Tonks returned to Headquarters after seeing the Weasley children, Harry and Hermione to Kings Cross Station, platform nine and three quarters. It was Sunday, and after a long week of catch-up at the Ministry, Tonks was happy for a break. She settled down at the kitchen table with Molly and Sirius (who had gone against direct orders and saw Harry to the train and was feeling very pleased with himself) while Remus offered to make what Tonks was hoping would be a good, strong cuppa. She took a sip and swallowed hard.
"Got anything a bit stronger, Professor?" she asked, cocking her eyebrow. Remus half grinned and picked up a small box filled with tea leaves wrapped in cloth and shook it.
"Just tea bags, I'm afraid." He said, sitting down with his own cup.
"Perhaps if someone hadn't thrown a fit and the rest of the tea leaves, we could have something a bit better." Sirius jabbed at Tonks, who stuck her tongue out at him in true 5-year-old form.
"He called me 'Nymphadora', Sirius. You have no idea how far those repercussions can go." She stated matter of factly.
"Be happy Remus went out to buy more tea at all. Honestly, you two can act just as bad as my own children." Molly scolded lightly. Remus stared down at his tea as he stirred in some sugar and milk, clearly feeling guilty that he couldn't afford better tea. Tonks turned to Remus sympathetically.
"Still haven't found a job yet?" she asked. Remus shook his head.
"No one's hiring," he said, "Employers are putting the new registry to good use." He added bitterly. Sirius reached over and gave his old friend a firm pat on the shoulder. Tonks quietly listened to the two banter back and forth about the wrong doings of the Ministry. She found that her attention became more and more focused on Remus and what he had to say. She also became aware of the state he was in. She noticed the deep circles under his eyes, the pallid color of his skin and how he took to mostly stirring his tea, rather than drinking it. He didn't laugh at Sirius' jokes or off color comments with quite the same fullness as usual. She was about to ask if he was feeling well when Sirius answered her question for her.
"I suppose you'll have to go without the Wolfsbane tonight?" he asked. Remus nodded.
"Severus wasn't able to brew me a batch with classes starting." He answered. Tonks got the distinct impression that he didn't believe that at all. In fact, she wasn't sure if she believed it herself. Severus was just the kind of person who would take the opportunity to get back at school yard enemies.
"Remus, dear, why don't you use the Burrow for the night, then? Arthur, Charlie and I will sleep here." Molly offered. Remus shook his head.
"No, no, Molly I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want to do your home any damage. I think the basement here will do just fine." He turned to Sirius, raising his eyebrows, seeking permission. Sirius barked a laugh.
"Of course, mate! Mi casa is your casa." He said. Tonks laughed and shook her head. After an hour of friendly conversation, Remus excused himself as he was too tired to continue being social. The three said their good-byes, wished him well, and made plans to see him at the Order meeting the next night. Sirius left shortly after to feed Buckbeak, leaving Molly and Tonks alone in the kitchen.
"Not doing too well, is he?" Molly asked just after Sirius left. Tonks shook her head.
"It's terrible; he has to go through this every month." Tonks said distantly. Molly smiled.
"I was talking about Sirius." She stood from the table to rinse off the tea cups. Tonks watched her and had the distinct feeling that Molly was implying something.
That night, Tonks found sleeping to be nearly impossible. She stared at her ceiling, at moments thinking nothing, at others her mind was racing. She found that, more often than not, her thoughts would drift toward Remus. Was he OK? Her heart raced frantically as her mind thought of every possible thing that could go wrong. She thought of how horrible he looked that afternoon and how much worse he would look in the morning. She recalled the lines in his face, the bags under his eyes, the color of his skin; each feature amplified ten-fold in her anticipation of the next evening. As she lay thinking, Tonks became blatantly aware of the implication Molly had made earlier that afternoon. She realized Molly had noticed the way she had observed Remus over tea. In the back of her mind, Tonks knew that Molly would no longer attempt to start something between her and her eldest son.
