Discord - Chaos God of Equestria, The King of Jokes, His Own Worst Enemy, That Weird Guy. Right now though, he could be considered the unluckiest being on the planet. Not that he would let anyone know that though... Right now, he had his mind occupied on what he considered the biggest problem to date: Ensuring his plans for worldwide, and then eventually universal domination carried out without any major complications. The thing was, his most interesting target for shenanigans had gone missing. Twilight Sparkle was nowhere to be found anywhere in the universe. It was as if she just disappeared from this plane of existence entirely; poof, gone like the wind. The problem with that though, was that there was almost no conceivable way for something like that to happen, unless she went through some sort of wormhole outside of this universe's space. That in and of itself was a monumental feat of magical power. It was that exact thing that bothered him, because as far as he knew, he was the only being capable of doing something on that kind of scale. What really rubbed the salt into it though, was the fact that he had planned on sending Twilight to that same world she was headed to, just a bit later on in her life.
Sure, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to plan for world domination, especially if you were put on what was essentially eternal probation, but that's what you get when you try to take over a country full of sentient beings and make them your playthings without consulting them. If he had his way though, he'd still be king of the land, instead of the infernal Sisters' pet. At one time or another, Discord had actually been the absolute ruler of everything, but then everything changed when the Equestrian nation attacked.
But alas, there was no use complaining about it, not when he already had another idea in mind. The only issue with that particular plan is that he had to wait a few years at least for things to cool down before he crossed the existential barrier between worlds. 'Well, at least I don't have to put up with anyone else stomping on my turf for a good few millennia.' Oh Discord, when will you learn to not tempt fate?
Meanwhile, on the planet Torvendis...
Goliath looked out onto the plains of the latest planet he had come to, as he attempted to sit down on a lawn chair that was brought to him by some annoying, babbling Ultrasmurf that just wouldn't shut up about how great he is. Oh, he came back to pester Goliath some more...
"This lawn chair is the best lawn chair that has ever existed, because that is what it is! It was all thanks to I, Cato Sicarius, that you have such a magnificent chair to sit on!" The giant Bloodthirster, known simply by the name 'Goliath,' was barely able to fit on the chair at all let alone sit on it the way one was meant to. On top of that bit of annoyance, the Brother-Captain of the Second Chapter of The Ultramarines just would not leave him alone. Sooner or later, his patience was going to wear just a little too thin for his liking if that dimwitted yet somehow successful Ultramarine didn't shut the hell up within the next five minutes!
Finally, Goliath had pretty much had enough of Cato Sicarius' stupendously annoying ham-fisted self praising for one year, let alone one day. With one motion, Goliath got up from the chair, picked it up like an ancient human sports relic, and turned into a swing that struck the Ultrasmurf clear into the skies... If not into low orbit... He could've sworn he heard Cato Sicarius screeching out, "That is fiiiiiine I, the great Cato Sicarius, shall go assist someone eeeeellllseee!" With that nuisance gone, Goliath could then finally get around to figuring out how in the name of Malaal he was going to tackle the mess that is Torvendis... Or so he thought.
It just so happened, that at the exact time he was about to actually sit down and think, Goliath could've sworn he'd heard some poor soul tempt fate itself to make things worse for him. It took Goliath all of two seconds to make up his mind, before he decided to leave the planet the way it was and head straight towards whatever world it was that was home to the idiot who had just asked for everything to go wrong for him in every possible way.
With a mighty flick of the wrist, Goliath tore a hole into the fabric of spacetime and walked right onto the world from which he heard someone say something eternally stupid... and almost bowled over a bunch of... Ponies? 'That can't be right... I felt someone just make an amendment to an evil plan and then ask what could go wrong, yet this world seems to be filled to the brim with cute and adorable creatures...' Goliath took a moment to compose himself before he walked any further, and then just picked a random direction to walk in, hoping that he didn't crush anyone by accident as he walked. With nothing else to do aside from walk around though, Goliath began to think of what he could do in the meantime.
