Disclaimer and all that jazz in Part 1
*****
The Third Time
As fate would have it, Henry had been there to keep them company during their third time. Sitting in his mother's lap and dressed in blue and smiles, Henry had been more interested in drooling over the bright paper wrapping his presents than in all the adults and kids around cooing him to open them.
The concept of family was kind of a novelty to Emily, but she had managed not to be so surprised to learn the team - herself included – had been invited by JJ and Will to join their immediate family to share chocolate cake and finger food in celebration of Henry's first birthday.
The party was winding down when Emily and Garcia took the baby upstairs for a fresh diaper. They chatted away until Kevin called his girlfriend back downstairs so they could say their goodbyes and leave. Emily should have done the same. It was getting late, and Dave probably wanted to leave. Since they had carpooled, she really should look for him.
Instead Emily found herself with Henry in the nursery, the baby in her lap in the rocking chair, pointing out the pictures on the wall and kissing the fingers sprawled on her cheek. All Emily had wanted was a quiet moment. Instead she found herself almost regretting her past decisions. Having Henry in her arms, beautiful and happy and alive, made her dare herself to dream. She didn't do the 'what if' game well. She had her two feet planted on the ground and a good head full of compartmentalized moments on her shoulders. She had schooled herself this way. She could keep going for a little longer.
Still, having Henry's fine blond hair tucked under her chin and a little thumb between the round rosy lips made it so hard.
A shadow fell over them, and Emily looked up at the entryway. Morgan was standing there, watching over them with a smile.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Morgan approached them slowly, the rug on the floor muffling his steps. He reached over and ruffled the baby's hair. Henry blinked sleepy eyes at him and stretched his arms to get the bottle Morgan was holding before him.
"Hungry, kid?" Morgan asked, smiling at the baby.
"I guess he's about ready to sleep," Emily said, getting ready to leave the room and the memories that didn't exist. "Perhaps I should hand him back to JJ."
Morgan placed a hand on her shoulder. "She sent me here to give you this. I guess she agrees the little one's had enough excitement for the day."
Emily sat back, accepting the bottle Morgan was handing her.
"You've been here for some time."
"Dreaming, thinking," Emily replied, resuming the rocking motion and fighting back a rueful smile as Henry suckled on the bottle.
"This could be dangerous," Morgan said, squatting in front of her, a hand on her knee. "You looked distant, far from here. Everything okay?"
Six months ago, when Emily, Morgan and Henry had shared a moment like this one, life had been good. Reid hadn't had another close call, almost driving Morgan to insanity. They hadn't almost lost Hotch. Emily and Morgan had been younger and prettier. Her biological clock had been quieter.
"How come we managed to get invited to a kid's birthday party when five of us have no kids at all?"
Morgan looked as if he didn't know whether to take her question seriously or not. In fact, Emily wasn't so sure of what she had asked, or vented, whatever.
"Did you see how big that cake was?" In her silence, Morgan must have noticed she was serious. He tried again. "I like to believe JJ sees us as family. We watch each other's back, Prentiss. Most of our time is spent together."
"I know," Emily said, frustrated because Morgan wouldn't understand.
"So what's troubling you, Emily?"
Deep inside Emily resented Morgan and this need he had of being there for all of them, his adopted family in this home away from home. For a second Emily hated him for making her feel compelled to talk and tell him everything, to acknowledge the hand on her knee for what it really was.
Talk to me. I'm begging you here to let me in, to let me help.
Damn that man!
"I'm afraid Henry and Jack will be the only children we'll have in this little family."
"You mean you don't believe any of us will ever get around to having a family of our own?"
Embarrassed Emily nodded and let herself feed Henry. That much she could do.
"Prentiss, I know sometimes the job gets in the way and all, but…"
"Sometimes?" Emily snorted, jostling Henry who let out a little whimper in protest. She took a deep breath and started again, ignoring Morgan's visible concern with her reaction. "No. I mean, seriously, Morgan. For Christ sake, take a good look at us. Dave has been married three times and Hotch never gets to see his own son. You never get to date the same woman more than twice, and Reid never dates at all. Garcia and JJ aside, I don't see any of us driving a minivan to any football game or school recital."
