Might be a good idea to do "a Hetty" and drink a Scotch before reading this chapter… Joking, joking, but really, this is not happy, and it was sad and hard to write. But I can promise you I gave it my all, to both this and the fourth and final chapter.


Chapter 3: Shine Brighter

Marty Deeks had never had an out-of-body experience before. But as he heard the flat noise of the heart monitor and saw his own body jerking from the operation's table as the medics tried to restart his heartbeat, he realized he was dying, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He groveled, and begged, and prayed… to God, to medicine, to science… to anyone willing to listen. But sometimes, God was out of miracles, the doctors weren't enough, science hadn't evolved to the point that was required, and no one was listening. Other days, everyone was listening, but no one had the answers or the power to stop what was destined to happen.

As the flat line continued, signaling there was no electrical activity in his heart, the blonde detective's mind left the present to another point in time. Not to the past like before, but it flashed forward to moments in the future that will never come, dreams that would never be achieved and experiences that will, forever, remain unlived…

-x-x-x-

Pale blue eyes shining and reflecting the vast ocean around him, Marty Deeks stood on his familiar Californian beach while he waited for the woman of his dreams to walk down the aisle.

Sam Hanna, proud best man, standing to his left… Nell Jones, excited maid of honor, standing to their right… Eric Beale, awkward wedding officiant, standing in front of all three of them… Hetty Lange, Roberta Deeks, and Julia Feldman, delighted mothers, leading the guests… And a minute later… Kensi Marie Blye, happy bride, walking towards him… and Grisha Callen, proud friend and brother, leading her down the aisle… Towards, Martin A. Deeks, happy groom, standing smiling at the front…

The rest of what he saw was a blur of the ceremony, and only a few words were recognizable among the rest…

"I do…"

"I love you…"

"I love you, too…"

"You may now kiss your bride!"

A kiss, a seal, a bond… a family, a future… eternal joy… and the start of their happily-ever-after…

-0-0-0-

"Are you okay, princess?" Deeks walked into the room, to find his wife sitting alone on the bed, clearly not in the present and mind elsewhere.

Kensi sighed as she moved her right hand to caress her belly and lifted her face to look up at her husband, with a big smile on her face and small doubts on her heart.

The blonde detective gasped, and pale blue eyes sparkled, he took in a deep breath and asked the most important questions of all… "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Standing up and moving her arms to embrace him, the brunette agent whispered softly. "Yes, we're going to be parents…"

A hug, another kiss… an upcoming member to their family, a new part of their future… an infinite newfound joy, and a new chapter in their happily-ever-after…

-0-0-0-

A hospital room…

A doctor in a white coat…

Three nurses in pale green scrubs…

A hand holding his own, and a tight squeeze…

Slow breathing, heart pounding, ears ringing… A lovely cry…

And a new Deeks in the world… A baby, a girl… A new kiss… A new purpose… And the best chapter in their happily-ever-after…

-0-0-0-

He felt like he was flying, floating away and not really on earth… Not the actor but spectator. Only able to see the flashing images from above…

A little girl, blonde wavy curls and brown eyes, celebrating the first time she got up on her surfboard…

A little boy, brunette shaggy hair and blue eyes, running to his mama and daddy when they came to pick him up from school…

A first prom night, advice about asking a girl out, sport events, school functions…

High school graduation, college acceptance letter, first full-time job…

Their son and daughter becoming adults, and Marty and Kensi growing old together…

-x-x-x-

Out of nowhere everything shook and all the images mixed together in a foggy mix… His thoughts jumbled, and his world crumbled… The piercing noise of the heart monitor was still there, but among the infinite sound, Marty Deeks heard a pronouncement:

"Time of death, 15:13."

All the images disappeared, a numbing feeling started, and then eternal darkness came…

-x-x-x-

Standing in the waiting room, Kensi Blye still had her eyes closed, but she was still certain of her family's presence around her. Sam and Callen to her left and right, Nell and Eric at her back, and Hetty in front of all of them. Taking a deep breath, and releasing it slowly, she opened her eyes, and looked hopefully at the doctor.

But as soon as the man who stood in front of them looked down, and sadly shook his head, her own world crashed down and she knew her life would never be the same again. Words followed the doctor's gesture, but her mind couldn't comprehend them… No matter how much she tried, her consciousness wanted to take her elsewhere… It was trying to protect her, but she wanted to be there, to stay in the present and to feel…

Feel the pain of her life being ripped apart, of her other half being taken away, of the unjust that life could be and how unfair the world could become. She wanted to learn the explanation, to be there for her team, to be strong for herself, and to smile for her boyfriend, but at this very moment she couldn't find it in herself so she just sank to the ground and started silently sobbing.

She felt comforting hands on her shoulder, and another squeezing her hand, but her mind didn't register them as uplifting, instead only reminding her of the only touch she wanted to feel and one she would never be able to experience again.

