, my speed prevented me from fulfilling that final option.
There were some lights on in his home.
One in the distance of the house, out of reach.
The other was inviting me in, and I knew Shadow's house well enough to know it was emanating from his kitchen.
Then it hit me, just how creepy I might seem if I decided to look in.
NO WAY, MAN!
Jeez, I couldn't do that!!!
That was so wrong, on so many levels.
Have I mentioned previously how often right and wrong get blurred to somebody who's love struck?
I almost made it to the window, and then I reeled, shocked at myself.
What was I doing?
If she was there, then there was only one answer at the end of this.
She was with him.
Why else would she spend the night with him?
Oh, God…
I shuddered, revolting at the very ideas that those words brought on, the images.
At the same time, I trusted Amy.
I trusted her as a person I had known longer than Shadow… even known longer than Knuckles. I felt so sure that she would not allow someone she'd gone on a couple dates with to get the better of her- perhaps she was at Cream's place.
Maybe she was dead to the world at her place after a night of drinking.
Hell, I hardly ever heard a thing once I hit my bed after drinking.
Still, I couldn't help that inkling scratching away at the back on my mind…
My eyes darted to the window, and then quickly averted- as if scalded.
Don't.
Deciding to go with what I had primarily planned, I had no choice but to approach Shadow's door, numb. I was feeling only a magnetism toward whatever world lay beyond that door.
Until, in the dim glow of the porch light, I saw them.
Her shoes.
GOD!!!
A burst of speed carried me to the outer rim of Shadow's property, and now my breathing was good and laboured.
SHIT. Shit… she was here, after all.
Now my brain was wracking itself loud and panicked, like the emergency toll of a town hall bell.
Why. Why, why, WHY?!
WHY WAS SHE HERE?
Perhaps…
I let my vision slide back to that golden square of light, signs of life in Shadow's home- then my gaze shot away again hastily.
Maybe the answers were there.
Something, anything.
But I can't do that, can I?
…can't I?
I looked again, and bit down on the tip of my thumb- trying to catch some realism, trying to will some back in to me. Snap out of it Sonic, think straight! Think sensible!
It was so useless to attempt. I was never very good at thinking things through as it was, impulsive by nature.
At this moment, I was delirious.
Not in that juicy, pliant, forgiving way a crazed individual was.
Unfortunately, I was completely aware of myself at this time.
Sharp.
That made anything I'd feel afterwards such a burden, a tumultuous weight to carry home…
…Don't you dare go up to that window.
Because you're making excuses now, Sonic.
You saw what you saw tonight. They're an item.
It's already over, and you know it.
She's not at home, she's here.
Don't do this.
…by the time I thought those six things, I was at that damned window.
Oh my God, look what I'd become.
I couldn't even bring myself to look in.
I just stayed with my back against the wall, waiting…
Waiting for nothing.
I was about to let myself go down- let this situation tap me out and ring the bell of defeat.
I was overthrown, and the captain was going down with the ship.
Might as well drive the last knife in.
I leaned in toward the window, the light of it about to break over my face, but I snapped back from it and instead sat beneath it, taking several large gulps of air again- it had worked the first time, but it did nothing for the way my ribcage was hammering away now.
Help me help me help me…
I wasn't even thinking coherently anymore- I was too damn worked up… I sighed loudly, resting my head back against the cold outer wall of Shadow's home- closing my eyes as I felt the annoying rain slowing, pelting my features.
I know.
And I then stared down at my gloved hands, trembling, before I brought them over my eyes.
I know, I look like a victim.
But I'm not.
I let my head lull back. I was staring into the wide span of gorgeous star-flecked sky, the water occasionally obstructing my view, and feeling truly alone in this world.
I wanted her here.
With me.
So, much.
But I am the reason she's here with him, and not with me.
I am the reason this is happening.
Me, and my failure to be there for her.
She didn't always want a hero- sometimes, she just wanted me.
I wanted her back, but I was too stupid to let that be known.
And she tried, so hard.
She got exhausted, carrying it all alone, feeling like I did right now- so alone, so desperate for me to just be there, to simply acknowledge her existence.
All she ever did was love me, and I punished her and caused her this kind of pain- only not over the span of a month, like my situation right now.
I did this to her, for years piled onto years.