Feeling a little drained, she lowered her eyes back to Henry. He was so beautiful, his reality such a blessing not only to JJ, but to all of them. Emily wanted that, a general someday kind of thing. Only the new concepts of someday, future and family Emily was starting to believe in didn't mash with the ones she had grown up with. Emily wished she could blame the job and the crazy people out there who didn't give her time to take a break and live, but hell if she could lie to herself, if only for a little bit.
Reality was sweet Henry, who grounded her with his warmth and eyes so sleepy, trusting Emily to watch over his dreams. And then there was Morgan and his hand on her knee, so clearly listening to her as friend and ignoring all the signs she must have shown for the last few minutes or so.
"What about you, Emily?"
This was the one question Emily should have dreaded from the beginning of their conversation. Yet it was with relief that she pondered the words. And as she answered him it felt like another penny had been dropped in payment for her penitence and that, given time, would lead to the absolution she was so in need of giving herself.
"I could very well have been a grandmother by now."
There was confusion, then clarity, and finally acceptance in the small gesture of Morgan squeezing the knee under his hand. She smiled in gratitude.
"Anyone else knows?"
"Dave."
In silence they waited for Henry to finish his bottle.
"I saw my dad die," Morgan said. "I want to have kids, try to be half the man my dad was, you know."
"I want to be the mother mine never was."
"Too bad we never got around that back up plan, huh?"
The intensity in Morgan's eyes was so unsettling it kept her from smiling at what she had supposed had been meant to be a joke.
She followed the movement of his hand as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She saw him move his body up for balance and to have his eyes almost in the same level as hers.
"Perhaps it's not too late," Morgan said softly.
Her world had been reduced to the baby dozing in her lap and this beautiful man's eyes locked with hers, his finger tracing her cheekbone, soft breath soothing the burning of its aftermath, his lips getting closer to hers.
Please, Morgan; don't do this.
"Emily…"
His whisper and the moment were broken by the unexpected sound of glass crashing. Startled, Emily and Morgan turned their attention to the door.
There was so much angst setting Reid's lips in a straight line, so much despair pouring from his eyes, it was impossible for Emily not to understand why Reid seemed to be so out of breath, immersed in the misery she and Morgan had inadvertently created and that Emily had no business naming.
And it wasn't directed at her.
"Reid?"
But Morgan hadn't understood.
Reid blinked his eyes once, twice, until Emily lost count because once again Reid had knocked her off balance. She and Morgan had just about destroyed any dreams Reid might have had for a future he had mostly certainly wanted to share with Morgan.
And before Emily could warn Morgan, tell him about all those times he probably shouldn't have stood so close to Reid, the times he should have avoided all those one armed hugs and invitations for after work drinks or dinner, sometimes with the whole team, more often than not just the two of them, Morgan had already bolted to the door. Before she could assure Reid that she wasn't Morgan's happy ending, and that nothing would ever happen between them, let alone the family they someday wanted to have, only not together, Reid was already silently begging the man supporting him to deny what he had almost witnessed.
"Reid, what's it? Talk to me, kid," Morgan pleaded, tilting Reid's quivering chin to better look at his face. "You okay?"
But Reid had turned his eyes back on Emily, killing her a little every time his lips moved without forming any word. It was aphasia all over again; this one with hers and Morgan's name all over it.
"Reid?"
"I… JJ…"Reid shook his head and looked down at the mess made of broken glass and something red on the floor. The quivering intensified, but he somehow found the strength to start again. "There is jelly… Strawberry… JJ made it for me. You ate mine… in the hospital. I thought… I had hoped this time you…" His chest heaved, next breath caught somewhere between a blink of eye and another. "I waited too long," Reid finally mourned in a whisper.
Morgan had grown more and more perplexed with every bit of broken confession Reid poured out to him, to the point of him slowly freeing Reid from the one arm Morgan had used to comfort Reid until what he was listening had probably become too much. Morgan had really had no clue.
