I'm REALLY sorry if I turned any of you off with the previous chapter, but that was never intended to be the end of this story. Please know that I write as an escape, and hoping it is fun for you all to read and won't ever intentionally want to upset anyone. That being said, if you wondered why I never added a death warning, this chapter is why.
Chapter 4: Tomorrow
Kensi Blye wasn't one to analyze the universe and try to find a meaning in every single thing, but as she woke up in an uncomfortable chair in a white hospital room, antiseptic smell in the air, steady beep of the heart monitor, and Deeks warm hand strongly held in hers, she wondered what had just happened and why.
She turned around expecting to wake up at any moment from the real dream, to find herself in her mother's guest bedroom, and with the heartbreak that had accompanied her for the last week still crushing her spirit. But time passed… and nothing changed. She was still in a hospital room, and more importantly, Deeks was still in the bed in front of her, breathing steadily and alive.
Trying to keep her breathing and heartbeat under control, Kensi thought back to the last day and smiled as she remembered what the doctor had informed the team the previous afternoon: it was touch and go for a moment… flat lined on the operations table… he pulled through… the bullet was removed… expected to make a full recovery…
It had all been a dream… The doctor shaking his head, Deeks' cold and vacant body on the hospital bed, her lonely night at home, the cemetery… everything. Kensi gasped as the painful memories assaulted her mind, stealing her calmness and sending her into a near panic attack. It had all felt so real, that it was hard to believe now that it only had been a sick game of her twisted mind.
It was all a dream, Deeks is okay, it was just a dream, we still have our future… Repeating the short sentences like a mantra Kensi was able to return to her peaceful state and finally accept that it had really been a dream, or more like a nightmare… but Deeks was alive and they could still be happy together.
Sighting deeply, the female agent moved Deeks' hand towards her lips and kissed it sweetly, relishing the warm sensation that she felt, so different from the cold and empty one she remembered from her nightmare. As the feeling of warmth spread all around her body, Kensi felt happy tears streaming down her face because Marty was really alive… Their dreams could still be lived, the future was still theirs and they could still have their happily-ever-after.
-x-x-x-
Fog surrounded the blonde man and he couldn't see anything around him or feel anything inside him… He moved to one side hoping to touch a wall, but nothing came… Moved to the other, but still nothing came. He then started to run, but still nothing came… The space felt infinite around him and he couldn't make sense of it.
The blue eyed man kept running but he never got tired… his legs didn't ache, his breathing never came in small gasps, and his skin never got covered in sweat… He really couldn't feel anything. It felt how he would imagine… being dead, just numbness and an unfillable void.
Suddenly, the fog cleared and the man was enclosed in light. It was coming from above, and a flat noise could be faintly heard from the distance. Words came, but he couldn't understand them… A second later his senses were assaulted by a strong antiseptic smell. And finally came the memories…
"Sam, sniper, get down."
A jump, flying, the hard ground… Pain, dampness, blood… Unconsciousness… His teammate's voices… A final goodbye… Unconsciousness once more…
A lot of jumbled images… A weeding… a baby… growing old together… The hateful noise… A pronouncement… And… death..?
Marty Deeks started trashing around as everything became too much for him to handle… He couldn't understand where he was, how he had gotten here, but more importantly, how to leave this place, whatever it was…
With the newfound light, also came the realization that he wasn't alone anymore… Deeks gasped as he first took notice of a cornflower blue raccoon standing next to his right leg… It stared pointedly at him, and then cocked its head to the side, while never taking its eyes off the trembling man.
His attention was randomly taken off the raccoon as his hand starting moving of its own volition, like it had a power of its own… It kept moving, and shaking… Up and down… Side to side…
"Deeks…"
"Deeks, please open your eyes…"
A voice came out of nowhere and the blonde and blue eyed man turned a confused stare at the raccoon, wondering if the voice had come from him. His focus was again pulled back from his newfound companion as his hand kept shaking and his breathing started coming in small gasps and his heartbeat started to spiral out of control…
Heartbeat..? But he had thought he was dead… and dead men didn't have a heartbeat…
"Marty, the future is still ours…
"Everything is okay, you're okay…"
"I'm right here… please come back to me…"
That voice, he recognized that voice… His mind didn't associate it with the raccoon… But he couldn't place it, so maybe it was really coming from his new friend.