I could only imagine the deep-rooted pain that grew and festered from within her on account of what I'd done- or hadn't. I'd watered and tended to it until it was all she bore inside for me…
How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done?
I've heard it said too many times that you'd be better off,
Besides…
Why can't you see?
This boat is sinking…
This is the book I never read
These are the words I've never said
This is the path I've never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the fear, this is the dread…
Another sharp breath in, and I was violently fighting against the ravaging need to turn the build up in my eyes loose.
I couldn't risk that.
I wasn't sure if I could stop, once I unleashed it.
I heard a stirring from within the house, my ears perking at full potential, causing me to drop my hands from my eyes cautiously. Without even thinking of what I was doing, I automatically kneeled to look into the window- so numb with the pain that I forgot where I was, what I was doing- just what I was there for, like an automatic command from a robot. My body was on cruise control, and on account of the paralyzing grief that was pinning me, I briefly forgot what had caused it.
I jumped as I realized how close Shadow was- he would have seen me for sure, had he not been back on- pouring up two glasses of water. I was transfixed, crouching a little lower to avoid the risk of being caught- feeling more like a creep than I ever had in my life.
She came through the kitchen door in one of her nighties, and touched his back.
I couldn't look at her, I just whirled around abruptly and stumbled, as if I'd been slapped.
There was a tumultuous sob stuck in my throat, but the fact that I was holding my breath made it impossible for it to bubble out through my lips.
Now I remembered why I had been so conflicted about looking into this window.
I shouldn't have.
It made it real…
And…I did what I was best at.
I ran, blindly.
I let the sob go, and I was right.
Once I let it out and had started, I couldn't stop.
I saw nothing around me, I feared no danger, no collision.
For the first time in my life, I was reckless with my own speed.
These are the tears, the tears we shed
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel…
Do you know how I feel?
Because I don't think you know how I feel…
You don't know how I feel.
---
Earlier that morning…
"Well, here we are. Will you be alright?" As Amy slowly began to come to from napping on Shadow's shoulder, she rubbed her eyes and groggily got to her feet.
"I'm at my house? I think I can take it from here…" She said, disoriented, and he smirked in amusement, holding her hand to keep her steady. He watched her doubtfully as she righted herself, flushing in embarrassment.
"Sure you can. Are you certain you'll be alright from here? I can stay if you need it." He asked, concerned, and a small crease darkened her brow as she bit her lip. She looked in through the small window of her outside door, hesitant. He noted it. "Is there something bothering you?"
"I don't want to sound like a baby…" She grumbled, dismissive, as she reached for her door handle. He squeezed the hand he still had in his possession belonging to her, causing her to pause and glance bashfully at him.
"I won't judge you. Don't be ridiculous."
"Fine. Don't laugh…" She warned sternly, taking her hand back to fold her arms. She leaned against her door frame, staring at her feet. "I just… I still feel… I'm not feeling very well."
"You're sick?" He frowned, coming forward a step as she shook her head no.
"I feel…awful, as in I can't stop thinking about tonight. I don't want to be alone, sometimes I just get carried away thinking and…" She looked around herself self-consciously, and he nodded in understanding.
"It throws you off until the morning, doesn't it."
"It does. I know I seem like a sook. I'd just hate to be alone tonight, I can't go to Cream's, she'll be long asleep by now…" She flushed deeply then, looking up at him with a painfully sheepish expression. "Don't bother if you'd mind, I don't want to be any trouble-" He held up a hand to silence her, insistent.
"It's not at all. In fact, it would make my waking you early this morning much more effortless- don't you think?"
"Thank you, Shadow-" She hugged him securely, appreciative. "Especially for not laughing at me. It means a lot to me that you'll put up with my silliness. Just let me grab some PJ's and I'll… be right out…" She paused to yawn deeply for a moment, before stumbling into the darkness of her house. It was barely a few seconds later when Shadow's ears perked, picking up a bang and clattering.
"I'm ok!" She giggled from within, and the darker of the two hedgehog's peered into the black with arms folded. It was after a few stumbles- and what sounded like her falling once- that she finally returned to him, a small bag clutched in her possession. She looked up at him more bashfully than when she'd gone in, as he stared down in speculative amusement.