'Hmmm, I guess I could open up a shop in the meantime, but what?' It took a second of looking around to see what shops there were around him, and it seemed that a majority of them were either magic related, or a library, one was some weird restaurant of some kind... But then he saw it, a rundown empty building, which seemed to be an abandoned apartment complex. It was perfect. The only thing that stopped him however, was a guard. And then another, and another, and another, and another. Within a few short seconds, Goliath had been surrounded by a contingent of what appeared to be very irate guards, with their spears drawn.
Several tense seconds ticked by, before Goliath knelt down onto his knees to make himself seem smaller, and (he hoped) a little less threatening, and then spoke with as gentle a voice as he could muster. "Might I inquire as to whether it would be possible to speak to one of your leaders? I think I'd like to open a shop here in this fine city." Even more seconds ticked by, before there was a response from one of the guards.
"Absolutely not! You will be going to the dungeons until we can find out why you're here, demon!"
Without a moment's hesitation, Goliath complied with the demand by shrinking down his body size, so that he would be easier to shackle and transport him to wherever he was going to end up. When nothing happened after he shrunk himself, Goliath looked around at the guards, who happened to take a bit of a step back simultaneously. "What? I haven't done anything illegal, have I? I just got here."
This comment brought the guards out of their stupor, and one of them answered his comment, "Silence, demon! Just because you haven't done anything yet, doesn't mean you won't in the future. This is for your own good!" Immediately a pair of shackles were slapped onto Goliath's wrists and ankles, before he was hauled away in a carriage that just happened to be in a nearby convenient location for immediate useā¢.
A bit of time later, Canterlot Castle Throne Room...
Princess Celestia, Lady of The Sun, Princess (or Queen, depending who you talk to) of The Day, Benevolent Ruler of All, The Bright One, and Princess of Cakes sat upon her throne as she (sort of) listened to Blueblood rant on and on about some nonsensical thing that happened to bother him at that particular moment. If Celestia were honest, which she was most of the time, Blueblood was one of the most annoying ponies she had ever had the displeasure of adopting, let alone having to listen to whenever he had something to complain about. Whenever he had found something to complain about, he just kept going on and on, without ever shutting up. This was one of those times, unfortunately for Celestia.
"Dear Auntie, I assure you that this idea will strengthen Equestria's economy for years to come! Just think about it for a mome-" Celestia had apparently had enough of Blueblood's selfishness when it came to, well... Almost anything, really, and raised a hoof slightly to shut the little pompous asshole up.
"Blueblood," she said, barely containing her strong disappointment in her nephew. Again. "What you have proposed might indeed bring the economy to new heights, but there's just one problem: the middle and lower classes. As much as it pains me to say this, there are other wealth classes in this nation. To neglect them, or even think about outright taking even morebits from their income to pay for some venture will not stand. I will not have nobles putting themselves before the interests of the crown and the people." Blueblood was about to turn and leave, but Celestia continued, "Further more, Scivarius Blueblood Dinglehom, if you shortchange the other two wealth classes again with a ludicrous tax hike to pay for what should be a personal venture, you will be stripped of your noble title, and will be mandated to live out the life of someone in the low income bracket. You will not have access to your funds until you genuinely learn what it's like for them. Do I make myself clear?"
The fire in Celestia's eyes raged like an unwavering inferno, and Blueblood could do nothing but sit on his haunches and watch the flickering flame wave to and fro within her eyes for a moment, before he could even think let alone say something. It was a couple of moments before he managed to squeak out an audible, "Yes'm. Perfectly clear." Just as Blueblood managed to pick himself up off the floor, a pegasus guard strolled into the throne room with a look on his face that just screamed 'I must report something but I'm not sure if you're done with your annoying patron yet.' It wasn't until Celestia asked him for a report that he spoke.
"Your highness, my team and I have found a demon wandering around Canterlot."
Normally one could say that Celestia was surprised; flabbergasted, shocked, amazed, and any iteration thereof would've also worked. The thing was, she didn't seem to be. At all. This quite obviously tripped up the guard, but he continued nonetheless. "It just roamed around Canterlot, apparently in search of a shop, but stopped at a small apartment complex that seemed to be abandoned. We contained him as soon as he stopped walking around, and -"
"Did he hurt anypony?"
