A/N: Lately has been full of glitches that won't let me update, add chapters, and now it won't let me respond to reviews. So- I will have to send out one big THANK YOU to all who have spent the time sending comments. I have received them, I just can't tell you how awesome you are one by one :(

Chapter 33- Zero Sum Game

No one tried to converse with me during the silence that followed Jim's unspoken mourning. Maybe they knew, maybe they didn't, but it didn't matter. My stomach was sick with grief and I just hoped that I would live long enough to see Jim ride in like the knight in shining armor for me and the third horseman of the apocalypse, Death, for Saren.

I felt absolutely helpless. The ship was not armed with many defensive systems outside of blast shields, and I knew it was damaged. "Al," I called on the intercom, "give me a damage report. How bad is it?"

There was a long pause as he was probably expecting Dawkins' voice. "Uh, pretty bad, Sir. We are down to life support functions and the rest of the power is being diverted to the shields. If you want to fire, we will have to drop the shields." That was no option. I wanted him to work miracles like Scotty, but although he seemed to be competent, he was no Scotty.

"Bridge to medical. How's it going down there?" I asked dreading the answer. They couldn't work miracles any more than Al with few supplies and no medical doctors among them.

"We're holding, Sir." Came a woman's voice. "So far 12 lost and 17 wounded." 12 lost. I wondered how many of them could have been saved if I hadn't sent McCoy to his death. He would have stayed with just a word, I know he would have. His death seemed all the more senseless when he didn't absolutely need the supplies he went for; he only went to trick the Romulans.

"How do you know the Romulan Captain?" Hernandez inquired.

I sighed heavily. "You could say that he and I have some history." Some very dark and twisted history.

He thought about it and then apprehensively asked, "Do you think that the Enterprise will be able to save us?"

I regarded him with a flat expression. I couldn't give him false hope and didn't want to lie to him. "I don't know." I admitted. "But what I do know is that Jim Kirk is a brilliant man and the Enterprise is a mighty ship staffed by the best of the best. If we have any hope at all, it will hinge on Kirk's ability to either outsmart, outmaneuver, or overpower them with brute force. I have seen him do all three on various occasions, so I know if he fails it won't be for lack of trying."

"Sir, I have another hail from the Romulans." He reported.

I didn't want to see his ugly, scarred, tattooed face anymore. I didn't want to see him sneer and mock my pain. What I didn't expect to see was something like fear, but that was exactly what he displayed larger than life. "So, the mighty Kirk approaches." He growled. "And as much as I would love to personally thank him for his souvenir," he paused to lightly touch the scar on his face, "I have an offer for you."

I tried not to smile. The only thing I could think of to make him negotiate was that he was alone. There were no more warbirds sitting cloaked in formation, or at least not enough to take on Jim and live to tell about it. I sat up slightly in my chair and slyly asked, "And what do you have that I could possibly want to call off the dogs?"

He slowly smiled and an evil gleam flashed in his eyes. "Oh, I think I have something you want." He stepped aside to reveal two Romulans holding an unconscious McCoy up by his arms. Saren nodded and one of them pulled his head up by a handful of hair. He had been beaten and his face was bloody. Hernandez let out a small gasp, but I channeled Uhura and sat there stone faced even though I was so happy he was alive I could have danced a jig. "It took awhile to get him to talk, but as you know we are a persistent people. He tells us you are now an officer."

"I am." I confirmed gripping the arms of the chair tightly.

"Then fate has smiled on me twice. Not only do I find you again, but now you have added to my fortunes. An Old World human who is also a Starfleet officer. The Senate will be most pleased." He gave a low, throaty chuckle and Hernandez turned to look at me questioningly. I pretended not to notice so I wouldn't have to explain. "So, I propose a trade. I will give you back your doctor if you come to me." McCoy picked up his head and his expression clearly told me not to do it.