"What? I'm still a little…tipsy." She confessed, glowering then as this caused him to break into a rather large grin. "Whatever, I know you are too!" She retorted defensively, but accepted the offer when he crouched down to allow her a piggy back.
"Shall we?" He rumbled when her arms were secured about him, and he felt her nod against his back.
"Go slow… and you'd better not run into anything."
"Hmph! Me?" He snorted, as if the idea was ludicrous.
With that, they were off and flying, regardless of Shadow's attempt to move at a 'slow' pace.
The last distinct thing Amy remembered thinking on the way, with a panging twist, would later consume her thoughts as she attempted to sleep.
'That's exactly something Sonic would say to me, if he were here right now…'
And, the capper on her mood.
'I don't even know if he's ok…where is he tonight?'
---
Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say,
I guess I feel alright…
The faint first strains of sun broke through the tiny space in which Shadow's living room curtains parted, and found its way onto Amy's still eyelids. She shifted slightly against the couch she was snuggled in against, groaning in protest to the light, and reluctantly let one eye slowly start to peer open.
A mental picture then guillotined her mind, snapping her eyes open as though she had just been whipped awake.
The following morning…
Amy's POV
Sonic.
Across the room at the club, but not quite Sonic.
He looked too wounded to be Sonic.
That idea was the very one that had sent her over the edge the night before- how she had hopelessly surrendered to the tears that had always hovered on the edge. They were chomping at the bit to push forward all night, since they'd previously exploded forth in the alleyway. It was curled under plush blankets on Shadow's couch that she contemplated his expression- then a severe crushing of guilt as she wondered.
How could she sleep, knowing he was so hurt?
He was out there somewhere, alone, restless, agonized.
She was sleeping in this cozy, warm cocoon of blankets.
Where was he tonight? Where, where, where?
As always, since she had been a little girl, she couldn't stand not knowing.
It was always her mission, to know where he was- to find him- to be near him.
For once, she was hopeless- she could use her cards all she wanted, but it was senseless to look for him intoxicated.
And just when she needed to find him the most…
So, her mind went back to that infuriating question, the one she had no hope of answering.
Where was Sonic?
Still out there somewhere?
Still not himself?
She hadn't been wrong all night when she'd observed him at the club- something was off. Something wasn't sitting right with him- something had caused him to burn track out of that club, blowing off his friends.
Not quite Sonic…
And she'd cried, cried until she made herself hoarse and passed out in her misery, when she tied his expression to what had been happening when she saw it on his face. Before she had been too blissfully drunk to realise, but it was very possible it was her fault that Sonic was so unhappy right now.
She had been kissing Shadow when she noticed him across the club, that stranger of a tortured expression taking hold of Sonics typically cheerful features.
Was he truly torn by the idea that she was kissing Shadow?
Was it his fear for her safety, how dangerous Shadow was? Was it that he felt she'd lied to him, promising to love him beyond the veil of death, only to find her kissing his rival? Or maybe…
No. Don't start thinking like this again, Amy.
No, he could never love her.
He'd had plenty of opportunities to love her in the past, and he'd made it clear that he was not interested in doing so.
Still, the suspicions…
He had asked her on a date, that's what had started this huge mess in the first place.
Could Sonic be harbouring something for her?
She then tied her hypothesis to later events.
Sonic told Shadow he would not fight with him… another strange, unfamiliar and out of character reaction from Sonic.
Sonic loved a good challenge, a worthy battle.
And Shadow was nothing if not a good match for Sonic to pit himself against.
But Shadow had fiercely insisted to her, Sonic refused to fight him- for fear of upsetting her. Shadow, in his own guilt, confessed that he'd struck Sonic- provoked him- and Sonic had refused to retaliate out of concern of upsetting her.
Sonic had seen her kissing Shadow, and Sonic would not beat him up- he must have feared she was with Shadow, and didn't want to hurt somebody that made her happy.
He put the way she felt before himself.
And for someone who could get self-absorbed like Sonic…that was a damn near miracle.
He did care for her.
More than she realized, but it was falling into place now that she had a clear head.
She was figuring him out.
