Coda 2

It hadn't taken long to get back to Harry's apartment, it was late but they'd picked up a cab at the airport and the traffic had been sparse. He'd poured her a drink and pointed at the bread and gone to put Amira to bed. But Nikki wasn't interested in eating. She sipped the wine and looked around at Harry's modern bachelor styled apartment, now festooned with crayoned drawings and a plastic box of toys. There was a picture frame filled with images of what must have been Amira's village before it was blown to smithereens, along with photos of people Nikki supposed to be her previous family. Amira was tired, she hadn't made a fuss about going to bed and for that Harry was grateful. He'd left all four nightlights plugged in. Today wasn't the day for worrying about the electricity bill.

"She's great." Nikki said when Harry re-joined her in the kitchen. "I'm so happy for you."

The light-hearted smile had gone out of Harry's eyes though and he pulled her roughly towards him, clasping her tightly. All the time Amira had been with them, he'd kept his distance, but not now. Everything had suddenly changed, his look, his bearing, everything and here she was pressed close against him.

Nikki suddenly thought back to Thomas' question about her being afraid of Harry. She felt his arms squeezing her body tight, almost uncomfortably tight.

But she wasn't afraid.

She felt safe, alive, home.

"Nikki!" he cried through gritted teeth. "Why? What would I do without you?" She felt his body tremble against hers, she stroked his back in the soothing way she'd done years before. She'd not expected the change in him to be so dramatic. They'd chatted so easily on the journey home, she'd thought that finally he'd moved on.

"I'm sorry, Harry. It was just a funeral. She was a friend. I didn't think."

She stopped. Therein lay the problem. The one he could never abide or comprehend. How she could find a way to step directly into the lion's mouth? And to do it so often.

"I'm sorry." She muttered again, turning her cheek to press it against his, trying desperately to offer him the comfort he so clearly craved.

Harry let out a choked howl. "I thought that now, after all this time, with Amira, it wouldn't hurt so much. But…"

"Sh!" she whispered pressing a kiss to his forehead and catching his eye as she pulled away.

She'd seen that look before.

She couldn't help but hold his gaze, a historic but strangely familiar feeling settled somewhere below her stomach.

"Nikki," he half growled, his head shaking a little. "I don't know what to do! I promised myself that it wouldn't come to this, that I'd take the couch. But you're not going to sleep anyway, you should have the couch. We shouldn't. I can't do this again..."

"Harry!" Nikki called to him, sensing the distance despite her arms being tight around his back. Willing him to surrender to their closeness and to leave everything else behind.

She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "It's alright Harry. It's how we are. It'll be ok. I'm here, you're here, there are not even words to describe how awful this week has been…"

She could see the turmoil, swimming across his hazel eyes. The logical scientific part of him telling him that what he wanted would just be more damaging and hurtful to them in the long run. His heart telling him to hold onto the woman he loved and never let her go.

"We shouldn't do this…" he muttered half-heartedly.

"Then why did you just look at me like you did? What's the point pretending? We both want this." She reached up and kissed his lips gently.

"Doesn't mean it's a good idea," he said sulkily.

"I need you Harry. I need to feel alive. I need to forget. I need to be able to sleep."

"Just like old times?" he asked with a sniff. "I know you. You're just using me."

"Probably. Does it matter?"

As much as it hurt him to know, he did know her. If it wasn't him, she'd seek out someone else. Anyone else. He shuddered at the thought of who she might turn to. Thomas? Jack? They were probably both high up the list, or maybe she'd learned her lesson and would keep it out of the office. Someone she picked up in a bar? If it had to be someone, it may as well be him.

"It was always you I really wanted. You know before… all the unsuitables..." Had she really read his thoughts he wondered?

"I thought I knew what I wanted. I didn't realise until much later. I only ever really wanted you."

"Oh Nikki!"

"And then you left."

She ran her hand down his face, he looked terrible.

"You've got old," she said, tracing the lines at the corner of his eyes.

"I've had a rough year," he said sadly. "There have been a few changes: some good, some not so good. I've had to give up things. Lost a lot of people….colleagues, friends."

"I'm sorry."

"You nearly died," he said emphatically, lifting her arm and placing a kiss on her bruised left wrist. "I'm sorry too. I know it's been a long time Nikki, that it all changed when I went away but after meeting you again at the conference… it seemed like I'd only just got you back and then you went to Mexico, and I knew there would be trouble. I couldn't think for worrying."

"I guess that makes this alright then," Nikki added, kissing the side of Harry's face, where her hand had just been.

"I hated those rules," Harry muttered, his eyes closing and senses dulling to everything except the woman in his arms.

"You made them up!" she countered.

"I know. I'm an idiot." He muttered. "But I still love you more than I can comprehend. I have no idea why?"

"Because we just are and always have been. And whatever happens I don't think that's ever going to change."

Harry sighed then. She was right. It was never going to change. She was here. He loved her. She loved him. She'd be gone soon. Why waste time fighting?

"I was so worried about you!" he said, nuzzling his face into her neck and breathing her in, feeling himself becoming intoxicated by thoughts of what lay ahead.

"I heard you rang Thomas a couple of times."

"Mmm, just a couple," Harry lied.

"I can't believe you asked that sofa question, in front of him," Nikki chuckled, throwing her head back, exposing more of the sensitive area of her neck to Harry's caresses.

It was Harry's turn to laugh now. "Well he had begged me to get you to wake up. To grab your attention. That's when I knew you were going to be alright," he added.

Nikki gave him a questioning glance.

"When you had the presence of mind to be able to lie in front of your boss about not making love on that sofa in his office…"

"Harry! We…" she laughed but never finished her sentence. Harry had stopped her mouth with his own.