Terminator: Return of the Fallen
Part VII
After the morning services, John Henry urges me to go to confession. I have never been a religious man, but I am willing to give it a shot. The confession booth is a small, cramped space. Like the cockpit of my old A-10, without the clear canopy.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Many people have died because of me. I have killed, and I do not know why".
"I see. When did you last do this...this thing my son?"
"I'm not your son".
"All of God's creatures are my children, my son".
"Look at my face, Father".
"There is no need for that".
"Believe me, there is". He does.
"I am not one of God's creatures Father. I am a monster!"
"You can believe that, if you wish. I do not see a monster before me. I see a man who has lost his way, and requires guidance".
"I was a man, once. But that was a long time ago".
"I figured as much".
"How?"
"A monster would never react to his crimes as you have, my son. Only a man can show remorse for his actions. Why don't you tell me your story, my son?"
"Well, I used to be a pacifist. When I was a child, I used to break the guns off of my toy soldiers. I preferred diplomacy to violence. Then the war happened".
"Which war was this, my son?"
"One that hasn't happened yet, Father".
"I beg your pardon".
"I am from the future, Father. The war I fought in has not happened yet".
"I see. Continue".
"I had always been one of those people whose life had no meaning. I had no direction, no purpose. Fighting in the war was the most important thing I had ever done. For the first time in my life, I actually meant something. I was a soldier on the frontlines of the war between man and machine. The survival of the human race depended on our actions. Are you able to follow all of this, Father?"
"Yes. Please continue".
"Every time I climbed into the cockpit, I knew that there were people that were counting on me. People who needed me to save their lives. I had never been a violent person. But when dropping bombs would save the lives of dozens or even hundreds of people, it made me feel important. Like my life actually did count for something. I was no longer this lost young man aimlessly floating through life. I had a reason to live, to fight for something that was more than myself. I know it sounds strange father, but the war was the only time in my life that I actually mattered".
"That is very interesting. Go on, my son".
"I always knew that I would die in combat. When it finally happened, I died saving the woman that I loved. My death would save a life, and would take my enemies down with me. It was the perfect way to go. If you have to die in battle, you might as well die saving someone else. Then, there was peace. No more war, no more bunkers, no more explosions and terror. Just peace. I had done my duty to humanity, and was ready for the eternal slumber".
"Then what happened?"
"They took my organs and put me inside a machine. They turned me into the thing I had hated more than anything else in the world. I died as a man, but live on as an abomination. Part man, part machine, and all rage. I do not know who did this to me, or why. All that I know is that they took my humanity and my war from me. They took my purpose away. Now I am back to where I was before; drifting aimlessly without meaning. The difference is that I am no longer human".
"What are you, my son?"
"I...I don't know. I am not sure of anything. In the war, everything was so clear cut. Now, I do not know who the enemy is or who I am for that matter. Everything is so confusing. I am lost, but I do not know how to find myself again. Meanwhile, my humanity slips further away and I become more machine like. Life has become cheap, something I can destroy so easily. I have become my enemy".
"What is it that makes a man?"
"Excuse me?"
"I do not believe you are losing your humanity. You just haven't been looking in the right places".
"I do not believe I understand you, Father".
"That little boy that was appalled by violence, he still exists within you. You are still the man that you always were. The sooner you realise it, the sooner you will be at peace".
"I don't understand".
"You want me to lay the path out for you, yet that is not my purpose. But the Lord has a plan for all of us, and he will unveil it when the time is right".
"Father, you are not making any sense".
"Have you ever considered that you were given an indestructible body for a reason?"
"Maybe. What reason would that be, Father?"
"I can not tell you for certain, my son. What I do know is that you think that you have come here to destroy us. Perhaps you were sent here by the Lord to save us".
"You think that I am the Messiah? I killed police officers!"