And the more she figured out, the worse it killed her…
But it hurts, when I think
When I let it sink in, it's all over me-
It hurts a lot…
"Amy?" A low voice ripped her out of the dismal ghosts of last night, and brought her back to the here and now. She was sitting up, back to the living room door, staring blankly at nothing whilst consumed in her own thoughts. She slowly put her face back together into something calm and collected, breathed in slowly to steady her voice, and turned to look at the owner of the house.
Shadow made his way into the room, sat on the couch beside her, and gave her a studious gaze. "How do you feel?" Was his first question, and she smiled apologetically, shaking her head.
"Hung over…like crap." He wriggled closer, embracing her supportively, then stood with a hand still placed on her back.
"Lets grab some more water, and I'll bring you back to your place. You will feel much better once you have the opportunity to speak with Sonic. Perhaps he is still at Tails house."
"Maybe…here's hoping he went there. Shall we?"
They moved into the kitchen, and once he poured them up two glasses he offered her one, sipping cautiously at his own. He raised a brow, observing her solemn disposition.
"You never slept well."
"Is it that obvious?"
"It is." He concluded, and she sighed before taking a large swig of the water.
"I know. Shadow…I was thinking about what you said last night. I'm sorry for getting so angry with you, it's just… it's been so long, it seemed so impossible for a while now that he'd ever feel anything but friendship for me. But last night…I'm starting to think you may be right." Her eyes grasped an open concern, as if the one thing she'd always wanted frightened her now.
"I know I'm right. But why do you appear conflicted by that? I assumed you would be overjoyed." He commented, rounding off the glass of water and laying it on the counter. She rubbed her arm self-consciously, focussing on the kitchen floor tiles.
"I know what feeling like that can do to you… especially when it seems useless to feel it."
He smiled then, shaking his head as if in disbelief.
"I might be a hedgehog, but I'll never fully understand our stubborn nature. You are both so foolish- it is obvious what you both feel for each other, and yet you have both managed to be evasively ignorant about your feelings."
"Yeah, it's nothing I'm proud of…and he's way too good at tricking me." She growled, finishing the water and putting it down rather loudly. He bit his lip in amusement at her agitation, then closed the distance between them.
"Then lets not wait any longer, shall we? We both have pressing meetings we'd like to attend… yours seems especially dire." Her eyes flew up to him curiously then, a twinkling of excitement.
"You're going to see that girl?" She giggled, and he hmphed, folding his arms as he cleverly concealed his bashfulness.
"I am. And you're going to see that boy, now."
And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
And nothing less because
You know I give you all of me…
"Thanks Shadow, good luck! Call me later!"
As Amy waved Shadow away with a wish of good fate, she was now left in her doorway, thoughts of Sonic all consuming.
All those times she'd fought so strongly to keep him from harm… visions of her need to make sure he was ok, to know where he was, to make him feel appreciated.
She should have known, it was too much a part of her- too natural for her to just abandon her feelings for him.
That made her angry.
She didn't want to feel anything for Sonic anymore.
Had he not put forth his finest efforts to reject her, to let her down, to hurt her feelings about herself and for him, time and time again?
Hadn't he made it damn well clear that she annoyed him, that for years, she had done nothing but remind him what a pain in the ass girls were?
He didn't love her.
He loved speed, and being a hero.
He was so much- he was fabulous, he was beautiful, he was confident.
He was everything she loved but could never call her own.
Nobody could leash Sonic the Hedgehog… because Sonic loved Sonic.
That was the end of it.
It took her years…YEARS, to come to terms with that.
And it had hurt so brutally, she thought she might actually have to leave here- her friends, her home… her Sonic.
She thought she would have to move, to go away and stop being around him, because being around him and not being allowed to love him was taking its toll.
It was ruining her ability to be happy.
And now, now that she was finally finding an alternative.
Now, that other men wanted to treat her the way Sonic failed to, now that she was finally letting go of the ball and chain that one sided love formed…
Now, he was starting to slip up.
Now he was deciding to expose a little of the real guy behind the hero mask- now, she was starting to see a couple of the bruises that she could cause from ignoring him.
WHY?
Why was he doing this to her now?
Was he being selfish- was he really that self centered that he didn't want her, but didn't want to see her with anyone else either?
Or was there something substantial to it?
And even if there was, as it turned out… was it just a crush? Was he just confused? Was he just jealous? Did he just miss getting all the attention, or was it genuine?