Tonks glanced at the clock every few minutes as she sat in her cubicle at the Ministry the next day. She was certain that time had stood still. She tapped her pencil impatiently on her papers and shook her leg. At one point during the day, Jeremy peeked over their shared wall and watched as Tonks scribbled frantically through her paper work, leg shaking, humming a Weird Sisters song. Finally, the time came when Tonks could clock out. She stood in front of the shining doors of the lift and realized that sometime during the day her hair began to resemble that of a famous muggle scientist one of her uncles had shown her when she was young. Not feeling calm enough for her usual pink spikes, Tonks screwed up her nose and went with the short, springy green curls she had worn when Kingsley first told her of the Order of the Phoenix. The moment she cleared the entrance to the Ministry, Tonks Disapparated to Headquarters to eagerly await the start of the meeting.
When she arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place, most of the Order had already arrived and were waiting in the dining room on the first floor where they usually held their meetings. Tonks sat down near the end of the third row of chairs. A few other Ministry employees filed in after her and the meeting began. Tonks found that she wasn't listening. Instead she took to glancing around the room in small sections, trying to find Remus's face. Her stomach tied in knots, however, when she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"He's not here, Tonks." Molly whispered from behind her. Tonks glanced over her shoulder and gave Molly an I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about look. There were precious few new announcements from Dumbledore and the meeting was called to a close not long after Tonks had arrived. As everyone filed out of the dining room, a few headed home, a few more deciding to stay for dinner, Tonks attempted to slip upstairs unnoticed.
"Where you going, cousin?" Sirius called from the bottom of the stairs. Tonks glanced down at him.
"I was going to use the restroom. Tell Molly I'll help her get dinner ready in a few minutes." She said, surprising herself how convincing she sounded. Sirius, however, didn't buy it, but didn't say anything.
She continued up the stairs and crept down the hallway, finally finding the door she was after. Remus' door was shut, the lights off. She tapped on the door softly and listened for any sounds of movement. After a few moments, all that could be heard was the heavy breathing that accompanies a deep sleep. Without pausing to think, Tonks pushed the door open and peaked inside. The light from the hall illuminated just enough of the bedroom for Tonks to see Remus laying on his stomach, turned away from the light, the blankets pulled up just above his waist. She watched with bated breath as Remus' back and shoulders rose and fell with every breath.
She glanced around the room and spotted a tray of food sitting on a nightstand beside his bed. The food was half eaten and she was sure it was from much earlier in the afternoon. As quiet as possible, she slipped through the door and into the room, trying not to let in too much light. The tray held a bowl of porridge, some toast, and a cup of tea, none of which he appeared to have eaten much of. The spoon lay on the side of the tray, the handle hanging off over the edge. The tea spoon balanced precariously on the edge of the saucer.
Trying not to make a sound, Tonks placed the tea spoon in the tea cup and slid the porridge spoon so it lay on the tray. The tip of the handle hit the tray, making a small metallic clink. She froze, hands hovering over the tray as Remus took a deep breath and rolled over onto his back. Tonks couldn't help but stare. Three deep gashes cut from his left shoulder and stopped midway down his stomach. They appeared to be scarring. Tonks assumed they were new from the night before and that they were on their way to healing. He groaned, drawing Tonks' attention to his face. Remus squeezed his eyes shut against the light, then opened one bleary eye, spotting Tonks.
"I'm so sorry, Remus. I was trying to help Molly…" she whispered frantically, but before she could finish, Remus' eye slid closed and he was snoring again. Tonks couldn't help but smile as she grabbed the tray and left the room, the door clicking shut behind her.
"How's the patient?" Molly asked when Tonks set the tray down in the sink. Tonks sighed.
"Fast asleep. If you want, I can bring him some dinner later." She offered.
"Don't bother. He'll sleep for another few hours, then he'll come down and get himself something before heading back to bed." Sirius said from the kitchen table. Tonks shrugged.