I sat there trying to think logically as Spock would. McCoy would not be happy, but we were on the clock and I couldn't let that interfere with what had to be done. If I declined and left McCoy on the ship, Saren would likely kill him because he knew that Jim would defeat him in battle and then he would destroy my ship. If I went, Saren would not kill me because I was too valuable to him. McCoy made a better Captain than I did and the crew would have a better chance surviving with him calling the shots.

And the brutal truth was Jim and I may have shared a few drinks and had a few laughs, but I wasn't his friend the way McCoy was. My death simply wouldn't mean as much, and I couldn't really fault him for that. That was just the cold, hard truth. And as for McCoy, what we had was great, but it wasn't the enduring storybook love that was strong and lasting. All we had time for was a one night stand and it was unfair to expect him to want more. Even if he did, perhaps it was best for me to go now before he got any more attached. I would have been happy for him to raise a drink to the sky in my memory on the anniversary of my death for a few years until the sting was gone and I was just a vague shadow in his memory.

"I will, on one condition." I replied trying to keep my voice steady. "Swear upon your honor that you or your crew will not destroy this ship." He squinted for a moment to consider it, but I knew that I had the power to set the rules. McCoy was of minimal value to him and the crippled ship was no threat. "Done." He agreed with a sick smile.

"Fine. Send two of your people with him and beam them on board. I will return with them." I instructed. I stood up on shaky legs when he disappeared from the screen to head to the transporter room. "Al, reroute the power to the transporters and meet me there."

Hernandez blinked slowly in disbelief. "Sir, you can't be serious." He protested.

"I am." I replied quietly. "Tell McCoy when he gets here that the Enterprise is on the way and tell him the Captain thinks he is dead." I didn't want Jim raining hellfire on the ship that was holding me hostage. "I guess you have the com until he gets here." He nodded and saluted with a solemn expression. I returned the gesture and left the bridge.

Al glanced nervously at me when I joined him by the console. "I hope you are doing the right thing." He mumbled checking his panel. "I thought you said the Romulans were to be avoided."

"They are." I replied looking at the pad resigned to my fate. "But sometimes you just have to face the music."

My heart jumped up into my throat as three pillars of light shimmered onto the pad. As soon as they materialized, the two Romulans threw McCoy off the pad face first. He coughed and slowly pushed himself up from the ground until he sat back on his heels with an exhausted sigh and a faraway look in his eyes. I squatted by him and placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked to me with irritation and despair, but I knew that it was for the best and trusted him completely to get me out. The two Romulans grabbed me by the arms and roughly hauled me up on the pad. I nodded at Al to start the process and I looked McCoy in the eye until he faded from sight because I didn't know when or if I would ever see him again.

The Romulan ship was just as I remembered it: stifling hot, dimly lit, and smelled of rust. Saren's slow and deliberate footsteps resonated off the metal walls like gunshots until he stopped just in front of me with a smirk. "Well, well." He mused. "It has been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Did you miss me while I was gone?" I asked sarcastically.

He reached up to wrap his large hand around my jaw and shake my head back and forth. "You have no idea." He growled menacingly before knocking me out with a blow to the side of my head.

When I woke up, I felt sick between the heat and the shearing of neurons in my brain. I felt sweat roll down my forehead, leaving an itchy trail that I found I couldn't scratch because I had been placed in restraints on a table. I rolled my head to the right and saw a Romulan standing at a console. I blinked until the figure came into focus and I was relatively sure it wasn't Saren.

"Welcome back." The figure greeted without ever turning around. I must have been on a biobed that fed my vitals to the computer. "Saren is a curious man. He has questions that he thinks you have the answers to. It is my job to get them." He said turning to me. His face reflected nothing and that frightened me. He took a few purposeful steps in my direction and continued in his flat voice, "I think you will find me fair. I ask a question and you give me an answer without lying. If I think you are lying, you will be punished. If you refuse to answer, you will be punished until you do. The rules are easy and your time with me short if you choose not to drag this out by attempting to be a hero to spare your comrades. Now, there was a female that worked on this ship named Sindari. We know that she defected to the Federation. Where is she now?"