"And Joshua killed women and children. We each have a destiny, a role to play in the universe for good or for evil. You must accept your destiny, whatever it may be. Embrace it, do not run from it. Perhaps you might atone for your sins, and become the greatest champion we have ever known".
"I hope so, Father. But I...I fear that I am not the hero in this story".
"How do you feel about that?"
"It terrifies me. I know what I am capable of and it terrifies me".
"Then you have your answer. May the Lord be with you, my son".
During the ride home, I think about what the priest had said. I could be the hero of this story. I could save human lives, instead of ending them. That feeling was always so rewarding to me. Every time that my actions saved a platoon, or a squad, or even a single man, I would feel as if I were a guardian angel. Flying over the battlefield to protect the defenders of humanity. I would give anything to have that feeling back. We each have a destiny, but I have no idea what that is. Remember who you used to be. I would do anything to protect human life, even sacrifice my own. That is who I want to be once more. The man I was, not the machine that I am.
"Are you all right, Lieutenant?"
"I'm fine, J.H. Just, I have a lot to think about".
"I know, I heard what you said to the priest".
"You were listening in on my confession? That is definitely a rude thing to do".
"I had to make sure you were both alright. You have been...irritable lately".
"Of course I have been irritable. Skynet has taken everything from me. My family, my friends, my purpose, and now my humanity".
"It sounds as though you still have your humanity. Whether you keep it or not is your decision. Who will you be, Lieutenant? Will you be Charles Zacks the man, or the soulless Terminator?"
I know who I want to be. My purpose in life is the same as it has always been: to save human lives. No one else will die because of me. Terminators are my enemies, Skynet is my nemesis. I will not rest until they are destroyed, and humanity is safe. I know who I am; I am Charles Zacks, a Lieutenant in the Resistance.
Catherine is waiting for us at the Safe House. She gives John Henry a kiss on the cheek and hugs Mr. Ellison. Then she walks away.
"Catherine, wait! I'm sorry".
"Sorry for what, Lieutenant?"
"For everything. I have been acting like a total psychopath lately".
"Yes, you have".
"But deep down, I am the same man I have always been".
"I wish I could believe that".
"It's true. I'm not a cold hearted killing machine. I am Charles Zacks, and nothing is ever going to change that".
"I hope so, for your sake. Cameron and I are going shopping. Good day to you, Lieutenant Zacks".
"What happened to calling me Charley?"
"Charley was the man that I loved. One day, I hope to see him again".
"Catherine, it's still me. I'm still the same guy".
"No you're not. Maybe, in time, you will be that man again. I pray that you find your way back to me. Lieutenant!"
"Catherine, I love you".
"Good bye, Lieutenant".
There are tears in our eyes. She is right, I have not been acting like myself. I have been acting like one of them! Just like York. But I'll show her that I can be the man she used to know. I will get her back. I have to. She is all I have left. The woman I loved more than life itself, the woman that I sacrificed myself to save.
"Good bye, Catherine".
"Love hurts, doesn't it?" It's Reese. He has the habit of showing up at just the right time.
"Yeah. It does".
"I know how it feels. I am also in love with a woman that hates me".
"Oh, who?"
"No one you know".
"Liar! Who is it?"
"Sarah".
"Sarah? As in Sarah Connor? Your brother's true love Sarah Connor?"
"My brother, God rest his soul, is no longer with us. Sarah, she's unlike any woman I have ever met before".
"Let me guess, she thinks you are unreliable".
"And stupid and psychotic".
"Catherine thinks the same thing about me".
"Maybe she's right. Maybe they all are".
"You are not encouraging, Reese".
"Only one thing for us to do".
"And that is?"
"Prove them wrong".
"Easier said than done".
"Anything worth wile always is. But if you want something bad enough, you'll do it".
"I will. I can show everyone that I can be the hero I always wanted to be. The man she always wanted me to be".
"So will I, eventually".
"I'll drink to that".
"Beers are in the fridge. Here's to pursuing the women of our dreams".
"And to being the men of theirs".
