A/N: And this is it. The last story of this short series which is a way for me to write about this story while I don't have the courage to work on the real story. That one's going to be a ride. In the meanwhile, thanks for reading (probably) and hopefully it wasn't too confusing.
RX Benzene
Natsu's breath came in harsh pants.
Here he was again. Stuck on the starting point. Once more.
No, there was a difference.
Now he knew much more about the world, he'd lived it, experienced it.
Sun,
Rice cakes,
Story
The litany was back, but now he knew how each of these things meant, how the lifeline had once been part of his life. Not it was back to being words.
He hurt.
Hurt all over. And was sure that it wasn't going to take enough time for the aches to heal before a new fresh set of aches was laid upon them. The bruises mottled his body, a splash of different colours on his once tan skin.
Now there was only gloom.
Gloom that would be never ending.
He wanted to fight. Fight like he used to, but he couldn't. Was too tired, too lost. The light at the end of the tunnel he'd once seen had disappeared.
Sun,
Rice cakes,
Story
Should he go back to the person, no, being he'd been before? When there had been no hope?
Maybe it would be better if he let himself go, let the brainwashing run through him – but which one? The one he'd chosen or the one forced upon him? – and become a shell of his self, like all those he'd seen.
He didn't want to.
He regretted not doing the little things – hugging Wendy, teasing Lucy or holding hands with him – while he had the chance.
Alas, submitting to this fate would erase all of that.
Choose the blankness.
That way it would hurt less.
And at that moment, the little flame he secretly nursed in his breast flared for a moment.
Hope.
But no.
Sun,
Rice cakes,
Story
There was no end to it. Only the pain and suffering that were coming for him.
At least this way he might escape some of it.
He chose – badly – but it was on his own terms. And, at the end of the day, that had to count for something.
So, he closed his eyes – even though having them open or closed in the darkness was the same. He felt the blankness fill his mind.
Sun,
Rice cakes,
Story
Those were the only words in the world that mattered.