-0-0-0-

Kensi Blye wasn't sure how much time had passed since the doctor had come out to inform the team that her partner hadn't make it. She remembered some of the words: we tried… he had lost too much blood, internal bleeding, organ failure… they really tried, he fought hard… But ultimately, it just hadn't been enough.

She now sat slumped on a chair in the still white, but now sadder-looking waiting room. Her team and family standing or setting near her, all of them quiet and each lost inside their own heads… All overtaken by memories, dreams, fears and regrets. In her shock, she recalled asking the doctor to see her boyfriend one last time, the man had wanted to refuse, but after a pointed look from Hetty had reluctantly agreed to give her five minutes. She now waited for the nurses to come looking for her so she could at least say a peaceful and lonely goodbye.

As the female agent waited, she decided to close her eyes for a few seconds in an attempt to stop the tears that kept coming… But in her despair and exhaustion, her mind won, managing to pull her from the conscious world and into another moment in time.

-x-x-x-

June 2019… The day was sunny, but breezy… the ocean looked wavy, but the waves were calm… the sky looked blue, but some white clouds added some shades to the picture… Life was blissful, love was in the air, and the future was theirs.

Kensi Blye stood in a lonely room in the white building, looking at herself in the mirror and smiling at the sight that welcomed her. White dress, high heels, bridal veil… She then looked at the ocean from the small window to her left, and her smile only grew as she took notice of what a perfect day this really was.

Minutes later she was walking into the chapel, her friend and team leader, leading her down the aisle. Her breath catching in her throat as her eyes landed for the first time on her groom… Shaggy hair looking a little less messy than usual, someone evidently having tried to comb and tame the usually disheveled curls… Pale blue eyes glazed with unshed tears… Shy but lovely smile on his face…

Sam, Eric and Nell stood along with Deeks in the raised platform. All part of the wedding entourage and ready to see their friends finally seal their bond forever. Julia, Roberta and Hetty at the front of the guests, which included a lot more people than either of them had expected, all three women with tears in their eyes but happy smiles on their faces.

As the couple had wanted, the ceremony was quick and soon the newlyweds, along with their family and friends exited the chapel and made their way into the adjacent beach, eager to celebrate together the happiest day of their lives.

-0-0-0-

The year was 2021 and the female agent sat on the cold bathroom floor… eyes closed, sweat trickling down her neck, and heart beating widely in her chest… She waited and when the alarm of her phone activated, taking in a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, turned her eyes towards the pregnancy test tightly clutched in her right hand.

She saw the result and closed her eyes, then she opened them and saw it again… she repeated the same process for around five minutes until a knock on the door forced her to stop.

"Kens, everything okay in there?" Her husband worried voice sounded from the other side of the wood, and she sighed, trying to compose herself before responding.

"All good, I'll be out in a little." She kept her reply short, knowing that in her current state, her words were likely to fail her.

She heard Deeks shuffling outside the door, probably deciding what to do before his voice sounded again. "You sure? You have been in there a long time. Can I come in?"

Kensi wasn't sure what to say, so she said nothing. And predictably, a few minutes later she heard the door being opened and saw her shaggy husband gingerly stepping inside.

Deeks stopped suddenly as soon as he saw Kensi on the ground, instantly worried that something was wrong with her and his mind going into overdrive. But then he saw what she was holding in her hand, and he paralyzed. Scared to say anything, he instead walked towards his wife, and sat on the floor next to her. The blonde stretching his arm and pulling his brunette beauty towards him.

Sighing contently and snuggling further into his chest, Kensi took a deep breath and decided to share the news, after all, he had seen what was on her hand, so there was not postponing it now. "I'm pregnant… We're going to be parents, Marty." She had taken to calling him by his first name after the wedding, and she would never stop loving the way his eyes shinned brighter every time she said his name.

After a few minutes passed and no words came out of the usually talkative man, Kensi turned to look at him with panic raising in her chest… What if he wasn't ready?

The sight that welcomed her however, stole her breath away and she felt tears prickling her eyes as soon as she saw her usually strong and composed husband silently crying and with the biggest smile she had ever seen on his face. "Are you happy?"

Marty Deeks took in a long breath, and released it gradually, before lifting his head and turning to look at the woman of his dreams, the best partner ever, and who now also happened to be his wife and soon the mother of his first child. "I'm the happiest man in the world, princess. And I promise I'll be the best father I can possibly be." Moving a shaky hand to caress her belly, he closed his eyes and continued. "I will give the world to our little ninja assassin, and I'll be everything that my own father wasn't." He smiled adorably at her, and both with joyful tears rolling down their faces, closed the space between them and sealed their future with a loving kiss…

-0-0-0-

A few months had passed, and Kensi Blye laid on a bed in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their little boy. She had technically been in labor for some hours now, but the little guy was taking his sweet time to make his first appearance.

