Chapter 39- Upward Mobility
Returning to work was a relief. I never would have thought that the small, cramped office that McCoy and I amicably shared would be heaven like compared to my quarters, but I was growing listless and found myself nearly counting threads in the carpet out of sheer boredom. I had already resumed my fencing lessons with Sulu just to get moving again, although he took pity on me and went so slow it was as though it were my first day again. I couldn't tell for the mask that protected his face, but I doubted he even broke a sweat which left me to wonder exactly what he was getting out of the whole thing. At least I wasn't alone- Pavel was also on the slow boat due to residual tightness in his thigh and side, so Sulu decided to take us both on at once. It wasn't like it was much of a challenge for him, but at least he got something approaching real action if we both tried to poke him with our foils.
If I was at all concerned about dipping the pen in the company ink, I shouldn't have been. McCoy was ever the professional during business hours, never showing favoritism and doling out sarcastic remarks just as often as he always did and I in turn dished it right back. It was an intimate game of battle of the wits that I found endearing since I was madly in love with his mind- I simply loved his sharp tongue and obscure brand of humor that was sarcastic yet keenly intelligent. Our relationship was indeed quite casual just as I had requested; some nights he came to my room, some I went to his, but sometimes we slept in our own beds. It was nothing we talked about or discussed beforehand, it was just understood that it had nothing to do with the other person. Sometimes you just wanted to be alone or simply didn't feel like taking a ride in the lift for four floors. We didn't fawn over each other at dinner, occasionally the flow of conversation dictated that we didn't speak directly to each other at all and that was just fine with us.
One ritual was observed on a nightly basis, however. No matter who was where, when it came time for lights out we met and kissed each other good night. We also stared every morning in the same manner in the office because it seemed to set a pleasant tone for the day ahead, but it meant getting to sickbay a little early because once it hit 0900, we were on the clock. Just as Cinderella's magical life ended at the stroke of midnight, we too turned into regular coworkers the moment the day began and we continued to be plain old pumpkins and mice until the spell was again cast at 1700 and we were free to dance the night away- sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively, and sometimes not at all, but we found the old axiom that absence makes the heart grow fonder so very true. Our relationship was disturbingly a lot like a bulimic eating disorder; we would purposely see how long we could go without indulging in carnal pleasure only to cave and stuff our faces with proverbial chocolate cake. At least there was no sense of crushing guilt or self hatred afterward.
We also had our little courtesies. McCoy stared it, but when I would go to his room he would move over so I could have the warm spot in the bed. When he came to mine, I would greet him by softly kissing the nape of his neck, his shoulder, or his forehead depending on how he fell into the bed. He always seemed to come to my room after a particularly long day in sickbay or after a late night emergency call when he just wanted some basic comfort. While I preferred the sweet and spicy scent of whatever product he used, I grew accustomed to the sterile, antiseptic smell that often permeated his skin and hair as a result of his duties.
Not everything was wine and roses, however. He really was a blanket hog that if left unchecked would not only take everything you had, but left nothing for himself. It only took one instance of me waking in the middle of the night freezing cold only to find all of the blankets in a pile on the floor next to him for me to start playing dirty. I would either take my allotment and lay on them so he couldn't steal them or if he somehow succeeded, I would curl up very close to him and leach off his body heat. While McCoy did enjoy a certain amount of cuddling, he was a little warm natured and found it uncomfortable after awhile. I warned him I had a strategy back on the starbase when I was sick, but then again I was so hot from the fever I didn't notice if he did steal them then and likely wouldn't have cared less if he had.
Almost an entire month had passed since Saren's demise and we continued to roam the vast unknown stretches of the backwaters of the quadrant per our orders. In all that time, we only encountered two small, barren planetoids that from what Chekov had told me was hardly worth cataloging other than the novelty of seeing something other than pitch black on the screen.
There was a brief moment of excitement when the ship shook slightly and the artificial gravity stabilizers went offline during dinner. Everything began to slowly drift upwards including our bodies. Being weightless was an odd sensation, but it didn't take long for people to attempt aerial acrobatics and soon the entire room was a mesh of food and limbs as people found themselves in all sorts of positions and some seemed quite unsure as to how to right themselves again.
"Scotty, what the hell is going on?!" McCoy growled trying to swim his way back to the table.
"Ah dunno!" He responded from an upside down position. "Ah was sittin' here same as ya! Bollocks! How the hell am Ah gonna get down there?" He swore as he used the table in an attempt to launch himself toward the doors. "Ah need thrusters in me boots."
Sulu relaxed in a reclined position with his hands behind his head and watched Chekov gleefully do stationary summersaults with a huge smile on his face. "Just like the good old days, right Morgan?" Sulu asked. His hair splayed in all directions, making it look like a porcupine was sitting on his head.
"I guess." I answered trying to wrench myself around to face him. "I wasn't an astronaut. Imagine spending months like this. How did they get anything done?" I wondered aloud.