Reid stepped away from Morgan as if he had been slapped by Morgan's reaction, as if Morgan's new lack of contact, Morgan's new lack of proximity hurt too much. By God Emily knew how much this being too close-to-be-touched, too far-to-be-loved hurt.
"God, I'm so stupid," Reid said, offering Emily and Morgan the shadow of a pathetic smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."
"No, Reid." Emily wished life had taught her how to deliver the truth as a way of comfort, not as a simple matter of facts, but it hadn't. All she could offer Reid was the truth for what it was and hope he believed her. "You didn't interrupt anything. We were just talking. Nothing hap…" But Reid was already shaking his head.
"Don't. Please, don't," Reid cut her off using the same softness they had heard in his apology. "I'll… I'll ask Rossi to drive me home."
"No! Reid, don't be ridiculous. You came with me; you're coming back with me." By the time Morgan desperately stepped up to take charge, Reid had been a flash of beige and gray rushing down the stairs. "Come on, Reid! Reid! Come back here! We gotta talk, man! Reid!"
Only a door closing downstairs and rushed voices answered them.
Morgan sagged against the doorframe. Emily only realized she had stood up with Henry asleep against her shoulder when she touched Morgan on the face.
"God, what have I done? I didn't know. I swear to God I had no idea."
"Morgan…"
"How can he dump this one on me and just leave? Who the hell does he think he is?"
"Morgan, you have to calm down."
"Calm down? How can I calm down when he's out there hurting because I was too blind to see that he was… Not gonna happen." Morgan was almost shouting. Henry was stirring with little whimpers and Emily patted his back to quiet him down.
"Morgan, Emily, what happened?" JJ rushing down the corridor with Dave close on her heels saved Morgan from being slapped back into his senses. "Why is Reid so upset? I think he was crying."
"God, Reid." Morgan closed his eyes. JJ's little statement defused the ticking bomb Morgan had become. "He's gone?"
"He's outside. Aaron's taking him home," Dave answered, his eyes on Emily. "What happened here?"
"I have to talk to him. I…" Morgan patted his pockets until he found his car keys. Then he looked down and saw the jelly on the floor. The pain in his eyes matched Reid's. "JJ, I need a mop."
JJ and Dave exchanged a knowing look. Emily raised her eyes to heaven. "Men," she muttered to herself. Damage control was definitely in her hands. Typical male or not, there was just so much stupidity Emily could take.
"No," Emily said, handing Henry to his mother. "You go after him, Derek. Make sure he's alright."
"But how can I fix this?" Emily had never seen Morgan so lost.
JJ looked from Morgan to Emily then to Dave, who just shrugged and started picking up the pieces of broken glass.
"I'll take Henry downstairs to say goodnight," JJ announced. Never mind Henry was back to sleep. "You guys gonna be alright?"
"Of course," Dave replied. "It's just a little mess. Nothing we can't handle."
As JJ left, Emily touched Morgan's face, smoothed the drawn lines in his forehead, and smiled goodbye to something that could have been beautiful, but, given the circumstances, utterly wrong.
"Make him believe he has nothing to worry about."
Morgan looked confused, embarrassed and still totally at a loss. "I'm not so sure of what I'm supposed to tell him, Emily."
Emily shoved Morgan out the door. "Go after him. No matter what you say, be gentle with him. You and I both know he's worth it." Morgan hesitated. "What are you waiting for? Go," she shoved him again. "And call me later to tell me how it went."
Morgan took one, then two steps backwards until he was running down the stairs.
When Emily approached Dave to help with the cleaning up, she favored him with perhaps the first real smile she had managed to form since her chaotic little meeting with Morgan had started.
Dave shook his head.
"Anything you would like to share, Emily?"
Considering Morgan's lack of repulsion to Reid's confession, Emily was positive Morgan wasn't going to need a back up plan anymore. He most certainly would need a surrogate instead.
"But of course, Dave. Only I won't." She spooned a large portionof jelly and held it out for Dave. "I could do with some buzz, though. You're paying."
****
Continue in the fourth time