Marty Deeks, partner, best friend, husband, and soon father, sat beside his wife holding her hand. Julia on the other side, pacing nervously as she eagerly awaited the moment in which she would finally become a grandma. The rest of the team, along with crazy Bertie, as Deeks had jokingly call her only that morning, anxiously waited in the waiting area. Each of them excitedly dreaming of the arrival of the newest member of their family, and the moment they will, respectively, become aunt, uncles and grandmothers.

Two more hours later, the moment finally came, and a lovely cry from the newborn and joyful tears from the parents, signaled the arrival of a new Deeks into the world… Pale face and red cheeks, brown eyes, and blonde hair… The perfect combination of his parents and the living proof of their undying love.

-x-x-x-

Kensi Blye woke up confused and disoriented… She looked widely at each side, and felt tears rolling down her face as she realized it all had been a dream. Her partner and boyfriend was still dead and she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

It took her a few minutes to notice the nurse standing in front of her and staring pointedly with a concerned look on her face. So, that's what had woken her up, the female agent thought and silently cursed the nurse for taking her joy away, even if it only had been happening on her mind. After all, that's the only place where she could truly be happy now, the only place where she could meet Deeks, and the only place where her boyfriend was still alive, and their perfect and loving family could still be a reality.

The female agent foolishly wished for the last hour of her life to be the real dream and for this to be the real moment in which the doctor would come out to deliver the news... but more importantly, that said news would be different this time. But knowing that was just wishful thinking, Kensi brushed her tears away, stood up and started following the nurse inside the double doors. Stopping only for an instant to speak to her team and respectfully decline their offers for someone to accompany her. She wanted this moment to herself, and she needed to have a final moment alone with the person that gave meaning to her life. Even if that person wasn't in this realm anymore.

-x-x-x-

Standing in the now vacant room, Kensi Blye stared at the empty shell of the man that had been her partner, best friend, boyfriend and fiancé until not so long ago. A faint smile was still present on his face, but his beautiful blue eyes were now closed… and would remain that way forever.

Knowing she only had five minutes, and that they had been awarded only at her boss' insistence, she was determined to make them count so blinking her eyes a few times, wanting to shake off the tears that still glazed them, she took a deep breath, and reached down to hold his hand. It was already cold, but she still moved it to her lips and kissed it one last time. "I love you, Marty… And I always will…"

Marty… the name took her by surprise, transporting her mind back to her dreams and Kensi couldn't hold it anymore… The usually strong federal agent started quietly sobbing as all the missed opportunities, regrets and unlived dreams came crashing down on her. They would never get married, she would never feel the nerves and joy of telling him they would become parents, and he would never have the opportunity to be better than his father… at least not in parenthood, as he already was in every other way that counted.

"I will never forget you, Marty." She decided to keep calling him that, even though it made her wonder why she had never done so when he was still alive. "How you made me feel… protected, loved and cherished, every time I was in your arms…" She stopped for a second as the emotions began to overwhelm her. "I love you, today and forever…" She recalled how they had woken together that morning, and how he had said those same words as they walked together into the shower. It felt a lifetime ago, but it had only been hours. "I already miss you… how am I even supposed to live without you?"

The brunette woman couldn't take it anymore, so she looked at the blonde man one last time and quickly rushed out of the room. "I love you Marty, today and forever… and you will always be my world." Kensi whispered softly and never looked back.

-x-x-x-

The next hour passed in a blur… Medical forms, burial arrangements, condolences, promises, and more than anything, the desire to just run away from it all. Mercifully, Hetty having recognized the toll the day was taking on her agent and wanting to protect her from more pain, had decided to send Kensi home and take charge of all the necessary preparations. Against her better judgement, however, the female agent had declined to spend the night at Julia's house or with the company of one of her teammates and now found herself staring at the closed door of the house she and Marty had shared.

Taking in a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, she lifted her hand and with tears on her eyes managed to put in on the handle. She could hear Monty inside, and her tears turned to full weeping as all the memories came to the forefront of her mind again. The mutt's barks only increased as time kept passing and his humans didn't come inside, prompting the dog to start scratching on the wood and the female agent to finally open the door.

As soon as Kensi stepped inside, her senses were assaulted by all the memories the apartment carried… Sunscreen scent mixed with that of the ocean… the wind blowing from the open living room window and the sound of the familiar Pacific… Deeks' sweatshirt on the kitchen counter, dirty pair of dishes and mugs on the sink, and crumbled sheets on the bed from their quick getaway that morning.

A hand on the door frame, an uneven step, and then another, and another… a hand on the kitchen counter… more steps, and collapsing on the coach. Kensi felt as if she was living in small blurs, not able to connect the broken pieces of her life and just moving on autopilot. She buried her face on the sofa's cushions but lifted it instantly, as the familiar scent of Deeks invaded every fiber of her being, and she started crying again as it all became too much for her to handle.