I accidently drifted into Uhura who obviously had bigger problems than just being weightless. A brief look of panic crossed her eyes when she began floating onto her side parallel to the floor. Both hands desperately clenched at the hem of her short skirt in an attempt to hold it down and she dare not let go because despite her efforts, if she was anything but perpendicular people were going to get a peek. I placed my hands on her waist and managed to exert enough force to turn her upright again even though it sent me in a clockwise spiral. I really hated Newton's third law of motion. Stupid physics of action having an equal and opposite reaction.
After what seemed like an eternity, the gravity came back on and everything came unceremoniously crashing down in a heap. People, food, and chairs lay in completely random disarray all over 10 forward. "Goddamn it!" McCoy exclaimed jumping to his feet while he brushed food off his uniform and surveyed the room with a squint. "Anyone hurt?" There were confused groans and a few relieved giggles, but aside from looking like a massive food fight worthy of Animal House had taken place, none were worse for the wear which was a minor miracle in and of itself considering Pavel wasn't the only one putting on a Cirque du Soleil act.
It took about an hour for word to spread that the whole affair was the result of a fight that had broken out in engineering over the quality of a weld that was meant to seal a crack that had formed in a machine adjacent to the gravity stabilizers. The fight had become serious and heavy objects were being used as makeshift weapons when the subpar weld gave way and sent a good sized fragment of sheet metal flying into the stabilizers, damaging them. Needless to say, Scotty was mortified and retribution was swift and severe. Both men were demoted to the lowest rank possible to still be considered enlisted in Starfleet, suspended from engineering and reassigned to laundry duty indefinitely and as a final act of vengeance, Scotty demanded both men clean 10 forward until it sparkled without anyone's help. Almost as an afterthought, he informed them that Spock would be the final judge of cleanliness, not him. It took almost a full day, but when the area was finally reopened it was absolutely radiant. It probably hadn't been that clean since the ship left the yards for the first time.
The following day in sickbay moved slower than a snail stuck in molasses. McCoy and I had spent most of the morning debating the merits of various types of pie for lack of something better to do. When I expressed an aversion to most fruit pies, he seemed to take personal offense. "How could you not like apple pie?" He howled incredulously. "That is simply un-American! I can see not liking peach or rhubarb…"
"Rhubarb is technically a vegetable." I cut in. "Just like pumpkin and sweet potato."
He paused to stare at me blankly. "A pumpkin is not a vegetable."
"Is to." I taunted like a spoiled child. "It is a giant squash, which makes it a vegetable."
"Is not!" He retorted. "I tell you what, let's settle this right now. Sulu is into plants, he would know one way or the other." He stabbed the intercom button on his desk and growled, "Medical to Sulu- is a pumpkin a fruit?" There was stunned silence on the other end. "Well?!" He asked leaning closer to the intercom.
Sulu chuckled and cleared his throat. "Kind of." He replied hesitantly. He was obviously struggling to understand why a man who hardly had occasion to page him on the bridge would blindside him with such an utterly random question.
"What the hell kind of answer is that?" McCoy demanded. "Either it is or it isn't, man! It can't be both." McCoy frowned when he could hear Jim laughing hysterically in the background.
"But it kind of is." Sulu persisted trying not to laugh. "Scientifically speaking, anything that has seeds is a fruit. But in culinary terms, fruit is defined as sweet and usually soft flesh of bushes and trees. So it depends on who is asking: a chef or a botanist."
Jim stopped laughing long enough to gasp, "Seriously, Bones! What the hell are you doing down there? Are you that bored? Have you started contemplating your navel yet?"
McCoy sighed and calmly replied, "Omphaloskepsis.As a doctor, Jim, it is no mystery to me what an umbilicus is for."
Jim fell silent momentarily. "…phalo…that sounds like…that was a little lower than I was thinking, Bones. But hell, what you do on your own down there isn't any of my business." McCoy groaned and rubbed his temples. "Hey, Bonsey- I have a question for you." He said eagerly.
"Whatever it is, the answer is no, Jim." He grumbled in a defeated tone.
"That's a relief." He chuckled. "I was going to ask if you stuck your finger in your belly button and pushed a little if you would touch your intestines." I couldn't help but snicker a little. McCoy's exasperated expression screamed 'WTF?!' "Anyway, why don't you come on up, Bones so we could talk about…you know…what I told you about earlier." His voice trailed off as though he just realized that someone was listening in and he really didn't want them to.
"Yeah." McCoy answered getting up. "Just don't go sticking things into your belly button before I get there because the answer is yes."
"Seriously?" Jim asked in wonder. "That's sick."
"Can you really?" I inquired after he had ended the transmission equally bothered by that little factoid.
He shrugged. "Hell if I know, but if you don't lay it out specifically he will take it as some kind of challenge and who knows what the hell I would be extracting from his gut. Sometimes his creativity frightens me."
I busied myself with making coffee while he was gone. It was my third cup of the day and I had to admit that I didn't really want it, but it was something to do. I turned quickly when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. Pavel smiled slightly and looked at me expectantly. I took a sip of my coffee and stared back at him waiting for him to speak. We stood like that for perhaps a minute before we both burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation. "You vanted to see me?" He chuckled.