And still, Marty Deeks couldn't understand… He had died… he was supposed to be dead… He let out a pained groan, and kept trashing around.
"Deeks, please. It's Kensi, please open your eyes for me…"
A droplet of water on his hand, then on his chest and ultimately on his face…
Not a raccoon… The voice… Kensi… He was alive…
-x-x-x-
Kensi had been sitting on the same hospital chair when Deeks had started trashing around and mumbling incomprehensible words on his sleep. She quickly stood up and started shaking his hand, then calling his name, and finally begging for him to open her eyes for her, to come back to her. She then stood up and started silently sobbing again, the desperate tears rolling down her face and eventually falling into the blonde man's hand, and chest and face…
The brunette woman's tears turned completely joyful as soon as her previously unconscious boyfriend started opening his pale blue eyes, and at that moment her mismatched eyes sparkled because her world had just started spinning on its right axis again.
-x-x-x-
Marty Deeks opened his eyes but he couldn't see anything clearly. His vision was unfocused and the world was a big blur. Deciding instead to concentrate on his other senses, he first noticed the antiseptic smell, then the steady beep of the heart monitor, and lastly, felt the droplets of water falling on his face… So that parts hadn't been a dream, he thought, as he continued to slowly make sense of his world.
After blinking his eyes a few times, the images started coming together and the most beautiful sight of all materialized right in front of him… Kensi Blye hovering over him, still holding his hand, and with her tears streaming down her face and into his own skin.
"You're awake…" Kensi breathed out while never taking her eyes off Deeks, still not completely believing that he was really okay.
"Where's the raccoon..?" Deeks babbled exactly at the same time as Kensi spoke.
"Hmm… What?" Kensi stopped as soon as Deeks' voice came flowing out of his body, but her excitement at finally hearing it again was cut short at his unexpected comment.
"Kens? You're not a blue raccoon anymore…" Deeks pondered as he stared at his girlfriend dumbstruck. "Am I dead..? Are… we both… dead?" He continued to mumble as his mind was a jumbled mess from a combination of his dreams and the pain meds that the IV on his arm kept pumping into his system.
"Deeks… Are you okay? What are you talking about?" The female agent interrupted her boyfriend's ramblings before he continued on another weird tangent. But then, remembering one of the previous times he had been in the hospital, after being shot twice in the chest, she raised her eyebrows and inquired. "Are you messing with me again? It's not funny, Deeks."
After a few seconds passed, and seeing the uncertainty still evident on his eyes, Kensi quickly realized Deeks hadn't been joking and her worry started increasing again. "I'm going to look for a doctor…"
"Kensi, wait…" Deeks spoke a little more clearly, as he shook his head trying to rid himself of the fog that still clouded his thoughts. "Fern, please… Stay with me."
Deeks' pleading tone finally made Kensi stop just as she was about to exit the room and she quickly moved back towards the bed and took hold of her boyfriend's hand once more. "Deeks…" She huffed as her tears started coming again, a combination of all the mixed feelings she had experienced in the last 24 hours… Fear, worry, hope, joy… "Are you really okay? Are you really… here?"
The blonde detective stared at his partner with a puzzled look after he noticed the wording of the question but decided to ignore that part and move to more important things. "I… think. I…" He turned his stare down, and a lone tear rolled down his face as all the memories started crashing on him. "I dreamed I was dead."
Kensi's mouth dropped as her own memories started coming to the forefront of her mind. "I… I… I did too." She eventually stammered as her thoughts were moving at a faster rate than her own body could keep up.
"You… you did what?"
"I dreamed you died, Deeks…"
The couple remained in silence for a few minutes as the realization of what had happened began to sink in. Both of them lost inside their own heads, and in memories of painful nightmares and dreams that could have remained unlived forever.