Either way, it didn't matter… she would get to the bottom of it, because none of the above were enough for her.
No, not again. Not anymore.
None of the above was enough to keep her here.
He either loved her, or he didn't.
She didn't want to have to give up on Sonic- it was unnatural, it went against her gut feelings. It hurt her to do that.
But being ignored by him hurt even more.
Did he, or didn't he?
If he didn't, or at least didn't want to fess up…
As much as it did kill her, she knew, she would have to leave here.
She couldn't stay in this hurt any more.
She knew she deserved better.
And she would ask for it.
She knew, she was worth it.
She wasn't just some dumb, ditzy little girl anymore.
She was a powerful, strong, capable woman- she was able to love unconditionally, purely, honestly.
And she would not waste that on someone who didn't give a shit anymore.
I'm giving you everything that I am
I'm handing over everything that I've got
Because I want to have a really true love
Don't ever want to have to go and give you up…
"Hey, Amy!" Tails seemed surprised to see her, and he leaned against the doorframe of his house with a weary suspicion. "What can I do for ya?""I was hoping that Sonic might be here…did he come here last night after?" This deepened the confusion that was saturating Tails features.
"He did… but he left really early this morning, I thought he went to your house."
Now they both looked stumped.
"My house? What on earth would he have been doing at my house, I wasn't there at all until about a half hour ago!"
"What?!" Tails barked, eyebrows raising high. "Why? Where were you last night?!" It almost sounded like a demand, and it caused them both to blush in embarrassment.
He clearly had spoken up on impulse without thinking.
"I…stayed at Shadow's last night be-"
"WHY?!" This bark was louder than the last, and Amy blinked in surprise at his heated tone. Then her brows drew low as she decided to be agitated by this.
"If you'd let me finish, I just didn't want to be alone. I-I stayed on his couch!" She said quickly, as Tails eyes began to narrow in suspicion. Then she glared at him again, remembering she was the one who was supposed to be mad.
"Why is it any of your business anyway? And why did Sonic go to my house?"
"Ohh, this is SO bad!" Tails moaned like she wasn't even there, spiralling as if he meant to run back into his house. Then he was grabbing at the small table next to the door like lightening. There were a few technologically inclined magazines resting on it, a couple sets of keys, and Tails gold cell phone. He nabbed up the cell swiftly, and pressed the number one of his speed dial. She watched him irritably, tapping her foot now as she was becoming short tempered with Tails elusiveness.
"Tails-"
"He's not picking up!" He said abruptly, flipping his phone shut and yanking on the flying coat she'd gotten him for his last birthday. He was intending to fly the Tornado.
"TAILS!!!" She howled angrily, and that brought him up short and wide eyed, dazed, & she was certain that he had forgotten she was even there at that point.
"Sorry, Amy!" He stuttered, staring at her face twisted in annoyance.
"Tell me what's going on!" She snapped. "What do you mean, he went to my house? Why? What for? And where is he now?"
"I can't say, to talk to you, and I don't know!" He said quickly, hoping to get past her. She grabbed him about the shoulders, forcing him to stay put in front of her.
"Calm down! If Sonic is looking for me, I'll find him! Stay here, I'm going to his house to see if he's there. If he's not, I'll use my cards. That'll find him a lot faster than you flying around in your airplane, don't you think?"
"Fine, but you'd better call me… I was wondering why he never called me this morning! He must have gone to your house and you weren't home…"
They both froze, mortified, staring at each other with their lips lightly parted in horror as they fell upon the same conclusion.
"Do you think he went to look for me at Shadow's house? What would he have thought?!" She worried, and Tails swallowed audibly.
"I really hope he didn't… he was so upset last night!" The young fox grabbed his ears in frustration, worrying, and as Amy was moving toward the open doorway again, she paused to look back at him.
"Upset about what?" She asked dutifully, and Tails seemed to debate inwardly, with much struggle. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times before he huffed out in frustration, shaking his head.
"I think you should just find him Amy. If I can't go, then just find him fast, please!" He stressed, swiping a hand up over his bangs. It was kind of cute, quite sweet to her in fact. He was so genuinely concerned about Sonics well being.
He really was Sonics little brother.