The guard stopped and scrunched up his face, confused. "N-no, your majesty."
Celestia continued, "Did he make any attempt to harm you or resist the arrest, even though it was clearly unwarranted?"
That just confused the guard even more, "No, no he didn't. In fact, he shrunk himself down so it would be easier to transport him."
Celestia sighed heavily and put her face in hoof, "Then it stands to reason that he has not broken any laws. Like it or not, General Silent Wind, he is free to go. Bring him up here first, so that I may get a firsthand account on what happened."
It wasn't until a few minutes after Princess Celestia had brought about the request, that said prisoner had been brought into the throne room. She got a good look at Goliath, and could see why the guards had just arrested him on the spot.
The creature had massive black leathery wings, was bright red in color, had huge horns that protruded out and to the back of his head. He also towered over all the guards, and happened to be as tall as Celestia herself. The guards had said that he had shrunk down to accommodate the guards as well. He seemed to be wearing what looked to her like leg armor in place of pants, which had the added bonus of covering him up where it counted most.
Just as Celestia was about to speak, Goliath knelt down on one knee, while his left arm was crossed against his chest, and his right arm was out towards the floor so he could stabilize himself in said position. "Your majesty, I have come to this land, because I have overheard someone making potentially terrible plans for the future, and came at once to make sure they do not come to fruition. On a somewhat unrelated point however, is that I wish to purchase a property in order to run a tea shop. I figured that since I have retired from overtaking worlds and bringing order to different lands, I could run a tea shop to pass the time. Your presence would be most welcome, Your Highness."
For a moment, Celestia had no idea what to do about the situation. She felt that she should check up on the matter of someone making plans, but it was decided quickly that she and him should talk more privately about the matter later, as there were other things to address. Chiefly among those things was his release from being detained. Celestia took a moment to gather the rest of her thoughts, before she spoke.
"First thing on the list of concerns: did you charge this creature - "
"My name is Goliath, m'am."
Celestia glared at Goliath very briefly before she went back on her train of thought, "Thank you, Goliath... Now, did you charge Goliath here with anything?"
The guard just rapidly shook his head. Celestia counted that as a win in her books. The less paperwork needed the better. No one had any idea how much paperwork went into clearing names of the falsely accused and/or charged... None at all.
"Good, at least that's settled." Celestia turned to him, "Goliath, you are no longer required to stay under the supervision of the Royal Guards, as you are hereby released from detainment as of immediately. Second, I grant you ownership of the property you had expressed interest in when you were arrested, under condition of course."
"Of course Your Highness."
Tia rolled her eyes, "Please, just call me Celestia. There is only one condition to your receivership of this property: I'd like you to come and have afternoon tea with me every Wednesday." In that moment, Goliath saw something in Celestia's eyes: they looked extremely tired, despite them being bright and motherly.
Without even moving from his earlier position, Goliath absolutely slathered the reply with brown-nosing. "Thank you Celestia, for bestowing upon me this gracious gift. It will forever be treasured."
There was an audible sigh that had no doubt come from Celestia, "Please rise, Goliath." He did so, finally. "These events aside, today has been pretty dull, honestly. I know that you'd like to speak your mind, and I appreciate you holding back in present company; just remember, you can always talk to me in private when you feel the need. I have a feeling we'd get along just fine." There was a glint in Celestia's eye that Goliath hadn't noticed before. He was intrigued.
"Thank you, Celestia. I will not forget this wonderful gift."
Almost as soon as Goliath was escorted out of the throne room, Celestia pulled out a small clear bottle which contained a dark amber liquid. A very small glass floated into view from behind the throne, and Celestia poured out a shot of Griffondale Whiskey. She slammed it back, and then teleported both the bottle and her glass into her private bedroom. Specifically, the kitchenette counter.
"That makes the third unwarranted arrest this week. Buck me."