"What… What does that mean?" Kensi questioned, face a little paler than before, and her hands no longer as steady as they still held to Deeks' for dear life… Not wanting the nightmare to return and Deeks to be ripped from her once more.
"Maybe… maybe…" Deeks hesitated as he tried thinking of something funny to say, needing as usual to defuse the tension with his familiar humor, but struggling to find the right words this time. "Maybe there's more, more than we don't know… More than just this one universe… And maybe in another, an alternate Deeks is… the one… who died." It wasn't his usual wit, and his trademark smirk was not present on his face, just a groggy look and faint smile.
Kensi seemed doubtful for a second, thinking of her partner's explanation as his voice echoed in her head and the words danced on her mind. "Maybe." She nodded in acceptance, before continuing once more. "But, if there's other words… universes… realities. I'm glad I'm in this one, with you…" Her conviction faltered a little as her eyes misted with tears and her voice cracked. "And if another alternate Deeks is dead… in one of those… I don't care because you... My Deeks, is still alive and well… and our future is still ours." Kensi managed to finish sounding confident, even as her tears started to fall. She punctuated her declaration by leaning into Deeks and kissing him sweetly on the lips, then lingering close to him, foreheads slightly touching and agent and detective breathing in the same air.
-x-x-x-
After learning that Deeks would be alright, Sam and Callen had spent the last few hours working diligently with the Wonder Twins to bring to justice everyone involved in the ambush the previous day. After hours of work, two interrogations, a quick shootout and one car chase, everyone involved in the almost murder of their younger teammate was either in jail or the morgue. Now, wanting to see their junior teammates before going on to enjoy a much needed rest, the senior partners tiredly drove to the hospital after dropping at LAPD the bad guys that were still alive.
After they had been in the car for around five minutes, Callen took notice of his partner's furrowed brow and tight grip on the wheel, and sighed silently as he prepared for a difficult conversation. "Are you okay, big guy?" He eventually managed to ask after psyching himself up and preparing various arguments.
"Yeah…" Sam's tone lack his usual strength and determination, and it only worried Callen more.
"You do know nothing that happened is your fault, right?"
"The bullet was coming towards me."
"Maybe… But you didn't shoot yourself, man… No one blames you."
"If Deeks had died it would have been my fault… And I would have blamed myself."
"But he didn't die. He's still our same shaggy friend who will soon be back ready to annoy us and talk our ears off." Taking a page from Deeks' book, Callen tried to be funny, but evidently he wasn't as good with the tension-diffusion.
"I just don't understand it, G… Why would he?" The dejection and resignation in Sam's voice hurt his partner and best friend, and he wished he could take his pain and guilt away, but he knew only the detective himself could do that.
"You would need to ask him yourself, Sam… But I think that's just… who he is. He wouldn't have known to do anything else." Still Callen had to try.
"When we were still in the hospital, waiting… I remembered… That conversation after his first full case with us… How could I've been so blind? And not only then… but, with the Sidorov case, too. What type of agent… what type of man does that make me?" Taking advantage of the traffic light, Sam closed his eyes for a second and drew in a deep breath, which he then began releasing slowly, trying to rid his mind of the feelings of failure and guilt.
Callen thought for a second and eventually smiled, again taking a page from Deeks' playbook. "It makes you human, Sam… We all make mistakes… And what make us better humans… good men… and great friends, is that… we learn from those mistakes… And you did, brother. And we all know that… Deeks knows that."
Sam thought for a second of his best friend's explanation and his mind was invaded by an onslaught of old memories with the younger man… Enduring torture together, undercover with Sven, him and Kensi on the oceanic rescue after the submarine debacle, shooting range practice… The ex-Navy seal eventually ended on two memories, and those made him realize that G's words had been the truth: the way he had cared and supported the younger man when Kensi had been recuperating from the helicopter crash, and the way the younger man had cared and supported him when his wife had been murdered. Those were the moments that defined a man… and a friendship, and he at least had succeeded in those.
"Thank you, G." Sam didn't say anything else, knowing that the slight nod of his head and the admission were enough to convey all his emotions, after all, with Michelle no longer alive, no one knew him better than his partner and best friend.