She nodded urgently, pausing only to ruffle his hair affectionately before flying out the door.
"I'll call, Tails!"
"Yeah, that's what he said!" He growled after her in frustration. "I wanna know what's going on here Amy!"
"SO DO I! I'll call, I mean it!" She yelled, hasting towards Sonics house- and her insides were jittery, uneasy both at the idea of failing to find him, and what would happen when she did.
Ohh, this is SO bad!' Tails typically calm voice was chanting over and over in her head, panicked like an emergency warning siren.
What was it that Sonic had to talk to her about that was so important, it couldn't wait until the bright, sober morning?
She refused to wait any longer to close the pages of this living mystery novel with a very final and firm slam.
She was sick of pondering questions she didn't have the answers to.
More than ever in her life, it was crucial to her now that she find Sonic.
I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're going to do it, come on
Do it right…
"Please let him be home, please let him be home…"She chanted to herself with eyes closed tightly, rapping on his front door long and noisy. She waited, counting under her breath to ten seconds- which was like giving a person who wasn't so gifted with speed 15 minutes. This already had her heart sinking, and she hated that.
"Oh, Sonic, stop being hung over!" She growled, but was inwardly panicking. He HAD to be here. He had to be! If he wasn't here, he was missing. And she couldn't deal with that. Grabbing his doorknob in an act of futility, she almost fell forward onto her face when it complied with her twist, and his front door swung open.
So did her mouth.
"SONIC!" She hissed reproachfully, disturbed by his carelessness. Anyone could have come in here over night- any enemy could have been waiting for him by the time he returned! She ignored her surge of guilt, treading boldly into his home uninvited.
I feel like such a creep…
"I've got to see if he's ok!" She frowned, moving her way in through the living room. She eyed a photo album that was laying open on the coffee table next to an empty bottle of pop. She could tell right away that it was Knuckles 16th birthday party- because of the photo of his snarling lips sporting a bright magenta lipstick. He had leapt from his sleeping bag on their camping party, after her and the girls had worked their magic on him while he slept. You could barely see Tails in the background, tangled in his own sleeping bag in hilarity, red in the face from laughing. That was the last picture to get taken that night- Knuckles had smashed the camera out of Sonics hand in a desperate, last ditch effort to destroy the evidence in futility. He never considered the film itself remaining intact, and the boy genius who would later work it out of the mess and develop them- and ship a copy of said photo to all of their friends.
She snorted out loud at this, but it was the photo next to it that stilled her laughter, and instead sent a pang of bittersweet sentimentality throughout her.
It was herself and Sonic earlier that night at the campfire, herself barely awake, and Sonic was sharing his sleeping bag, unzipped and wrapped around the both of them.
She was leaned sleepily in against him (don't you always lean on him, Amy?)"In more ways than one…" She touched her fingers to the image, smiling sadly.
Eight years goes by at an alarming pace… almost at the speed of sound.
His smile was bemused and bashful in the photo- but he looked happy.
They looked happy.
She tore herself from the captivation of the image, eyes darting around each room.
"Sonic?" She called weakly, still moved by what she'd reviewed. She left his room as the last place- he slept outdoors sometimes, his bed was always optional. But when she pushed the door open and neglected to find him there, the stone feeling of dismay wrenched its way deep inside. She heaved out a long, disappointed sigh, turning to leave the room- when something caught her eye. Her brow furrowed… it wasn't any of her business at all…
She turned to leave again, looked back, shook her head, and got out of his bedroom.
As soon as she shut the door behind her, she tore it back open again, and raced to his bed- which bore the signs of someone perhaps inhabiting the top of it, but certainly not after gotten into it.
What she saw next actually made her hitch her breath in surprise so abruptly, she hacked when she swallowed the wrong way. Furiously clearing her throat, she leaned in toward the item, as if it might disappear.
It was an old, forgotten friend of hers.
She hadn't even been a teenager, since the last time she saw it.
Trembling hands smoothed over the surface, as if her touch might brake it.
Then she collected it, holding it in her palms with a reverence as a long seeded ache was finally relieved in her at the sight of it. She was so pleased, she almost wept then and there.
Delicate pink shells grabbed the light that piled in from his window, and her eyes swept along the worn, old twine she had used to initially construct that bracelet.