"Not really." I answered confused. "I mean, it is always nice to see you, but I didn't call you down here."
His blue eyes narrowed somewhat and he looked away perplexed. "That is strange." He commented. "Uhura said you called her and asked for me to report to sickbay. It is unlike her to get mixed up. Maybe she meant someone else."
I shook my head slowly. "I didn't call anyone. I usually prefer to personally get someone if I want to talk to them."
"That's vhat I thought." He puzzled.
"Collins and Chekov, report to 10 forward immediately." Jim's voice boomed through the intercom. It was like hearing the voice of an angry god and we both cringed.
"What did we do?" I asked a little concerned. "He sounded like he was really mad." Pavel shrugged wide eyed, but we hurried to our post.
10 forward was completely full of people just as it had been when McCoy organized the funeral for Pavel's brother. Along the opposite wall Jim, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty stood at attention and I swallowed hard. This was uncomfortable. Jim stepped forward with a smile and indicated that we should stand facing the crowd. "This has been a long time coming." He stated resuming his solemn face. I risked a sidelong glance at Pavel and he seemed to be taking it all stoically. "First, as the Captain, let me congratulate you on your commission in Starfleet." He continued stopping in front of me. The crowd saluted as if on cue and I watched them with a strange sense of detachment. "And now let me congratulate you on your promotion to Lieutenant Commander and officially welcome you to your post as ship's counselor." This time, even the commanders saluted and it felt very strange.
He stepped to the side and Spock came forward with an even expression. "Per Starfleet Command, it is my pleasure to present to you the Starfleet Award for Valor for your actions as acting captain aboard the USS Raven. 68 lives were spared under your command." He carefully pinned a triangular medal to my uniform before taking a step back to again salute. "Well done, Lieutenant Commander."
Jim paced slowly until he came to a stop in front of Pavel. "Mr. Chekov." He began. "During our engagement with the Romulans, you volunteered to board the ship of an enemy of the Federation in order to retrieve a crewmate. Based on your actions and the report of Dr. Collins, the ship's commanding officers have decided to award you with a Citation for Conspicuous Gallantry and a service ribbon." He pinned the items on Pavel's shirt as he stood like a statue and turned pink when Jim saluted him with a broad smile.
The room erupted in cheers and I glanced at McCoy and wondered why he didn't get any recognition for his efforts. He was a far better officer than I was and he risked his life by leaving the ship and being captured by the Romulans. Didn't that count for something? If he was able to read any of my concerns, he didn't show it. Instead, he smiled warmly and clapped along with everyone else.
As the room emptied, I accepted hugs and handshakes from Sulu and Uhura. "I am happy for you." She whispered into my ear. "You got a big promotion and the boy. Look at you! You have come so far." I tried not to laugh, but I was touched by her sincerity.
"Ya made it, lass!" Scotty shouted while he pulled me into a bear hug. He was surprisingly strong for a man his size and I was startled. "I knew ya would! That reminds me, ya never finished the joke ya started. The one about the psychologist and the hooker." He grinned.
I had forgotten all about that. Things were a little hectic when we returned from the Amazons and to be honest, I was a little distracted by McCoy's condition at the time. "Right. Well, it won't be as funny now, but what happens when a psychologist and a hooker spend the night together?" He smiled and shrugged in anticipation. "After 1 hour, they say 'That will be $120." His eyes sparkled as he laughed.
Spock was standing close enough to hear, but he frowned slightly. I could guess he was wondering why I would compare my profession with that of a sex worker even though he probably got the joke. I didn't know if Vulcan had hookers, but three years on Earth would have been plenty of time for him to wise up. He gave me a stiff nod and a slight smile that warmed my heart. He didn't have to say it, but I knew he was proud of me.
Jim smiled brightly and shook my hand. "Sorry it took so damn long." He said to Pavel and I. "I had to wait on Starfleet and the relay took so damn long all the way out here. Anyway, great job guys." He simultaneously gave us both a clap on the shoulder. "You guys make me look good out there." As if he needed any help impressing anyone. The man was a walking, talking, breathing, pulsating ball of wonder all on his own.
Pavel and I shook hands and he turned to meet up with Sulu who waited for him patiently by the door leaving only McCoy and I in the vast, empty room. He smiled and swaggered his way to me to place his arm around my shoulder. "Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander Collins-McCoy." He said in a playful voice. "You had a rough start out the gate, but you have done pretty well for yourself already. It looks like you have a bright future in Starfleet."
"The only future I am concerned about is yours." I responded. "McCoy, why didn't you get anything for risking your life? You had just as much to do with them surviving as I did."
He bit his bottom lip and lowered his eyes. "You know I am no glory hound. I told you that." He answered quietly. "Besides, the point is they did pull through. Isn't that really all that matters?" I gave him a wary look. "Anyway, it turns out I was right. I knew you would be a natural." He placed his warm hands on the sides of my face and looked me in the eye with a soft smile. "Can you clock out for a minute so I can kiss a hero?"
My lips slowly twisted into a smile and I stated, "Only if you also clock out so I can kiss mine."