"All the same, he can't be feeling well. Wouldn't it be better if he didn't have to leave his bed?" she suggested. Sirius was about to argue when Molly answered firmly,
"I think you're right, dear. The less he has to move, the better. I'll set aside a tray for him and you can take it up later." She said, patting Tonks on the shoulder. Sirius eyed his cousin, who raised her eyebrows at him innocently and continued to help Molly with dinner. Tonks was anxious. The thought of possibly catching Remus awake, being able to talk to him, made time crawl almost as slow as it had at work. She took to entertaining herself by listening to Mundungus and Sirius talk about not so legal things. When they noticed her listening in, Tonks raised her hand.
"We're all friends here and I'm off duty." She said simply. The two men eyed her suspiciously but continued their conversation regardless. As soon as the last plates had been cleared and washed, the house guests cleared out. Molly and Arthur headed home and Sirius left to spend some time with Buckbeak. Tonks paced the kitchen anxiously, wondering if she should take Remus his food now or wait a little longer. Finally deciding that he needed sleep more than food, she sat down at the kitchen table, resting her chin in her hand. She realized then how frayed her nerves really were. She hadn't slept the night before and had spent most of the day ready to tear her hair out. Needing a little pick me up, Tonks searched the pantry for the stash of Firewhisky Sirius surely had hidden in there. Sure enough, shoved behind several boxes of dried foods, though by no means collecting dust, was a half empty bottle of Firewhisky. She pulled it out and went to the cupboard to find a glass and poured herself a shot. Just as she threw her head back to take a swig, Tonks became aware of another presence in the room.
"That's certainly stronger than tea bags." Tonks put down the cup and turned to see Remus standing beside the kitchen table, gripping the back of a chair for support, wearing a bathrobe and pajama pants.
"I'm sorry, Remus, I was going to bring you something to eat in a little while." Tonks apologized, turning to the counter beside her and grabbing the tray of food Molly had set aside for him earlier. Remus shook his head and carefully sat down in the chair he had been leaning on. Tonks set the tray of food in front of him and sat down beside him, resting her chin on her hand. They sat in silence for a few moments when Remus noticed Tonks' head rolling to the side.
"You look exhausted." He noted. Tonks' head snapped back up and her eyes opened. She grinned sheepishly.
"I didn't sleep well last night." She responded before a huge yawn overtook her. Remus laughed quietly and continued to stab his food with his fork, eating slowly. Tonks watched him for a few moments before reaching out and pulling back the front of his robe to examine the scars she had seen earlier. Remus glanced down at her hand and then up at her face, curious at this new familiarity she was showing. Tonks didn't notice, however, as she was staring at the now fading scars. In just a few hours they would look just like the rest of them; noticeable, but only in the right light.
"Molly's an excellent healer." Remus spoke, jogging Tonks from her thoughts. She dropped her hand and looked up at him with a soft smile.
"She is. Those looked much worse earlier." She said. Tonks assumed, incorrectly, that Remus would remember her visit to his room earlier that evening. Tonks laughed a little, "I took your tray downstairs." She said. Remus nodded and went back to eating. Tonks was very glad to see that his appetite had increased from that morning. She stared at the table as she asked the question that had been bothering her all day, "Were you OK last night? Without the potion, that is?" Remus watched her fingers trace the grains in the wood. He nodded and took another bite of the chicken and ham pie.
"You wouldn't think so, but yes. Sirius joined me sometime during the night." He didn't continue, seeing Tonks' shocked look. He smiled reassuringly at her. "I can't do any permanent damage to him when he's Padfoot." He waited to see if Tonks picked up on the implication. She had and nodded for him to continue. "Sirius, James, and Peter used to join me every full moon while we were in school. They found that their presence kept me more level headed…more of a wolf than a monster." He spoke the last part softly. Tonks watched him as he continued to eat. She noted his appearance, just as she had the day before. It relieved Tonks to see that his features were not as horrible as she had imagined them. He was certainly tired and sickly looking, but he still had the same dignified look about him that she had admired several days earlier. Taking a deep breath, Tonks leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, agreeing that Remus Lupin was still a very attractive man.