She then took in the tiny knot formed by a foreign string- this one, unlike her own, was black- and another tiny knot sealed off the space that had formerly been a brake in her gift for him.
He'd fixed it.
He'd kept it.
And at this, she did weep- wept until the black, pink and sand coloured creation was just palette smudges in her vision.
He had risked his life not only to save her, but to save the trinket she had made him that day.
He had kept it all these years, and even still admired it to this day.
Why had he kept it a secret?
"Sonic!" She cried out hoarsely, laying the bracelet down to race into his hall, slamming his door and moving toward the stairs. She wanted to see him so badly now, it hurt. "Sonic, where are you?!" She started flying down the stairs, and in her haste tripped over her own feet. She barked out in surprise, grabbing the banister and steadying herself without losing pace.
No more waiting- no more WAITING!
She was so frustrated by finding nothing but a more potent urge to find him, she wasn't going to pause- she was going straight home, to collect her cards.
She made a bee-line for his front door once she hit the ground floor…
---
Sonic stood wearily at the top of the hill that led to his house, after just breaking over the top of it. He had actually walked home after his hells-capade last night, dreading going back to his empty home. So when he looked down in the distance at his small home down below, he was shocked to stillness to see his house wasn't all that empty after all- or at least, it didn't seem to be.
His front door was open.
Great… an assassination attempt, and it's not even lunch time.
He was about to launch into a run when the next thing he saw was Amy, tearing out of his house as if Satan himself were hot on her red heels. Instantly, his mind catapulted into a frenzy of thoughts.
She's here! So whut? Why? Beats me! You want to see her and you know it! Why me, she has him-wouldn't BE at your HOUSE if she didn't want to see you, idiot! I can't face her, not like this- YOU CAN face her, and you will! Now is the perfect time to- but it isn't- IT IS! No-YES! Go down there-
And then his mind pulled to a halt, as he realized a very crucial fact.
No time!!! She's leaving, dumbass!
He ran.
She was almost at the bottom of the hill leading away from Sonics house and toward the direction of her own when she heard it.
The abrupt gust and silence, that signified that Sonic was in the area.
"Amy…" She spun around so fast to meet the voice, she felt the slight sting of protest that flared along the back of her neck in response. She didn't expect him so close. She had been so focussed on being completely and utterly disappointed, then frantic to move into plan b- the chance of coming out of it any time soon had seemed extremely farfetched.
The first thing she noticed was his sneakers, because he was elevated slightly by the hill that dipped down and away from the front of his house. The soles, typically sparkling, bore a layer of dried mud- as did his usually pristine buckles on either side.
The gleaming red face of the shoes were dulled along with it.
There were small tears and tatters working their way through the formerly white straps stretching over their tops.
It was so, so utterly strange to see his beloved sneakers in such a way, it almost felt like looking at a twin set of old friends lying in a gutter somewhere. Her shocked eyes travelled up to his face, and along the way she also grasped the fact that he wasn't wearing a set of gloves.
She couldn't bear any more.
But his face was more- his face was the killer.
So…drained.
So lifeless.
His fur was unkempt, wild- usually a source of pride for him, now it added to his look of absolute down and out.
His eyes were the worst of it all.
If lime green could frown…
The brightest set of eyes she'd ever known, both in color and with the life they usually carried- dulled out as if somewhere behind them, a light bulb had smashed.
What had happened to him?
She could barely muster her voice, lost somewhere under the cloud of grief that abruptly weighed down on her tongue. She didn't even know what would come out when her voice returned, until she said it:
"Talk to me." She whispered.
Please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have…
And all I know, is…
---
GAH!!! This one also took me several years to put up, it was being evil again.Here comes one of my favorite chapters! Finally, the show down. Between just Sonic and Amy- and nobody else getting in the way, dammit. 83
I wanted to take some time to let everyone know how Amy was feeling- we've gotten a lot of Sonic's side of the story, I felt it was her turn.
I am brimming here! The next chapter is already mostly written, whereas this one was not.
I hope to keep you updated, and very soon! Till then, keep that Sonamy love flowin'!
Songs in this chapter:
Paul McCartney - No More Lonely Nights
The Beatles - Girl
Annie Lennox - Why
Gwen Stefani - 4 Am