The rest of the drive happened in comfortable silence as both senior partners were able to find some semblance of peace, and concentrated on mentally preparing for their visit.
-x-x-x-
Kensi and Deeks had spent the last few minutes comparing their dreams (or nightmares) and jokingly discussing who had been more accurate. They had laughed at Kensi apparently having a dream within a dream, and they both sobered when they got to the part about the burial. Then, they had debated sharing their experiences with their senior partners, but eventually decided to keep it to themselves for now and maybe open up about it when they had been able to process it individually and as a couple.
A slight knock on the door brought their attentions from their discussion and they both turned to see their senior teammates coming into the room, holding a bag of takeout and still arguing about which had been the right food to bring. Callen had wanted burgers and fries, Sam, always believing the body is a temple, had wanted wraps and salad instead… Callen of course had won.
"Kens, dad and dad are fighting." Deeks teased as he laughed breathlessly at the senior partner's typical banter but soon stopped with a groan as the movement increased the pain in his gunshot wound.
Deeks' remark successfully silenced the boys and they both turned to glare at the younger man lying in the bed, before their stares turned soft and they smiled, both silently thanking their Gods for their friend having survived.
"I'm really glad you're alive." Callen eventually croaked, not knowing that those words were the echo of another time and another tragedy.
"I'm too… dying is not really on my priority list." Deeks tried to joke, but it felt flat, and they all quickly sobered. "Thanks, I'm too… I would have missed you all." He eventually admitted, his near death experience having taught him that honesty was sometimes the better option, because you never knew when it could be your last time to share your true feelings. And the current moment making him realize how much he would have missed his team… his family, if what happened had been real.
The room became silent then, all three agents thinking back to Deeks sincere confession when he had thought he would die… when he was actually dying… but none of them wanting to bring that up and get the mood further down.
"Thank you, Deeks…" Sam eventually broke the silence, not able to hold it inside any longer. "You didn't have to… But I… I appreciate it… And I'm sure Kam and Aiden would have too." He was determined to have a longer conversation with his friend at a later time when he was better, but for now, he at least needed to show his appreciation.
Deeks just nodded as his eyes glazed over with unshed tears, everything still too soon for him to properly process and Sam's gratitude getting him emotional. "Anytime, brother… Anytime." He eventually managed to elaborate with a shy smile, and all four teammates were completely sure that he had meant those words completely, and not only for Sam, but for any of them.
The team stayed together for the next 30 minutes, the agents sharing their food, Deeks complaining about the hospital one, and all four of them talking about anything but the last day and joking and teasing each other as only they could do. After seeing Deeks' eyes beginning to flutter, and feeling exhausted themselves, the senior partners decided to take their exit, promising to be back the next day with breakfast and fresh clothes for the junior partners.
"Night, guys… See you tomorrow." Kensi called behind them as Callen waved and Deeks smiled at the retreating men.
"Good night, Deeks… I'm really glad you're still here… And thank you." Sam repeated as he exited the room and, this time, didn't wait for a response, just needing to let it out one more time, for now…
-x-x-x-
After Sam and Callen had left the room, the doctor had come to check on Deeks, confirming that everything was still okay and his stats were returning to normal range. The three of them had laughed at Deeks' displeasure of needing to remain in the hospital for a few more days, making Kensi's eyes mist again at Deeks' smile and laugh, which were always able to light up even the darkest of rooms. After confirming the prognosis, and the need for some bedrest and physical therapy, but guaranteeing a full recovery and return to work in a few months, the doctor exited the room, wishing the couple a good night and saying he would be back in the morning for another checkup.
"Get up here." Deeks eventually proposed after some minutes of silence, while he patted the empty space on the bed next to him.
Kensi debated her options, needing the proximity but not wanting to cause her partner any more harm or pain than he had already endured.
"You won't hurt me, princess. You never could… And I need… to feel you close." Deeks continued as if reading her mind.
