Chapter 20

Her eyes flicked over to Jack. "He does know I'm sorry doesn't he?"

"Jack, was worried about you. We were all worried about you."

"Is he going to be alright?" Nikki asked.

"It's going to take a while. You'll have to give him time." Thomas suggested.

"I just want…" Nikki sighed. Nothing would be the same. She wiped a stray tear from her eye. "Thank you Thomas. I'm so sorry. When I was in that box…"

"Shh!" Thomas interrupted. "There's time for all that later. You need time too. You need to get better…"

"There's never as much time as you think…" Nikki muttered allowing her mind to drift back to that other time.

Too much time, too little time, waiting. It was all that Thomas had seemed to focus on for the last few days.

"Try and get some rest, Nikki"

"You know I won't sleep,"

"I know," he sighed. "But you can relax, a little."

"Maybe later…"

She turned in her seat to face Jack. She didn't know what to say to him. 'I know how you feel?' How ridiculous was that? She knew how she felt when Leo told her that Harry was gone, she'd only gone to Hungary to retrieve his body. Not to look for him. She had no idea how Jack had felt, what he had done. She suspected that starting any conversation that referenced Harry in any way, would not be good.

"I am so sorry Jack."

"So you keep saying." Jack replied sulkily.

"Jack, please," she begged. "You were all I had. You would not believe how happy I was whenever that phone rang and I could hear your voice. I couldn't have done this without you. You didn't give up on me. You…"

"You have no idea what I did…" He said darkly.

Nikki bit her lip and stared straight ahead. She didn't have the energy to fight with Jack. Not with him like this. And it was true. She didn't know what he had done. Maybe Thomas would tell her.

"You know we have a stop-over."

"Uh huh," he replied non-commitally.

"Jack please listen to me. This is too much, too big. I don't know how to begin. I don't know how to get this right. I'm sorry. Maybe it'll be better this way. I can take a couple of days and you can spend some time… process…" Take a beating and beat some other poor soul or souls to a pulp in a cage and then drink until you black out, Nikki thought to herself. She reached out to hold his hand, half expecting him to snatch his hand from hers but instead he held it tight, gently ran his thumb over hers and then lifted her hand and pressed it to his cheek.

"I'm sorry too. I'm exhausted Nikki. I can't think straight. I can't… I can't even talk about this," he said bitterly.

"You were there with me, Jack. I would have given up long before if you hadn't have been there. Please remember that. I needed you. I still do."

Jack let go of her hand then. "But not right now."

"It's just a couple of days. He can't leave the country at the moment. We're practically stopping on his doorstep."

"And you'll be back?"

"Two days, Jack. 48 hours. I'm coming back."

Jack gave a disbelieving shrug and turned his head to look out of the window.

Nikki rested her head back down on Thomas's shoulder.

Thomas looked across at his colleagues. This hadn't been in the person specification when he'd applied to the Lyell. Self-sacrifice for colleagues. Somehow it seemed as necessary as his medical degree. Could he do it?

Had he done it already? He'd not cleared his absence properly and used his own money to fund his ticket. And stepping back to allow her to stop in New York. Putting her back in Harry's life when she was at her most vulnerable, when he could have been the one to take her under his wing? What was it about the Lyell that could make people do that?

Love?

Is that what it was?

Family?

The way she and Harry talked to each other, they sounded connected. But Harry's new daughter? That would make it different, difficult.

But she said she'd come back. Promised even. Her home was in London. She had definitely said that. And she'd called them her family.

So what of the four of them? Jack, Nikki, Clarissa and himself, they were unconventional, but it worked. Maybe it was worth it? Conventional family life had not worked out previously for Thomas. Maybe this was better? Was this what he wanted?

He pulled at his collar. It was sitting tightly across his neck, but that was because Nikki's head was now resting heavily on his shoulder.

He smiled.

She was safe, she was alive, she was leaving Mexico with him, and Jack on either side as sentinels.

He'd told her he loved her. The world hadn't ended. She hadn't laughed in his face and they had talked; really talked, as they never had before.

So love might create danger, provide a weakness that could be exploited and make them vulnerable.

But he had Jack, he had Clarissa and he had Harry to back him up.

He'd never felt more alive.


I think I've done more to make Thomas likeable in a few pages than the BBC have in years, I even warmed to him when I got round to watching the first episodes of this season… Boy! Jack was even more grumpy than I made him! Thanks so much for reading everyone and rest assured there is a coda.