Naturally, I had to test the waters by disavowing all knowledge about her and he promptly kept his promise by giving me a slap to the mouth hard enough to make my skin sting and my eyes water. After a few trails, the scientist in me found his promises trustworthy, so I admitted that I had once met her but didn't know where she was currently. He didn't believe me although I was telling the truth and each punishment was worse than the last until I finally convinced him by sticking to the story enough times. He went on to ask about the technology and weapons systems of the Enterprise and I held out as long as I could until the pain became too great and the blood began to flow.

All the while I tried to do as Sulu described and pull so far into myself that it didn't matter, but I simply lacked the discipline he had. Just when I thought I had almost managed it, a shock of pain would pull me out again. In the end I just did what I always had, go numb and simply not care. It was not about being tough or even being loyal to the crew, it was raw and pure survival. He would ask questions that I sometimes answered and sometimes I didn't, but I had to count on the fact that he would either grow frustrated or tired enough to give me a break. It was all I had left; none of the psychological tricks I knew would work on someone who saw me as nothing more than an object. Saren watched with interest, tilting his head slightly and enjoying the gasps and growls that I made when it became too intense.

"Captain, the Enterprise has arrived and they are transporting occupants of the craft." One of his men informed him.

He waved at my torturer to stop and ordered, "Let them. I vowed I would not destroy the vessel they were on, but now I can destroy them on the ship. Hail them."

When Jim's fiercely determined face appeared, my heart leapt with joy. He stared down at Saren like a Roman god of war: his eyes dark and hard, his jaw set and his mouth drawn into a tight frown. He was simply frightening and definitely all business. The Iowa farm boy was gone and the Romulan ass kicking Starfleet Captain was in full effect. The fact that he had not come in guns blazing told me McCoy got the message and relayed it to Jim. I just wished I could have seen his face when he saw his friend was alive if not completely well.

McCoy appeared from the direction of the lift and stood to Spock's left with his arms folded. I tried to mask my confusion when I noticed the flash of light that glinted off Uhura's earpiece as it rested in Spock's ear. He casually reached up and adjusted it and I wondered if it was because of his sensitive hearing, or because his ears were shaped a bit differently than hers and it was uncomfortable. I also noticed that he was not exactly at his station; he was positioned midway between his and Uhura's. Jim and Sulu were as they always were, even if Sulu did look like he was concentrating a bit too hard on his station. But Pavel was missing and in his seat was Uhura, wearing a gold shirt over her red uniform. I didn't know what they were up to, but I tried not to let on that it was anything but normal. I had to trust that they had a plan that would save my life.

Saren motioned to the evil man who pulled a lever and deftly swung the table into an upright position so I was more or less standing. McCoy slowly uncrossed his arms and silently asked if I was alright. I gave him a hard look that reassured him I would hold out as long as he needed me to, but secretly I wanted them to hurry. "I don't think you want to fire on us." Saren said in a mocking tone gesturing to me. "Finders, keepers, Kirk."

Jim didn't bat an eye and behind him Spock actually looked bored as if to curtly inform the Romulan that it had been done before. Next. "I would really hate to lose a crew member, but let me assure you that your destruction is more important. If I let you leave with her, she is already lost to me." He said coldly. McCoy's eyes subtly darted to Jim, he obviously hadn't received the memo on the grand plan.

Saren paused for a moment as though he couldn't decide if Jim was serious or not. When he finally spoke, his voice was full of dark sarcasm. "Then if it is war you want, allow me the honor." He again gestured to the Romaulan next to me and he picked up a device that exploded in a series of jagged knives when he pushed a button. He looked directly at me with his dead eyes and slowly pushed the device deep into the soft flesh of my stomach. My mouth flew open and it hurt to breathe. The pain was excruciating and I could feel the serrated blades chewing their way through the fibers of my body. I tried to look straight ahead and not react, but I felt like passing out. Everything went fuzzy and I knew this was the end.

The last thing I heard was Jim yell, "Fire!" before the ship shuddered under the force of his wrath and everything went black.