.

.

Do you breathe the name of your savior
in your hour of need,

And taste the blame
if the flavor should remind you of greed?

Of implication, insinuation and ill will, '
til you cannot lie still,

In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil
come closing in for a kill

Come feed the rain
'cause I'm thirsty for your love
dancing underneath the skies of lust

Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life
ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

~Poets Of The Fall, Carnival Of Rust~

.

"Listen Draco! Even though we have this…thing going on, doesn't mean you get to say what I can or cannot do!"

This thing… This thing going on…Thing, that had been going on since he refused to leave and forget everything… this thing, that meant living together, planning together, cooking together, reading books and watching tv together, sleeping together... thing, that someone would have called a serious relationship…but not them…they called it 'this thing going on'…and who was he to complain… 'thing' suited him just fine…but today, she seemed to think that he had crossed some line…

She was furious. And so was he…

"It's a suicide mission!"

The war had come to a point where the Order finally had the upper hand! She had told him they were close to finding a way to finally end it, to get to Voldemort… Just few more missions, she'd said.

Today she was going with them and he was not going to let that happen!

"It's not! you know it! You helped me to plan it!" Her cheeks were red, and she waved her hands frustrated.

"What if we missed something?! What if they're waiting for you?!"

"They're not! Every plan we've made so far has worked out just fine! Why would this be different?"

He really wanted to grab and shake her, "As you said, the Order is closing in, they will be more cautious!"

"But may I remind you, it was you, who stated it will be the Manor they'll expect us to attack next."

"I can't be sure!"

"WHY, Draco? You were so sure before, what changed?"

BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING! He wanted to shout from the top of his lungs! Because their planning was going to put her in danger! Because she was going to be on the battlefield! He could make plans for the rest of the order and be ready to take the risk…but when it came to her…there was no way he was letting her go and fight.

"We need to do this! and they need me there!" She tried with softer voice.

"No! They don't! They need you to plan the final attack!"

"Which we can't go through if this doesn't work out!" She stomped her foot, "Listen! You're not ordering me around! If your plan's not good enough, you should have thought that before you told me it's a great plan and it will definitely work! Besides I don't have time for this now! I'm already late."

"Granger don't you dare…NO!"

But she had gone…the fireplace was already empty. Fuck!

He was tearing his hair! She was gone, and he could do nothing! He wanted to plead her to come back, to wish her good luck, to kiss her just one more time…But no… it was too late now…Stupid fucking idiot Draco!

.

.

.

He was pacing around the living room for like hundredth time.

It had been hours…He didn't even know how many…she was still gone, and he had no idea what was happening.

He wanted to break something! To destroy things! To quit feeling this overpowering dread.

What if she was already dead? Picture of her lying on the battlefield, her brown eyes staring to nothingness, invaded his mind.

He wanted to scream.

Would someone come to her flat then? Would he feel her wards go down?

What if she was injured and no one knew she needed help? What if she had been hit with the same renewing curse he had? Would anyone know how to cure it? Or what if she had been taken as a prisoner? Thrown to dead eater dungeons? Those bastards doing unspeakable things to her? Abusing her beautiful body?

He took books from the self and threw them to the floor. Next book he caught, he smashed against the wall. But it did not satisfy his need to break something.

He smashed his hand against the wall. Pain exploded through him…Shit!

He went to the bedroom throwing himself on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

He closed his eyes and let her scent surround him. For a moment there he could imagine she was with him lying next to him.

Like last Saturday night…

"Do you think life will treat us better if we survive this war?" She had asked, turning to look at him, "If you could go anywhere then, where would it be?"

He had shrugged, "Anywhere but here."

"I think I'd like to go to Italy…Tuscan countryside always fascinated me." She sighed dreamily.

"Sounds like something you would do..."

Her eyes had been serious as she looked at him.

After long time she said: "Do you think we could go together?"

He hadn't answered anything, baffled by her sudden forwardness, he just shrugged and stared ahead like not hearing her.

Now, He would give anything to get to tell her: YES, they should definitely go together!

He'd go to the ends of the earth with her, if they'd just survive this war! If she'd just return unharmed!

.

.

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The light of dawn woke him up…still fully dressed…alone.

He tried to watch the tv…to make something to eat…to do anything to take his mind from how long she had been gone.

And another day went by.

He was going to lose his mind! Briefly he even considered walking out the door. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to forget this place…to forget her. Forgetting would mean he wouldn't have to put up with these fucking feelings anymore!

Oh, the absolution of not worrying about her, not feeling like his hart was going to burst through his chest every second she was gone…

But then he pictured her coming home with him gone… her returning to Weasley… her going to Tuscany with someone else… NO! He was not going to let that happen!

"Please" He whispered, as if someone would hear him, "Please, bring her back to me!"

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.

.

The fourth night of her gone, he jolted awake in her bed. Was there someone in the living room?

He rushed to see. But the house was quiet and empty. Just as he was ready to return to bed, he heard the floo. He flipped around… But as he saw her, instead of relief, pure horror filled him.

Her face was full of scratches and her clothes were torn and dirty. There was blood, on her face, dripping from her hands, even her hair was so thick with it, it seemed she had colored it reddish.

"Gods Granger, what happened?" He started, but she just stepped out of the fireplace and collapsed.

Lucky, he had already been moving towards her. He caught her limp body just before it hit the ground.

"Shit." He put her down on the sofa, trying to locate where she was injured worst.

"Granger! What happened to you!"

But her eyes were closed, lips white and her breathing shallow.

Panic floated on the edges of his mind… He needed her healing skills now!

"What should I do Hermione?! Tell me how I can help you?!"

But of course, she was in no state to answer.

She was going to die here! In his hands, and he was unable to do anything.

Draco, think! What do you know of injuries? A few healing spells… but there were so many wounds. Hastily he grabbed one of his shirts, the closest he got his hands on, and tore it to shreds. Maybe he could slow the bleeding….

Arteries…yes…they had something to do with this…THINK!

But his thoughts were just bouncing in his head like wild rabbits…

"Hermione! Is there some way to get help?" But it was no use…she didn't even flinch no matter how hard he was yelling.

He got up and went to the fireplace, "HEY! ANYONE! Granger is hurt! She's dying! She needs your help! PLEASE!" He screamed on top of his lungs…

"Draco…"

Her voice was barely a whisper, but he heard her loud and clear., rushed back to her and fell to his knees next to the sofa.

"I'm here. You're safe. You're hurt, don't move." Soothing words sounded weird coming out of his mouth…

Her eyes were just barely open, but looking at his, "I'm sorry Draco…."

"Shh, don't mention it. We just need to get you fixed…" He realized his voice was trembling, "You'll be fine, just tell me what to do."

"There's a coin…"

"Right, coin, what coin?"

She had closed her eyes again...

He tried to take a deep breath and think…A coin…Where would she keep a coin? an important coin?

"in my pocket…" She breath out.

Right, he searched her jacket pockets and found a small weird looking coin.

"Is it this one?"

"Portkey…" Her face crumbled like she was in awful pain.

Okey, so the coin was a portkey. But if he left, his memories would be gone… Maybe he should just send her? But would there be someone on the other end, who'd know how to help her?

"Granger, the wards…I can't take you without losing my memories."

She didn't open her eyes, and her lips moved only slightly "I lifted the wards…" she took a deep breath, "…the day you said you'd stay."

He had no time to process the information further. Only thing that mattered was that she would get help. He didn't have time to worry where they would be taken and who would be there. He just lifted her from the sofa into his arms and pointed his wand at the coin… "Portus."