Smiling, Kensi took off her shoes and carefully got on top of the bed on the side opposite Deeks' wound. Sighing contently, the female agent rested her head on her partner's shoulder and used the closeness to take in the remains of his familiar salty scent, most of it dulled now by the hospital smell of antiseptic, but still a welcomed sensation.
"I love you, Marty. And I'm really glad you are alive." Kensi eventually offered.
"Marty?"
"Yep… Marty." Kensi admitted confidently. "Another part of my dream that I will eventually tell you about."
"Which dream… The main one, or the dream within a dream?" Deeks' joked with eyes sparkling and his trademark smirk lightening his whole face.
"I knew I shouldn't have told you about that…" Kensi muttered under her breath as she fought hard not to laugh too. "But dream within a dream or not, we both know mine was more accurate." She teased back, going back to their previous argument about which wedding, pregnancy announcement, childbirth and kids had been better.
"No way, Fern… Our little boy and girl, as I saw them, were just perfect… And you're not gonna announce our first child while sitting on a bathroom floor." He continued to tease as the smile never left his face.
"I think we should find that out together…" Kensi admitted, not surprising herself by the warm feeling in her chest as she imagined having children with Deeks, but totally astonished at the fact she felt ready for that to happen, soon.
"I agree." Deeks breathed out, his eyes taking a faraway look as he dreamed of that reality. "And Kens?"
"Yeah?" Kensi inquired as her eyes now mirrored Deeks', both lost in dreams of the future that was now open for them to actually experience.
"I love you, too. And I'm happy to be alive… Especially if it's to spend a lifetime with you." The blonde man confided, responding now to his partner's first comment that had started the whole conversation.
Kensi smiled and kissed his cheek, while running her hand through his always messy, blonde curls. After some minutes of silence, the brunette thought her boyfriend had drifted off to sleep, but his voice sounded again, drawing her mind back to the present room.
"Kens?"
"Yeah?" She mirrored her previous response.
"What if what we saw wasn't… wasn't a dream or nightmare… but… foreshadowings… of what's to come, our future together?" The smirk was gone now, replace with a shy and adorable smile, but his pale blue eyes were still shinning.
The innocent question made Kensi's heart jump in her chest, and she felt tears spring to her eyes again. "I would like that, Marty… I would really like that."
"Me too, princess. Me, too." Deeks' answered semi-echoing her answer. "We should get on that soon, wedding planning, children… our happily-ever-after…" He mumbled as he drifted off to sleep, with his thoughts still a combination of reality and dreams, and the last day finally catching up with both his mind and body.
"We will, Marty. I promise. We will have our perfect future, together… and soon." Kensi kept her response short as Deeks' even breathing told her he had fallen asleep, but emphasized her vow by kissing her boyfriend and running her fingers through his shaggy hair once more.
Moving carefully to get more comfortable on the bed, the female agent sighed as she started mentally preparing for what she now accepted should be the last year for them as NCIS field agents. This latest event hitting too close to home, and maybe acting as a forewarning of what could really happen if they didn't hang up their guns on time. Kensi was surprised not to be scared with the possibility… And actually found herself to be cheerful for what would come next… A wedding, a family, and their happily-ever-after… Finally, after a few more minutes of silent thinking, the brunette woman followed the blonde man into the land of nothingness, the last thought on her mind being that as soon as her partner was healed she would have that talk with him.
-x-x-x-
That night, among all the still present fears and sorrows for what the last day had forced them to endure, Kensi and Marty fell asleep content in each other arms, with intertwined fingers, blue and mismatched eyes sparkling below close eyelids, and happy smiles still present on their faces. Both grateful of the fact they lived in this reality; and even if things were different in an alternate LA, in this one, they were still together, and with their whole joined-future ahead of them. Ultimately, both knowing that even if today was still uncertain, life will shine brighter tomorrow.
I always knew this idea was slightly crazy and risky, and I'm still not sure I should have ever posted it, but I did and now can only hope someone liked it. Thanks a lot to everyone that gave it a chance, and showed me their support. It will always be the reason why I keep trying to write and share, even when I'm doubting everything and quitting feels like the easiest choice. Thank you! I hope to hear your thoughts about this whole thing.
Jess.