"Oh good, you're still here. We have another Boggart situation upstairs. Oh, good morning, Moony." Sirius said, slightly out of breath, as he stood at the bottom of the staircase. Tonks assumed he had taken the stairs at a run.
"Bloody hell, Padfoot. Did your family keep them as pets?" Remus asked as he swallowed another bight of Molly's chicken and ham pie.
"I'd be shocked if they didn't. C'mon, Tonks." He beckoned. Tonks raised her eyebrows and sighed as she stood up waving good-bye to Remus.
"An Auror's work is never done. Feel better, Professor." She said as she patted Remus on the back and followed Sirius up the stairs. Remus went back to eating, grinning to himself at her new nickname for him.
"So much for chivalrous intentions." Sirius teased her as they continued up to the third floor to one of the many unused bedrooms in the Black family home. Tonks elbowed Sirius in the ribs.
"Sod off, Sirius. I just waited too long, that's all." She said as they stood in the door way of the Boggart-infested room. Sirius grinned.
"Ladies first." He said, gesturing for her to enter the room. Tonks bowed her head with a playful grin and entered, wand drawn. Sirius followed close behind.
"So where is the little beastie?" she asked. Tonks had been part of many Boggart removals since she started at the Ministry, but none had ever assumed the form of her own worst fear – there had always been too many Aurors around to confuse it – so Tonks had no idea what form it would take upon seeing her. Sirius pointed her to the cabinet that shook violently as she turned toward it. Tonks grinned, ready for action, "On your go, cousin." She announced, bracing herself for the attack.
With a flick of Sirius' wand, the cabinet doors flew open and out jumped a large, snarling wolf. The animal took a few steps toward the waiting wizards before collapsing to the ground. Tonks stared at the creature, frozen in shock and terror, knowing precisely what would happen next if she didn't act quickly. Just as she had expected, the paws of the animal began to elongate, the great claws retracting. The wolf was becoming human. Sirius saw that Tonks was frozen and jumped in front of her just as the wolf's muzzle began to shrink back and take the form of a nose and mouth. Upon seeing Sirius, the Boggart shifted and became a looming Dementor, gliding eerily toward them. Sirius, more prepared for what the Boggart would show him, had an image ready to use against the dark creature. A gust of wind blew and the great cloak covering the Dementor blew off, revealing a totem pole of goblins stacked one on top of the other, teetering, on the verge of falling. Sirius smirked and chuckled to himself and recited the spell, "Riddikulus!" and with a small pop, the Boggart disappeared. Sirius pocketed his wand and turned to see a still stunned Tonks.
"Well that was quite revealing, wasn't it?" he said, a small grin playing around the corner of his lips.
"I'm sorry, Sirius, I don't know where that came from." She apologized meekly. Sirius chuckled to himself and walked out of the room. "Don't tell Remus!" Tonks shouted after him. She snuck down the stairs, too embarrassed to want to say good-bye to either men, and headed for the front door.
"Tonks?" came a whisper from down the hall. Tonks turned and found Remus coming down the hall toward her; she assumed he was headed back to bed. "Take care of that Boggart?" he whispered. Tonks nodded and needlessly shushed him and pointed toward the covered painting before waving a good-bye and slipping out the door. Remus stood confused in the hallway before shrugging to himself and heading back to bed.
Tonks closed the front door to her flat; she had Apparated a few blocks down, deciding she could use a short walk. She leaned against it and stared up at the ceiling, asking herself where that Boggart had come from. Her mind conjured images of Remus from their first meeting, the way he smiled brightly at her, how he feigned attentiveness at her first meeting, the way he hunched over the werewolf registry forms. She then thought back to her feelings the night before. There had been real fear there, as she lay in her bed thinking about Remus alone in Sirius' basement. The relief she had felt after seeing him earlier that afternoon as he slept had been nearly overwhelming. She wrapped her arms around her midsection and shuffled, shoulders hunched, off to bed. As her mind wrapped around the feelings she knew were developing, her hair flattened just slightly, the color dulling to a pale green.