Monty scratching her leg brought Kensi back to the present and she focused on the dog for a second, hoping the action would ground her. Monty turned his head sideways, and whined, then he whined again and moved inside the bedroom and back out, then he got up on the couch in the space usually occupied by his shaggy owner and moved a paw to rest on top of Kensi's knee. The action brought a fresh bout of tears to her eyes as she realized that their mutt somehow knew… that his daddy was gone, and that he had to help his mommy stay strong.

Resting her head on the dog's fur instead, the female agent cried some more before deciding in between sad sniffles that she couldn't stay here on her own, and quickly moving to the bedroom to pick up some clothes and toiletries, then grabbing Monty, his leash and food, and running out of the apartment before she fell apart again.

That night, Kensi slept in an unfamiliar room at her mother's house, eventually managing to fall asleep in between images of Donald Blye, and Marty Deeks. The memories making her realize that maybe now her father could meet Deeks, considering now they were both in heaven. She smiled and closed her eyes, hoping Don would like him, despite the shaggy hair…

-x-x-x-

It had been almost a week since the unfortunate day in which Marty Deeks, detective, teammate, friend, son, boyfriend and fiancé, had been taken away. And Kensi, along with her NCIS team now stood in the cemetery as the ceremony was about to begin.

The day was warm and breezy, the sky entirely blue and with not a single cloud in sight. A lot of people were present… from NCIS, LAPD, CIA, DEA, and every other agency the shaggy detective had ever come in contact with.

Among all the chairs arranged for the many guests who had decided to come pay their respects, eleven stood in the front and were separated by a few feet from all the others. As the time drew closer, Hetty, Kensi, Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric, Roberta, and Julia sat down in that front line, leaving three empty chairs at the end… For Owen, Michelle and Deeks himself. All of them wanting for their spirits to at least accompany them on this day.

The ceremony took longer than expected, as a lot more people than originally intended had decided to stand up and share their memories of the shaggy man: Memories of the ocean, his favorite fish tacos, train sets on Christmas mornings, violin tunes in school recitals… Shooting range competitions, climbing wall challenges, friendly pranks… His familiar antics, cheeky remarks and smartass comments… Memories of love, hope, respect and sacrifice… And more than anything else, recollections of his ever present smile, contagious laugh, and the way his pale blue eyes constantly sparkled.

What had started as a gloomy ceremony, turned into a celebration…

A celebration of life… Of what it meant to love and be loved… Of what it feels to be alive and what should be done with that knowledge… And ultimately, of a life well lived, one spent loving, laughing and enjoying the mere fact of being alive… of having had survived.

That sunny afternoon, as the casket was lowered onto the ground, people that started the day crying, ended it laughing. Eyes that were glazed with tears ended up shining with them. And smiles that started in one person, passed from one guest to the other, until everyone was left grinning for the man they had all come together to remember… and ultimately, celebrate.

-x-x-x-

After the guests started leaving, Kensi, along with her NCIS team, Julia and Roberta walked towards the newly covered grave. Each lost inside their own memories, and regrets. But also all collectively cherishing the moments they had been able to share with one Marty Deeks, even if they also felt a big emptiness and sorrow for all the ones that will forever remain unlived.

But, even in their sadness and anger, they all managed to feel somewhat happy. Because they had known the man in the first place, because he had been part of their lives… but over anything, because they all knew the happy-go-lucky blonde would want them to keep moving forward and would never want any of them to stop living their lives, because his had been unfortunately too soon been lost.

That afternoon, the ex-detective's family and team left the cemetery together and after a few minutes found themselves at the beach, wanting to share a toast for their lost friend at the place they all knew had brought him the most happiness and comfort in the world. The Pacific had been Deeks' safe haven, and maybe tonight, it could also become that for those who now missed him the most.

As the NCIS family left the beach later that night and got in their cars, they all individually looked at the starry night, and inwardly smiled. Marty Deeks was now one of those stars, forever in heaven and ready to lighten their paths. Ultimately, Kensi and her team ended the day knowing they would never forget the shaggy teammate whose bright existence had been extinguished too soon, and promising to perpetually uphold his values and honor his memory… By always living, laughing and trying their best to every day shine even brighter.


Hopefully you're all still here… Part of me can't believe I actually posted this and that thought still scares me. I considered writing something else and for this to never leave my laptop… or just disappearing from here after this update… But I kinda need to post the final chapter of this and actually continue Ghost so that might not be a good idea ;)

Please, don't hate me and remember my promise of a positive (and fulfilling) conclusion, really hope you all give it a chance. Thanks for reading, hopefully reviewing and even more hopefully continuing to read whatever I write after this little adventure…

All the best, Jess.